The Child – Expression of Self as This - Series - Part 2

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For Reference and context, the first part to this series:
The Child – Expression of Self as This - Series - Part 1

Continuing with the process of opening up and redefining the word child and adult for myself, and how I see it best to be lived in what would be best for all. I am reflecting on my own process of how I have come to understand this word and living of these words child and adult for myself based on who and how I have walked within the desteni I process that I have been diligently walking for the last 10 plus years. The desteni process I have found is important with supporting me with a foundation point to be able to indeed redefine this word child and adult to be child and wise child, because it’s the process I have found of the adult being birthed again as the child of existence and from there one walk into the ability to respond to reality directly and so learn the way of this physical world and reality, the laws, how it’s designed, engineered, and structured, and within this how to be able to stand in the stead of another and raise this other to be a wise child, holding onto the wondrous nature of the child in this world as well as harnessing and using to all’s benefit the understanding through experience to live in a way of harmony and symbiosis to support oneself as all as best possible, thus the adult birthing as the child of existence through the desteni of the universe which is the desteni i process becomes the child of existence and through time and space becomes and creates the wise child, which will be what self create as there legacy.

This all will be cyclical of course, so one will indeed individually walk the process of becoming the adult, which is the a dull in one’s location point as the adult’s in this world currently are living disconnected and void of the understanding and so example of giving the child they create into a being that honors life and so stands for solutions that are best for all. Now a days and in the past, we see that this world was not created in symbiosis, support for all, understanding of natural order, and doing what is best, we have lived mostly in survival, fear, brutality, and death, and thus our children are not becoming the solution as we have hoped, they are becoming the a dull, meaning arousing little interest, lacking liveliness, boring, they are not operating in the means in which we as life are meant to and have the potential to live, which is like a child, innocent, engaging, alive, here, present, curious, adventurous, wild, carefree, freedom, independent, and much more, this point of child in our reality is a gift that has been given to ourselves from life itself to once again see self in a pure form and through that learn how to live in a way that supports all, as this will support oneself and so one’s child as well cause you can take care of it and know when it goes it indeed will expand in all ways possible as self has given that gift of self.

Without though understanding the how to take care of a child properly in this world, one will have difficulty transcending this dullness that occurs to ourselves when we come to adult hood, not everyone in this world does this, but the majority of us do, meaning we settle, we go into the system, survive, don’t question ourselves, don’t question the status quo of this world, don’t question why we accept and allow the annihilation of billions of people, animals, plant species, our clean environment/natural cycles in our eco-living system, and much more. We go into the idea that we are not enough, we can’t do it, we are not smart enough, good enough, there is not enough resources, money, knowledge, but when push comes to shove for myself, what always comes up within me in these moments were I have to face what I am doing to my own inner child and any and all children I meet in this life that I can potential support in a way of what is best for all life, what I do when I don’t stand and essentially let that spark of life that we all see in children’s eyes get snuffed out within me when I settle for a mediocre life, a settled life in the system, a life that is not what is best, this in essence is what the adults in this world have done, we have snuffed out the life within the children to come cause we have essentially done this to ourselves over generations of time and programming. But things have changed, life has emerged in the most unlikely of places and spaces, and is here, standing, with and aligned with all children to come to be able to stand as guardians of not only the children's lives to be best for all, but equally so the home and land in which we were birthed from is lively, enjoying, expressing, and aligned in symbiotic relationships that are supportive and life giving always in all ways.

So it’s a switch of perception I have found into a single focus of what is best for all life in oneness and equality as what would be best for self, and through the tools at desteni and eqafe explained in unbelievable detail over hours of material resources (this source a few of many, but here I see desteni i process my tree of life, my root system from which who i am as a being from this point of starting my process is growing from, so it's a foundational platform to support one to stand as life and essential i have found if one walk this journey with what is here, which I highly recommend) you too can become the steward of the children to come, making them grow from child to wise child as the adult in essence births themselves equally so as the child of existence from a dull location point one was walking into the wonderment of living as a child of existence and through this process of self forgiveness and living the change, one become and so can stand as a support for the children that are here to become wise in the sense that they know and have examples of how to live to be there highest potential, along with and aligned and integrated as best possible with all life around them as oneself, as one's example, as one has done it for themselves, and so now can stand and give the gift to another of self creation. 

This is a journey and a process, though this particular structure I have seen as a pattern for myself of the journey I have walked and now can say am able to stand for the children in my care and to come to be able to give them wisdom to live there best self and truly be able to live life here in joy and peace and prosperity for all life as we know it. And for all life children to come as our future selves, long live ourselves in the best life has to offer. 

Thanks for reading and please feel free to leave any comment or questions if you see fit.

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com - Beginner Course in Desteni I Process
http://www.eqafe.com - Library of Existence
www.destonians.com - Desteni Group Support Network
https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesteniUniverse/ - Desteni Group Facebook Page
https://www.facebook.com/WLthroughgarbseyes - My Personal DIP Sharing
http://www.desteni.org - Main Website
www.patreon.com/earthhaven - Life Community Building Network

The Child – Expression of Self as This - Series - Part 1

I am looking at within these next few blogs to explain how I see the structuring of the word child, adult, and family unit in a sense in a way that supports all involved and what is best for all in it’s outflow in times to come. I am walking this process currently within myself in many ways, and through this process of self understanding and self expansion in these words as me I have come to find some interesting expressions and realizations have come up in me that has supported me greatly. I have found an expression of gentleness, love, care, and for lack of a better word softness has started exuding out of me as my core self sharing I would say or like beingness expression as been described in many recordings at Eqafe.com is starting to be physically lived as I live my forgiveness and correction process of who I am as a life being. So I have found it important that these expressions of the feminine alignments has been explored and understood within me and so for me to develop along with the more masculine expressions I was more naturally aligned to as a child as structure, groundedness, and physical drive. So for myself, I have as of recent years been finding myself more feeling balanced and stable in these two balancing expressions within self as the masculine and feminine expressions and so this I am seeing has been supporting me to see this 'new' way of living the word child and adult to child and wise child.

Though, please be reminded that we all have within our self presence these two expressions in varying degrees, they are just laying dormant or over-exemplified in ways as one live in this world and through the mind consciousness system, I have found through walking the desteni process these two expressions of the masculine and feminine are coming more into balance and symbiosis and thus allowing me to stand in support of what is here as this physical living reality as my physical location point (for more on this understanding check out this interview on eqafe - https://eqafe.com/p/different-locations-reptilians-part-503). The expressions of the ying and yang can be explained and should be in other blogs, this though is not the point of this series of blogs I am writing out here, this series of blogs is based on looking at the word adult and child, but in blogs to come I will explore more these relationships of male/female and how I have integrated them more in my personal process with the desteni tools.

So back to child and wise child as child and adult redefinitions. Starting with the word Child, which if looked at it in the direct physical reality is the smaller, less experienced version of the adult in this world. We see no difference in terms of ability and reasoning skills in terms of growth and development as a life being between the two, one in essence is just further along in the journey we call life. So within this journey location point in the life cycle of the human in this current life we find ourselves in, the adult has more of a responsibility to stand and so support the child to be able to understand and so live the ‘laws’ of this planet earth. As there is indeed a natural order and balance that exist here in this physical world, if one need to understand this study more the circle of life in the natural world, nature and animal kingdoms how they function and exist within themselves and each other as species, an example would be trees and fungus's relationship.

Of course we also have the ‘current’ way the system operates with survival in place as the current functioning of how this system moves we have called 'human modern' civilization, this is what I call the ‘old’ way of walking the world system, this ‘old’ way will eventually be replaced with the ‘new’. The ‘new’ is where each one reading this comes in, we as the ‘new’ are in the process of creating that ‘new’ and one have to realize within this process of creating the ‘new’ you as the self have a responsibility to not only the children to come, but any and all children that come into your care in this current moment and the moments to come until you pass onto the next next chapter of your existence, and anyone for that matter you meet in your reality to support and assist them as best you are able to. This is the natural law and order of this reality as the life principles of what is actually governing and existing this world/life/physical existences, essentially ALL of us here. It is in service of all through and as self, giving and then receiving without want, this the 'extra-ordinary' of life I have found.

This understanding and alignment back into living self responsible being in relation to the natural physical order of this planet is what is being walked at ‘Desteni’ and ‘Eqafe’, there is much that is required in regards to educating self on this 'body' of existential material I have found in these sources, though this is a self journey and at the end of the day you have the tools of self forgiveness, self honesty, self investigation, self correction, and aligning self here in what is best for all as what is best for self in breath as all as one as equal.  And with anything the first step is all that is needed to get started, and yet the point of keeping up with the stepping after that is a will in self strength in who you are as life, and within that one will walk through the door and start your process, only you can do this, though there is many who will stand in your stead until you can do it for yourself, the journey to life is being walked here and the support networks you'll find within the desteni group and networks will always be here, so reach out, educate, and participate, it's all here for you to explore. And as with the children of this world, we learn to explore in pure enjoyment and innocence, this is key to remember as one delve in to the self correction process, don't forget to have fun, relax, and breathe ;)

This self journey of self purification (which is supported with Desteni I Process) is key in the redefining and living of the word child and adult in a way that is of support for self as one align and walk the words to support all life in what is best. This I have been looking at and working with as a point of self creation and how I would see and want to live these words for myself and for others to be one day manifest, this is my passion so to speak, what I am willing into this reality, if it is created I know it’ll be best for all as best I saw it in my journey at this moment in time. I am truth in this point for self and thus I am living my self honesty in what is best for all as best I am able to and so it'll be created as I am the creator, created, and creation. Same with the human life span, the creator as the adult, the created as the child, and the creation as the wise child. And thus a trinity is formed and a symbiotic relationship that restores order and balance to the physical and thus heaven on earth can manifest in this point lived.

So I suggest you check out the links below if you haven’t yet, and join me as I walk and explore the redefining and living words of the word child and adult into child and wise child in blogs to come!

Thanks for reading and please feel free to leave any comment or questions if you see fit.

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com - Beginner Course in Desteni I Process
http://www.eqafe.com - Library of Existence
www.destonians.com - Desteni Group Support Network

https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesteniUniverse/ -  Desteni Group Facebook Page

https://www.facebook.com/WLthroughgarbseyes - My Personal DIP Sharing
http://www.desteni.org - Main Website
www.patreon.com/earthhaven - Life Community Building Network

The Gift I Found in Self Acceptance is Self Trust - See How... - Day 562

Original Artwork by: Andrew Gable

Check Out his art at: http://www.andrewgableart.com

Who am I in relation to this word trust, and within that what I am really investigating is I am seeing is the ability to trust myself. What this immediately brings me to is looking within, trusting the voice of myself that is one of deep gentleness and calm that resides within my being. So here I have seen that I have established over my lifetime a sense of trust within myself through what I have learned and become aware of as my inner voice. Though I have walked many years in distinguishing between the voice my inner voice that I trust and the mind chatter or movement that comes up within that is experienced within energy movements as thoughts and emotions/feelings. Energy meaning it has movement to it and in a way, I experience it as I am following the thoughts, the emotions like a chasing in fact of the mind as thoughts. I will experience this energy in my body as tension or irritability for example where my voice gets hard, my body can go rigid, a rise of heat is experienced in the chest, and it can go into an experience of an eruption. As opposed to my inner voice that I have established within me is more experienced within me as a deep settledness, a calm in my body, a silence, and it comes with understanding, a constant knowing of who I am, and this 'i am' is aligned with life principle, what is best. 

I have always had a deep connection with this part of me, this inner voice, even when I was a child and I am sure we all can relate to this, its that knowing that there is something greater and more profound in me and in this life that is not readily here or known, but it is true, it is genuine, and it is supportive, this inner voice that feels like I am touching is good for lack of a better word, it is like a soft hand holding me as a support always. And this I have harnessed to something that I cherish within me all this time and hold to the fact that there is in fact in this world an understanding that this life matters and there is something more to discover, which has sent me on quite a quest to understand more of this understanding and knowledge I have come to know within myself about life.

Trust within myself though has not always been so deep and clear, yes I have had a connection with this deep part of myself, but I also have been very much influenced and created myself from my thinking patterns mainly of self ridicule, self abuse, and self bullying. This often leads to behavior that I take out on others due to not directing these parts of myself in a reasonable way, but more go to diminishing myself and others and so creating a diminished view of myself in this world and in fact creating it. Where at times little to no self-trust was present. 

I have memories of going into kindergarten, and man was I excited to experience the new scene, I heard my sisters and mom talk about it and I couldn’t wait to experience it for myself, the classroom, the books, the toys, the kids, and when I got there I was told that I was going to be tested. All of a sudden the excitement and experience of being in this new place full of adventure now turned into a fearful experience where I didn’t know how I was going to do on these test, was I smart enough to get in? Was I going to have to miss out on this new adventure because I didn’t pass my test? What is the test going to say about me? And so the experience of wonder turned into an experience of fear where I no longer trusted my own experience and how I was learning and interacting with my world, but now I was going to be told who I was through a test I had to take which will open or close the door to this new adventure I was so close to experience. This test was my only way forward I was seeing, I had no ability beside tantrum to let them know that I did not want to be tested and anyways my mom was not having that because I had to go to school, there were no other options.

This experience of school grew more and more into a point of fear and tension for me where i was more concerned with the experience of others and what I was going to be facing in my environment every day in terms of pressures or intense situations where I had to ‘step up’ instead of exploring at my own pace, getting to know and understand for myself what I was interacting with, and so finding my place within it all. Where I was more placing my trust in what I was getting as feedback from my enviroment to define who I was rather then going into myself, who i was, and how i was understanding myself within this new way of life, which is more how we experience ourselves as young children before the schooling years start typically.

This schooling experience I had and started to take in as who I was was contributing to my evolution of fear and self abuse I started to develop due to my warped way of taking in my world and how I interpreted with what I was taking in as input from others, my environment, and how I saw others treat me and people in general. So more just copying what would eventually help me to cope with my inner experiences of fear and tension and the growing perception that there is something wrong with me because I was not always measuring up. The coping experience was to be hard on me, beat myself up, and then I can keep cycling in the blame that I am not good enough, I am the problem, and so stay stuck, where I never actually find out what the real issue is that I am struggling with because I keep reacting to it and making it about having to be perfect, better, or more than who I already am here as my truth. In this stuckness, I don't have to go out of comfort zones, in this stuckness I know me and so life becomes routine, easy, yet perpetually more difficult because this I am not good enough evolves and grows as I keep allowing these experiences to direct me rather me it, so quite the conundrum of self-defeat I have been living through. 

This idea of being broken or damaged contributed to my quest to fix myself, make me more pretty, more smart, more excellent in whatever it is I was competing in and so my measure of who I was was no more on what and how I live in terms of my example as my words in action, what I learned through listening to that inner voice as a child, but more on satisfying an image in my mind I had to live up to. So a lot of my lack of self-trust was because I was not going within, I was not accepting who I was within what I was doing and being ok with what the results were in fact. This lack of self-trust is because I disconnected with my inner truth as the acceptance of who I am within my reality, the truth of the fact that I may not be well trained in something and within that that is ok, I can accept that, learn from it, and then grow to find the solutions that would make sense to make me better.

When we all know intrinsically that we can not be perfect in everything all in one go with all we do, it is just not possible, yet the drive I had for many years was based on this belief.  This acceptance of who I am here in fact and truth, no matter how bad, ugly, or silly it may be is the gateway to experience and get in touch with the self and the truth of oneself as one is in fact working with the reality of who one is in any given moment. Once one is facing the reality of who one is and accepts that, then one can embrace it to learn from it, and from there work on the process of improving and making it better through a real time understanding as one is walking it step by step. 

So trust i am finding is built through self acceptance, accepting the fact of who one is at any given moment to open the door for the truth of self to emerge and so the ability to trust in oneself because one in fact knows who and how one is and how to walk the process of learning, understanding, and growing to new heights or new depths with the information gathered and worked with. Trust then can open up the door to self-expansion, where new heights of growth and depth can be reached because one has accepted and worked with what is real, within and into the without of oneself. 

For more informative links in self-supportive material, check out:

Eqafe - the Process to Self Perfection in Recorded form

http://www.eqafe.com

Desteni I Process - Self Development Support

http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com)

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Living Words Process and Support:
https://www.facebook.com/schoolofultimateliving/

Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/earthhaven

Forum support:
www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

The Inner Child Within Us All - Day 490

Here speaking with my partner on how he has supported me in accessing and embracing the inner child within myself, and how that has come through in my living. Also, there were many perspectives shared by all of us on how to live this inner child in our day to day lives to enjoy life more and make it more fruitful. Please have a listen and enjoy!

Day 141- Desiring Approval from Family- Self Commitment

Here I will walk a set of commitment statements to give living direction to myself and all who read this and find relevance in this, to thus change my living from being dependent on others to define who I am to become a being that live life as my own self willed direct in what best for all.

I commit myself to walk my own process of understanding the direction I have given to myself so thus I know the steps and understand the steps as myself to thus be able to walk the steps that support me and life as me based on the principles I live as as one and equal with all that live, so to create practical solutions in my world to help ease life for all and support myself to walk the process of stopping the mind and bringing dignity back to life starting with bringing dignity back as myself by living it.

I commit myself to live for self meaning consider me equal to all others in my world, and thus walk a self process were in I am not defined by another, but I decide and thus define who I am and so know who I am in each moment, where in I can create an outcome for myself that will support life through practicing this in my world and committing to the change that will create me as a new being that is life and the old that is self interested ego ends.

I commit myself to stop fear of being accepted and thus walk my own acceptance by walking my life in the process of creating myself to be in trust of who I am as I live self honesty, so I know in each moment who I will be and thus life in a sense will become easier as I am here as my decision and thus I can live this in all ways as I trust myself because I am honest with myself as life.

I commit myself to walk my own self trust by walking meticiulously to see who I am as my patterns as memories, so I can understand them and so walk the memories to become equal to them, where they stop having power over me and  I can then recreate my living to be someone who is trustworthy and I will support and push myself to support life in all ways I can.

I commit myself to live by principles of what life is as always doing what is best as what I can see in common sense and thus walking my own self trust through the principles of equality and oneness to thus have the path be direct and clear and so no matter if I stand alone or in a group, I walk what is best for all as this is what I would want for myself.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts of I am not good enough or I am not capable enough, and so push myself to learn and understand what it is that I don’t yet, so thus I walk in practicality as learning and stop the self pity as I can’t do it and I don't know how, I realize always I can do it, I just have to walk the steps of learning and thus live it.

I commit myself to walk my process of stopping all self interest and thus transforming this living into a living that will support all, through self forgiveness, self honesty, writing, and self change, so thus I can do all that I can to change these patterns to be from the mind as ego to life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop all points of self interest and secret agendas to get security from my family to have an easy life, when I realize nothing is worth what is going on in this moment as the abuse to life in all areas of this world, so I stop my ignorance and self interest to be happy in my bubble world, write myself out until I am empty, and thus walk the correction to life and living in all ways in what is best, no matter what it takes, I walk and I will stand up for life for a world that is honorable in all ways for all life.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

2012, child, childlike, children, co-dependent, desteni, eqafe, equality, i need you, immature, journey to life, family approval, conflict, mother, motherly love, parents, security, relationships,submissive, teamlife

Day 140- Desiring Approval from Family- Self Forgiveness

Wanting approval from my mom, and if given the approval from my mom, my family will usually follow suit, I desire their approval based on not wanting to lose the support/security that is automatically given when I am in good standing with them. Also, I tend to define myself through their approval of me, such as them being the the last say for me, and then will change myself according to their words, beliefs, opinions, ideas, and so change who I am because I placed more value in how they see things rather then how I see and understand things, like they now better then me.

When I don’t get the approval of the family, I will go into anger and spitefulness and I feel like I have lost a part of myself, and so don’t know how to move forward because I have always moved according to the group consensus and not by my own volition. This showing to myself that I am accepting their way of living and seeing things over my own understanding of life as I have walked it and thus diminishing my own self support within living because I am afraid to stand alone and be fully responsible for my words and deeds. I will be writing self forgiveness on letting go of the desire for the families approval and the fear to stand on my own in my own self trust and self support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my mom/families approval because I have always defined who I am and what I am doing through what my mom/families sees and speaks as the right thing to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am based on another’s words, beliefs, ideas, opinions, and thus change myself according to the approval of them without considering myself and my own self honesty within the living of change I am implementing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I will be without the approval of my mother/family as I have allowed myself to believe that I don’t know who I will be without this outside influence showing/telling me how to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my trust in another over myself because I always believed I am not good enough/capable enough to make the right decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when my family agree on a point, and I stand alone, then I am automatically wrong due to majority rule, even though I realize and see that what I am speaking and seeing is best for all as I walked it within self honest introspection, and thus show myself how it can be mapped out to be best for all, which is a simple point as their is no middle road, it's either best for all or is not, and thus I have to decide to walk the path and live the bath to create this point best for all, it's an individual decision all must make and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not as capable and knowledgeable as my family members, and so diminishing my own self empowerment by creating and living out these beliefs that i am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that if I don’t live within self honesty within myself, I will not be able to really be here, as with being in dishonesty in my living, I am creating backdoors and secret agendas, and so allowing the mind as illusions to direct me into separation, and thus accept and allow the abuse to life here by accepting myself to allow self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly want my family approval so I can live an easy life and not have so much conflict in my world. I realize that when I compromise myself due to fear, I will not be able to stand in what is best for all as I am not standing within myself as the decision of who I am but split within basing myself on others, and thus will waver and not stand when necessary, which is unacceptable as life will only accept what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately accept dishonest behavior because i want to be safe and not have to push myself to face the fears of standing alone, and failing. I realize within standing up part of the process is to fall, so thus understanding this and using it as a learning tool, where I stop taking the fall's personally, and simply breath and walk the correction to thus stand as life again, walk the change i see is relevant and stop the fear from directing me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed fear to direct me in not facing myself and accepting the mind to control me.

Self Correction Commitment Statements to follow.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki


Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Matti Freeman

Check Her out here:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MattiFreeman
Blog: http://www.matterfreeman.com/

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/mattifreeman1

Music: http://www.soundcloud.com/mfm-radio

2012, child, childlike, children, co-dependent, desteni, eqafe, equality, i need you, immature, journey to life, family approval, conflict, mother, motherly love, parents, security, relationships,submissive, teamlife

Day 139- Dependency on Parents for Money

Looking here at how I have become dependent on my parents for money and thus security in my world, and how I use this as a point of comfort ability for myself to know that I will be taken care of, I will have a place to go, I will be able to get some money if I need it, this falling on my parents shoulders as they are the ones that I look to when I am in a fuck up and need some support quick. This point of reliance on them for support also comes with self compromise, as within the giving there is an expectation to give myself as in time, labor, and essentially following in line with the family beliefs and traditions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself based on depending on my parents for money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself based on depending on my parents for security through having them support me even when I am able to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on my mom for instance when I was younger to walk all the college points that were necessary to get me in, in where she set up all the meetings with coaches and administers, so I can sit on my behind and just have everything set for me, which at that stage did occur, but I was not equipped to walk the point on my own due to fear of others, so I depended on my mom to do this for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a justification to not move myself when I see a point that will take diligent effort and perservance, and thus use my mom to support me and basically walk it for me because I used her as the resource for me not to have to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on my parents for support with rent when I was paying off my debt and thus assumed that they would be there for me because they are my parents, and so depended on them to support me during this time instead of walking the point in equality, setting up a compromise with them, and walking it through in communication first before walking it in reality as an assumed approval from my parents just because they are my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on my parents for everything that I find that is hard to get or needs money because they have the ability to help me, and thus I assume that that should always be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on my parents for my security to live instead of living the security of myself as myself so thus I can be free to move as I want, when given by my parents security, I am not free as I have to live under a certain point of self compromise to keep the security coming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my parents for security and safety because I was to afraid to walk on my own and make my own way.

I commit myself to walk the point of equals with and as my parents, not using them for dependency to have money and support, but walk my own self support through my own career and give as I have been given in an equal fashion.

I commit myself to stop the justifications of fear to stop my pursuit to become independent on my own and stop the dependency on parents to help me, so thus I can walk my path within a certain point of self freedom and be able to support myself in this world financially.

I commit myself to stop assumptions and self diminishment by allowing others to help me, when I can walk the path to help my self by taking responsibility for myself and walking the necessary steps to become self sufficient.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

2012, child, childlike, children, co-dependent, desteni, eqafe, equality, i need you, immature, journey to life, lazy, mother, motherly love, parents, security, relationships,submissive, teamlife

Day 138- “I need you” Self forgiveness and Correction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idealize the mother figure as something that is special and more wise then me, in which I can always depend on to give me guidance and help me when I am in need of it. I realize that within this dependency of another is only hindering my self dependency where in I am self sufficient and not in need of anyone, but can walk the solution as myself or in companionship with others as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek nurturing words and giving within the idea of what a mother can give, as I have become dependent on this ‘gentle’ touch that a mother can bestow on her child, in where I seek this out if I am not secure or stable within situations instead of realizing that this reliance on others is not best for myself as I am separating myself from my own self nourishment and reliance as I am capable and able to give this to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idealize the mother figure as someone who is more then me, and become addicted to this figure in my world in co-dependency so I don’t have to really push myself and become independent and stable on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mother figure in my world as a way to take the easy way in seeking guidance for points that I find difficult and became in the habit of seeking guidance from my mom or someone like my mom who is gentle, then facing the point myself, and walking my conclusions to change myself so I am stable in the point and not dependent on another to show me the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become use to this motherly person in my world and thus become submissive within myself towards these type of women, not realizing that I am giving my power away, as within the submission is a judgment that I am inferior to their wisdom/knowledge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a judgment about women who are confident and thus nurturing to others in their living as women who are more knowledgeable and wise then me, and thus subconsciously allow them to direct me and seek direction from them, as I have gotten use to this presence in my world to show me the way. I realize however, that this is separating myself form my own self empowerment where in I am not seeking something from another, but walk common sense and my own self empowerment, so thus I can become equals to others and not have any ideas about others that will cause this point of polarity as inferior/superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of women who are nice and directive in giving guidance or help to others, are women I can trust and thus gravitate towards them, instead of walking my own self understanding and stopping the dependency on these women as I stop the memory of my mom being my guide and guardian to thus protect me and keep me safe, I realize I must walk this path for myself to thus be able to be trusted with life and be able to stand on my own as equals, stopping the polarity of less/more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent and thus lazy within pushing myself to walk my own process of understanding, and thus give in to resistances to not find solutions and do what I set out to do, as I see that I can always have someone help me and show me the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others instead of walking this reliance as myself.

I commit myself to equalize the point of the mother figure as stopping the mentality of child seeks mothers guide, but live and walk as equals in understanding in living among all by walking this with my mother and the people in my world, treating them as my equals, helping when I see that is necessary, but walking a balance to stop the point of dependency for others and myself as well.

I commit to walk the process in points that I am unsure of and not clear to understanding, where in I figure out how to walk and live the understanding as myself, by doing it myself and integrating it into my living, so I build my own self trust and can rely that I can do what is necessary to be done.

I commit myself to stop the resistance to move and walk the process of understanding in what I don’t see or realize in moments, and push through the points of laziness by seeking others guidance, but use the guidance and help from others in self honesty, so I gain perspective, but I walk the decision to live what I see is relevant and can be directed by myself.

I commit myself to stop idealizing the mother figure, and live within my own self-empowerment by standing equal with all.

I commit to stop the polarity of inferior/superior with the mother figure and walk as equals with all life. 

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki


Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Jessica Arias

Check Her out here:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JessicaArias33
Blogs: http://jessicasjourneytonothingness.blogspot.com/




2012, child, childlike, children, co-dependent, desteni, eqafe, equality, i need you, immature, journey to life, lazy, mother, motherly love, relationships,submissive, teamlife

Day 137- “I Need You”

Here looking at the co-dependency I have built specifically towards a mother figure in my world, where in I will allow myself to fall into a submissive state such as a child learning or waiting for direction from their parent, usually the mother, as the mother is the one how spends the most time with the child, where the father usually is out working. This is the dynamic in which I grew up, so I will be focusing on the mother figure, in where I became dependent on the direction and instruction of her to let me know how to live, and what best to do, as this was always available and given to me when I was stuck or confused within my childhood. I was the younger ones of six girls, so I had not only my mom to look up to, but also four older sisters, who I looked at basically in the same way, a person to look up to and give me direction when needed. I believed myself to be a child, and thus never questioned their authority or guidance over me, as I assumed with age is wisdom, and they know best as they have lived longer them me, and thus are more experienced to know better then I would.

In a way, I have gotten use to this role I play as the child like adult now, where in I still feel in that same position, that I don’t know best and there will always be others who will know better then me, and thus I can learn and understand how to do a certain task or project from them. Never really in moments where I am unsure, will I take the initiative and really investigate and find out how to do something, I rely on others around me, who show traits of motherly nurturing, and gravitate towards them for some good advice and guidance.

So seeing that I have created this idealized being as the mother figure, where in I will seek this person out if I don’t know or understand something that will give me direction and at the same time nurture me meaning make me feel good and secure as well as showing me the way so to speak. This creating within me a dependency on this mother figure in my world, to help me when needed, and is unconditional within this help as I have created this point of immaturity that I need elders to help me, even though, I am perfectly capable of helping myself, and walking the steps to learn and walk my own self sufficiency so thus I am not dependent on any being, and thus using them for my own gain.

This also, causing a form of laziness as I know that I will be able to get help somewhere, and thus not have to push myself to become self sufficient and walk the necessary steps it will take to learn the processes of life and whatever it is I am doing, and thus stop the dependency on those who exude that motherly instinct, in which I have idealized as someone to be trusted and knows best. Abdicating my own understanding and creating this submissive role that is created when I allow others to have authority over me, even though, I don’t necessary agree or desire such help, I accept it and compromise myself because it is easier and I will always have a security point to look for and be looked after. 

This eventually creating consequences as I become submissive and create a fear of standing on my own, as I have allowed others to walk the walk for me, and I just step in when the time suits me and I feel secure, but nothing will move as myself, if I don’t push out of the box, and find out who I really am on my own, in my own process of self understanding and understanding of life as we walk here as equals. I can never be equal with all if I have created a dependency on a mother figure in my world, to keep me secure and informed because I am afraid to make mistakes and be left in the dusk.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki




co-dependent, eqafe, mother, motherly love, equality, relationships, i need you, submissive, lazy, child, children, childlike, immature, desteni, teamlife, 2012, journey to life