Self Forgiveness (Day 5): The 'I am too Tired' Mind Demon - Day 583

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

Recently I have been looking at the act of apathy and laziness, what causes me to become in a way lethargic within my mind and body, and so my living? What I have realized it comes down to thoughts, there are specific thoughts that will be triggered and when triggered the decision to go into them and become 'lazy' and not push myself to do what is needed to be done will become my living application. So I see it simplistically, though deeper into this there is a deep desire to be comforted and cared for by the things in my life and within this, I am not in fact living an equality balance and thus the consequence of this is a point of not being able to live my highest potential. 

Self Forgiveness on the thoughts of apathy/laziness and the consequences that follow:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thought that i am too tired to do this or that, i will get to it later, i can do it tomorrow' and thus i see, realize, and understand with these thoughts that i will follow and live into, i become lazy and comatose in a way where i do not apply myself in my reality hardly at all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and apathetic in moments where i secretly have thoughts that i don't want to deal with or face this person or that problem and so go into the easy way of living my life where i don't push my boundaries and say stuck in the same perpetual cycle of entertaining myself as distraction in things that have no matter to what is relevant as this world and being part of a solution for what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use apathy and laziness as a way to distract myself to not face myself in my head/being and living and thus postpone my change process in what is best and thus postpone the potential change effect i can have on this world at large for the better.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts of i am tired to stop me from moving within the physical in my potential in the moments i am here and thus lose the opportunity for transcendence to be the better version i realize and have proven i can be, but stop and let it go for an easy high that is fleeting and false and thus will inevitably lead to my own self destruction and thus the destruction of the physical.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become so selfish and self absorbed within my own self pity that i have not a care in the world for what is real, what is suffering in this reality, and what effect i am having on the world as my footprint and thus my influence for better or worse and thus lose the potential creation process of life here in equality and oneness that only i can create and give to the world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live in self pity due to beliefs of self harm and lack instead of realizing that the potential for change is always here and that the idea of lack is an illusion as i am always and able to create myself here in each breath in the process of self creation as i move thus accumulating value of self worth as i become worthy as my living word as flesh in physical reality in honor and giving of myself to all for what is best thus equally giving this to myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who are lazy and apathetic in there life, not realizing and seeing that this was just a distraction point because i didn't want to face myself and thus walk the change process that is here to move when the opportunity is here to do so and push with everything i got for life as self in what is best.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give half ass effort and distract myself with entertainment and say i don't have time for life work as process and thus miss me here in my own responsibility to move myself and do what is best.

I commit myself to stop judging others and move myself when i see i am going into judging as this is a sign of self-depreciation and self abuse as i am showing in how i am living.

I commit myself to when the opportunity opens up to create self i seize it and live and stop all thoughts in there tracks with breath as i transcend and live my words of movement, doing, and self-creation.

I commit myself to push my limits each day until i am equal and one to live here in the physical as breath and life is best for all.

I commit myself to live the words discipline and perseverance as i push myself as breath and move through all resistances until transcendence and i am a creator of life in what is best in all i do and live as me.

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Why Do I Resist Physical Movement? Day 423

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There is a point that is here currently for me to look at, which is me resisting writing out a mind construct, and as I started this blog I initially after I typed the first couple words I had a thought to go and hug henri who is lying write next to me. So this is an interesting set of behaviors I endeavored in instead of simply typing my blog, which was my plan of action, I first before the thought of going to cuddle with henri came, I had a resistance come up to start typing.

This resistance was in the form of a feeling, so it wasn’t something that I was consciously aware of nor was it something that I can even specifically describe or pinpoint now, but through the pattern that is coming up within going to write, I feel this resistance come up usually. So it’s more a physical experience of a heaviness or not wanting to physically move my body and self to do what it is that has to be done for instance here type out my blog, and this experience was accepted very fast, without me even noticing, as I followed the next thought and picture that came up of having a nice feeling when I could cuddle with my dog henri, and so I stopped what I was originally planning on doing and went and hugged henri. Distracted and moving more into resistance to physically moving, and more into my self interest and desire to do nothing for a moment, and so missing the moment to express here.

So the mind obviously within us knows what it is doing, it not only knows, it has programmed itself in specific ways for it’s own will and so we as the beings within our body/mind relationship have programmed ourselves within ourselves through accepting and allowing the mind to move myself through my thoughts into a point of self sabotage. I am abdicating my responsibility to ensure I walk the process I have committed to walk, and so ‘wasteing’ time in essence with an imbalance through seeking more and more relaxing times then that which is time dedicated to finishing tasks. And I realize that writing a blog as well as a mind construct is something that is supportive and helps me to stabilize this imbalance and become the potential that I can see in myself, but because I have conditioned myself so much in energy, I have now shown to myself that I am too much accepting and allowing this experience of resistance and missing the opportunities here to engage in my self change to walk this process to life, time is of the essence there is none to waste.

But here I stand and I must admit that this point has taken a lot of time to sink in and at time’s I have been steadfast and consistent within myself in moving myself in the physical and other times I have not done or lived in ways that produce worth, I am too much allowing my mind to put carrots out in front of me as thoughts and taking the snap at it, but realizing that this carrot stick leads to no where, but more desire, more wants, more emotional upheaval, and so continuing to exist in the mind cycle of resisting that which is physical and living in the mind as thoughts, memories, and pictures through energetic reactions to live. I am not living while I am resisting. 

Cuddling henri is obviously not good or bad, it is the starting point in which I have chosen to do so, and in the above I have shown that it was done in a moment of accepting resistance and taking the ‘easy way out’ so to speak to gain comfort, gain a positive feeling with no effort, and so create within my living nothing of substance.

What I want for myself and so for everyone is to create that which is of substance, that which nurtures myself and so all others, and that which will create myself who to be able to direct myself in what it is that I see is best for me and so best for all, creating me as the living word that always does what is best for all. If I don’t live consistency and principled in a way that births life in the physical, then I am not creating anything of substance and becoming part of that which takes from life, takes from this physical existence, and does not sustain self and so what is here as life. This is not the life I want to create, and so in my next blog I will walk the process of self forgiveness and self correction to give myself direction in the next moments this points comes up again and walk what is substantial here in physical reality through my living. Thanks for reading.

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Day 31- I Just want to Sleep

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to sleep in and not have to get up and move myself to get to work on time because its routinish and I don't enjoy living in a routinish type of lifestyle.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into desires to have it a certain way in my world so I can feel good by sleeping in and getting extra me time to just be able to do what I want within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to cause the abuse of life within and as this point of wanting me myself and I's happiness through giving good feelings to myself by sleeping in and getting that extra time to not have to go do my responsibilities.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept the resistances of facing my day and what I have to do within and as each of my responsibilities and thus go in to dread and a want to get out.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to sleep to have the comfort and warmness encase me for a few more seconds, but within this it's within the idea and desire to put off what I have to do for one or two more moments accepting and allowing myself to accumulate consequence as moments add up and I end of wasting a lot of time I could be using to be practical and get things done.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel guilty when I sleep in and accept myself to indulge in the desire to just sleep away.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept the thoughts that I am so tired and thus must sleep to feel better within this using it to sleep long hours and more then I realize is required.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use sleep as an escape instead of what its for practically to rest my physical for a moment and thus get up after enough time has been spent resting which I have tested is only 6 hours.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting  the thought that sleep is the only thing that makes me feel happy, sleep is the best missing myself here within and as life and thus judging my life as hard and strenuous because I am pushing through resistances and within this accepting the mind as tiredness which is in itself a resistance.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge life as hard and strenuous instead of being here standing stable and simply walking what needs to be walked, there is no sense in sulking in the inevitable of walking and correcting myself so thus it's simply to walk it and face it.

I forgive myself for allowing an accepting feelings and emotions direct me into escapism, and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use sleep as an escape instead of a rest for a moment for my physical.

When and as this point comes up to sleep as an escape, I breath, get up out of bed, and walk my day. I realize this is what must be done is practical physical movement, and just living here in what has to be done for what is best for all which is best for me allways.

I commit to stop trying to escape through sleep and move myself to live my decision of standing as life and walking self change to stand equal and one to all in this world.

I commit to stop emotions and feelings direct me, and walk practicality here in common sense living.