Self Forgiveness (Day 5): The 'I am too Tired' Mind Demon - Day 583

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

Recently I have been looking at the act of apathy and laziness, what causes me to become in a way lethargic within my mind and body, and so my living? What I have realized it comes down to thoughts, there are specific thoughts that will be triggered and when triggered the decision to go into them and become 'lazy' and not push myself to do what is needed to be done will become my living application. So I see it simplistically, though deeper into this there is a deep desire to be comforted and cared for by the things in my life and within this, I am not in fact living an equality balance and thus the consequence of this is a point of not being able to live my highest potential. 

Self Forgiveness on the thoughts of apathy/laziness and the consequences that follow:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thought that i am too tired to do this or that, i will get to it later, i can do it tomorrow' and thus i see, realize, and understand with these thoughts that i will follow and live into, i become lazy and comatose in a way where i do not apply myself in my reality hardly at all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and apathetic in moments where i secretly have thoughts that i don't want to deal with or face this person or that problem and so go into the easy way of living my life where i don't push my boundaries and say stuck in the same perpetual cycle of entertaining myself as distraction in things that have no matter to what is relevant as this world and being part of a solution for what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use apathy and laziness as a way to distract myself to not face myself in my head/being and living and thus postpone my change process in what is best and thus postpone the potential change effect i can have on this world at large for the better.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts of i am tired to stop me from moving within the physical in my potential in the moments i am here and thus lose the opportunity for transcendence to be the better version i realize and have proven i can be, but stop and let it go for an easy high that is fleeting and false and thus will inevitably lead to my own self destruction and thus the destruction of the physical.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become so selfish and self absorbed within my own self pity that i have not a care in the world for what is real, what is suffering in this reality, and what effect i am having on the world as my footprint and thus my influence for better or worse and thus lose the potential creation process of life here in equality and oneness that only i can create and give to the world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live in self pity due to beliefs of self harm and lack instead of realizing that the potential for change is always here and that the idea of lack is an illusion as i am always and able to create myself here in each breath in the process of self creation as i move thus accumulating value of self worth as i become worthy as my living word as flesh in physical reality in honor and giving of myself to all for what is best thus equally giving this to myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who are lazy and apathetic in there life, not realizing and seeing that this was just a distraction point because i didn't want to face myself and thus walk the change process that is here to move when the opportunity is here to do so and push with everything i got for life as self in what is best.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give half ass effort and distract myself with entertainment and say i don't have time for life work as process and thus miss me here in my own responsibility to move myself and do what is best.

I commit myself to stop judging others and move myself when i see i am going into judging as this is a sign of self-depreciation and self abuse as i am showing in how i am living.

I commit myself to when the opportunity opens up to create self i seize it and live and stop all thoughts in there tracks with breath as i transcend and live my words of movement, doing, and self-creation.

I commit myself to push my limits each day until i am equal and one to live here in the physical as breath and life is best for all.

I commit myself to live the words discipline and perseverance as i push myself as breath and move through all resistances until transcendence and i am a creator of life in what is best in all i do and live as me.

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Where Do I Stand within Self Trust? - Day 526

Where am I at in terms of my self trust? I am finding my relationship in general with myself has always been one of doubt, of not being enough, of self judgment, and within that this has created a breeding ground for the mind as doubt to creep in and wreak havoc on my self stability. What I do know of myself and my living participation is that I am determined to walk the correction of who and how I am as life, though this is a path of unknowns as well as uncertainties. I do find self empowerment within walking through fears and the unknown and persevering to a point of relative self stability again, this I have done with many points, but this journey never ends. Eventually I see it ending when all are life here and heaven has been created on earth, but until that time, I walk my mind dimensions, my fears, my dark self into the physical living correction as my thought, word, and deed.

Another point I have realized is that which is best described in a saying, “no man is an island”, meaning I can not walk this process to life in what is best for all alone, I do need cross-referencing and support to understand myself as the evil I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. It’s a process, that is why it’s called desteni i process, the i of self has to walk a self purification process and this is walked until its done for real. I see the potential and I see the magnificence that this outflow that is inevitable for all to face and transcend, this potential is always here, though it’s up to myself to walk this for myself as life. Though this is where my doubt comes in, am I able to walk to life or am I just too fucked up to get this done?

The ego is a strong self force one has created as a separate illusionary self to distract and separate ourselves from our own creation, this force of self is so strong it can completely catch me off guard, and yes through walking self creation, one will inevitably create self in ways that is not best as a process of mistakes, learning from one’s mistakes, and growth as this is part of learning and this is part of life. The one point though that I have been facing is ensuring I don’t focus to much on my mistakes and down falls and so within this judge myself for it. What I call the ego or even can be seen as a dark self within where I will participate in the thoughts of self judgment for instance and within this this can spiral into judging others, blaming others, and even living out that blame through my behavior by yelling for instance. So this dark force of self is what is being taken on by all walking the desteni i process. Though it can not be feared or judged as this will continue the spiral of self compromise and sabotage, so what I have found and been walking is self responsibility, understanding that I alone am creating these experiences within myself and so I have and must take responsibility for them, to then be able to understand them, forgive them, and walk the process of change. This is a process that takes time and patiences as again mistakes will be made, consequences will have to be outflowed and walked, and from there I get back up and continue to learn and grow.

I keep coming back to the same point that has supported me throughout my journey to life within walking my mind system(s) and this has been the point of never giving up. I know that there is a point of uncertainty within this because within myself in the last few years of my process with walking the desteni tools I have been challenged in ways that i couldn’t have conceived, I did at times believe I was going to give up, I wanted to with most all of my being, though there was always that point of when i got myself back to breath, back to my stability here within my physical body, and investigated what had happen and why, I would realize that I am still here and I am still able to walk, I still trust myself to be able to walk the correction, and I would move. I was always moving, I am always moving, inside myself, observing, understanding myself, understanding others, making mistakes, getting back up, learning, expanding, failing, getting back up, bringing myself back to breath, walking and walking is what I do, always moving back to the basics, my breath, my physical reality stability, my self forgiveness, my self correction, and my pushing of myself beyond my limitations in my living always in all ways I see necessary to bring myself closer to life and a world that is best for all.

This is for sure challenging, but it is doable, I am an example as there are so many others that this is doable, I have changed, I have expanded, I have grown in my self awareness and my integrity, and I realize and am aware that there is still so much more to go. Each step counts and each moment of change put forth toward your self growth and doing what is best counts, so this is where I will leave you, make it count, do your best, and lets create a world that is best for all where heaven comes to earth, where it is real.

My self trust is an expanding process, but what I see and understand that every step here into the best I can be by facing challenges and moving through them with a self integrity in doing my best in self honesty, I move more and more into my stability of being able to trust myself. It’s a process I am finding of expanding awareness and it only expands as I live it, so I will continue to live self trust and move into my highest potential for life in oneness and equality and what is best for all.

Thanks for reading.

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Why Am I Continuing to Fall – Day 498

Recently a point came up about an addiction that I have been transcending and within it I fell. What I realized within this fall was how I up until the point of actually doing the action that caused me to fall I was in a point of ignorance, like ‘I know I shouldn’t be doing this, I know there will be consequences for doing this action, I know I will be harming others if I do this”, though I still did it, even though I realized that it is not best for all. So after this event happened I listened to the new kryon interview – Rest and the Physical - Kryon: My Existential History, where he spoke about sleep and how the body does not need rest. How we within our physical bodies could live significantly longer then we are currently living. How we are in fact devolving each decade, each year, each day, each breath, and when he finished discussing this point I reflected on myself, and saw that very day I decided to go into ignorance and fulfill my mind desire, my need, my instant gratification, rather then stopping myself in principles that I have committed to live in what is best for all.

So my blog today is about what is it within my decision to fall even though I know it’ll be self compromising, why I did it anyway. What I found initally was a spitefulness, that because of my life circumstances I am afraid to take on inevitably the horror that I as a being have particpated within. The act of not living my highest potential is a measure in reality that is created, now because of spite and ignorance, I am accepting and allowing myself to give up and give in to challanges that arise and so compromise my self standing. I have committed myself to stand always despite falls, set backs, miss-takes, and abdication of my responsibility, I will stand up again and move myself to the inevitable correction to align myself with what is best for all.

So within this fall, there are two basic options I can walk and we all can walk for that matter, in a day, in our lives, is to stay in the fall experience of self pity, self anger, resentment, and blame or we can take self responsibility, learn from the fall, and use what I learned to change myself to be better equipped for the next time to stand, to stop the self compromise, to stop the projection and blame onto the outer reality, and to realize that everything that is in fact happening in MY life is MY creation.

This is one of the realization that came up for me within this point, is that I am the creator of my life, I decide whether I fall on a point or whether I stand within it and move into the correction to live what is best for all. There is no one outside of myself that is able to walk this decision and action, there is support yes, though in this journey of birthing life from the physical I am alone in this decision. I decided for myself who I will be and so within this I am the creator of my eventual desteni that’ll play out. What I walk in this life, each and every moment will accumulate to the final point of either death or birthing into life. This is the reality of each one in this life and the more that is given the more responsibility one takes on.

So from this fall, I take it as an opportunity to learn and understand where I stand within myself. How within this learning opportunity I need to change and move into a position where I can stand through the programs of the mind that played out for me to eventually fall on my commitments. Walking moment to moment I found, this journey is more manageable, to in each moment walk what is best for all this through breath awareness, this is also a process to get to this point, though in breath, here in our physical bodies, is where this life is able to be lived/walked in what is best. So a goal set forth to focus on or live is instead of having too much to consider in many moments as I decide to act on something, bring those many moments down to the small, walking and living moment to moment walking what is best in each moment that is here. (I will also write blogs on redefining the word here, moment to moment, breath, so it’s more clear on how to live this in physical reality)

This is what I found most important is to realize that I am responsible for not only myself, but for all here, I am walking for those who are not able to, for those who are starving, for those who are hurt and abused, for those who are silenced due to oppression, for those who have no voice, and also for those who are so lost in there minds that they can not see what is best for all. We, each and everyone of us, are walking a process of living what is best for all, this process though I have realized is determined and defined by self, and as was mentioned in Kryon’s interview today, there is a time stamp, life itself is showing within the aging process that we are devolving, we are not living and aligning with life, and so we are in essence dying which is obviously life extinguished. Life never dies to be clear, though the mind does, the mind is energy and this energy is based from the physical substance of the physical body, it’s parasitic in nature and so it eats the physical body until we die and the physical substance as our body repels the mind, the mind ceases to exist and physical substance goes back to it’s source, the earth, dust to dust. There have been hundreds of interviews on the life processes of human beings and what happens at death, here is a series specifically on this, the life reviews of those who die and processes that happen at death.

What I have realized within this fall for myself is that within my every day life, I have to live the words assertive, self trust, self honesty, and self creation to be able to in the moments I want to give into the justification, excuses, breaks, and really bullshit to live these words and push through my resistances and that I have to in real time move myself physically in these moments. These little moments of thoughts such as ‘it’s ok if I just indulge for one day’, ‘it’s ok if I take a break for one hour’, ‘it’s ok if I judge and ridicule in my mind for this one time cause it’s not that big of a deal, they can’t see, no one can see but me’, though these little moments eventually accumulate into physical action where I go into a decision in the physical to compromise myself, my commitments that I have made, and so compromise the whole process of birthing life from the physical. If I did act in a way that is best for all in that moment, I would not have wasted this time now of two days where I could be walking in ways that is best.

So there is purpose to falls they are neither good nor bad, but a opportunity to show you to you and how you have created yourself, what within this fall I have just lived, where I need to stand more, where I need to assert my directive will more, what I need to change and push within my skill set to be able to counteract my desire to resist, it is a learning experience if I walk it into a completion. Falls in process require self honesty, this is an act of self will and who one is within this process of a fall. This is all up to me, though the seriousness of what I am walking I am realizing more and more, we are not just walking this for ourselves, we are walking the process of birthing life from the physical for all beings that are here living, this is the desteni of this earth, I decide who I am and this effects the all cause we are all interconnected, everything is one and equal here in this physical reality.

I will continue with self forgiveness and self commitments in my next blog to further move into the correction process that is needed to stand within moments of self compromise.

Thank you for reading. 

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Day 305 – Why is it so hard to keep to Commitments?

So at the beginning of the month I have placed a set of simple commitments to keep for the month to test my standing within myself and my self discipline, and I am not satisfied of the results. I see that I have kept to the commitments in terms of the one’s that I can do, but the one’s that require extra effort, coordination, and physical movement to get done, I still allow justification and simply just not pushing through to do it. So I am looking at the point of why is it so hard to keep commitments or why am I failing to keep the commitments I make?

For me it’s been a point of pushing through the desire to do other things, to rest, to relax, to not have to go into the point of study, research, phsyical movement to get things done, and also the backchat is there of ‘I am not smart enough anyway, I will not make anything of value, people don’t read my stuff or watch my videos, it’s not worth it’. So I allow this point to accumulate within my mind where it feels like I am walking up a steep hill, but it's really a point of sabatoge as I am not really doing this for myself, but for others impressions of me, defining myself by others outlooks on me, and seeing me as ok or not based on this. So there is no self care nor respect being built within these commitments as I commit myself to them because I am leaving me out of the equation always, only looking at how I will look to others, and thus diminishing my effectiveness and potential to be the best I can be which takes a full focus and a commitment to self completely and really living this. So I am commiting myself to walk this point of self acceptance, self respect, and self dignity for myself until I am satisfied that I am here and not living for others, and then I will walk other points. If self is not here, then this will never work.

Some other points I have realized on falling on commitments is that this absolute commitment is a process to get to. I find if I go and commit cold turkey without walking a process of understanding, discovering my temptations within the commitments, where I am weak and where I am strong, and walking the process of change, I will fall because it’s nearly impossible just to stop something cold turkey, it will take effort and a process of reprogramming to walk it into a stopping. It’s the point of understanding that is key I have found, why I desire to sit and resist doing my work, why I see myself as inferior, and so I can start to implement this point of understanding in my world. I have to walk the babysteps of such a point of changing my nature for instance into instability to stability through working with little points, small commitments that is done in self honesty, and then walk bigger and bigger ones. This creates the expansion needed within self to really understand yourself and understand how to change by understanding the why it needs to change first, all a process, but all doable

Also another point is I find it more a point of I am allowing my mind to direct me into the huge range of thoughts and emotions that go along with them into a point of giving up and giving in where I will easily say ok, fuck, it's too much work, I just can't do it, and will give in at the exact time I have to push through and not give into the resistances. So it's more a point of just pushing through these moments and continue to stop participating in these mind conversations, and as i do this it becomes easier to walk through the point in the future. So it's like a point of constant application and reapplication until it sticks, and I am able to direct myself. But there does come a time where it is too much falling, and I continue to allow it without change, this is the point that I am flag pointing, and will push until I have cleared it in all the commitments that I walk for myself in self responsibility and committing to change for life. It's a point of living it as a natural expression, where it require no thinking, no resistance, but a simple living in what is best, a state such as this does exist, it's a commitment to walk and receive the fruits of this labor as life in the physical equal and one to self. Something unimaginable at this time, but probably the coolest point I have ever understood.

I leave with a cool and inspiring quote that sums this point up quite well by Lao Tzu-

“Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.”

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