The Gift I Found in Self Acceptance is Self Trust - See How... - Day 562

Original Artwork by: Andrew Gable

Check Out his art at: http://www.andrewgableart.com

Who am I in relation to this word trust, and within that what I am really investigating is I am seeing is the ability to trust myself. What this immediately brings me to is looking within, trusting the voice of myself that is one of deep gentleness and calm that resides within my being. So here I have seen that I have established over my lifetime a sense of trust within myself through what I have learned and become aware of as my inner voice. Though I have walked many years in distinguishing between the voice my inner voice that I trust and the mind chatter or movement that comes up within that is experienced within energy movements as thoughts and emotions/feelings. Energy meaning it has movement to it and in a way, I experience it as I am following the thoughts, the emotions like a chasing in fact of the mind as thoughts. I will experience this energy in my body as tension or irritability for example where my voice gets hard, my body can go rigid, a rise of heat is experienced in the chest, and it can go into an experience of an eruption. As opposed to my inner voice that I have established within me is more experienced within me as a deep settledness, a calm in my body, a silence, and it comes with understanding, a constant knowing of who I am, and this 'i am' is aligned with life principle, what is best. 

I have always had a deep connection with this part of me, this inner voice, even when I was a child and I am sure we all can relate to this, its that knowing that there is something greater and more profound in me and in this life that is not readily here or known, but it is true, it is genuine, and it is supportive, this inner voice that feels like I am touching is good for lack of a better word, it is like a soft hand holding me as a support always. And this I have harnessed to something that I cherish within me all this time and hold to the fact that there is in fact in this world an understanding that this life matters and there is something more to discover, which has sent me on quite a quest to understand more of this understanding and knowledge I have come to know within myself about life.

Trust within myself though has not always been so deep and clear, yes I have had a connection with this deep part of myself, but I also have been very much influenced and created myself from my thinking patterns mainly of self ridicule, self abuse, and self bullying. This often leads to behavior that I take out on others due to not directing these parts of myself in a reasonable way, but more go to diminishing myself and others and so creating a diminished view of myself in this world and in fact creating it. Where at times little to no self-trust was present. 

I have memories of going into kindergarten, and man was I excited to experience the new scene, I heard my sisters and mom talk about it and I couldn’t wait to experience it for myself, the classroom, the books, the toys, the kids, and when I got there I was told that I was going to be tested. All of a sudden the excitement and experience of being in this new place full of adventure now turned into a fearful experience where I didn’t know how I was going to do on these test, was I smart enough to get in? Was I going to have to miss out on this new adventure because I didn’t pass my test? What is the test going to say about me? And so the experience of wonder turned into an experience of fear where I no longer trusted my own experience and how I was learning and interacting with my world, but now I was going to be told who I was through a test I had to take which will open or close the door to this new adventure I was so close to experience. This test was my only way forward I was seeing, I had no ability beside tantrum to let them know that I did not want to be tested and anyways my mom was not having that because I had to go to school, there were no other options.

This experience of school grew more and more into a point of fear and tension for me where i was more concerned with the experience of others and what I was going to be facing in my environment every day in terms of pressures or intense situations where I had to ‘step up’ instead of exploring at my own pace, getting to know and understand for myself what I was interacting with, and so finding my place within it all. Where I was more placing my trust in what I was getting as feedback from my enviroment to define who I was rather then going into myself, who i was, and how i was understanding myself within this new way of life, which is more how we experience ourselves as young children before the schooling years start typically.

This schooling experience I had and started to take in as who I was was contributing to my evolution of fear and self abuse I started to develop due to my warped way of taking in my world and how I interpreted with what I was taking in as input from others, my environment, and how I saw others treat me and people in general. So more just copying what would eventually help me to cope with my inner experiences of fear and tension and the growing perception that there is something wrong with me because I was not always measuring up. The coping experience was to be hard on me, beat myself up, and then I can keep cycling in the blame that I am not good enough, I am the problem, and so stay stuck, where I never actually find out what the real issue is that I am struggling with because I keep reacting to it and making it about having to be perfect, better, or more than who I already am here as my truth. In this stuckness, I don't have to go out of comfort zones, in this stuckness I know me and so life becomes routine, easy, yet perpetually more difficult because this I am not good enough evolves and grows as I keep allowing these experiences to direct me rather me it, so quite the conundrum of self-defeat I have been living through. 

This idea of being broken or damaged contributed to my quest to fix myself, make me more pretty, more smart, more excellent in whatever it is I was competing in and so my measure of who I was was no more on what and how I live in terms of my example as my words in action, what I learned through listening to that inner voice as a child, but more on satisfying an image in my mind I had to live up to. So a lot of my lack of self-trust was because I was not going within, I was not accepting who I was within what I was doing and being ok with what the results were in fact. This lack of self-trust is because I disconnected with my inner truth as the acceptance of who I am within my reality, the truth of the fact that I may not be well trained in something and within that that is ok, I can accept that, learn from it, and then grow to find the solutions that would make sense to make me better.

When we all know intrinsically that we can not be perfect in everything all in one go with all we do, it is just not possible, yet the drive I had for many years was based on this belief.  This acceptance of who I am here in fact and truth, no matter how bad, ugly, or silly it may be is the gateway to experience and get in touch with the self and the truth of oneself as one is in fact working with the reality of who one is in any given moment. Once one is facing the reality of who one is and accepts that, then one can embrace it to learn from it, and from there work on the process of improving and making it better through a real time understanding as one is walking it step by step. 

So trust i am finding is built through self acceptance, accepting the fact of who one is at any given moment to open the door for the truth of self to emerge and so the ability to trust in oneself because one in fact knows who and how one is and how to walk the process of learning, understanding, and growing to new heights or new depths with the information gathered and worked with. Trust then can open up the door to self-expansion, where new heights of growth and depth can be reached because one has accepted and worked with what is real, within and into the without of oneself. 

For more informative links in self-supportive material, check out:

Eqafe - the Process to Self Perfection in Recorded form

http://www.eqafe.com

Desteni I Process - Self Development Support

http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com)

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Living Words Process and Support:
https://www.facebook.com/schoolofultimateliving/

Earth Haven - Sustainable Living Environments -
Built on the Principles of What is best for all Life
https://www.patreon.com/earthhaven

Forum support:
www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki:
wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page:
www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

How I Learned to Trust Myself with the Desteni I Process - Day 536

 

I discuss in this audio how I learned how to trust myself. I was quite an insecure person with little self trust, now standing within myself in self trust and confidence on a mission to support self change and the world to change in the best way possible. This to support and teach all to become stewards of the earth so we can all learn to live in decency and dignity.

Check out the links for more on the process at desteni:

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course - 

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!

www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

Self Supportive Material - 

www.Eqafe.com

Forum support: 

www.forum.desteni.org

Desteni Wiki: 

wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page

Eqafe Facebook Page: 

www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136...

7 year journey to life Facebook group: 

www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

DIP Lite on Facebook: 

www.facebook.com/DIPLite

Where Do I Stand within Self Trust? - Day 526

Where am I at in terms of my self trust? I am finding my relationship in general with myself has always been one of doubt, of not being enough, of self judgment, and within that this has created a breeding ground for the mind as doubt to creep in and wreak havoc on my self stability. What I do know of myself and my living participation is that I am determined to walk the correction of who and how I am as life, though this is a path of unknowns as well as uncertainties. I do find self empowerment within walking through fears and the unknown and persevering to a point of relative self stability again, this I have done with many points, but this journey never ends. Eventually I see it ending when all are life here and heaven has been created on earth, but until that time, I walk my mind dimensions, my fears, my dark self into the physical living correction as my thought, word, and deed.

Another point I have realized is that which is best described in a saying, “no man is an island”, meaning I can not walk this process to life in what is best for all alone, I do need cross-referencing and support to understand myself as the evil I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. It’s a process, that is why it’s called desteni i process, the i of self has to walk a self purification process and this is walked until its done for real. I see the potential and I see the magnificence that this outflow that is inevitable for all to face and transcend, this potential is always here, though it’s up to myself to walk this for myself as life. Though this is where my doubt comes in, am I able to walk to life or am I just too fucked up to get this done?

The ego is a strong self force one has created as a separate illusionary self to distract and separate ourselves from our own creation, this force of self is so strong it can completely catch me off guard, and yes through walking self creation, one will inevitably create self in ways that is not best as a process of mistakes, learning from one’s mistakes, and growth as this is part of learning and this is part of life. The one point though that I have been facing is ensuring I don’t focus to much on my mistakes and down falls and so within this judge myself for it. What I call the ego or even can be seen as a dark self within where I will participate in the thoughts of self judgment for instance and within this this can spiral into judging others, blaming others, and even living out that blame through my behavior by yelling for instance. So this dark force of self is what is being taken on by all walking the desteni i process. Though it can not be feared or judged as this will continue the spiral of self compromise and sabotage, so what I have found and been walking is self responsibility, understanding that I alone am creating these experiences within myself and so I have and must take responsibility for them, to then be able to understand them, forgive them, and walk the process of change. This is a process that takes time and patiences as again mistakes will be made, consequences will have to be outflowed and walked, and from there I get back up and continue to learn and grow.

I keep coming back to the same point that has supported me throughout my journey to life within walking my mind system(s) and this has been the point of never giving up. I know that there is a point of uncertainty within this because within myself in the last few years of my process with walking the desteni tools I have been challenged in ways that i couldn’t have conceived, I did at times believe I was going to give up, I wanted to with most all of my being, though there was always that point of when i got myself back to breath, back to my stability here within my physical body, and investigated what had happen and why, I would realize that I am still here and I am still able to walk, I still trust myself to be able to walk the correction, and I would move. I was always moving, I am always moving, inside myself, observing, understanding myself, understanding others, making mistakes, getting back up, learning, expanding, failing, getting back up, bringing myself back to breath, walking and walking is what I do, always moving back to the basics, my breath, my physical reality stability, my self forgiveness, my self correction, and my pushing of myself beyond my limitations in my living always in all ways I see necessary to bring myself closer to life and a world that is best for all.

This is for sure challenging, but it is doable, I am an example as there are so many others that this is doable, I have changed, I have expanded, I have grown in my self awareness and my integrity, and I realize and am aware that there is still so much more to go. Each step counts and each moment of change put forth toward your self growth and doing what is best counts, so this is where I will leave you, make it count, do your best, and lets create a world that is best for all where heaven comes to earth, where it is real.

My self trust is an expanding process, but what I see and understand that every step here into the best I can be by facing challenges and moving through them with a self integrity in doing my best in self honesty, I move more and more into my stability of being able to trust myself. It’s a process I am finding of expanding awareness and it only expands as I live it, so I will continue to live self trust and move into my highest potential for life in oneness and equality and what is best for all.

Thanks for reading.

More links to support:

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!
http://www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

Self Supportive Material - 
http://www.Eqafe.com 

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course - 
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com 

Forum support: 
http://forum.desteni.org 

Desteni Wiki: 
http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page 

Eqafe Facebook Page: 
https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136... 

7 year journey to life Facebook group: 
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ... 

DIP Lite on Facebook: 
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

Is it Possible to Stop Judging Life? – Day 496

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I have recently started looking at the point of a belief I have participated in and accepted in my living for most of my life and most of my process I have been walking with Desteni. I can see that the cycle of not only judging myself in a positive or negative way, but also judging my world in the same polarity cycle of negative and positive has effected my relationships and interactions greatly. I found within this that I had the belief that I can not stop the judgment of the external world, and within looking at this I am seeing that I have to stop the judgment of myself first to stop judging my world absolute. I have to create a definitive correction process to stop the process of judgment through living words and practicing my living through self movement. The minds automatic response I have found is to judge with thoughts and backchat fueled with energy of myself which then projects onto my world. Here I am looking at first doing the self forgiveness to stop the belief that it is impossible to stop judging myself and projecting it onto reality. 

Self Forgiveness on the Compromising Pattern:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the act of stopping myself from judging myself and others is impossible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don’t have what it takes to stop the judgment of myself and others in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s too difficult to stop judging others and myself in the day to day life I am living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to believe that stopping myself in each moment is impossible and so stopping my thoughts of judgment is impossible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stopping my thoughts is impossible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that stopping my thoughts is not the issue but not participating in the thoughts is the act of stopping participation in the judgment and so stopping the pattern of judging myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I not only have to stop my negative beliefs about myself but also the positive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am these negative or positive judgments of myself and so believe and create this within my external reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that stopping the participation in these thoughts will stop the energy they produce and within time the pattern will diminish and stop influencing me completely to be able to see reality directly and within fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of fear when I see that I have to stop all my participation in my thoughts and beliefs that I can’t do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stopping my participation in my thoughts is impossible when in reality I can stop in each moment from participating breathing here in reality.

Self Correction to Live that I Commit to:

I commit myself to stop participating in the thoughts of judgment when they come up by breathing and moving into my physical body.

I commit myself to practice this self movement into the physical until I am here and through this I align this self movement with the oneness of life focus realizing all is here as self and we are all one thus judgment is non sensical.

I commit myself to live the word acceptance and oneness within the act of moving from thoughts to here in breath in my physical body grounding my beingness to what is real by accepting all here as me as life in the physical.

I commit myself to utilize the word ‘No’ when I see a judgment thought come up and move into the alignment to life here as and within the physical reality.

Check out more support at:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Others Walking This Process
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Living Self Courage – Trust in Self – Day 430

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So I am finding more and more this ‘trusting in my self’ to be a true statement. I often want to put trust into others and create a hope that things will turn out well and turn out the way I desired, but 9 out of 10 times it simply doesn’t. I find the most efficient and opportunistic method forward has been moving through resistances and putting trust within myself that I will be able to walk in the moment here and face and direct whatever comes. As I realize and most I am sure can relate, we have no effect on what is to come, we can not predict the future, so creating and building this trust with myself stand’s as a foundation for how I will and am able to move within my living reality in each and every moment I will face which is key to live beyond my fears and what I believe I can't do. I have found though that it’s an actual will to move meaning it doesn't come automatic with nice feelings and entertainment because of the patterns of self sabotage that i have existed within for so much of my life. Facing one’s fears and moving through resistance has not yet gotten easy, it requires self discipline and self determination to move through, but I have found and what helps ease a bit the motion of this movement that has to be done is the expansion that comes out of making the effort.

Here again the future can’t be predicted so one has to be ready for anything and accepting whatever comes is another tool that I have found supports to continue to progress within the action of living self courage. This is a process I have found, a learning process that can not be thought up in the mind, like the mind always makes reality into something that is glittery and glammed up or very scary and treacherous, but in actuality it is sometimes really great and sometimes really not, but all in all it is unpredictable and very interesting to say the least. Usually I have found when applying this point of facing fears and moving through resistances, it is never how I had thought it would be, and I am usually surprised at what comes out of the moments I push within. Always there is a gift for me that emerges, and usually in the form of expanding myself and or supporting others to do the same.

And always the journey continues and th challenges continue, but I have learned what matters within the time i am living in these moments is who am I going to be? And this is the most enjoyable part, I can decided in each moment who I am, no one can tell or make me be a specific way, I have my own will to do and live how I want to live. So it's important you live in a way you will be proud of and support others within because we are all here together, and it's our responsibility to bring about what is best for all. If you look in self honesty, you will see the direction that is needed to be walked. 

Though for the point of this blog, i have found to live self trust I have to apply and continue to commit myself to live self courage and push through my fears by applying the tools of self forgiveness, self correction, and breathing in the moment, and never giving up, no matter what, always keep walking and doing my best and supporting others to do the same. Before you know it you are where you believed you would never be, you live the apparent impossible, and so expand yourself in to new heights through your own self will, and that is truly inspiring.

Will continue in my next blog. Thanks.

Interview Support on the topic of self courage:

You Will Never Let Go - Quantum Mind Self Awareness
Can't Let Go: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 229
Can't Let Go: Transform Your Memories - Atlanteans - Part 230
Can't Let Go: Giving Up - Atlanteans - Part 231
Can't Let Go: Traumatic Memories - Atlanteans - Part 232
Can't Let Go: One-Dimensional Memories - Atlanteans - Part 233

Join Us:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Day 97 - I am a Loner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live into this character of being a loner where I avoid becoming intimate with others due to fear of vulnerability as I have formed a mistrust with all others in my world where I do not accept them to be close to me nor me be close to them because of fear of abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being abused by others because I am locked within the memories of being abused by others within and as my world and thus will not accept myself to become vulnerable as I have formed a mistrust within all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the abuse in my past and thus form a mistrust within all life here showing and revealing that I don’t trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an abuser where I abuse life in thought and make it so I am the top in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be on top due to seeing myself on the bottom and thus creating the polarity of top and bottom to exist for me instead of living who I am as equal with all from and as physical life that is here as we breath and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to be on top based on this fear of survival as I have defined myself by survival because I am living as memory and thus missing me here, missing life, missing myself in the physical because of fear of abuse.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear living and becoming a being who can face all points within who I am because I have not made the decision to stand no matter what and become absolute within my self discipline in where I walk the physical in each breath.

When and as I find myself going to the thoughts of self sabotage as fear, I stop and breath, and thus move me physically within the physical actions I am doing meaning become aware of how I am moving within my physical, and make a decision each and every breath to stop the thoughts, I am not thoughts, thoughts are mind thus not real, I am the physical here so thus to be this I must create myself as this by becoming absolute in my stand and walking self discipline till it is me and I breath here.

I commit myself to walk the point of facing my fears of others where in I do not accept myself to go into this loner character where I avoid the conversation or sharing myself within and as breath and thus I go into the point in self honesty to thus catch all the points that I see that do not allow me to express here and create separation/mistrust.

I commit myself to walk self trust within applying myself within self forgiveness, self honesty, and self correction in action and thus will be able to trust myself with all others and not be defined by reactions or internal conversations as I have the points able to be walked through the application of the tools to self freedom.

I commit myself to walk self trust by getting to know myself, who I am within myself, and thus stopping the thoughts and reactions with others and breathing to become stable within my living.

I commit myself to stop polarities within equalizing myself within my day to day living by stopping the thoughts and reactions to thus be able to live here in physical reality and walk as stability.

I commit to walk through my memories and apply self forgiveness to thus be able to walk through all points within what come up in my life so thus I always have a point of stability in which I can move and equalize myself with what is here.

I commit myself to walk within all points until I am here stable able to stand within all points that I will face by creating myself here new in a character that breath and live as physical only living what is best for all in absolute dedication to self here one and equal in self honesty and self corrective measures I realize is me.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki



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