Day 30 - Poverty in this world, Allowing Poverty within Self

 

“Stop the poverty within yourself — the self-judgment, the limitation, the self-abuse.
Because as long as you accept poverty within you, you will accept poverty in this world.”
— Bernard Poolman 

 I am writing on the understanding that poverty within this world is based on the acceptance and allowance of poverty=lack within myself, I am equally responsible for this creation and manifestation where their is extremes of many with nothing and a few with everything. When in reality life is abundant and can provide and does provide everything necessary to live an abundant life in this world. Though, this world at this time is obviously not ensuring this abundance get's to all life, as many suffer and go without, as above i mentioned the majority goes without. How the human being as myself has accepted and allowed myself to become separate from this abundance of life, is based on the fact of the mind and thinking, which creates a dimensional being that is caught in ideas and beliefs creating the polarities of some have more and most having little. Personally this is reflected within myself where I have allowed to a lack within msyelf such as thoughts I believe and live out of 'I am not good enough', creating submission and self reservation in conversations with others and within myself to go for something I fear doing. This lack manifest within this world so I can experience it as I have actually created it by separating myself from what is here as myself within all that exist, thus the lack of ability to express naturally for instance and bring about common sense among all beings I meet but where I go which is into fear and beliefs that I am not good enough to be equal to 'some' beings.

So it starts with myself. The 'I am not good enough' personality, starting in the thinking realm of this personality, where I allow thoughts of lack, judgment, and self abuse and thus abuse of others equal and one to myself. 

Self Forgiveness on the thought dimension of the 'I am not good enough' character/personality - 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I lack within the point of who I am here as life in all ways that exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within who I am and where I am as what I exist as I am not enough and don't have enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I lack within my looks and self image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that I lack within understanding my reality and what is going on within and as relationships in my world. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good enough to sell products of value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am too far gone in my process to believe that i have any right to believe I have value and have worth in this world and life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I as who I am am enough and thus I am capable of living in a way of what is best for all equal and one within and as this reality where all succeed and all can express freely as I'd like such as with an equal money system being implemented for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thought that I am always going to lose within sales and expressing myself because i lack confidence and self worth of I can do this, I am strong enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not strong enough to make it in this world and get across the grit it is required to bring about a world that is best for all through an equal money system and education that supports all life. 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I lack anything as life here one and equal with all other beings here, and that I am in fact not able within the belief that I am not worthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to walk what is here as life, when I see, realize, and understand that each moment is new and each moment is here and thus I as myself am able to walk and breath and forgive myself and create myself in a way that is best for all as I am here breathing walking breath by breath, the moment is always here for self change.

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold an image of me in my mind of being judged as a child when I was in school and thus hold that energy of lack and self judgment as a prison sustenance i have to hold to as a belief of being not liked, when I see, realize, and understand this is a lack of vocabulary and self understanding for all involved and that each one is more then capable to be their highest potential through self acceptance, self forgiveness, and self corrective living through words and self willed action in the principles of life in what is best for all one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others within the basis of judgment of look, race, image, language, clothes, hair, hair color, hair cut, make up, non make up, fat, skinny, tall, short, acne, clear, beautiful, ugly, smart, stupid, rich, poor, intelligent, well spoken, illiterate, dumb, and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to label myself and another as myself in this reality based on polarities within words, instead of redefining the word and so seeing all beings based on the direct definition. Within that I see, realize, and understand I then can stand in the others shoes and support them to see as I see one and equal as a direct definition to reach common sense and solutions that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to judge myself based on polarities within words as good or bad, instead of seeing all one and equal to myself as life and in this what i can do to support a way for myself and so the other to reach our highest potentials in what is best for all, no matter what that takes as a means of pushing self beyond limitations so life can birth through and one go beyond the limits of the mind consciousness system as the closed system it is. Life is not closed nor limited, thus I am not closed off nor limited within my capacities here

. 

"Poverty exists because we allow a system where money is valued more than life. Until we change the system and ourselves, poverty will remain the consequence of our acceptances."
— Bernard Poolman 

 

When and as I see myself going into a form of self judgment within words of polarities, I stop and breath, forgive the thought and redefine the word into common sense direct definition that each being as life can apply and in this walk the common sense until all here can stand as the living expression of the word as I have done for myself to the end where a world that is best is lived out one and equal to myself.

When and as I see i am moving into my mind into beliefs of less then or not good enough, I stop and breath, and delete the belief, while living in a way that goes beyond my limitations in that moment and pushes my boundaries into the living expression of myself as life here which will bring about a world that is best for all which will always be best for me.

When and as i see that I am thinking that i lack something, i stop and breathe, and realize I am life as i am here, and thus I lack nothing but am in numerous ways abundanct, I walk this understanding and living application as myself and with others/all until it is here as who I am as all are, which is a world that is best for all.

I commit msyelf to stop all thoughts of lack and move into the living word of gratefulness to be alive and be in this world where self is able to express and be part of the solution where an equal money type system is able and will be created to support all life in what is best one and equal.

I commit myself to stop all limitations by walking through my fears and comfort zones as I rebirth myself as my self expression of life here through living words I create through self forgiveness and principled living of what is best for all.

I commit myself to stand as a point of support as an equal as I help bring through solutions that are best for all such as technotutor to reeducate this world and equal money system to bring a new system that will support all life. 

I commit myself to live the word self acceptance and self confidence as self movement in living solutions as i walk day to day breathe by breath with my commitments i am living that will support me to be my highest potential and thus support others to do the same so we all can live and bring through a world that is best for all. 

More support at - 

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com 

wiki.desteni.org 

equalmoney.org

Self Perfected - Destonian network support on fb

www.techno-tutor.com - word as living support, check out this tool!

Brusitis in the Left Hip Bursa Sac - Feminine Expression - Hardening of Self - Day 29

 

                                                               equalmoney.org

I have had this pain in my left hip for some time, but has been moved into a inflammation within the hip sacs, this has been especially after working through some heavy and deep points in my desteni.org process that I have been walking now for many years. I am realizing that the pain is based on the idea and belief within myself that one, I am not able to move forward after a mistake/fall, being shocked within the self honesty faced of what I was doing/capable of, and how I initially went into blame and self defeat where I allowed myself to wallow in fear, anger, and self hatred. I am seeing the nature of this devaluation of myself in believing I am stuck and can never forgive or again stand after such a fall stems from the belief that I am doomed and shamed forever within this mistake and fall, and I require others to help me back up or help me get the point. There is a point that what I create will always be with me as I created it, yet who I am here in realizing and then changing is what matters and is relevant at this time. Also when in reality, I myself have to get up and stand within myself, realizing that no one is to blame or going to save me, but self is to stand and find a way to do what is best for all within the understand of doing what is best for self. Through this stand you show life and others who you are and equality of life emerges where all are able to be heard and all have a say, cause all are here and responsible for the alignment of what is best for all as a self creation one and equal.

 My mother is an imprint in my mind within this pain in my hip from childhood where I did not feel seen or supported in my troubles by her, so believing that I have to go it alone and I am unworthy of care or support. Though I realize this is not true, I do walk alone yes within myself and my own self honesty, but I am not worthy or useless, I am a being expressing here and responsible for my self correction when I fall or create an idea or belief of something. The fact is that life is direct, life is here, it doesn’t think, it exist, it lives, so self has to apply oneself to live, it’s an action, and so it’s a self willed requirement, no one can do this for me but me. Self does have support within people, material, and nature/animals that can support with insight and solving the issues/problems self believe are insurmountable, but self has to be open to it and learn from it in a way that cause no harm, but give life as self give of oneself for what is best for all. The points one face may be big at times, yes, but each issue/problem can be solved breath by breath, step by step, within an effort to not give up and see it through to stable ground until it’s done. This the quest and the journey of self to rebirth as life, on wards.

 Self forgiveness 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe a mistake/fall where I did not live into self honesty and what is best for all, but deliberately chose self interest, to be more, I am sentenced forever to suffer and pay for the harm I had caused by not standing for life when it was on the line.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself prisoner in my own mind for a mistake, fall, and self interest moment where i chose the mind rather then standing in that moment for what is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe life is not able to change and transform within and as the understanding and self honest walk of what is here, to in fact stop and live in a new way that supports self to live and never again allow and accept such abuse within and as my reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i don't deserve self forgiveness and self change, and thus i must continually suffer.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not allow to feel gentleness, softness, and care for myself because i made a mistake/fell in my process and life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i do not deserve gentleness and care within myself toward myself because i judge myself as bad, loser, and a demon.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto thoughts of my mistakes, and believe these define me, when i see, realize, and understand they are not real, and thus i have the ability to breathe, let them go, and live here in the physical in a way that will support myself and life as i support all when i stand and support myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i have to hold everything in and never allow anyone to know as i see i need to figure things out by myself and i am too bad or far gone to get anyone to support me or help me out.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i am the only one who has fallen in such a way, when i see, realize, and understand many are in the same boat and will equally need the support of themselves and life/others as examples to walk what has to be walked to stand for and as life as the self forgiveness is spoken and lived within the living change in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the shock of the moment of when i found myself in rock bottom where i realized my mistakes and the consequences to face. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see, and understand to stand for life i have to stand as myself as life, and in this this require a gentleness and softness at times to support through a point of understanding or patience to work with what is here within msyelf and in this world as the living solution is created and walked.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i have to fight through to survive, when i see, realize, and understand i don't need to survive but give as i'd like to receive until all are here receiving and life is guaranteed in an equal life and equal money system as examples of heaven on earth our/self's true/truth and real nature.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for not being there for me as a child, and thus not realize or understand at the time that my mother was walking here best as she could in the moments and in this she was equally doing her best with what she knew to support me and thus i can not blame but take it back to myself and see where i can learn and align myself to be the solution.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for me being forced more into the nature of having to figure it out on my own, and when i made a mistake, blame her as a point that should have been there, when i see, realize, and understand that she was there in her capacity as she could and that these alignments are points within my process, i must face within myself, change myself, and stand within the consequences as i create and stand as the solution.

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i am trapped, when i see, realize and understand i am here, i am able to create and move myself in a way that is best for all until it is created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent myself for “allowing the mistake,” instead of seeing it as a necessary mirror to show me who I was, so I could realign with who I really am. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in walking process, believing that because I fell once, I am always on the edge of failure—when in truth, every breath is a new foundation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overcompensate by pushing through pain, inflammation, and exhaustion—believing I must suffer to prove I care or am worthy of life. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being seen in my vulnerability is shameful or dangerous when i see, realize, and understand it is a mirror to myself and where i am in fact requiring change and thus showing true strength as being seen but remaining here open and directive of myself to remain and correct myself.

 “You must embrace all parts of yourself, even the ones you have rejected, because all of it is you. Until you stand equal and one with all of it, you will not be free.”

— Bernard Poolman 

I commit myself to stop the believes that i am stuck, in harms way always, and have no way out, but breathing let go of the past, and working with what is here, breathe by breathe, where i give myself the ability to care for myself and the space for gentleness so i can ensure i am seen as i show this within and as my world. 

 I commit myself to receive self care within my own process as i get back up from a mistake/fall and show myself that i still matter and i can keep moving and expanding in a way of self change and self correction. 

When and as i see i am going into self judgment of what i have done, i stop breathe and let go, move into the word self care and self gentleness as i align to my commitment and agreement to life to change and correct myself through self acceptance and doing what is best in the moments to the best of my ability.

I commit myself to stop all blame toward my mother and realize she is me and i could have been her, i see i would want compassion within the understand she was doing the best she could, and i commit myself to take self responsibility for my own actions and consequences, and walk the process to realign, forgive myself, and correct myself into living words such as self responsible, compassion, care, equality and oneness. 

I commit myself to let go of the suffering and harm, i commit myself to embrace my body and this world as the body of life and start the process of self correction as self healing to again be able to align to what is best for all and stand for always as life as me.

I commit myself to stop the internal war with myself, and instead live the gift of correction—gently, consistently—no longer driven by fear of failure, but moved by care for life.

I commit myself to stop hiding or compensating for my past through force, and instead trust the living correction of who I am here, one breath at a time, one decision at a time.

I commit myself to open up to real support—from people, nature, and the tools of life—realizing I am never truly alone when I walk in self-honesty and allow life to move through me.

I commit myself to walk with presence, not punishment—to no longer earn my worth, but express it.

 

Living words to embody - 

Stability - standing stable in myself in my mistakes and my correction, equal and one to myself as life until i am clear and here breathe by breath.

Support - giving myself equal support as care, nurturing, and softness as i would give a child getting back up after a fall.

Softness - standing in understanding as self here as life, allowing myself to let go of the pain and sadness and recreate in a way that is best, correcting and expressing myself as the joy of life that is a gift as honour and grace as i've been given by life as my physical body and this world.  

Grace – the permission to start again without punishment.

Fortitude – quiet strength in the face of consequence.

Allowance – letting life unfold within principled living, not forced control

 

 “Correction is not judgment—it is support. It is the act of aligning with what is best for all, beginning with self. It is the gift you give to yourself: to no longer live as consequence, but as creation.”

— Desteni

 

More support at -

www.lite.desteniiprocess.com

wiki.desteni.org

equalmoney.org

Self Perfected - Destonian network support on fb

www.techno-tutor.com - word as living support, check out this tool!

 

 

It's So Easy to React, Isn't It? But to Give is to Receive, no? - Day 588

Today I had a moment where I realized how much I have been allowing myself to react to my reality, react to the people in it, react to the noises, the hiccups, the interruptions, the pace, there is reactions everywhere, this is because it has become so easy to just react, release the built-up energy, and give into the experience of what it is I am facing in a way of self compromise and self insecurity. There is the motion of it, there is no effort, it comes, I live into the reaction, boom I am the reaction, and then I start creating myself into that reaction. The havoc that is lived out from the moment I decided to live into the reaction is unpredictable in it's scope and measure, once the energy has died out and I have 'calmed' down from the events playing out, I go into guilt, shame, and regret for what I had just participated in.

And then the cycle repeats, and one creates another round of emotional havoc on the body and in one's environment, potentially causing irreversible damage and consequence, which creates the spiraling into guilt, shame, and regret once again. The only point that I have found that has led me to ignore or forget the inevitable pattern of abuse I live out when I live into reactions is space and time, it moves slower and we have allowed the forgetfulness of our past to become part of who we are, who we have become, but how can we actually forgot something we have created in this reality? We must know deep down that this never goes away, who we are is recorded in our flesh and so we will face who have become in this life and if necessary the next. Though we are the creators so we can 'pretend' and so live as the 'I have forgotten my own abusive behavior' pattern, which will cycle the repeated pattern of abuse I continually accept and allow as my creation here in this life/reality and our home, it repeat and repeat until we stop, until we say no more, and we actually live the change to be a better version as self. Understand this is a self process, no one else, but self, so get in tune with who you are, your inner voice, the voice of life that is you, cherish that as that will be your guide in self-honesty, your beingness essentially is what I see it as for now.

What is different and empowering about the Desteni process that I have yet to find in other sources is the actual understanding and living of the knowledge of how to be a better human being in this world, who supports and nurtures all life equal and one to one's own life, how to physically, actually figure this out and do it. The step by steps are laid out in this site along with the other networks associated with desteni, those who are willing and ready to walk this jounrey will do so, nothing will stand in life's way in this regard. The question always comes back to self in who am I? Who are you? That is the question indeed. So one can indeed then implement and commit to the path of life, what is best for all as oneself by practicing the principles of self honesty, self forgiveness, self introspection, and self commitment, actually apply this, live it, and not give up until you have gotten it, it is all here, as the question is asked, the anwser will appear. This has been extremely true in my process, life is a gift, an adventure, and fun along with the reality always that it is in need of immediate change into equal life for all, never losing sight of this point until it is here and self is as one and equal with all.

These principles or living words that is here and taught/practiced in the desteni process and on eqafe intersect and split apart the cyclical patterns of abuse that I have accepted and allowed to playout in my life, it creates a 'remembrance' of who one is in one's action in the past because self was present in those moments, getting a grip and understanding of who one is, why one is, where one needs to go to be a better version, and the steps are walked step by step to become and emerge as the better version you saw the potential you could be, this is seen in the self forgiveness and self-commitment statements. This is the path to life, eternal life, and a world that is best for all, it's in the individual into the the collective equal and one as self.

It is easy to live into energy, live into the reactions, live into the mind, but this is only because we have made it a habit, it's become ingrained, and thus can be undone and how about we make our habits where I as self-support myself to be the best I can be as me as my every breath in my everyday life and we all do this? Where the better version of ourselves where those who seek help and support from are here, willing, able, and educated on how to be of support to stand as an example as the best possible potential one can be, and so one becomes a teacher and a leader in this regard of what one themselves have mastered in the principles of life, being an example of what is possible and what we erroneously allowed ourselves to forget, we are the gift, we are life. To be a master, one has to walk 10000 steps or do 10000 hours of a task. Are you willing to start this journey? Are you on your way? I can tell you all the steps in the world are worth more than any path of least resistance in giving into reaction, creating harm, and being the lesser version of a being you know you can be.

How about our habit is to give life and thus receive it equally so? Live the words 'give' first, and so receive without want as you are creating it within the act of giving itself, it is a beautiful thing and creates real beauty in this life. This journey I am eternally grateful for especially for all those who have come before to stand in my stead as I give to myself the ability to stand and do what is best in self honesty, self forgiveness, and living my change for all life to be one and equal until it's done and so do this for others as I have been given.

Support and educate yourself on the links shared to live your best self:

http://www.eqafe.com - Check out the new unlimited subscription plan at Eqafe, it's fantastic!
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com
www.destonians.com
http://www.desteni.org

www.patreon.com/earthhaven

Karma - Redefining the Word to Live Best for All - Day 472

 Photo Source

Karma for me as a point within my life has been more a point of mystery or way to out there, meaning that because of the religion my family followed, they feared anything that was outside of the familiar. So Karma was something that I didn’t study or really understand till I was more in high school because my family didn't believe in reincarnation. And within high school, I saw Karma more as a point of revenge, where if someone harmed me I desired them to get it back with this belief that Karma will get them and then within the point of harming another, I feared that in some way that I would get it in return. So in a way this stopped me from going all out in being out of control within my actions, but also it was not done within awareness nor based on common sense. So I will do some self forgiveness to clear the point.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into an energetic experience of desire toward others within the idea that karma is real and that i wanted it to hit others in a way were i would get revenge on them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to put my own self interest of seeking revenge on another within the idea of karma instead of seeing what it directly means and living within it based on the facts of what is here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see that within my own desires of seeking revenge on another, i am instigating karma onto myself as I am living the exact same as those whom do harm to me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that within the fact of thinking of harm onto another I am going to get harm in return as I am the other and the other is me one and equal as the physical.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the understanding of what i do onto another i do unto myself as I am the other as we are all here as life as this physical reality and we are one and so equal within this fact.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place energy within the act of karma where in I seek revenge based on taking what another did to me personal and believing that i am not responsible for what has happened to me and/or i believe that i can blame and then seek revenge onto them through the idea I had created of Karma as revenge.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place emotions and feelings onto the principle of karma and so create an experience of what is karma instead of living by the principle of what it in fact means in the nature law of this existence.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to harm another in any way in my world and not live what is best for all in all ways always.

When and as I see i am going into a point of desiring another to have revenge done unto them through the principle of karma, i stop and breath, and realize that within this very directive of myself of taking revenge on another I am equally doing this onto myself as I and the other are one and equal. So i see, realize, and understand that I am harming myself when i harm another equal and one.

I commit myself to let go of the emotions toward the principle of karma through redefining it to a direct fact and living it’s re-definition.

I commit myself to stop judging, blaming, and projecting responsibility onto others.

I commit myself to take responsibility for all parts of my world and balance it back into equilibrium within the principle of karma.

I commit myself to stand within what is best for all by living and so honoring the nature of who i am as life within and as all that exist here as self.

So looking at the current definition of the word Karma, it says:

(Hinduism and Buddhism) the effects of a person's actions that determine his destiny in his next incarnation

To look at the word play:

Karma
k - armor
can harm her

Not much revealed there, though i do see that within the statement ‘can harm her’ it is showing that there is a decision by self, we choose to do harm or do what’s best, it’s self decision alone. Within this self decision of how one lives, there are consequences that will outflow from self's actions. So Karma is a state of being meaning you as a physical being are a creator and so can create whatever it is that one want. Though living the realization is key of when we create from physical matter as our life and our decisions with this, there are physical effects to our actions and these effects create consequence, through this one will live within and as and so have to stand within and take responsibility for the consequences you create. This is karma, so the point of learning and understanding within this redefinition is to realize karma exist as a fact it’s neither good nor bad, but simply is an outflow of a decision we as the creator create within our living reality here in physical matter as we act. We are ultimately responsible for all that we create, and so it is suggested and makes the most sense to create in what is best for all as this is in essence best for self as all life is one and equal as all life is here as the physical reality.

Redefinition of the word Karma - the living of self within the decision one makes as a creator of who one is within the understanding of the responsibility one upholds within the act of creation and so face the consequences that will inevitably outflow from this self decision.

Interviews to support on Living Responsibility:

Bernard Poolman - You are me in another life
Self-Responsibility - Destonian Wiki
Jesus - Responsibility 

Check Out these Awesome supportive sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Walking This Process
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site

EQAFE: A Place to Develop Self Perfection - Day 437

Eqafe- A place to develop self perfection.

You maybe asking yourself what is Eqafe? For those who are wondering, I will share a bit about what Eqafe is. Eqafe is a website of a great wealth of information related to life on earth, the mind, human behavior, human origin, sex, relationships, interdimensional perspective, animal insight, nature insight, out of this world discoveries, support for self creation, ability to transform self to a new way of living, ghostly insights, after death research, connection to what lies beyond, and many more topics I could list if I continue this, but I will assume for time sack you are starting to see the educational and in depth knowledge that lies within this site.

I have listened to a great amount of exclusive recordings on this site, and there are over 3000. I have even seen these recordings being recorded live on more then one visit across the sea, I changed my life, my way of living, my behavior in accordance to my application of what is being shared on this site. This I do not because I have nothing else to do or have some hidden obsession with this site or information, no I do have a life outside of this site though this site has become an integral part of myself as well as the actions I take in my day to day living. I do this because I have seen and proven within myself and to others in my world, that this information is valuable, it has value and has added value to my life, who I have become, and who I will continue to become within continuing to apply what these recordings share amid the thousands that have been released is someone who I wouldn't have imagined 2-3 years ago.

I am an advocate for this site and the people who are involved within the desteni group because they are living a message within each one’s own individual life of changing ourselves to be beings that are able to support the coming a of new world. We are changing ourselves in such a way that we as a group will be able to have the capability to direct what is here into a new way of living, a new humanity that is not based on self interest, but doing what is best for all. We, who listen and apply the Eqafe recording message are walking a process of self purification that takes self will and determination to see it through. And this message is to all those that can hear, all those willing to move themselves and change themselves through the support that is given, and there is support beyond these recordings. There are forums and courses and articles and videos a bound from many different perspectives of people who have endeavored on this process that is being explained and walked through within the eqafe site.

The Eqafe recordings are a source for those who are on the path of becoming self perfected in their living and their world, as those who understand this phrase where the old must go for the new to emerge, we must let go of who we have become as ourselves and create ourselves in a new way to see a new world where we have peace and harmony and actual indeed live in perfection as self inside and out. There are principles that are applied and used as a foundation within all the Eqafe recordings that are placed and these are based on the equality of all life, life is all one as the life source within all, and doing what is best for all. These principles are applied to all that exist in this reality as when you start your journey with the Eqafe site, you will soon become aware of what this means and then can be part of the solution that we all can see is desperately needed.

There is great emphasis and understanding on the mind, consciousness, and how our living reality at this time and in our past has been designed and programmed in such a way to benefit only some, and so leave others to suffer. This suffering and harm and abuse we see in this world is equally within oneself if you dare yourself to see how you think, see how you chat in your secret mind about others, and behave in ways that can be debilitating and regrettable, though this is who we are, and as been realized it will take time, many steps, many up and downs for self to change this behavior into something that is balanced, harmonious, and considers others equally as oneself and does then what is best for all. These changes within humanity are overdue, they have seemed like an impossible feat based on the way in which our world has evolved and existed. Though I can stand here and say these recordings as well as the sites associated with the Eqafe site stand to support everybody willing to have access and the ability to change oneself to do the extraordinary, change ourselves to be free and self directive in ways that will benefit all.

Obviously, when one look at this process from the outskirts or just starting out it seems like a daunting path, treating others as your equal, doing what is best for all, looking within myself and changing, stopping my behavior, it seems very difficult and at times it is difficult. Though the reward is something that when I first started on this process to change myself, I couldn’t have conceived where I stand in this moment, I have had many opportunities and experiences open up to me that I couldn’t have imagined four years ago. So I want to emphasize that this is not a stop and go type of site, it can be, though for the serious student it becomes one’s source of understanding and continues to source oneself in the journey to life that is waiting for each one.

So I suggest to check out the site and the sites associated with Eqafe, open yourself up to a new way of looking at the world and ourselves, do not judge what you will hear, understand it, investigate, and persevere forward to see life, the universe, existence, reality, self in a new way and so open the way to see this world and humanity as a whole, in a new way. Life is what really exist here, life is here and very much aware, life is speaking through this site in many different forms and voices, have a listen and see for yourself. Enjoy and I am here to assist if needed in anyway.

Thanks for reading.

Eqafe - Official Site

Eqafe Free Recordings 

All Current Eqafe Series:
Fears & Phobias
Why am I
Death Research
The Quantum Mechanics of Paranormal Events
Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race
The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination
The Future of Consciousness
Relationship Success Support
Kryon - My Existential History
Quantum Systemization
Demons in the Afterlife
Quantum Mind Self Awareness
Robot Virgin Music
Animal's Life Review
Anna & Viktor Discovers The Physical
The Crucifixion of Jesus
Viktor Persson Music
Equal Money Books
The Secret History of the Universe
Desteni Books
Self Awareness steps for the Elite
MFM Radio Music
Shocking Secrets of Masturbation
What is Sex
Journeys into the Afterlife
Atlanteans
Reptilians
Life Review
The Soul of Money

New Store - Soon to Be Launched:

Self and Living

Here are Some Recent Releases: 

Fulfill Your Desire for Self Acceptance
Desire for Self Acceptance - Overcoming Self Judgments

Check Out the other Associated sites:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Equal Life Foundation - Site

Day 86- 'Why did I do that' Character

So looking at this point that comes up often where I go into the 'why did I do that' character based on a regretful point that had occurred that I did, and thus based on a judgment about my actions within it or the responses I got from others, I go into this 'why did I do that' character to thus make sure I suppress and sabotage myself because I believe that I am unworthy and I don't get to be free and just live here as life one and equal to self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into the 'why did i do that' character when I have made a value judgment against myself due to an idea I held that I didn't live up to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to make a value judgment within who I am or who I am being within a moment and thus limit my expression to my idea and perception of how I should be instead of living who I am here in each moment in freedom. I realize within this limitation as a judgment of who I should be, I am not allowing myself to move and change as within life it's constantly in motion and thus is not able to be predicted so I must walk within breath and acceptance of all points to thus really live here free in expression as who I realize I am as a free being who is life in full acceptance as self one and equal and live and walk the correction to be this in fact.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself by placing value judgments of right and wrong within my actions and words instead of realizing that there is only one principle that is here and that is oneness and equality of life and thus to live best for all not based on separation as one is better then another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place value on life and thus separate myself within the polarity play out of I am that and not this, where I see some life is not acceptable instead of realizing and living the point of self acceptance and thus give myself the opportunity for self correction in living where here I will only be shifting and changing within alignment of what is best for all in a natural movement of living process to life and so not to move into energy as reaction and go into separation of myself for a point that is not yet aligned, it's not to judged who I am, but simply correct the point to be one and equal with all life in what will be best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that energy is who I am and thus that I am subject to only it's movements within and as emotions and feelings, thoughts, memories, and illusion of the mind, when I realize that is not who I am, as I realize I am here as substance, and I have to walk from this illusion I have created within my mind to life as the physical practical reality, so thus all life here can walk the correction and we can align back to who we have always been one and equal with the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself within this 'why did I do that' character go into the desire to make a correction in fear and suppress myself within what I have done so thus I can be seen by the others in a new light and they will forget how I had been a moment ago to thus please them and have them see me as 'ok' again when within myself I had judged myself of doing something not ok. I realize and see within this how I am limiting myself to the mind in only living for the approval of others and thus causing conflict and anxiety within myself based on trying to live up to a standard in my head which can never be lived up to cause it is not real nor tangibly here and thus I can never appease the others as I am not being real, but only in my mind as desires and ideas that are ever changing and upgrading as I see newer and newer pictures missing life within it all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to have the approval of others so thus I will go into this 'why did I do that' character which will automatically activate a fear to correct the point where I will change myself completely to appease others and limit myself by missing my self respect within it all. I realize and see that within this character play out that it is due to myself seeing me as inferior to others and that I have to appease others to like me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself inferior to others and that I have to do things for others to like me, this based on childhood where I saw that if I went against others and didn't please others or follow others leads I would be outcasted and humiliated, and I didn't like the feeling of humiliation and embarrassment that was brought upon when being outcasted by others so thus I grew into the character of pleasing others and thus created a check character as this 'why did I do that' character to make sure I always fell in line with the others and did not step out of approval because I fear having people not like me and thus turn against me with the making fun of and humiliating me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by the memory of me in school where I was outcasted and thus humiliated and embarrassed in front of others and thus went into fear of this due to believing that the emotions that were built up as embarrassment and humiliation defined who I was and thus lived this out as seeing myself inferior and not as worthy as some other life. I realize and see that I am not this memory of being outcasted and the fear that this brings up and seeing that it was just a product of my own separation as feeling inferior and allowing others to be superior to me, and also I realize that I am not defined nor am these emotions as humiliation and embarrassment as i realize they have been pre-programmed and installed within the mind consciousness system to enslave beings to be lesser then who we are as life, and that I but just have to walk through these emotions stable and in self realization of who I am as life one and equal and thus I am free because I realize I am still here and the energies as emotions are gone, and they were never real, but I made them real because I didn't realize who I was, but I do now know I am not limited to the mind as emotions and feelings as energies but am life which is stable here in breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to thus allow this point of 'why did I do that' character to play out to keep my limitations in check of being inferior because I believed that I don't deserve to be life, I don't deserve to be able to be free and enjoy myself here as full expression as who I am in oneness and equality, and that I deserve to suffer because I am not good. I realize and understand this feeling of unworthiness and inferiority is due to me holding on and defining myself by memories and past occurrences and defining myself by these points of others names towards me and the actions I lived as if this is who I am and real, but here I realize that I am not defined by the past nor by the memories of my past, but am here in breath and able to live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by the thoughts of 'I am not worthy' and 'I am inferior' based on living into the polarity of separation where I believe some are more then others. I realize and see within this point that I am not separate from anyone but that I am everyone that exist here, we all are the same within our substance and thus are all walking the same process, so thus I stop separating myself and limiting myself to the mind as these illusions as more or less, but live here one with all and walk into and as equality with all life as myself in self correction through my living as my self realizations here in the self forgiveness statements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into this character as 'why did I do that' as a check to limit myself and sabotage myself based on this desire for more and desire for perfection and living the polarity opposite as I separated myself within the desire to be more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be more then I am here as this desire for more friends and more of who I am in perfection instead of realizing and living enough here in self satisfaction with who I am as life one and equal and walking self perfection in my living by aligning with the perfection as the physical as myself as self living equal and one to the substance that is in and of everything that is essential unconditional life living in absolute perfection with and as all and who I am if I but will it and live it and stop the separation of myself because I realize 'I' as life is all that is here.

Self Commitment statements to follow.

Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Marlen Vargas Del Razo -

Check Her out here:

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/marlen.delrazo

Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/user/MarlenLife

http://www.youtube.com/user/MarlenVargasDelRazo

Blogs:

http://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/ 



why did I do that? dope. fuck ups, mistakes in living, feeling guilty, stupid move, pleasing others, making friends, human relationships, equality, oneness, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, psychology, human psyche

Day 72- 'Why don't you Love me?'

I had a dream last night of a past relationship, it was interesting because it brought me right back to the feelings and emotions I experienced while being with this person, and it was a feeling of not being loved.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the desire to be loved. I realize and see that this desire is based on the fact that I don't love myself and thus don't love others as searching for love is not being love. To live love and be love is to stop the desires and feelings for love from another, and live love as a solution for this world to bring about a world that is best for all and all life are free to enjoy their expressions as life, which is real practical love as this gives all life freedom in being life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame and become angry at another for me not receiving what I expected to make me feel good as love, and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to treat another in anger and blame based on how I was feeling and projecting onto them within my own self interest as a want to feel good in being loved. I realize and understand that within this desire for another to give something to me that I don't believe I have within myself, I will never be satisfied as I am denying myself the love that is who I am. I am life and thus life is who I am and to deny myself any point of life here within this world within giving to others the joy that self can give, then I am not going to every receive love as you only receive what you give. If I don't give the love of myself to others one and equal as who I would want it, I can't blame nor expect any different outcome from another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not give how I would like to receive and thus go into blame and anger towards another because I was not willing to do what I was expecting. I realize and understand I am the other and thus giving to the other is giving to myself and thus within this giving I create a oneness of life here in equal giving as all is giving to all and thus all is received by all and this will create the best world for all, what we always have wanted to receive for ourselves, but the point to always consider and look at within myself is if I am giving it equal and one.

I commit myself to stop the expectation for love from another. I commit to be love as life and give love as life to all here within all ways I am able to give to all that which I can give, and thus this will always be the greatest reward.

I commit to stopping going into blame and anger towards another when I don't get what I expected and desired but always consider myself within what is here, and walk the correction to always give to others how I would like to receive.

I commit myself to always push myself and be an example for others to show what giving to another is and live this so life is giving instead of desiring, and we are open and free here by giving this to/as ourselves.

Day 66- Walking the Physical: The Face

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge my facial structure were I see my jaws being to big. I realize and see that the structure of the face is based on the dna design from the physicals of my parents and thus is a physical consequence of this and something that allows my face to have form and my body to breath air to live.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my mouth as big and my lower lip as too much hanging out. I realize and understand this judgment is based on a desire for a certain outcome. Here I see and understand the mouth is for the processing of food and grinding it down to nourish my human physical body and to communicate with life as life thus I stop the desire for a certain outcome as that is diminishing  my capability to live in equality with my physical as I am separating myself into an experience for my own self interest while the physical suffer with limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my ears as too small as I overheard someone saying that people with small ears were born with a deformity or not fully developed so I always judged myself as incomplete and not someone who is at full capacity which I resented my mom for. I see and realize that this rumor was just that a rumor as I can hear fine out of my ears and I am able to hear and understand the direction of life and thus am grateful to be able to hear out of my hears so I can function and live in this world through hearing and understanding.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my nose as too big as I desire to have a small and straight nose as I have seen my sister have and always desired to have a nose like that. I realize and see that judging nose and desiring a certain nose type is chasing a feeling of experience to get what I desire within and as my own happiness where I can use my face in such a way to attract a man and be happy within being with the man of my dreams. I realize and see that this is all made up bullshit as it is not manifesting any point of support for myself or life here but feeding the mind as desires and keeping me distracted into desires, diminishing myself by judging my physical when my physical has always been here in support unconditionally supporting me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge my eyes and ugly and not normal looking where I have created such a picture in my mind I have attached the eyes with experience from the past where I was teased and thus blaming my eyes for the pain I felt in that moment. Not realize and seeing that I myself am the one who created the experience of being made fun of as I existed as such equal and one to others where I was the abuser and abuse life to make myself feel good/better then others. I realize and see that judging and blame the physical doesn't make sense and thus diminish me into a lesser version of myself then I have in the potential of who I can be in equality. Thus I commit myself to stand eyes realizing that they are here in unconditional support to help me see the world around me and be able to live and giving me the opportunity to birth myself as life. I stop judging the physical face as it is equal and one to me and here as physical practical purposes to live and allow life to live.

I commit myself to stop judging my eyes, mouth, lips, ears, nose and myself based on desires and ideas, I let go of all ideas and desires I hold to be more and walk as breath to equalize myself with life.

I commit myself to walk as breath in practical common sense with my physical face as well as body and take care of it and nourish it so it can function at its optimal potential and it can live and express here.

I commit to understand and walk with my physical to walk through the indications of pain and release them to thus walk through the systems causing the pain and bring life as the physical in alignment with the physical equal and one and stop the suffering of the physical forevermore.

Day 49- Giving My Power Away

I just twisted my knee rather abruptly just now while I was blow drying my hair in the mirror, which I never do. I blew dry it because I made a judgment of myself that my hair was crazy looking as it was air dried and thus was wild looking. I have to still do my vlog for tonight, so I went into the point of 'I have to blow dry my hair and make it tame or else what will people think of me if I go on with wild hair. Within this thought and thus living out the judgment within me going in and blow drying my hair is the separation I have been existing as and thus my knee had to twist for me to realize what in fact I was doing, giving my power away to a thought about who I am and how I will be perceived based on my self judgment that I will not look good enough for others. Thus I am giving my power away to my mind, so I am not able to stand here, which was indicated through the weak knee and thus I must walk the self forgiveness on giving my power away to a thought of 'I need to change who I am because I am not enough to be acceptable for others'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give my power away as equal and one to life as the directive principle to the thought that 'I need to change who I am because I am not enough to be acceptable for others', within this giving my self to my mind to direct me as I lived out the action of going and blowing my hair straight to thus look acceptable in my minds eye.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live into the pattern that I need to impress others by living into the judgment that I must look presentable when in front of others because I fear being judged and thus not being liked.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give my power away to the fear of being judged by others and not liked based on my projection that I will be ugly and unable to be looked at because others will be repulsed by the way I look.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to actually live and exist within the self judgment that I repulse people based on the way I look and thus I desire all the time to make sure that I am perfected within my look and thus go out of my way to be seen as acceptable for my self, so I will be stable enough to be in front of others because if I accept my picture then others will.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live out this point of weakness within myself based on defining myself by the way I look because I see that to be seen as ugly is to be weak and thus I will always go into a point of weakness when I have defined myself by this picture of ugliness I hold in my head and become inferior in that moment with others and thus lose my power within self willed action to the mind and lose my power to walk the correction as I have separated myself from myself by judging myself as less then.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself as less then because of the way I look and thus go the extra step to correct this point so I can be acceptable for others as I project they I will be dismissed and rejected if I am not perfect within my picture.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project my own fears and self judgments onto others and thus walk into situation with others in competition and comparison as my starting point to define who I am within the situation as I am only exist within the mind as a picture missing myself here as life equal and one with all thus losing my power to live one and equal with all as I have given my power away to competition and comparison due to fear and self judgment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this idea in place that I have to look a certain way to be accepted and liked by others based on my own self judgment and comparison with others where I judge and like/dislike others based on my initial reaction to their picture.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as self judgment and comparison with life here where I diminish them within myself where I am really only diminishing myself by giving my power away to the mind and thus losing my ability to exist as life as who I really am one and equal with the other but in diminishment as attack and abuse to be seen as more and thus to be the winner.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give my power away to ego as desire to be the winner and thus allow and accept competition within myself as all life here and only cause the diminishment as myself because I realize I am competing against me, I am attack myself based on the delusion as an idea that I have to be better and be the winner.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself and allow a reaction to a being based on an idea of perfection I am having of that being in my head and thus reject them if they don't suit my desire.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold a desire as an idea of perfection that I am using as a definer of life within if I will live with or reject accepting and allowing myself completely to separate myself form others and my own self power by not seeing life for who we are and causing abuse to others as well as myself because I desire to be perfect and to win.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto the idea that i have to win to survive and thus got addicted to this winning based on the good feelings thus I abused life to feel good because i am addicted to energy and thus only existed within getting this energy as good feelings because I separated myself from myself as life thus lost the power of what it mean to live self perfected with all as self one and equal as this physical existence in harmony.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto this idea of perfection within my head that I must look perfect for others to like me or I will not gain the attention I desire and not be given the praise and good feelings as energies I am addicted to from others within how I have manipulated the relationships to be seen that I am more then who I think I am as I don't think very highly of myself based on seeing myself less then this perfection idea I hold onto.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire attention from others as praise and good feelings because I am not giving this to my self as I am hard on myself where I see myself never good enough, never pretty enough, never smart enough, never satisfied with what I am and who I am so thus in a constant point of self sabotage because I have separated myself into an idea of perfection that can never be fulfilled because the energy I am desiring and looking for runs out and continually has to be generated and re generated which takes much effort.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give my power away to the thought that 'I am not good enough' based on this idea that I have to be perfect in everything I do because I am only defining myself by how others respond to me never accepting and allowing myself and my own self assessment in self honest as self criticism or self love but done within the mind as a point of absolute perfection where I need to be the best at all times or I am nothing and thus the only way that I see myself as the best is if others see this of me as well.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to only exist within the point as a projection of myself onto others as an idea or facade I am existing as as a perfect picture and that what I do is always going to be top notch, and thus judging myself as not worthy when my world does not respond in this way as I can not be top notch within what I am doing as this is impossible and to live for others judgments of me to define how I am is always going to end up in self sabotage as I never will be satisfied with myself I will never know and live who I really am because I am always in a constant state of self separation as self judgement trying to live for others because I am living as separation for good feelings by how others treat me based in this idea that for them to give me what i need as self praise I have to look perfect thus creating a constant state of instability and misery because I am never satisfied.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself to live self empowerment through facing myself and stopping these patterns of self sabotage by stopping existing within these ideas of self perfection, and live within and as the moment as self living in self perfection. Walking myself within and as the process of who I realize I am as life one and equal to stop the separation and walk here in breath through giving myself care and love by living and accepting myself as who I am and stopping the addiction to energy through others and becoming humble within and as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing myself because I fear facing my past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the past as their is a lot of points I can not see and do not know how to deal with in this moment, but realize to walk the points as they come is what will assist me to get through it and walk the points within self honesty and stopping fear and self judgement.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow fear to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give my power away based on a picture and an idea that is not real and thus is not what define me as it's made up in my mind and thus I have the power to stop it and walk what I realize is self stability and self support here as my breath in each moment breath by breath and walk fearless in what is to come as I realize I have created what is here and thus I will do what it takes to walk myself to equalize myself with my creation and correct what I have lived faulty.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give my power away to the mind missing me here as breath as life.

When and as this point comes to judge myself based on thoughts, ideas, and self judgment due to the desire to please others through this idea that I have to look and be perfect for others approval thus I live this out in seperation to myself by giving my power away to the mind in desires and self interest missing life here within and as me as one and equal to all. I stop, breath, and walk the correction by stopping all participation in the mind as thoughts, desires, ideas, and stop separating myself with others by stop looking for acceptance and accept myself. Through breath I stabilize myself and continue to stop all the points I see were I am separating myself and not here within and as what I am doing. I give my power back to me by walking the physical breath by breath and walking equal and one with my physical reality as the physical body. I push myself to stop my mind and walk here as the physical and give myself my power back by accepting myself in who I am in all aspects and walking the correction that is here to be walked, stopping separating myself into energy attainment through the mind which is not who I am.

I commit to walk myself out of the mind by stopping self judgment, ideas, competition, thoughts, and the quest to gain acceptance from others and walk the acceptance of myself within common sense and humbleness.

I commit myself to stop comparing myself and living within an idea of the mind but live here within the physical body by stabilizing myself with breath and physical action.

I commit to walk as equal and one with all I come into contact with and stop my mind from direct me into self sabotage by letting the thoughts, ideas, pictures go, and continue to stay stable and walk with one and equal.



giving my power away I am powerful, am I powerful?, what is life, are we powerful beings, self power, getting my power back, equality, oneness, eqafe, journey to life, desteni, 2012

Day 16- Depending on a Man

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as a need to have a relationship with another to feel secure and taken care of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to depend on another to have my needs met instead of directing myself to stand equal with the other as I direct myself in what needs to be done for myself so thus stopping the dependency on someone outside of me to take care of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself less then others and thus believe I need them in my world to feel safe and taken care of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see within that need of wanting another to keep me safe and secure I am giving my power away to another within polarity of me feeling weak while another is strong instead of realizing the fact that I am my own security and care as I am the one who is here to walk this as myself no one can give me security and care if I don't give this to myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to attach care and security onto another as male as I have seen and come to believe that women need men to be secure and raise families as this world is tough and will be much harder with only one at the head of a household.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe within and as society's 'norms' that say that women need men to have nice lives and thus have money come in to be secure and taken care of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to follow suite within and as society norms of man need to be their in women's lives to be able to run a household comfortably and be safe as I have always believed that what is normal is a man and women married with kids, the man works and the women take care of the kid, within this I realize and see that this is an assumption and done through tradition and is not necessarily so as it does not depend on if a man is with me or not to have security and care in my world, but who I am within whatever I live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to play into this role with a man and thus become dependent on him to keep me safe and secure as I saw this within the man based on the physical size of the man and the idea that men have to be the bread winner for the relationship because they are big and strong and women are small and weak. Within this I realize that this is not an equal agreement and thus is me separating myself from the man in the attempt to gain security instead of walking this as myself and remaining equal with care and giving between us in an agreement that we are not in dependence of each other but indeed walking as equals in physical agreement to walk what is best for both  here within the principles of equality and oneness as who we are.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define a being based on the physical stature and presentation instead of realizing and seeing we are here as equals no matter what the picture present as, we are all life and thus all capable and responsible to direct ourselves as equals as one as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire a man to take care of me as I have come to define myself as inferior to men and see it as an easy way out as I don't have to put that much effort in, but just stay in a relationship and do all the point such as sex, cleaning, taking care of him, and just playing the motherly/girlfriend role.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself into a role as motherly and girlfriend as I realize these limit me within who I am as an equal with another and thus limiting me to be free to express myself as equal as I have put barriers on me as being a girlfriend and motherly instead of standing here as equal in physical reality and walking this in an agreement with another to live this to the best of our abilities with all life equal and one to us as we walk.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into desire within self compromise to have life be easy by giving into the relationship play out of need and desire and thus enslaving myself to another as a co-dependent in energy exchange to continue these feelings of goodness and liking towards the other as these feelings are based on need from the other and desire to get something from them. I realize within this that this is a entrapment as I have submitted myself and my equality within becoming attached and addicted to the other in separation as what I can gain from them and thus use this through giving what they need to get what I want, and thus becoming in a energy play out of give and take until it runs out and the relationship dies.

When and as this point within my world with another as in a relationship comes up to gain security and be with them for them to take care of me, I stop, breath, and focus on the physical as who I am. I realize that this point of dependency on another is separating me from me as self empowerment by standing equal and one with all as who we are. I will walk this point of becoming equal with all and become self sufficient within who I am and what I do to be able to stand equal with all and not become dependent on the other in a polarity play out. Thus I walk to become in an agreement with another as equals in all ways and thus walk this into physical application within all points of living together til we have become this with all our words as ourselves equal and one within physical living in creating the best life we can create for all here as we do for ourselves.

I commit to stop my addiction to others in needs and desires and stand within equality and oneness to become my own self empowerment through my own self direction to thus be able to stand equal in fact with another in physical living here.

I commit to walk an agreement with another out of the mind as need and desire and all the facets within what this entail in separation, and become self intimate with another as myself in self correction to become truly here and truly present with another as myself as we walk from mind dependency to self empowerment by living as equals, and live this for and as each other in to the best beings we can be as we stand and direct ourselves as equals walking together here.

Day 14 - I Abuse Life

I became possessed yesterday when I found out my sister had thrown out my food that I just bought, I asked her why she threw it out and she told me that there is so many of the same things and we don't need all this food. I went into intense anger when I heard those words as I immediately saw her as a selfish bitch, and having no consideration for anyone but herself. I went into intense points of wanting to flip out on her as I was allowing the thoughts to accumulate and intensify as I was scanning through all the points within me of how she is selfish, and only looks out for herself. To cool off a bit and stop the acceleration of anger I was allowing, I took my dog to the field to play ball. I use a racket and tennis balls, and blast them across the field. I hit the tennis ball with all my force as I still was holding onto the anger and really just wanted to take it out on something, so I did with the racket and the ball. Using all my force and my whole body quite unnaturally where my whole body would move with the swing, I blasted the ball as hard as I could where I would turn myself around as I followed through with such force and intensity. I ended up tearing a muscle in my neck and it's been stiff now since yesterday.

I found support with identifying pain from the desteni group, specifically Sunette Spies, and she said to push gently on the pained area and look within your solar plexus area and see what energies/memories/points come up within pushing on the pained area. I did this an immediately I saw anger. I did this this afternoon and had forgotten about the event and the the ball activity at the park with my dog yesterday, but as I looked at this point as anger these play outs were here for me to look at. So I was quite impressed when I saw this point arise as I see with phsyical result how the body is a support. Within this point of tearing my neck muscle, I see it as I am trying to tear myself away from myself through and as the point with my sister, instead of facing myself as anger, as selfishness, as inconsideration of others, I want to get away and tear the ties that are here with her, as this is impossible, as I see with the neck, I am only tearing myself apart. I walk the forgiveness and stand as a correction to thus not fight and react to myself in separating, but stand in oneness with myself as all so we can walk to solutions and stop the tearing of ourselves, and really live here as who we are  as Life as we live our words.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to walk within and as spite and resentment of another being when I perceive what is being done to me as a direct assault onto who I am as I don't consider the other and the state in which they are in in all that I know that is going on in their worlds, and thus go into reaction as anger to manifest which cause abuse as yelling and hurtful words to thus induce my ego and make me more. I realize and see that within this point of not accepting the other as myself I am only perpetuating and enslaving my own self sabotage point as I am not finding the core route of the problem which is me within and as who I am existing as in that moment, but going into deflection as blame and resentment onto the other not facing myself and who I am being. The core root problem being me and not taking into consideration the other as me, but want to be more and get my anger out onto them to gain nice feelings.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within and as anger towards any being in my world based on me taken what is done to me as a personal attack and thus going into defense mode as I try and fend off the other as if they are causing harm to me, when I realize and see that no harm is done onto me and that they are not personally attacking me, but only participating in the points that they themselves do not accept and thus are allowing to direct them as the mind, so I realize and see instead of going into reaction and causing more of a problem and actually creating self diminishment, best to breath here and allow myself to let go of the energy to try and make my energy win, but stand as equal to the other and come to solutions that will be best for both.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into anger based on seeing my sister as the perpetrator and that she only considers herself in everything she does, not seeing that I am the one who is only considering myself within the blame and anger towards her for throwing out my food when I would throw out her food if I saw it necessary, and I didn't give her equal and one consideration as I would give myself, so thus I desire to only meet my end by taking out my energy movement as anger when I found out my food had been thrown out and accept and allow myself to take it out on my sister for doing something that I would do and have done with her food as well. I realize and see that within this point I must consider all points within consideration of myself and the other, firstly, by stopping my ego as energy to just want to win and take out energy onto another to gain satisfaction within the release, and stopping the participation in reaction to the other as blame and anger as I realize they are doing this based on their own mind patterns and points as I am doing this within myself. I realize this release within letting go of anger on another is only putting fuel to the fire as I see and find the other is reacting as well and will react as a mind system same as me and the problem will get worse and more intense, as I am the creator and creation as the problem, so thus it will not stop until I stop.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to release anger onto another based on existing within blame not considering the other as myself and within this specific case what the other as me has been through and is going through in terms of her life experiences and that she is not doing this unto me as a personal attack and I realize I  am not personally harmed by this act of throwing my food out, and within this I realize that there are more deep issues between the surface that I am not being sensitive to nor in equality and oneness with as her as I am existing within anger as blame to see my ego restored as I go into a resistance when I find that I had my stuff thrown out as if I am only caring and seeing myself. I realize and see this whole play out as anger was based on holding onto my ego and seeing that it was diminished and not respected due to the fact that my stuff was thrown out deliberately.

Within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be within and as ego games with others to try to force my will on them as anger and regain the control in the play out of inferior/superior I am existing as and thus want to be on top again so I can control the other and make for me to always have energy generated from this being to gain for me to see that I am more strong then this being and she will always be weaker then me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use anger as a force to diminish another to remain in control and authority within the play out of the two of us so I can remain in superiority because I gain feelings of grandeur for my ego which I am compensating with other moments that I am accepting in my world where I feel less then and like shit as I am accepting myself to be inferior to others and give them the control over me by submitting to this play out of being and seeing myself less then them. I realize and see I am only perpetuating this cycle of enslavement within myself by existing in this play out of weak strong with others in my world, as I am existing as weak/strong within fragment pieces of myself because I am not seeing myself here as all and I am not accepting myself here as all. Within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within polarity play outs of ego as weak/strong as I realize I am not separate from these points, but am equal to and one with these points and thus must walk equal as me as all and redefine the word as weak/strong to be best for all.

Word Re-definition- Weak and Strong


Weak- to live within and as points of showing where within this existence correction is needed to give us a gauge as physical consequence to see where we may have missed a point to thus see that it is not as prominent as it is could be within stability, and thus we can see this in the weak point, and therefore walk the correction equal and one with all existence as self to become stable again as the correction.

Strong- to live within and as points of seeing where in our selves we have become stable and prominent within living as equality and oneness and thus show as strength in unison as balance and harmony within and as the sound movement of life within as the physical as we correct a point to satisfaction and see the physical result as a strength within and as self as life as the physical as what is specified and walked accordingly to what is best for all.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as ego as mind towards life within and as my world in the act of physically by force through the act of creating my face and voice in high pitches and 'angry' looking expressions to thus put fear in the other and try and submit them to my control so thus I can suck the energy from them as they submit to me and I win within and as myself as I gain a nice feeling within me when I find that I am more then another by having them submit to me as anger and aggression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within this anger and perpetuate it with the other as they grow within their ego in desire to be the winner and thus gain good feelings for themselves, so thus create a dangerous and abusive situation for the both of us as common sense analysis in self honesty is not consider and only winning is considered where I compromise myself and diminish myself by separating myself from the other and using them within and as abuse to make myself feel better and more through gaining energy by beating them and getting them to submit by using force as anger. I realize and see this is a complete statement to myself as life as I don't see myself as who I am as one with life and thus actually go and abuse myself as the other as I am only seeing myself within self interest and polarities where I will go so far as to physical hurt myself as the other to be on top and see that I am a winner as I am not accepting myself and in fear of who I am if I do so thus go into anger and gain energy cause it's easier then having to walk the correction and stopping this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to accept myself as anger as ego in an attempt to be more then another as I go and live out this anger where I will physically form myself to be mean and aggressive toward the other so I can be on top and I can get them to submit in fear, but also not caring to consider the other as me as who we are as life within our walks as our physical processes, but only be within and as self interest to feed on energy and become the best as I seek to gain acceptance from others through being the best over others. I realize and see that anger only diminish me as I am only trying to be more and control others as me here as I realize all here is me, and also I am compromising myself as life by trying to create fear and suffering in another to make me seem more by having the other submit due to this fear as me as a anger demon, and thus completely separate myself here as life as the physical as I have degraded and became less then the energies I am producing as I am creating them and manifesting them as myself onto another because I am not accepting myself and desire to have acceptance outside of myself because I am believing and existing as an ego in separation in desires to be more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have fear exist within and as me and use it onto others as anger and aggressiveness to be in control as I am in fear of myself as I don't want to see who I am and what I am doing so thus i just continue as is until I am faced with it and can not turn away as this act of ripping the muscle in my neck and having it physical manifest where I am tearing my life force from myself by abusing and degrading the life in another that is equal and one to me based on an illusion I am accepting that is to be greater than for power and control to generate energy that does not last and does not give me any more power or control over anyone, but only cause me to diminish until I cease to exist at death because life is not energy and abuse, life is one and equal. I realize and see that I do not need to live in such a way as abuse and control, but I can exist within and as oneness and equality with all life as I accept life as myself and let go of my ego to be more as I accept myself as who I am as life one and equal with what is here.

When and as this point to go into blame, anger, and the desire to be more, I stop, breath, and state 'I am not separate from this being, I am not my ego' and thus I walk within and as breathing to release all the built up emotion, I walk away until it diminishes, and I do not react in any way until I am stable and live no abuse as myself in any way whatsoever. I walk this until I am stable and no energy movement moves me no matter what is done to me, I realize and see the other is me, and thus only walking their process as I have and am to self realize the same points, we are not our minds as energy, but here as life as physical substance. I walk this until I am here, and I have never again allowed, anger, abuse, control, and any point to be more then another in self interest. I walk to let go of my ego and embrace all as myself in who I am as the other as life and walk solutions, find solutions, and assist others when I have walked the correction so life can and will be lived best for all through my own self will as my physical self correction to stop me as ego.

I commit to stop all points of blame, anger, resentfulness, and control with all points in my world until I have become this and thus am able to direct all point within the solution in what is best for all life.

I commit to walk the correction as breath until I am not moved by any point of outside influence as I have walked it as myself and see that I am the other and thus only showing me to me, so I commit to walk me until I am not moved by any point and thus then direct when I am here stable one and equal.



anger, sister fight, blaming, stupid argument, hurt neck, dog play, ego trips, egos, ego, pain, identifying pains, what is pain, equality, oneness, equal money, desteni, wiki, 2012, eqafe, 7 year journey to nothingness, demon