Self Forgiveness (Day 5): The 'I am too Tired' Mind Demon - Day 583

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

Recently I have been looking at the act of apathy and laziness, what causes me to become in a way lethargic within my mind and body, and so my living? What I have realized it comes down to thoughts, there are specific thoughts that will be triggered and when triggered the decision to go into them and become 'lazy' and not push myself to do what is needed to be done will become my living application. So I see it simplistically, though deeper into this there is a deep desire to be comforted and cared for by the things in my life and within this, I am not in fact living an equality balance and thus the consequence of this is a point of not being able to live my highest potential. 

Self Forgiveness on the thoughts of apathy/laziness and the consequences that follow:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thought that i am too tired to do this or that, i will get to it later, i can do it tomorrow' and thus i see, realize, and understand with these thoughts that i will follow and live into, i become lazy and comatose in a way where i do not apply myself in my reality hardly at all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and apathetic in moments where i secretly have thoughts that i don't want to deal with or face this person or that problem and so go into the easy way of living my life where i don't push my boundaries and say stuck in the same perpetual cycle of entertaining myself as distraction in things that have no matter to what is relevant as this world and being part of a solution for what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use apathy and laziness as a way to distract myself to not face myself in my head/being and living and thus postpone my change process in what is best and thus postpone the potential change effect i can have on this world at large for the better.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts of i am tired to stop me from moving within the physical in my potential in the moments i am here and thus lose the opportunity for transcendence to be the better version i realize and have proven i can be, but stop and let it go for an easy high that is fleeting and false and thus will inevitably lead to my own self destruction and thus the destruction of the physical.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become so selfish and self absorbed within my own self pity that i have not a care in the world for what is real, what is suffering in this reality, and what effect i am having on the world as my footprint and thus my influence for better or worse and thus lose the potential creation process of life here in equality and oneness that only i can create and give to the world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live in self pity due to beliefs of self harm and lack instead of realizing that the potential for change is always here and that the idea of lack is an illusion as i am always and able to create myself here in each breath in the process of self creation as i move thus accumulating value of self worth as i become worthy as my living word as flesh in physical reality in honor and giving of myself to all for what is best thus equally giving this to myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who are lazy and apathetic in there life, not realizing and seeing that this was just a distraction point because i didn't want to face myself and thus walk the change process that is here to move when the opportunity is here to do so and push with everything i got for life as self in what is best.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give half ass effort and distract myself with entertainment and say i don't have time for life work as process and thus miss me here in my own responsibility to move myself and do what is best.

I commit myself to stop judging others and move myself when i see i am going into judging as this is a sign of self-depreciation and self abuse as i am showing in how i am living.

I commit myself to when the opportunity opens up to create self i seize it and live and stop all thoughts in there tracks with breath as i transcend and live my words of movement, doing, and self-creation.

I commit myself to push my limits each day until i am equal and one to live here in the physical as breath and life is best for all.

I commit myself to live the words discipline and perseverance as i push myself as breath and move through all resistances until transcendence and i am a creator of life in what is best in all i do and live as me.

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http://www.earthhaven.org

Embracing Change - Day 488

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In a very short time my life’s direction has the potential to change and is going to change quite drastically. At work, the person above me unfortunately passed away suddenly where I am as well as many others faced with filling the responsibility this being stood as. So it’s purely based on circumstances and initial positions that each one was in before this event happened, and now as I speak personally, I have to become more effective, more disciplined, more skillful, and embrace this change to operate in the best of my ability. I don’t necessarily want this position I am in though I am grateful as this will challenge me in ways that I haven’t yet had the opportunity to face.

I have in the past faced this point in a smaller scale so I realize I do have the capability to do it, what is different now is that I am more responsible and essentially standing in a leadershipisque role, which brings up fears and anxieties within me. I see these fears activate right as I open my eyes in the morning, a deep experience of dread washes over me and it seems like the world is going to shit and that I am heading for doom as I move into the unknown. So I have been practice waking up in self forgiveness and moving myself through that experience because I see that it’s not real and that it doesn’t in fact determine what and how my day will go, I determine that. I realize if I stay in that energy and allow it to fester by participating in it, it does over take me and possess me, so being self aware in those first moments as I wake up is important to move into a productive day as I direct it rather then a destructive day in energy and thoughts that are compromising.

I am feeling this dread point come up more and more and also within this I am seeing this experience of ego coming up, so there is a seesaw happening where I am moving from absolute fear and dread to wanting to be better then others and be noticed by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of self victimization based on this feeling of dread and fear come up within me when I participate in thoughts such as ‘I am going to die’ or ‘I am going to miss my opportunity to become life’ or ‘I am going to fail at my mission with my business’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the fear energy where I participate in it as it moves from my stomach area up into my chest, filling it up into my head, and then allow the thoughts to overwhelm me where I move away form people and isolate myself as insecure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this experience of overwhelming dread come over me as I accept and allow myself to participate in the thoughts of dread and fear and death and not move into my physical breath here and move into physical action so I can stand through this energy and move myself with physical deliberateness and live my change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear that I will not make it in my business or I will die before I get a chance to do what I want to do here and not see, realize, and understand that I am committed to walking my process and have shown steadfastness within this venture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself as I accept and allow these thoughts to come over me that I am going to experience dread instead of moving into a point of physical movement, self change, and living words that will support me to live action that will be best with life instead of restricting myself and going into the energy possession of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compensate with this insecurity feeling to become more pushy and aggressive where I am showing my strength as ego and becoming more rude within my behavior so I can show I am strong and in charge when in reality I am isolating myself form the solution and harming others through my words and behavior through and as aggression energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become insecure within myself and so feel like I have to compensate by being superior on the external reality.

I commit myself to in the mornings take a breath, do self forgiveness on the points that are here, and move through it by living the word excitement as a moving with more physical energy and smiling as I move.

I commit myself to say ‘I am going to have a productive day where I check off the tasks on my list with joy’.

I commit myself to live the word joy by being spontaneous with others throughout my day and communicating this with words of support and encouragement to live what’s best for all.

I commit myself to let go of the ego by humbling myself to others and see myself in them as I am them and source what I can learn from them so I can grow and share with them so they can equally benefit.

I commit myself to live the word growth as I learn from others and ask questions to investigate the points at work I will need to understand with a passion and vigor to do the best I can do.


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