A Lady's Journey to Life: May 2013

Monday, May 27, 2013

Day 310 – Feeling Off

Tonight I don’t have anything coming up in terms of a topic to write about, I am in limbo at the moment as I feel a bit overwhelmed with new information coming out and looking at how to understand and integrate this new information into me as I have never heard of it yet in my life. I find a few interesting things that come up when I am faced with this situation or experience within me as this happens quite often of hearing something new for the first time and not knowing what I will make of it.

One, I find I will go into this pattern of waiting to figure it out, like I will not dive in and investigate, read, research what it is that is new to learn, but will slowly read it and look at it to find out more of what it is about. I see that I do this so I can see others examples of how others will understand it and can come to an understanding through that. I find I get overwhelmed with a lot of information at once, and need to hear it or read it through little parts over time. I am not judging this method of study and way I go about this, but I see it as not being the most effective. There is a form of fear of not being able to handle what I am learning, not getting it right the first time, and thus steering others in the wrong path and being made to look foolish for doing this. So still in a self interest starting point, which I am noticing more and more as I walk my process, how much I am in ego and self interest, but it’s cool because I am starting to recognize it more and more, and thus will eventually through the writing have the tools to stop it and change it in one moment as I see it.

But in terms of leadership and this belief that I will not be able to make it, be effective, get everything I am suppose to get, because usually I don’t understand what’s being said in a whole manner initially, I bet not many do, but I have been judging myself for this. Like I am missing something all the time and to a point this is true because obviously I have a lot to learn about the research on the mind and how to walk through it through the process, but this also has this point of not pushing myself as much as I could in researching, and allowing the point to just sit and do it more on a leisurly basis.

It’s like I am still holding back in my process of becoming a self leader, I am making progress I see with my vlogging where I am able to voice myself and just speak without any thought, which is pretty cool. But am still having a hard time in physical communications with people, so still walking the points I have written out on self judgment and facing and changing this in my reality. When I am not living in my fullest potential it shows within self, you can feel it and it’s not a pleasant experience, so will investigate these points in later blogs and continue walking my process to self stability.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki
Equal Money System Website
Equal Life Foundation

Photo Source

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Day 309 – I am only Human

When we speak these words, ‘I am only Human’, it is said I find within myself in the point of justification for the actions or lack there of of common decency and living to my utmost ability. But what am I really saying here, I am saying that I accept and allow myself within the state of the way I am living in my world as excuse and justification, and I am living in abuse and in excuse because I simply don’t want to change. I don’t want to put in the effort of what it will take to eliminate this justification in words of ‘I am only human’ implying I can’t do any better then what I am living, when in reality I realize I am living nothing near my potential that I see I can be.

So one should as I will whenever this phrase comes up is to question the starting point of why this is being said, this specific statement of ‘I am only human’, and thus what am I justifying, what am I trying to excuse and push aside, and what is it that I am trying to hide from and not face. And then obviously, face self, find the points you are trying to hide through the tools that are available, and change self. I mean what is the point of being here if we don’t live and strive and push for the best we can be in this world, what are we doing here allowing and accepting the massive extinction and abuse to billions of living beings on this planet every moment when we have all the resources, know how, abilities, intelligence, everything we need, we just don’t have the will within us to change. These excuse such as the one listed in the title, is the slow death of ourselves as a species, if we don’t strive for change in excellence in living to our utmost potential, we don’t deserve to be here, we abuse in these excuses and annihilate the very planet that gives us lifeunconditionally.

So it’s to push through our limitations, and walk a point of correction through becoming self honest with ourselves, seeing where it is we are not living to our utmost potential and walking whatever it takes to change and correct this point to honor life and thus honor oneself through living there best in all they do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse ‘I am only human’ to justify my behavior of indecency and abuse to myself or another because I desired a point to possess me and did not want to control myself to walk a point of equality with that other, but instead chose to abuse and degrade myself to have what I desired to myself and have my satisfaction over others satisfaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of ‘I am only human’ to get out of points of facing myself in reality in what I have accumulated as consequence that wasn’t desired, and thus use this excuse to make light of what happened and make it less of an instance through using this as a valid excuse, where others are geared more to accept this and thus the point of responsibility of myself is abdicated as this excuse was accepted by myself, and thus I did nothing to correct myself and nothing changes, I continue to abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to degrade and limit myself with this excuse of ‘I am only human’ when in reality I am the physical, the physical is what is real as life, and thus I am life and have equal and one opportunity to live this life as me to the utmost of my potential through aligning with the laws of the physical, that all is equal and all is one, and thus abusing this opportunity for self interest is not only a disgrace but is extremely foolish of me as I am giving up the life that is here for me to live and is who I am, I am not the mind as the mind is illusion and excuse and justification are used to protect the mind and thus abuse the physical because it is always in separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to live for myself rather then look at the reality of who I am and correct myself to make sure all equally are considered within what I am doing and the environment I am in, so thus I stop abuse life due to not considering them, and thus I live self responsible for my actions by always considering others as I would myself in all environments I live in and interact with.

When and as I see myself go into the excuse of ‘I am only human’, I stop and breath, as I realize this is simply self abdication and justification to abuse life and degrade myself through living from self interest rather then life here in equality.

I commit myself to when I see I am walking this path to abuse and justify my actions, I stop immediately when I realize what I am doing, and implement the correction of common sense to do what is best for all.

I commit myself to find the point that I am trying to avoid and not face, and thus look at it in writing, and face the point within myself so I can clear it and stop the fear within it from directing me.

I commit myself to live this process to my utmost potential by pushing myself in my living, pushing myself in my writing, and pushing myself in my correction in aligning with life as equal and one to myself and living this in my reality always in consideration of what will be best for all life.

I commit myself to stop my self interest through letting go of the desires to escape and thus face myself through the process I am walking of self forgiveness and self correction.

I commit to flag point when I see I am going into escapism with excuses such as ‘I am only human’ and breath to realign with the physical and walk the point I am trying to avoid.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Day 308 - Are you in Control of your Mind or are you Mind Controlled?

What I have understood through the desteni material and realized through my own practice of the tools they share through the ‘process’ that is recommended to walk is that the mind is not just a simple thing that is to be mistaken for a part of human life, we have never really spoken about the mind in any authority as we do with the physical world because we have never understood why in fact we speak as thoughts within our mind, and where and how these thoughts and thinking are created within us. We know the physical in a sense because we can see it, dissect it, study it tangibly, and test it to gain a relative definition and understanding of what the physical is in our world, with the mind though such as a thought, we can do none of this. We know the effects of these thinking patterns have on the behavior of a person and at times what feels like possessions that come over us through bouts of emotion or feeling that are created through the thinking, but again, no one can explain in detail and specificity, where emotions and feelings come from, how in our body/mind they are created, what are they for, and questions such as how can they be natural if we know nothing about them?

This is self honestly for yourself to consider and have a look at in your own life, you can see evidence of this involuntary and absolute certainty of the mind creating these thoughts and emotions within an anger outburst for instance, it comes up due to thoughts accumulated towards another over and over that can not be voluntarily stopped, and then the emotions will rise and rise until eventually you will be triggered by an external force and blow up and release the energy of anger within what has been accumulating. So we are moved due to our thoughts and then the accumulation of energy through the thinking of these thoughts over time to then have a outburst that is not self directed nor self controlled, but is what feels like forced through the mind to engage in the environment in this way as a release of all the energy built up within oneself, so the question here is are we really in control as we presume we are or is it all our mind?

We speak often of mind control, like monks and sages having control over there minds and thus being able to direct there body into extremes within human capacity that the ‘average’ human couldn’t believe could be possible. I remember when I was in primary school, a father came in and he was a tae kwon do master/teacher, so he was highly trained in this martial art, and he said something that completely baffled my young mind at that time. He said he sat still for 8 hours with out moving once. I couldn’t believe that this was possible, I put myself within his shoes and tried to imagine myself being able to sit for 8 hours, and I just could not fathom that it was possible, I didn’t have the patients, the control of my mind and my body to stay put for that long, but the question still remains is, is it beyond the human capacity to control the mind and thus direct self for instance in this case to sit for 8 hours? No, as proof of this tae kwon do teacher, it is possible, one need to use tools, and realize in physical reality how this is possible and walk the steps to master it. The imagination of me as a child though was not controlled and thus was not directed within reality in common sense, so I completely got possessed by this line of thinking in my imagination, and from that point on never believed it would ever be possible for me to do such a thing, it’s too hard, I am to impatient, I would be so bored, what would I do, and so never allowed myself to walk this path as I had given up before I even tried due to the mind controlling and possessing me into the imagination thought pattern of defeat.

Now, here this is an interesting way of seeing our reality, me as a child in this instance, being taken over in that moment by the mind and absolutely giving up before I even tried, and really having absolutely no desire for movement to do anything in this sort of manner, of controlling the mind, having self discipline, mastering patience, breathing through uncomfortablity, angst, and committing myself to become a person who is able to direct myself to do something that is not within the realm of what I could believe myself to do. Although I don’t advise to sit in one spot for 8 hours, the act of self discipline, self control, mind control, and stability this teacher showed is quite honorable thing though as it definitely takes a form of effort and self will and mastering one’s own capacity of belief and stimna.

But my point here is the point of where the mind as me as a child so easily took me to self defeatism, self giving up and giving in, self sabotage as these thoughts and imagination scenarios, like a tv show going off somewhere in my mind in another realm or dimension within my body I can’t, see, touch, nor smell, but it in all ways has absolute control of who I am. And what kind of human being did this create within me as this mind that I was listening to and allowing and accepting to direct me in this one instance out of countless instances within my life up to the point of finding desteni, it brought me to become a person that is not in control or has little to no self will and thus within this outlook of myself brought on no real point of self respect or self directiveness. I suggest to read my earlier blogs for proof of this claim and evidence of the way in which I saw and behaved towards myself and my world, all within the starting point of self sabotage and self inferiority, and I am sure you will recognize these patterns as well within yourself.

The mind has complete control of the human being in this life, we don’t really know what this mind is nor what it consists of or operates from or as, and thus is this something we should blindly trust and become directed by so easily as we do? Is the mind a point of life affirmation and creating an optimum world and betterment for the life that is here? No obviously, ok, if not, why not? We can see through the evidence of this world, this creative power we call our mind is not our own, is not self power as life power as self direction, but has a mind of it’s own within our minds as our physical, quite a tongue full, lol, but worth investigating. Study and research the links for more unprecedented and mind blowing material, videos, articles, and first hand experiences with walking the mind of self, and how one can walk a process to control it and thus direct it not only for what is best for self, but what is best for all to create a world worth living in.

The mind is not the enemy nor the victor, it is us, we have to take self responsibility as it and direct ourselves in all ways of considering life in equality and what is best for all, using the mind as an equal part in this equation through accepting and allowing what is best in self honesty, and always correcting self to live in this standard into eternity. This is not a process that can be walked alone, there is support and much research done on the mind and self within it, I suggest investigate desteni to find out more.

I leave you with another fitting quote by Loa Tzu, enjoy:

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Day 307 – The Innocence of the Womb – Does the Fetus See it this Way?

So recently there has been a set of blogs coming up from the Creation’s Journey to Life blogs written by Bernard Poolman from the Desteni Group regarding the developing fetus in the mother’s womb. This is a natural and common practice we as humans either witness or go through ourselves as parents when a child is conceived and developing within the women, but within these blogs there is a hidden existence that has never been realized, understood, or discovered due to the unattained access that never existed until recently with the portal opening. This being the physical access of direct communication with the life awareness of the fetus itself, this possible again through the portal at Desteni. This access is the access to see beyond all and any normal human view and perception, the portal is able to access all dimensions of existence and speak to all walks of life as well as those from the non-living dimensions (from Death and beyond). So the portal has access to all forms of existence and all forms of existence's has awareness to access and communicate through the portal to the life that is here and who can hear on this planet through a girl's physical body (click links to read more on the portal).

The baby who is now being developed has been interviewed through the portal at 13-14 weeks, and is one of the most absolutely fascinating learning and realizations I have come across yet. He/she speaks about not the development of the physical body as you would have probably presumed, no he/she speaks about the development of the mind system as what we know as consciousness within and throughout the developing physical body that the baby and the mother are busy growing and manifesting. And how the mind integrates and encapsulates quite unnatural and conclusively the natural physical substance as the physical body of the fetus, it’s quite shocking to read because you instinctively want the baby as the innocence of ourselves to be in absolute comfort and protection, but within reading these conversations, you see the limiting and predatory nature the mind system really exists and integrates within us as the physical body to be birthed and lived as part of what we call life here as the human being.

Here is an excerpt from the blog titled:

Day 385: Fetal Development Stages – Consciousness Research –Week 14 (Part One) - Creations Journey to Life

Discussion between Bernard and the Baby-to-Be (Through the Portal at Desteni)

Fetus: Let me put it to you this way: in the Mind of the Mother-to-Be, there will be a Dominant Relationship to a Parent. That Relationship is then imprinting unto the Mother (that’s Pregnant) - from her Mother or her Father (whichever parent / parental figure the mother has a dominant relationship with in their Minds), and from there that Information is then within the Child already Imprinting. Meaning – the Child is already going to Know ‘What to Expect’ in terms of the Type of Relationship that their Mother is going to have with them.

So for example, what I now see within Leila, in her mind, it’s like centralized there – is her Mother. All of that information is then imprinting into you (Leila), and the Relationship that you had with your mother, for example what parent-child relationship you had with her, how you behaved, her relationship/behavior towards you and it’s already Resonating down to me – for example. In this, what is already being programmed is how I will be in behavior/relationship to you (Leila); our parent-child relationship is already being defined based on your parent-child relationship with your Mother.

Bernard: So that would then be the Knees, because that is the Ego, Survival – ‘How am I Going to Survive All of this?’ So, then that’s why the arms are sore, because they are increasing in discomfort – because it is linked to ‘How am I going to Handle this?’, ‘How am I going to Direct this?’, ‘Who Am I Going to Be within the History of my Forbearers?’ But, that is not seen on a Personal Level that is seen on a Survival Level – Purely as Pattern; which means that even Choices that will be made later on in Life, is already being Formed.

Fetus: The Life Pattern, yes.

Bernard: These Choices will be based-on Survival and will be Based on ‘Gaining Position’, that means Competition – to Establish the Position within the Hierarchy of Beings. That then already Determines What the Being will be in terms of Capacity, because the Capacity will be Governed by the Position in the Hierarchy. “This is All I Am Able to Be” –is the Decision that is already taking shape and also “I cannot be More than This”. That is very much influenced by the Lineage of the Parents and the Parents Before and what they’ve Been in Life in general.

Fetus: The energy of that (the statements of “This is All I Am Able to Be” / “I cannot be More than This”) is experienced as like a ‘Dullness’, as if you’re in a room and you’re contained and you can’t breathe properly or effectively. (This is what the Fetus is already experiencing/becoming aware of as the Limitation that manifested into and as its Beingness with regards to the preprogramming of who/how they’re going to develop into/as based on Survival)

Bernard: Constriction – which is actually Position, because Position is Constriction, a Space-Time Relationship to All Possible Relationships within the Context of the Self-Design, which is based on What has Been Before. Breaking out of that, is in most cases Unlikely, because the Environment is going to be the Parents and the Grandparents and the Family – which Determines Space-Time Position and ‘Who I Am’, ‘Who I Will Be’, ‘Who I Can Be’, ‘What is Possible’ and ‘What is Not Possible’, ‘What is Probable’ and ‘What is the Best Approach to Survive from Birth to Death’. So Death is already Placed as the Position Outcome within the Context of the Past and how to Best Reach the Optimum Death Point through Surviving.

I also recommend these blogs as a continuation of this discussion above:

Day 383: Child Development in the Womb Research

Day 386: Fetal Development Stages – Consciousness Research – Week 14 (Part Two)

Equal Life Foundation

Photo Source

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Day 306 - Application of Knowledge, is it being Fostered in ourEducational Systems? - Education Research Part 1

When one say that knowledge is power, it is suppose to be a form of self encouragement and empowerment for the receiver of this knowledge to gain understanding and thus enhance ones intellect within this world. But within this there are some points that I have found to have been missed that would if fully integrated into our system of living would drastically alter this claim to be practical and real for the human race, to become that which is better then before. I want to look at within this blog is when knowledge is received, but not applied within one's living, what are the outcomes?

I will share my personal experience within the educational system for this blog, and in later blogs to come give more of a researched based perspective to give more substance to my claims, but it's a cool segway I think to know where I stand due to my upbringing and economic status. I grew up in the US in a middle income family, we had enough money to live comfortably, but my parents worked hard to provide us all these comforts. We had more then many in this world, so I consider myself a 'privileged' student as we as a country have the top resources available in this world. I am 29 years old with a bachelors degree in political science, this will be an honest investigation by myself on this subject, and I will be focusing on bringing real solutions to the points I find in this research that will bring about a better system in correlation with the equal money system and the equal life foundation groups I am a part of.

So knowledge when learned and understood by a person enhances ones ability to greater understand ones environment and be able to discern from fact and fiction. But when one collect knowledge and not practically apply it within one’s life and thus within the system one is living from, then that knowledge becomes useless as it is not being practiced within one’s living and thus becomes part of the lost potential within oneself that could have been. The best way to apply this is to create ways to live the knowledge in ones life and thus use the knowledge to help those around you as well as yourself. This though especially in the western countries to which I am from is not practiced in the educational system, and in many cases pushed aside for what I would conclude to be a linear transformation of the young to be a working consumer for the greater system of capitalism, not learned and self practiced, but shaped and directed by outside forces.

Within my current experience of my education in a western country, I have for the amount of sitting, accumulating knowledge, and time spent studying, have not had any real satisfactory application process of integrating and using this knowledge in a practical way. Yes as a child I have learned to read and write, use arthmitic, problem solve, but these are basics of what we are really capable of fulfilling The knowledge and application of practical skills that could be used everyday for life, farming, house maintenance, animal care, and cooking for instances, and yes these are offered, but in special circumstances, when they could be learned and understood in the educational system from the get-go to give knowledge that is useful for one's living environment and will inform us on how our actual real world function we interact with everyday. And so use the educational platform as an integrated community based resource correlated and synced with the education process for each student to then integrate the knowledge learned in the classroom into a real world community based internship or work study where they can fine tune the practical application of the knowledge. This is not so though in the current schooling I went through, where everything was laid out in books to memorize and no real time practice hardly ever took place.

For instance in high school, I never applied anything outside of sitting in classrooms and learning from a teacher. We would write papers, but it was based on passing a class not really understanding and gaining substance from this information. Grades were a game, who can get the best scores, it was never about real education for the kids going through these systems, only to be the best, the strongest, and be the winner, quite a head trip if you didn't make the mark.

In university, we not only had to do this same platform with the memorizing information and then getting tested with no first hand experience and application of the knowledge set forth by the institution in most cases, but we had to now pay for this education to get a job to be able to live, this not guaranteed and is a very expensive venture for most people. So this same learning platform is repeated, the knowledge is only accumulated within the student and never practically applied within a real life experience setting, like in a job setting. So if this knowledge is not applied in a realtime live setting it can easily be lost due to not applying it to practice it and integrate it into oneself as a living experienced integration through time. It's rushed through and not configured to be best for the student, but unfortunately for us as the student done for the most profit margin for the university.

An example of this non integration of the knowledge accumulated was where I took over 6-7 years of spanish (this a requirement in the schools I attended), and because it was not applied in any area other then the classroom of the year(s) or semester(s) I took it, most if not all of the hours of information I had learned was lost. This not due to my intellectual incapability, but due to the obvious observation of the impossibility to retain all that knowledge with no application in real time to have it sink in so to speak and be practiced. This instance may not be for all students as some may be in spanish speaking environments, but for me, this was the case, so much time wasted and abilities of potential usefulness not utilized by the very institutions that are created to do just this. Also, thousands of dollars wasted as well of my and my parents money. Who gains though those making the money, the universities, this a big problem that will be discussed in later blogs.

So my next blogs will be on the breaking down and investigate of the education systems in different parts of the world, and exploring the different forms of learning and understanding of information to see what works best. My experience in my 'privileged' way of life and country of origin had all the resources to create the best of the populous of young to be the best we can be, but due to the structure and the politics involved of the education of the people, there is a lose, a deficit, which is counterproductive and thus need fixing.

Stay Tuned and thanks for reading.

A fitting quote from a man who walked the earth -
Lao Tzu - "Knowledge is a treasure, but practice is the key to it."

Monday, May 20, 2013

Day 305 – Why is it so hard to keep to Commitments?

So at the beginning of the month I have placed a set of simple commitments to keep for the month to test my standing within myself and my self discipline, and I am not satisfied of the results. I see that I have kept to the commitments in terms of the one’s that I can do, but the one’s that require extra effort, coordination, and physical movement to get done, I still allow justification and simply just not pushing through to do it. So I am looking at the point of why is it so hard to keep commitments or why am I failing to keep the commitments I make?

For me it’s been a point of pushing through the desire to do other things, to rest, to relax, to not have to go into the point of study, research, phsyical movement to get things done, and also the backchat is there of ‘I am not smart enough anyway, I will not make anything of value, people don’t read my stuff or watch my videos, it’s not worth it’. So I allow this point to accumulate within my mind where it feels like I am walking up a steep hill, but it's really a point of sabatoge as I am not really doing this for myself, but for others impressions of me, defining myself by others outlooks on me, and seeing me as ok or not based on this. So there is no self care nor respect being built within these commitments as I commit myself to them because I am leaving me out of the equation always, only looking at how I will look to others, and thus diminishing my effectiveness and potential to be the best I can be which takes a full focus and a commitment to self completely and really living this. So I am commiting myself to walk this point of self acceptance, self respect, and self dignity for myself until I am satisfied that I am here and not living for others, and then I will walk other points. If self is not here, then this will never work.

Some other points I have realized on falling on commitments is that this absolute commitment is a process to get to. I find if I go and commit cold turkey without walking a process of understanding, discovering my temptations within the commitments, where I am weak and where I am strong, and walking the process of change, I will fall because it’s nearly impossible just to stop something cold turkey, it will take effort and a process of reprogramming to walk it into a stopping. It’s the point of understanding that is key I have found, why I desire to sit and resist doing my work, why I see myself as inferior, and so I can start to implement this point of understanding in my world. I have to walk the babysteps of such a point of changing my nature for instance into instability to stability through working with little points, small commitments that is done in self honesty, and then walk bigger and bigger ones. This creates the expansion needed within self to really understand yourself and understand how to change by understanding the why it needs to change first, all a process, but all doable

Also another point is I find it more a point of I am allowing my mind to direct me into the huge range of thoughts and emotions that go along with them into a point of giving up and giving in where I will easily say ok, fuck, it's too much work, I just can't do it, and will give in at the exact time I have to push through and not give into the resistances. So it's more a point of just pushing through these moments and continue to stop participating in these mind conversations, and as i do this it becomes easier to walk through the point in the future. So it's like a point of constant application and reapplication until it sticks, and I am able to direct myself. But there does come a time where it is too much falling, and I continue to allow it without change, this is the point that I am flag pointing, and will push until I have cleared it in all the commitments that I walk for myself in self responsibility and committing to change for life. It's a point of living it as a natural expression, where it require no thinking, no resistance, but a simple living in what is best, a state such as this does exist, it's a commitment to walk and receive the fruits of this labor as life in the physical equal and one to self. Something unimaginable at this time, but probably the coolest point I have ever understood.

I leave with a cool and inspiring quote that sums this point up quite well by Lao Tzu-

“Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.”

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source