Why Do I Resist Physical Movement? Day 423

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There is a point that is here currently for me to look at, which is me resisting writing out a mind construct, and as I started this blog I initially after I typed the first couple words I had a thought to go and hug henri who is lying write next to me. So this is an interesting set of behaviors I endeavored in instead of simply typing my blog, which was my plan of action, I first before the thought of going to cuddle with henri came, I had a resistance come up to start typing.

This resistance was in the form of a feeling, so it wasn’t something that I was consciously aware of nor was it something that I can even specifically describe or pinpoint now, but through the pattern that is coming up within going to write, I feel this resistance come up usually. So it’s more a physical experience of a heaviness or not wanting to physically move my body and self to do what it is that has to be done for instance here type out my blog, and this experience was accepted very fast, without me even noticing, as I followed the next thought and picture that came up of having a nice feeling when I could cuddle with my dog henri, and so I stopped what I was originally planning on doing and went and hugged henri. Distracted and moving more into resistance to physically moving, and more into my self interest and desire to do nothing for a moment, and so missing the moment to express here.

So the mind obviously within us knows what it is doing, it not only knows, it has programmed itself in specific ways for it’s own will and so we as the beings within our body/mind relationship have programmed ourselves within ourselves through accepting and allowing the mind to move myself through my thoughts into a point of self sabotage. I am abdicating my responsibility to ensure I walk the process I have committed to walk, and so ‘wasteing’ time in essence with an imbalance through seeking more and more relaxing times then that which is time dedicated to finishing tasks. And I realize that writing a blog as well as a mind construct is something that is supportive and helps me to stabilize this imbalance and become the potential that I can see in myself, but because I have conditioned myself so much in energy, I have now shown to myself that I am too much accepting and allowing this experience of resistance and missing the opportunities here to engage in my self change to walk this process to life, time is of the essence there is none to waste.

But here I stand and I must admit that this point has taken a lot of time to sink in and at time’s I have been steadfast and consistent within myself in moving myself in the physical and other times I have not done or lived in ways that produce worth, I am too much allowing my mind to put carrots out in front of me as thoughts and taking the snap at it, but realizing that this carrot stick leads to no where, but more desire, more wants, more emotional upheaval, and so continuing to exist in the mind cycle of resisting that which is physical and living in the mind as thoughts, memories, and pictures through energetic reactions to live. I am not living while I am resisting. 

Cuddling henri is obviously not good or bad, it is the starting point in which I have chosen to do so, and in the above I have shown that it was done in a moment of accepting resistance and taking the ‘easy way out’ so to speak to gain comfort, gain a positive feeling with no effort, and so create within my living nothing of substance.

What I want for myself and so for everyone is to create that which is of substance, that which nurtures myself and so all others, and that which will create myself who to be able to direct myself in what it is that I see is best for me and so best for all, creating me as the living word that always does what is best for all. If I don’t live consistency and principled in a way that births life in the physical, then I am not creating anything of substance and becoming part of that which takes from life, takes from this physical existence, and does not sustain self and so what is here as life. This is not the life I want to create, and so in my next blog I will walk the process of self forgiveness and self correction to give myself direction in the next moments this points comes up again and walk what is substantial here in physical reality through my living. Thanks for reading.

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Day 305 – Why is it so hard to keep to Commitments?

So at the beginning of the month I have placed a set of simple commitments to keep for the month to test my standing within myself and my self discipline, and I am not satisfied of the results. I see that I have kept to the commitments in terms of the one’s that I can do, but the one’s that require extra effort, coordination, and physical movement to get done, I still allow justification and simply just not pushing through to do it. So I am looking at the point of why is it so hard to keep commitments or why am I failing to keep the commitments I make?

For me it’s been a point of pushing through the desire to do other things, to rest, to relax, to not have to go into the point of study, research, phsyical movement to get things done, and also the backchat is there of ‘I am not smart enough anyway, I will not make anything of value, people don’t read my stuff or watch my videos, it’s not worth it’. So I allow this point to accumulate within my mind where it feels like I am walking up a steep hill, but it's really a point of sabatoge as I am not really doing this for myself, but for others impressions of me, defining myself by others outlooks on me, and seeing me as ok or not based on this. So there is no self care nor respect being built within these commitments as I commit myself to them because I am leaving me out of the equation always, only looking at how I will look to others, and thus diminishing my effectiveness and potential to be the best I can be which takes a full focus and a commitment to self completely and really living this. So I am commiting myself to walk this point of self acceptance, self respect, and self dignity for myself until I am satisfied that I am here and not living for others, and then I will walk other points. If self is not here, then this will never work.

Some other points I have realized on falling on commitments is that this absolute commitment is a process to get to. I find if I go and commit cold turkey without walking a process of understanding, discovering my temptations within the commitments, where I am weak and where I am strong, and walking the process of change, I will fall because it’s nearly impossible just to stop something cold turkey, it will take effort and a process of reprogramming to walk it into a stopping. It’s the point of understanding that is key I have found, why I desire to sit and resist doing my work, why I see myself as inferior, and so I can start to implement this point of understanding in my world. I have to walk the babysteps of such a point of changing my nature for instance into instability to stability through working with little points, small commitments that is done in self honesty, and then walk bigger and bigger ones. This creates the expansion needed within self to really understand yourself and understand how to change by understanding the why it needs to change first, all a process, but all doable

Also another point is I find it more a point of I am allowing my mind to direct me into the huge range of thoughts and emotions that go along with them into a point of giving up and giving in where I will easily say ok, fuck, it's too much work, I just can't do it, and will give in at the exact time I have to push through and not give into the resistances. So it's more a point of just pushing through these moments and continue to stop participating in these mind conversations, and as i do this it becomes easier to walk through the point in the future. So it's like a point of constant application and reapplication until it sticks, and I am able to direct myself. But there does come a time where it is too much falling, and I continue to allow it without change, this is the point that I am flag pointing, and will push until I have cleared it in all the commitments that I walk for myself in self responsibility and committing to change for life. It's a point of living it as a natural expression, where it require no thinking, no resistance, but a simple living in what is best, a state such as this does exist, it's a commitment to walk and receive the fruits of this labor as life in the physical equal and one to self. Something unimaginable at this time, but probably the coolest point I have ever understood.

I leave with a cool and inspiring quote that sums this point up quite well by Lao Tzu-

“Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.”

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