Day 291 – Self Judgment – The Voice of Unreason
Day 292- Self Judgment – Back Chat Breakdown – Thought #1
‘how are we going to be able to discuss things, I am too ugly in my face and my face is deformed for him to look within my eyes long enough to like me”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my face as deformed and ugly based on my mind's eye seeing it in self judgment through creating this picture in my head based on my imaginations of how I saw myself due to being picked on in school and the ideas I had in my head of how much of a loser i am because of this.
I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a loser because i was picked on in school.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my mind within imagination as less then and ugly and play this out in reality seeing myself less then others and inferior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge deformation and beauty within this world as if it is something that is inferior to other human beings, I realize this is a gross mistake and cause me to become separated from all life forms here as well as myself as we are all different in expressions equally yet all one life force here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life and then judge it as bad/good when i realize it is all here as me as self, and thus I am one and equal and thus responsible for all that is here, within and without.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this idea of myself as someone who is ugly because within me I have an ideal playing out that I desire to be beautiful above others and gain more attention and praise for myself over others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life about self interest in desire to be more then others and seek attention to have good feelings about myself all the while creating this polarity play out of imagination of who I am within my mind due to defining me by my external world and reality through pictures, and not what is real here within myself and what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as less capable then others based on believing this imagination play out and the moments in my mind saying in thoughts that I am this picture of imperfection, when in reality I am just a human being living in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the physical body in all and any part as separate from any other part of whole of the body and thus create a polarity as ugly/beautiful, and thus causeconflict within myself as my physical body something that is can not change and thus is not able to live up to this ideal and thus definition putting me in a path to nowhere constantly in conflict with myself and my physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this backchat thought that I am ugly and deformed and thus not desire to approach or be with this potential person because I see myself as inferior and already see it ending bad because he will probably not like me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this pattern of self sabotage, and thus continue to act in ways where I am creating a point of demise for myself and thus create the instances of my self sabotage by existing as backchat and listening to them through living them out by sabotage myself with others in my world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not go and meet the other person due to following this thought that I am not good enough for him and he will probably not like me because of the thought saying and I agree that I am so ugly and not ok looking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my thoughts instead of walking the physical with the other, what is real, what we communicate about, how we interact, what is the reality like, instead of going into a point of self defeatism before even meeting.
When and as I go into a point of seeing myself as less then others in my backchat thoughts, I stop and breath, and realize that this will lead to self sabotage and self defeatism, where I will likely avoid the situation and facing my fears and thus allow the mind to control and lose my self empowerment.
I commit myself to breath through all backchat thoughts, and walk the physical point of facing this point that I am trying to avoid, see what comes of it in reality, and allow myself to experience life and living with others.
I commit myself to stop this point of sabotaging myself by stopping the thoughts when they arise or become aware, and expressing myself openly and freely.
I commit myself to stop the self judgments of who I look and how I act, and thus allow myself to just be here and exist with others in my world.
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