Day 95- 'I need to look good' Character

Looking at this character play out that I often go into of ‘I need to look good’, where I will go into pictures in my mind of how I need to look within this it will be pictures of myself that I like or moments from the past that I remember where I look good when looking in the mirror, and then will go into the desire to look like that. The emotions that come up are like an excitement as I now know that I have direction in what I have to do to make myself be acceptable and thus fit into the picture in my mind that I am desiring so I can look good for others. Obviously within this pattern, this is a fuckup, so thus I will sort it out through self forgiveness and self corrective statements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a point of excitement when I see that I have a point of reference as a picture in my mind so thus I can use to determine who I am and who I have to be to look good for others. I realize and see that this is not who I really want to be as it’s a fuck up where I am living for others, sabotaging my self stand as life, and causing abuse through separating myself and comparing myself to looks rather then living our truth that all here is me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into a point of desire that ‘I need to look good’ thus defining myself by my picture where then I have to live up to this point to fulfill what I want to be as ‘looking good’ so separating myself from life and from others through living for myself as a need to look good and disregarding other if it don’t fit into my self interest want of ‘looking good’. I realize and understand that within this desire and need to look good for others I am not in acceptance of myself and thus only living from ego as I want to impress others and thus not standing equal with them thus not living to my full potential and thus not living the best for life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to change who I am within this case the way I look so I can gain friends or impress others. I realize and see that this is not even real as this is only happening within my mind and I don’t even ask for direct feedback from others as I am too afraid for the real answer, so thus I am completely accessing my own mind to make myself feel good as I can determine the way I look and this always based on the picture I hold of myself, which will be in a polarity of pretty/ugly as this is all I am defining myself by missing real life here in the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to entrap myself within my own mind where I play off of pictures of good/bad where I determine how I am based on a memory I hold of what I need to look like, and thus then determine if I am presentable or not thus good or not based on my judgment of myself. I realize and understand that within this point of judgment where I determine myself based on a picture in my mind, I will be continuously separate myself from myself as life and never be able to be stable here to thus be able to understand and know others from a real perspective from real life because I am in my mind looking at these pictures of me as what I desire to look like never being real only pictures in my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use pictures in my mind to determine who I am in life and limit me to images in my mind that are a snapshot in time that I am holding onto because within myself I am not accepting who I am. I realize and understand that I must accept myself through the continuous stopping of these pictures from having power over me by stating who I am within it and not accepting myself to give them power by giving them my attention.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to determine who I am as life within a need as a desire to look good based on the fact that I am holding memories of my past where I determined that I was not good looking, thus I realize and see based on this memory of me seeing myself as not good looking that then I will immediately go into the pattern of seeing a need to be good looking, so I must let go of the memory as this point that I am not good looking and stand within the physical by not participating in the memory nor the polarity play-out of seeing myself within a need to achieve good looks.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold on to this point of looks within defining myself and others by this point of ‘needing to look good’, and thus going into a desire as need to look good because I have become a character in a play where I have to show everyone my best so thus I can be accepted and not have to face the fear that I have of not being accepted. I realize and see that living into this point of desire and need because I am accepting fear to direct me I will not live but be subject and enslaved to these points within myself because I am believing that this is who I am when I realize this is not who I am and that I don’t have to live into fears and desires through stopping them from directing me, and become a being who is stable and walking the path to life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself within a point of comparison with myself and others that there is a need to look a certain way and thus limit myself by only looking and being pictures, when I in essence am all that life is. I realize and see that it’s quite limiting as well as abusive within only looking at pictures and determining life by pictures as this is not who we are, we are much more then pictures thus I stop determining myself with such a point and live equal with all here in physical reality where we are.

I commit myself to stop separating myself through emotional feelings of feeling good where I am actually limiting myself to only be a picture by stopping the separation of myself through stopping feelings of feeling good, instead of being stable and here equal with all the real stability of life.

I commit myself to stop this point of acceptance from others where I go into a desire to change myself to impress others to be liked.

I commit myself to stop the pictured memories in my mind of what I looked like in the past and thus use physical reality as my stable movement point, where I stop the picture, and immediately go into my physical participation of what I am doing to thus stop defining myself from my mind and live here as the physical in what I am living.

I commit myself to let go of the pictures of definition of myself in my mind and live from the physical reality meaning living within and as my physical human body where I am here now.

I commit myself to stop the polarity play-out of seeing me as not good looking and thus go into the point of seeing myself within a need to become good looking.

I commit myself to walk the path to life by not allowing and accepting myself to go into the point of desire where I am a certain way to have others like me, but live here for me in my physical in what is best for all through acceptance where what determine who I am is what is equal and one and will be best for the situation I am in, always stopping my mind from going into desires, wants, needs, and pictures by me stopping comparison and participation in these pictures.

I commit myself to stop defining life by pictures by stopping the judgment and comparison of others through the way the look is, and thus decide in each moment this point come up and live and breath my decision which is stop participating in my mind as energy and stop my self interest to be seen.

_{looking good, need for beauty, stop the mind, human machine, human robot, picture perfect, dress to impress, self interest, ego, character, journey to life, eqafe, desteni, equal life, 2012,} 

Day 94- Give Up Character

Looking here at the character of giving up, and how this character has dominated most of my life within myself and who I have become a person who gives up on myself in terms of facing my fears and building relationships with others. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing others within holding back and suppressing myself when I feel this uncomfortable feeling within where I just want to go do something else, and not face the fear thus essentially giving up on the opportunity to face myself and stop the fear from directing me. I realize and understand that within going into this fear and allowing myself to give up on the opportunity to move myself I will stay stuck within this fear and constantly compromise myself standing. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into emotions as uncomfortableness and thus use this to stop and not push myself allowing this to sabotage my standing as I’ve accepted it to direct me. I realize and see that within this point accepting the emotions I will submit and thus give in to the give up character. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to the fear of expressing myself with others and thus give up on myself with the picture of myself in my mind as doing a task or something else to just not have to go into the situation, and thus I go into it and 'pretend' that I have to do another task thus to get myself out. I realize and see that when I accept the picture and thus live into the action by escaping I will continuously do this as I am allowing it to direct me thus always being a slave to fear and this escapism give up route and thus I will sabotage myself each and every time never moving never expanding never being life. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use the give up character because I am accepting myself as weak and thus allowing myself to escape the fears that I am facing thus allowing fears to have power over me rather then me be the directive principle in my world. I realize and see that it is my responsibility to face my fear with others and continue to practice and push myself to not escape through the mind by living in to the pictures and moving to escape the fear I am facing, but walk through my fear and communicate and push myself to do what I am resisting so thus I can build trust in myself and realize I am still here and that I am not what is in my mind. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have created the idea in my head that I am weak and thus others are stronger then me instead of standing in the physical and living direct with others so thus I can be an effective human being and walk what is necessary to be walked to support what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept the give up character as myself as a scape goat because I am to afraid to face myself and face others as I fear the point being seen as ‘dumb’ ‘stupid’ or ‘not responded back to’ thus I realize and see that within this point I must investigate the memories attached and why that I am stuck within this fear of seeing others in this way and thus defining myself as ‘dumb’ ‘stupid’ and ‘not important enough to be responded back to’ and apply self forgiveness on this (next blogs to come). 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow fear to direct me within and as my interaction and moments with others because I am accepting the back chat that I am ‘stupid’ ‘dumb’ and thus ‘not worthy’ so thus this is manifesting in myself as the give up character that I live into and as through giving up and escaping the fear thus allowing fear to have power over me. I realize and see that accepting these back chat thoughts and thus living them out by giving in to the escape as the give up character I will be powerless and have no effect within my world or reality to make a difference in this world and stand up for what is best for life. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the back chat thoughts that I am ‘dumb’ ‘stupid’ and ‘not worthy to be spoken to’ to direct me within fear of facing others and thus accepting these thoughts to direct me. I realize that I must stop these backchat thoughts through deciding each and every time that they come up that I stop and thus breath and move into the fear and direct myself without fear. This until I am stable and hear. 

I commit myself to stop the emotions from directing me by immediately stopping the emotion identifying the fear and thus walking into the fear, expressing myself and letting go of these points that I want ot give up by physically moving myself.

I commit myself to stop the picture in my mind of doing another task and thus confront my fear as I am trying to avoid within the picture and walk into the fear so thus I can see for myself that I am not the fear and thus breath and stabilize myself in the physical. 

 I commit myself to stop this polarity play-out of weak/strong within my mind by breathing, and speaking ‘I decide’ within myself and thus direct myself within physical movement to thus ground myself and stop the energy as the polarity play-out until it remains no more. 

I commit myself to walk through my fear of facing others within speaking or being with them, and thus when I see a point to direct or express myself, I do it here as a breath, and not accept any longer the fear to direct me.

I commit myself to write out each memory as the timeline of this pattern of seeing myself ‘dumb’ ‘stupid’ and ‘not important enough to be responded to’ and apply the self forgiveness and self correction so thus I am able to live this in my world and reality and stopped being controlled this pattern of giving up. 

I commit myself to stand up within this back chat by stopping it from directing me and thus not going into the give up character as an escape this through standing up for myself and not accepting the fears, but stopping them and moving myself in common sense to direct what is necessary.

giving up, I give up, equality, being afraid, I am afraid, fear is taking over, fear possession, giving in, don't want to move, scared, equality, equal life, eqafe, journey to life, desteni, 2012, 

Day 93 - The 'Perfect Picture' Character -Ideal

Looking at the point here of the 'picture perfect' character where I have created a polarity play-out with myself and this picture. This picture ideal as the perfection I can be is just that a picture, is a picture in my mind life? no it is not, as it is not stable, not substantial, and not able to be tangibly touched or moved, so thus I am basing my whole self on this picture of perfection which is the positive play-out that I am cycling in and as within my idea of myself here living day to day is the negative play-out of not perfect, not ideal, not the best. So thus I am cycling within this play-out of myself of seeing myself as less then this picture in my mind, but here realizing that it's not real and thus can not be something I define myself by so thus I will use self forgiveness to let go of this value I am placing on a picture in my mind and just be self here one and equal with all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place a positive charge on this picture of perfection that I have within my mind where I am giving more value to this picture and creating a negative charge to self here as I am living day to day where I am existing within myself as less then this perfect picture ideal that is placed in my mind. I realize and see that life is more then pictures as the picture indicate only the physical expression and thus do not define the being but only is what it is and thus within this I realize that life is all that exists so thus what is here is life nothing more and nothing less, all equal and one. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place more value on a picture in my mind and thus create the polarity play-out of less then as myself here living in the physical reality as I can never live up to this ideal and thus continually sabotage myself as I allow comparison, competition, judgments, and jealousy to direct me within my world as I am not stable but in constant conflict because I see myself bad and thus chasing this ideal as the good of what I can be through having in place this perfect picture ideal in my mind to define myself from. I realize and see that to hold onto an ideal as a value judgment of perfection within what it mean to be a human, I will constantly and continuously sabotage myself and separate myself from others and as I am constantly existing within a point of definition and comparison based on this value judgment I am holding onto as perfection being the 'positive' = best and anything less is the 'negative' = bad so thus I realize to stop the picture in my mind I have to stop the polarity playout as good/bad within judging life in such a way. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place more value on this picture and thus desire to live up to this picture so thus I use the picture to compete and compare myself with others in my world and all i look at are the pictures thus missing life here within self. I realize and see that there is no value but life in equality and oneness here with all and living as all so thus I only live within what is best for all as this honor and lives out the principle of what life is one and equal among all. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss myself here as life by only looking and valuing the pictures I see and thus judging and comparing and competing with myself here because I have created a value judgment of 'good' pictures and 'bad pictures held in place by my 'picture perfect' ideal that is in my mind being continually charged as I am allowing the judgments of myself as life. I realize and understand that the pictures are just an expression of the physical within the dna makeup of the human body and thus I stop the value judgments I am placing onto these pictures by thus stopping the 'perfect picture' ideal in my mind. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting an ideal picture in my mind as perfection that is constantly being upgraded and redefined to keep me locked in this cycle of self sabotage as I am sabotaging myself by existing as this perfect picture when it can be lived out because it is not real. I realize and see that this ideal picture in my mind that I have created is not real and thus I must stop giving it power by stopping the participation in the thoughts, judgments, comparisons, and competition point within and throughout my world.

More to follow on this point.

I commit myself to let go of the pictures within my mind as perfection by releasing the positive charge as well as releasing the negative charge as myself here in this idea I hold of me within self judgments, and become what life is here in the physical in breath one and equal with everything and everyone by practically stopping my participation in the comparisons, competition, and judgments point that are keeping this separation going.

I commit myself to let go of value judgements of life as positive/negative polarity charge and thus be here in the physical as I walk the stability point as life here by breathing and moving myself within my physical body, not accepting and allowing the thoughts of judgment direct me but directing myself by deciding to stop the participation and living it.

I commit myself to stop the value judgments of picture within a polarity of 'positive' or 'negative' and thus witin this stop the competition and comparisions and thus stand here as life as what is best for all through walking this in my practical living and changing myself to thus stand stable here.

I commit myself to let go of this picture of perfection within my mind as my ideal through letting go of the placement of value I am giving to pictures in my world and thus use breath as a point of physical stability so thus I can walk this point of not participating int the judgments, comparisons, and competition and thus stopping the picture in my mind from directing me as it is no more being fueled by the negative and positive charge I was creating through judgment, comparison, and competitions. and live it here. 

I commit myself to only value life here in what is best for all where I always honor the equality and oneness of who we are as life as self.

I commit myself to let it go and breath and live from the physical reality to thus be able to stop the mind dimension as pictures and live in the physical for real. 

I am perfect, perfection, I want to be perfect, competition, sports, value judgments, equal life, equality, eqafe, desteni, gabrielle goodrow, journey to life, 2012, energy, positivity, negativity, human behavior,

Day 92- 'Worthless' Character

Today looking at the point of seeing myself as worthless. Why have I defined myself in such a way were I have defined myself by this word worthless. Looking at the word the energies that are attached to it is a feeling of weakness based on not being equal within how I have pictured myself to be which is
picture perfect as I hold an idea of myself in my mind, and thus within not being able to be this picture as I don't see myself as perfect in reality I go into this point of worthlessness because I am seeing myself as weak.

I  forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself within this word worthless I have defined as me being weak and others being more then me based on the idea in my mind as this 'perfect' picture were I compare myself and do not live up to this expectation 'perfect' (to follow is the character of 'picture perfect'). I realize and understand that within this definition I am holding of myself as worthless, I am not giving myself the chance to really live as I am enslaving myself to this word  as an idea I have to live up to based on the picture I am holding onto of how I should be and thus going into comparison to find where I will fit in and thus separating myself from myself as life in real reality which is the physical.

Thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to live into this picture of perfection where in I want to fit in with others and not have to be in the spotlight where I am vulnerable and thus can be judged and so showing here that I am being the judger of others where I limit my self expression because I am judging how others are being and thus living. I realize and understand that I must stop the judgment of life here if I ever want to be free of this point of worthlessness as I am creating it for myself by living as the judger and separating myself from others who is me one and equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into judgments of others within I judge how others are living or existing as within being worthy or not and thus creating the experience within myself towards them as a negative experience or positive experience based on how I judged them within myself. I realize and see that this point of creating a polarity experience within myself of negative/positive towards another based on my judgment I am going to equal and one experience myself as this polarity experience because this is how I am defining myself in judgment as separation from others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to define and judge life based on this energy experience I have against life that some are to be judged in a way that is worthy and some are to be judged as unworthy based on holding onto this picture of perfection that I am comparing and thus judging life from to come up with the negative or positive experience I will have towards them within myself. I realize and understand that when I compare and judge others within this picture of perfection I am holding onto and then judging based on the experience I am having as worthy or unworthy I am continually going to be enslaved to this point as I am creating this hellish feeling of unworthiness within myself because I equal and one am constantly judging myself within this picture of perfection as I do to others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge life within this picture of perfection where its an idea in my mind shaped and upgraded within years of media and television viewing of this 'beautiful' picture that all the life I come into contact with have to live up to to become worthy within myself. I realize and understand that life as what is here can not be judged nor defined within pictures in my mind because it is first non sensical as it is not reality based here in the physical and thus can change and morph into whatever way it want or I create it and thus it's constantly shifting and changing so thus its sending me on a loop as a trap that cycles and never becomes real because it's not real it's only in my mind and thus can not be cross-referenced which indicates illusion and two because life is not pictures nor can be defined within a mind reality as I said mind is constantly able to change and upgrade and thus physical is here stable and unmoved and able to be cross-referenced to prove it's truth. Within these two realization points, I see and understand that I am not living in the real reality as this physical world where I see and understand that life is equal and one and thus am living from my mind which is not real and can not be cross-referenced in physical reality thus proving the deceptive nature I am allowing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to continue to define myself by this 'perfect' picture and thus continue to limit myself within mind deceptions I am accepting as I am allowing this to continue. I realize and understand that to define others within this 'perfect' picture definition I will continue to limit myself into being this 'worthless' character as I realize that within this definition it's limiting life and thus limiting self because I am creating it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to continue to create this idea of the 'perfect' picture and thus accept and allow the judgment of a polarity of life as worthy or unworthy based on how I compare the other or myself to this picture. I realize and see that if I accept it to exist I am the creator of it and thus it will be real for me. I see and realize that this idea of the perfect picture is not in fact real as it is made up in my mind and thus can not be trusted so it is best to stop it as it is not equal and one to life.

 I commit to stop the perfect picture idea in my mind and stand as the decision each and every breath to walk physical practical reality and equality with all that is here as life including myself.

I commit myself to stop the definitions of myself as life to an idea of 'picture perfect' and thus walk the physical practical steps to stand as this point by stopping participating in the idea and being here as breath in my physical movement.

I commit myself to stop the judgment of life as worthy or unworthy by stopping the ideas as picture perfect in my mind to thus be able to stand stable in physical reality in the principles of who I am as one and equal with all life and thus continue this stand until I am here and it is me.

I commit to stop the judgment of life as worthy or unworthy by stopping the participation of this in my mind and living equal and one in practical common sense living to support others as I would like to be supported.

I commit to stop the picture perfect character idea that I hold in my mind by writing the point out and self forgiving each point so thus it is clear and do not direct me any longer (this blog to follow tomorrow).

What is Desteni? Here is a Link for more info.




self judgment, worthless, i am not worthy, depression, giving up, judging others lifestyle, picture perfect, pretty picture, beautiful people, enslavement, slavery, equality, life, eqafe, desteni, 2012, journey to life, gabrielle goodrow,

Day 91 - ‘I am Helpless’ character

Tonight I watched a movie of how the world system is functioning and how we basically accept our enslavement through the acceptance of this current money system where some get more then others, indicating some are more worthy then others as money is life today and thus those with money get to live and those without suffer and will die. This is the reality here, and within the movies and media and all forms of life we are accepting the way this life is were life is valued less then money and thus we allow life to suffer and die.

Within watching these movies, I saw the ‘i am helpless’ character come out where I go into a point of depression and anger where I just want to say all sorts of shit about others that is a release to the helplessness feeling I am feeling within myself. I realize and see this is actually keeping me enslaved by believing I am helpless and thus powerless to change when I see I can change and this world can change and it will only change through changing myself step by step to a being who is able to be trusted by proving I am trustworthy through my words and living. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept the ‘i am helpless’ character where I go into helplessness and blame towards the world and the people in this world when I realize and see that the blame is only worsening the problem and the helplessness is based on the fear that I don’t want to face the world as myself and what is here to be faced as the countless suffering and atrocities to many beings.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am helpless when I go into thoughts of how bad it is here and how ruthless people here are not realizing that I am existing in the same way as I am going into the survival mode of ‘do anything to survive’ type mentality where anyone will change to make a better way for themselves even if that means to harm others based on the fact that their is no resources available to many. I realize and see that within this idea of helplessness I am not actually looking at the situation as a whole, but only looking at my own fear and what I will face if I get into a drastic situation or am faced with these dreadful living conditions that so many are faced with.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into fear when I allow myself to go into the helpless feeling that the world is eternally fucked and that we as humans are doomed as I am judging life based on what i am seeing on the media and thus immediately going into fear because I fear pain and suffering. I realize and understand that this fear is a fear of survival of me facing death which I still haven’t accepted and thus blind me to my empowerment as the way to life through my living as one and equal with all and thus working with others and a group that stand for this until it is here and we are here to walk this for and as life. I commit myself to stop this fear of survival and death. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow fear to direct me into a submissive state as the ‘helpless’ character were I am looking for others to help me and save me not realizing and living the solution as myself. I realize and understand there is NO ONE going to save me if I can’t save myself, I can not expect others to save me when I am not willing to live and walk the walk myself, so thus I stop the fear and continue to walk the walk of self honesty, self investigation, self writing, and self forgiveness and thus change my living to honor myself and life in oneness and equality with my realizations of who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear death when I realize this is here and inevitable within and as who I am and thus I must walk myself to life here or in the hereafter it makes no difference I walk process to walk the solution to a world that is best for all by living this in my living and first and foremost stopping the fear of dying.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the way of this world and how life is being lived within a polarity of it is fucked and we are doomed when this is just going into the mind fueling my helpless character more and not living any practical real difference in changing the way of this living to a new way where all are able to benefit and all are able to live free. I realize that I have to stop the mind influence as the ‘helpless’ character as this only causes a depression within me and cause me to be stagnate where I go into a fear state and do not want to move. I realize and understand I must stop my mind thoughts from directing me by focusing on myself here as my breath in what I am doing in each moment as my physical movement and taking it one step at a time which accumulates and thus here is were change is possible through my physical movement not through thinking as the mind reality is not real.

I commit myself to stop going into blame towards this world as 'it is so messed up' and 'we are doomed' when I realize and understand that this is useless and only separate me more from physical reality into my mind were I am lost and go into suppression. 

When and as I go into blame towards the world or events in the world, I breath, stop, and let go of the thoughts of blame, realize what I can do physical practically in that moment to support myself or others and continue walking physical practical support until I am stable and this effort has accumulated to make a real difference.

I commit myself to stop the fear and then going into this helpless character where I go into a depression and submission state by stopping the  fear and this feeling of helplessness and walking what has to be done to change myself into trustworthy being equal to all life.

I commit myself to stop this helpless character by focusing on what I can do in each moment to support life and continue to walk this until I am here and stable and greater change can be walked.

I commit to stop judging this world and the people in it and focus on who I am and how I am living to thus be able to trust myself and walk as an example for others to show who might not be aware of process yet.

I commit to walk out each point that come up within me in separation and support myself through self forgiveness, self honesty, self investigation, and self change to thus be able to stand and walk what has to be walked for life as myself as all here to create a world that is best for all. 






media, movies, doomed humans, helpless, needing help, self help, powerless, elite, mind control, brainwashing, survival instinct, surviving, character, acting, play, desteni, equal life, 2012, eqafe

Day 90 - 'Not Enough' Character

So looking at this point that came up today where in what I was doing I had this fear that I wasn't getting enough, and thus I went into this idea that I deserve more, I am not getting all that I deserve so I became this character that is 'not getting enough'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into thoughts of 'I am not getting what I deserve' based on an expectation I have of getting the best of what I am getting and thus being dissatisfied of what is here in front of me because the person is not living up to the idea in my head. I realize and understand that no being can live up to ideas that is in my head because physically that is impossible. Also, it is not equal in terms of allowing the being to be able to express self here without limitation and not have an idea of how the being should or has to live thus limiting the other is limiting self and thus putting ourselves into self enslavement, which I realize I am not for.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live into this play out of best worst and thus judge life by this. I stop the play out of best worse and stop judging life in this way, but live here equal in physical reality in what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into an expectation of another due to an idea I am holding of how I want the event to go according to how the other is participating and if they are not participating to my liking I go into a defense mechanism as a negative experience and thus treat the other in separation due to the negative experience created by me that they are cheating me of what I deserve because I created an idea of what I deserve in my head not even allowing them in on the idea of what I expect. Thus I realize and see within this point that this is based on my own self interest and the desire to get all the points met that I wanted to make me feel good and have a nice experience, but based on the idea that I created of what I should be getting I created the person into being the enemy and that he is trying to cheat me out of what I deserve because I allowed the illusion as thoughts and ideas of the mind direct me and thus lost what reality is showing me that this man is doing his best and giving me what I asked for.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into this desire to have all my ideas and needs met within my own self satisfaction and thus vilifying others based on them not meeting up to my standards. This not even giving them credit for the effort and work that is being put in anyways and due to my selfish requests I am degrading the other because I want more and believe I am not getting what I deserve. I realize this is a point of mind where I use to get my own way and this is based on being addicted to getting what I want done to have good feelings. I realize and see that this behavior is what create the out of control society only looking out for their own self interest not realizing that I am being abusive and destructive to another as I am creating thoughts that he is bad and trying to cheat me when I know he gave me what I asked for.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse life to get what I want and desire and thus separate myself from what others are doing and physically participating in in relation to me and how they are indeed caring for me and giving me the service I asked for. I realize and see that based on going within my mind and creating a fantasy type scenario where I desired more then what I was actually getting and asked for I expected something that was impossible for the other to give as he had no idea of what my mind reality is and I don't allow him to know any detail.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to assume that another should know and understand what I want and expect of them to make me feel good and satisfied without alerting them or giving them a head's up of what I want. I realize and understand that this is not fair and not how I would want to be treated thus I stop treating others in this way and thus make sure all details are known and appreciate what is given in the physical here as their effort.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be ungrateful for the efforts of others labors towards me to make me feel good and have an enjoyable time and thus become nasty towards them based on projecting my own anger due to bloated ideas and expectations, and not realizing that this mind illusions are not realistic and can not be held against any being. Thus I realize I must let go of these mind realities and expectations, and allow others to express themselves as best they can and appreciate always what is given to me in the point of equal giving as I would want for my efforts.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the efforts of another and thus create an idea that I deserve more then what is given, when I realize and see that the other is me and he is giving his best effort and thus I stop my judgment and appreciate life here for living and making it more enjoyable as they express themselves and stop all separations as mind illusions as ideas and expectations.

When and as this point as character come up that 'I am not getting enough', I stop and breath, and let go and walk self forgiveness on the ideas and thoughts that are fueling them. I realize all here are different in our expressions, but we are all here one and equal as life.

I commit myself to stop separating myself from others through ideas and expectations I am holding onto in my head, and thus make others aware to what I'd like so they have a clear idea and thus give them a better chance to know and be able to fulfill it.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts of I am not getting enough and I am being cheated direct me when I see that in practical reality the other is doing their best in what they are doing and thus I stop all separation in thoughts and don't allow them to direct me.

I commit to stop the self interest in only getting my needs met and thus walk with all and in consideration of all by walking the physical and walking one and equal with all here as I would want for myself.

I commit to stop the separation of there is not enough here when I realize and understand all here is me and I have enough always because I am one and equal with all who exist as life.



not enough, character, self forgiveness, being selfish, selfish person, self interest only, massage, greed, dissatisfied customer, equality, equal life, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, 2012, gabrielle goodrow,

Day 89 - 'I Can't do This' Character

Yesterday, I was on a boat and my dad asked me if I want to try and bring the boat into the dock to tie up, within myself I had a fear, and did not want to do it, but said ok, I’ll try. It’s a pretty small space, with boats docked in slips on one side and the docks on the other side, so one has to actually turn the boat around to tie up properly. It ended up being were I did not put it in gear quick enough, and to compensate, revved the engine forward, which caused the boat to move fast, and I almost took out the dock in front of me. I had to then slow it down, and park it which at that point was difficult because I couldn’t manage to get it straight. Within myself at this point I saw the ‘I Can’t do this’ character, where I just want to give up and stop trying, but within the moment I could not do this, so I said to myself ‘breath’ and I did and I managed to get it in safely and we tied up. So it went very quickly from an easy cruise to a serious situation were I wanted to just give up and stop, but practical physical reality was not allowing me to and would cause serious damage if I did, so I breath, got myself in my physical body out of this ‘I can’t do it’ character in my mind, and parked the boat.

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into the ‘I can’t do it’ character were I immediately go into the points of self sabotage and fear where I accept my limitation of believing that I can’t do what I am doing anymore due to fear built up and the physical practicality of it being difficult. I realize and understand that when a situation such as this happen that becoming physical within what I am doing and just walking the common sense that I found when breathing such as looking back at the motor and seeing the degrees to which it reacts when I turn it to thus guide the boat in will be more helpful and solve the issue more readily, then giving up and allowing the fear and the overwhelmingness of the situation cause me to give up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow thoughts of ‘i can’t do this’ and ‘it’s too hard’ direct me into desiring to give up and just let the boat go, but within myself I realize that this is not physically practical as it will go and hurt someone and it is my responsibility as I agreed to do the task, to do it to the best of my ability and not give up. I realize that I must stay within the physical in what I am physically doing and using the physical as a guide as this is what is real and happening as I found when looking at the motor, and do my best to bring it in safely which I did.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to doubt myself and my ability because I didn’t immediately get it in and do it flawlessly thus thinking within myself that I am a failure and I need to stop immediately because I didn’t do it right the first time. I realize and see that this is a quick fix mentality where I have become addicted to the instant gratification and instant results such as the fast food mentality, where I will just give up and not desire to continue when I see that I can’t do it quickly and it didn’t work out immediately. I realize within this fast food mentality for the instant gratification that within this event that it is not real and thus is an illusion created by consumerism that I have become addicted to because it is easy and instant. I realize that within this event that it is not about the time or the quickness something is done, but realizing that the physical needs to be walked step by step and aligned to the physical considerations that are here, so thus I have to be here in the physical as my physical human body in breath to be able to realize these points and thus not be in my mind desiring it to be done instantly and flawlessly, but walk the physical steps and consider all that is here and in my environment so thus I actually complete the task in real time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to please my dad when he asked me to drive the boat in realizing within me that I wasn’t comfortable in doing it, and thus through the desire to please him and my ego that I can do it, I took it on not fully being confident that I could do it and being in fear. I realize and understand that if I am not confident in doing a task to not do it especially if harm is able to be caused by what I am doing, and walk the steps to learn how to do it first before I try and attempt something such as parking a boat.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to accept my ego and drive the boat in with the thought ‘I can do this’ ‘it will just work out for me’ when I realize and see these thoughts are but assumptions and desires, and I did not take in the physical practical reality of the situation and what harm is potentially able to be caused and thus allowed hope as a mind illusion that is not real direct me, and thus I allowed the potential harm of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to follow thoughts of ‘i can do it’ and ‘it’ll work out for me’ when in reality these thoughts amount to nothing as it is not about what I think I can do and hope all will turn out cool, when within myself I realize what it will take to do and that I knew that I was not confident in my skill to do it, so I realize when within myself I realize I can not do something I stop the ego and the thoughts of hope and desire, and walk the self realizations in consideration of all equally and not do a task till I am more trained and better skilled in how to do it.

Self Correction:

When and as this character of ‘I can’t do it’ comes up within a moment of a crisis situation where I want to give up and give in to the fear. I stop, breath, and find the solution within the physical reality that I am working with and complete the task in physical considerations with being stable and calm in breath. I breath as my stability point and do not accept the ‘I can’t do it’ character to direct me.

When and as the thoughts of ‘i can do it’ ‘it’ll work out’ come through when asked to complete something that I am not confident in doing, I stop my ego and stop these thoughts, and direct myself in the consideration of all equally and the realizations that I know that I can not do the tasks properly in keeping all safe and cared for. Listening to myself here in breath and doing only what I realize I can do through knowing that I am trained and have living experience and confidence built up to do the task.

I commit myself to when this character comes up of the ‘I can’t do it’ character in a crisis situation I stop breath, and use the physical as a guide within my common sense calculations to solve the problem and take responsibility for what I have committed too.

I commit myself when realizing that I can’t do a task to do not accept and allow myself to do the task as I realize that I am not skilled in it and do not have the living experience to know that I can complete the task safely, and thus I commit to stop my ego and do not do the task expected of me to do by saying no I am not comfortable and simply give it to another to do, and thus learn from others until I am more confident.

I commit myself to stop the desire for instant gratification where I believe that all will be good and thus desire this to be for me not taking into consideration the physical steps and skills I will need to do this properly, thus I commit to stop my mind from directing me int hope and desire and walk here as the physical in practical consideration to life here in oneness and equality to myself.

I commit to stop my ego as well as my mind from directing me to do things that aren’t practically considered in one plus one equals two equation, but push based on the desire to be seen as more then who I am.

boating, boats, sailing, parking, sea, beach, ocean sports, vacation places, overconfidence, crash, equality, equal life, desteni, journey to life, 2012, gabrielle goodrow

Day 88 - 'Postponement' Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when committing myself to sit down and write my blog, I accept the thought that 'I am too tired and will get to it' direct me where I accept and allow myself to cruise on the internet or distract myself with things in my surroundings instead of sitting here opening up the page and typing the point out. I realize and understand that this point of distraction and allowing the thought of 'I am too tired and will get to it (writing)' direct me will continue the postponement character that takes over when I follow thoughts and dont stop the resistances from getting the best of me and thus diminish my full potential in each moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when about to open my blog page up I have a thought of 'let me jusj check facebook' where I will deliberately see within myself that this is just a point for me to not have to push myself in writing because I see that the writing is a 'difficult' thing as it takes effort, patiences, and dedication so thus desiring to have the easy way out and experience the positive as entertainment such as the thought indicate here of 'let me just check facebook'. I realize and understand when I accept and allow myself to follow this thought of 'let me just check facebook' I am sabotaging and distracting myself because I don't want to face and push myself, but I realize within this point that I am here to walk this process and I commit myself to walk these blog writings of self investigation and self forgiveness to change my living to be best for all not only for myself's well being but for the well being of all who will benefit from a world where beings live equal and one.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire the easy way in life and a positive experience within my world as I have become addicted to good feelings and a reward system set in place within myself so thus I can entertain myself with illusion and distractions such as this postponement character of allowing the thoughts of 'I am too tired, I will get to it' or 'let me just check facebook' where I have made the mind as entertainment and nice feelings what I desire as a quick fix instead of what is real and lasting here the living of myself in oneness and equality for a world best for all. This I realize will take much dedication, perseverance, and effort to see this through based on the physical movement of myself that will be required to be walk as a minimum of seven years daily time for what has to be done to create myself and this world in a better were beings will in fact live equal and not allow this postponement character through the thoughts of distraction that is not necessary and only there to delay the inevitable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become addicted to nice feelings as a positive experience within my own self interest where all that is considered and cared about is my own self satisfaction and thus indulging within this as I accept the postponement character to direct me through these thoughts where instead of wasting time indulging in my own self satisfaction as a positive experience as entertainment or sleep, I realize I must walk through all thoughts, do not allow them to direct me in that moment, by practically shutting down all other websites and sitting in an upright position and immediately going into my blog writing not accept postponement and seeing it through to it's completion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow desires as 'to do it later and see whats out there; direct me into self sabotage where I wil sabotage my opportunity here to write myself out and sort myself out so I can stand in the face of what is here and be able to remain stable and direct life here as me in what will be best for all. I realize to walk this I must push myself each and everyday through all resistances that come up and desires to postpone and immediately go into the work or task so thus I can stand no matter what and will have lived out all the points and wrote them out so I am here and I am clear.

I commit myself to not accept and allow thoughts of postponement or tiredness to direct me when I realize I have to do a task that will take effort and focus.

I commit myself to walk through all points that come up through self forgiveness of desires to not do a task that is in front of me so I can stand and walk no matter what is here and I can trust that I will direct myself in whats best for all as I have lived in this way.

I commit myself to stop the desire for my own self satisfaction and desire to have an easy time and instead look within the physical practical considerations that are here in what I have to do to walk this process to self equal and one to all that is here and do not stop until it is done, no thoughts but just living til I am here one step at a time.

I commit myself to stop the addiction to energy through breathing through the desires and urges and stopping participating in the thoughts and memories that come up in relation to these points, so thus I am here stable directing me and the energy has dissipated and eventually goes because I don't accept it to direct me any longer.


Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Andrew Gable -

Check Him out here:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/andrewgableartist
Youtube:http://www.youtube.com/user/andrewgableartist
Blogs: http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com/


self dedication, live for real, equality, postponement, postponing, postpone a deadline, procrastination, laziness, i don't want to work, difficult tasks, eqafe, equal life, desteni, 2012, journey to life, gabrielle goodrow

Day 87- 'Why did I do that' Character - Self Commitment Statements

Walking the self correction of the this blog - Day 86 - 'Why did I do that' Character through committing myself to change through writing self commitment statements and living the statements in my world, so I no longer accept and allow this point of self sabotage and compromise as the 'Why did I do that' Character.

I commit myself to stop the value judgments of life and defining life within my perceptions as ideas and align myself with physical practical living in what is best for all so thus I live by principles of life one and equal with all and stop the self interest of separation.

I commit myself to align with physical reality within and as myself where I walk the acceptance of me as life in oneness and equality by living this as who I am through expressing myself and stopping the judgments of myself to be a certain way, thus push myself to walk freedom in expression where I stand as self integrity and self respect to create the greatest potential of my beingness and the greatest potential of life here within what is best for all through my living and example as how I would want for myself.

I commit myself to align to physical reality in what is practically necessary to create a world best for all through creating myself in the best way possible, and thus stop the separation of myself within value judgments of I am this and not that, I realize I am one with all and thus I commit myself to align with this as and within my living as words.

I commit myself to walk the alignment of me as life in oneness and equality and stop the judgments and reactions of energy when I see I have lived 'faulty'. I commit to allow myself to move myself in a natural way to walk the correction and stop the energy movements as reactions and emotions/feelings.

I commit myself to let go of the energy as the mind illusion of thoughts, feelings, emotions, and ideas, and walk the correction to life here as the physical in oneness and equality.

I commit to stand here and correct myself when I see the 'why did I do that' character show itself as I let this go, and stop the fear and suppress and stand as the correction by facing what I have to face and living as the principle of what is best for all.

I commit to stop the desire for the approval of others and align myself with life here in whatever form in walking a new world best for all through and as my self living with all those who walk this walk as well to the oneness here as physical as life.

I commit myself to let go of this desire for approval and fear of others humiliating and outcast me, and thus stop the check character I created as self sabotage which keeps me in line to fall in with others approval instead I commit to align with life and not accept anything less then what is best for all and where all life live in equality with how I would want to live for myself.

I commit myself to stand here as me in oneness and equality as all and stop changing myself as my idea, picture, words, actions, to appease others in an attempt to like me.

I commit to walk here as self in humbleness and walk with those who stand for life and walk to align self with the process of oneness and equality to thus become peaceful here and have all life be in support and thus stand by principles as life stopping desire for self acceptance.

I commit to accept myself here among all as me.

I commit myself to let go of the memory of kids teasing me and being outcasted, and thus walk here in breath in what is here to be done in this moment letting go of the past and allowing myself to live here free.

I commit myself to stop the fear of humiliation and being outcasted and thus align with the physical not taking what is here personally realizing life is in the process of alignment to equality and oneness and thus walk my process in writing, self forgiveness, self commitment statements and living, and thus I can walk an example for others as others have done for me.

I commit myself to let go of this 'why did i do that' character and so walk the respect and integrity of myself by allowing myself to enjoy life and express here in freedom and stop the sabotage of myself to an idea that I don't deserve to live.

I commit myself to stop the idea of 'I don't deserve to live' and walk the process to equality were life is free and able to live in this freedom through ourselves living it.

I commit myself to live equal and treat all as myself within this process walk and stop the separation of thoughts, words, deeds, as some are better then others.

I commit myself to stop the desire for perfection within the idea and picture I can create through my mind and stand here within the physical process of creating myself as this world in perfection through my living and the living system I create here with all who are willing to walk one and equal as life.

Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Marlen Vargas Del Razo -

Check Her out here:

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/marlen.delrazo
Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/user/MarlenLife
http://www.youtube.com/user/MarlenVargasDelRazo
Blogs:http://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/






self commitment, stopping patterns, stopping addictions, sabotage, self help, freedom, human behavior, integrity, admiration for others, fear at school, outcasted, equality, equal life, eqafe, desteni, 2012,

Day 86- 'Why did I do that' Character

So looking at this point that comes up often where I go into the 'why did I do that' character based on a regretful point that had occurred that I did, and thus based on a judgment about my actions within it or the responses I got from others, I go into this 'why did I do that' character to thus make sure I suppress and sabotage myself because I believe that I am unworthy and I don't get to be free and just live here as life one and equal to self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into the 'why did i do that' character when I have made a value judgment against myself due to an idea I held that I didn't live up to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to make a value judgment within who I am or who I am being within a moment and thus limit my expression to my idea and perception of how I should be instead of living who I am here in each moment in freedom. I realize within this limitation as a judgment of who I should be, I am not allowing myself to move and change as within life it's constantly in motion and thus is not able to be predicted so I must walk within breath and acceptance of all points to thus really live here free in expression as who I realize I am as a free being who is life in full acceptance as self one and equal and live and walk the correction to be this in fact.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself by placing value judgments of right and wrong within my actions and words instead of realizing that there is only one principle that is here and that is oneness and equality of life and thus to live best for all not based on separation as one is better then another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place value on life and thus separate myself within the polarity play out of I am that and not this, where I see some life is not acceptable instead of realizing and living the point of self acceptance and thus give myself the opportunity for self correction in living where here I will only be shifting and changing within alignment of what is best for all in a natural movement of living process to life and so not to move into energy as reaction and go into separation of myself for a point that is not yet aligned, it's not to judged who I am, but simply correct the point to be one and equal with all life in what will be best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that energy is who I am and thus that I am subject to only it's movements within and as emotions and feelings, thoughts, memories, and illusion of the mind, when I realize that is not who I am, as I realize I am here as substance, and I have to walk from this illusion I have created within my mind to life as the physical practical reality, so thus all life here can walk the correction and we can align back to who we have always been one and equal with the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself within this 'why did I do that' character go into the desire to make a correction in fear and suppress myself within what I have done so thus I can be seen by the others in a new light and they will forget how I had been a moment ago to thus please them and have them see me as 'ok' again when within myself I had judged myself of doing something not ok. I realize and see within this how I am limiting myself to the mind in only living for the approval of others and thus causing conflict and anxiety within myself based on trying to live up to a standard in my head which can never be lived up to cause it is not real nor tangibly here and thus I can never appease the others as I am not being real, but only in my mind as desires and ideas that are ever changing and upgrading as I see newer and newer pictures missing life within it all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to have the approval of others so thus I will go into this 'why did I do that' character which will automatically activate a fear to correct the point where I will change myself completely to appease others and limit myself by missing my self respect within it all. I realize and see that within this character play out that it is due to myself seeing me as inferior to others and that I have to appease others to like me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself inferior to others and that I have to do things for others to like me, this based on childhood where I saw that if I went against others and didn't please others or follow others leads I would be outcasted and humiliated, and I didn't like the feeling of humiliation and embarrassment that was brought upon when being outcasted by others so thus I grew into the character of pleasing others and thus created a check character as this 'why did I do that' character to make sure I always fell in line with the others and did not step out of approval because I fear having people not like me and thus turn against me with the making fun of and humiliating me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by the memory of me in school where I was outcasted and thus humiliated and embarrassed in front of others and thus went into fear of this due to believing that the emotions that were built up as embarrassment and humiliation defined who I was and thus lived this out as seeing myself inferior and not as worthy as some other life. I realize and see that I am not this memory of being outcasted and the fear that this brings up and seeing that it was just a product of my own separation as feeling inferior and allowing others to be superior to me, and also I realize that I am not defined nor am these emotions as humiliation and embarrassment as i realize they have been pre-programmed and installed within the mind consciousness system to enslave beings to be lesser then who we are as life, and that I but just have to walk through these emotions stable and in self realization of who I am as life one and equal and thus I am free because I realize I am still here and the energies as emotions are gone, and they were never real, but I made them real because I didn't realize who I was, but I do now know I am not limited to the mind as emotions and feelings as energies but am life which is stable here in breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to thus allow this point of 'why did I do that' character to play out to keep my limitations in check of being inferior because I believed that I don't deserve to be life, I don't deserve to be able to be free and enjoy myself here as full expression as who I am in oneness and equality, and that I deserve to suffer because I am not good. I realize and understand this feeling of unworthiness and inferiority is due to me holding on and defining myself by memories and past occurrences and defining myself by these points of others names towards me and the actions I lived as if this is who I am and real, but here I realize that I am not defined by the past nor by the memories of my past, but am here in breath and able to live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by the thoughts of 'I am not worthy' and 'I am inferior' based on living into the polarity of separation where I believe some are more then others. I realize and see within this point that I am not separate from anyone but that I am everyone that exist here, we all are the same within our substance and thus are all walking the same process, so thus I stop separating myself and limiting myself to the mind as these illusions as more or less, but live here one with all and walk into and as equality with all life as myself in self correction through my living as my self realizations here in the self forgiveness statements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into this character as 'why did I do that' as a check to limit myself and sabotage myself based on this desire for more and desire for perfection and living the polarity opposite as I separated myself within the desire to be more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be more then I am here as this desire for more friends and more of who I am in perfection instead of realizing and living enough here in self satisfaction with who I am as life one and equal and walking self perfection in my living by aligning with the perfection as the physical as myself as self living equal and one to the substance that is in and of everything that is essential unconditional life living in absolute perfection with and as all and who I am if I but will it and live it and stop the separation of myself because I realize 'I' as life is all that is here.

Self Commitment statements to follow.

Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Marlen Vargas Del Razo -

Check Her out here:

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/marlen.delrazo

Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/user/MarlenLife

http://www.youtube.com/user/MarlenVargasDelRazo

Blogs:

http://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/ 



why did I do that? dope. fuck ups, mistakes in living, feeling guilty, stupid move, pleasing others, making friends, human relationships, equality, oneness, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, psychology, human psyche