Thursday, July 5, 2012

Day 76- "I Don't Care' Character

Here walking through the character I play when I don't want to face others in my world or don't want to face my responsibilities or consequences of my actions, I will go into this act of acting like I don't care and just whatever to the whole situation, dismissing all the points that I will have to face and escaping through this nonchalant attitude and uncooperative behavior towards others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into character with others as this attitude that 'i don't care' about what they say or do as I just want to escape and not have to face them and the consequences that I have made for myself and thus I use this 'i don't care' character to not have to face this point for a moment. I realize and see within acting within this character that it creates more consequence for me and causes abuse towards others as usually they will react and it will become more of a problem for me then if I just faced the point and dealt with the consequences as they are here. I realize that to stop this consequence from accumulating to more then it has to be, I must stop hiding behind this character play as the 'i don't care' about anything and stand up and face and correct what needs to be fixed in my living so thus I can create a relative peace and equilibrium in my world and stop the abuse.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in self interest and selfish with others when I go into this 'i don't care' character and dismiss others sayings or doings towards me and thus diminish them within us standing here where they will react and go into a defense mode and thus a fight will usually ensue. I realize and understand the unnecessary outcome this is and doesn't have to go in this way, if I would instead of diminishing others and creating a conflict situation, stop my selfishness and this character of 'i don't care' and face the other in equality, find what the issue is and create a solution best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into fear when realizing the consequences I will eventually face due to not considering others or not considering the reality of my situation or deliberately being nasty and spiteful towards someone, and thus use this character as myself as 'i don't care' and thus escape or hide for a moment within this character to block/ignore/deflect others through this character and so I can have time to figure out what I am going to do or how I am going to get out of it based on fearing facing the consequences of my action but in reality just making things worse for me. I realize and see that when I go into this point of fear I immediately should stop it and not participate in the fear and face myself, face who I had created myself to be, and face the faulty living I had existed as, so I once and for all can face myself and change myself to not act in such a way again as spitefulness and seperation. I realize that I have to stop the fear as well as the ignorance/spiteful behavior/escapism nature of myself through using characters such as this 'i don't care' to hide for a moment, but face myself then and there and make things correct within my world in practical common sense and consideration of all involved equal and one to how I would like to be considered.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be spiteful/ignorant/nasty towards another based on following thoughts or desires of trying to escape the consequences I am to face and using this character of 'I don't care' towards others to thus give myself a pathway to escape as this is able to be used in a way where I can skate through what is being done/said to me and just say 'whatever' 'I don't give a shit' 'just go away' and phrases such as these, thus I stop and realize that this is causing me to be more abusive and separating myself from myself as life within the others and thus deliberately abusing self here as others to not have to face who I am and what I created based on accepting and allowing myself to act out in such a way as the 'i don't care' character. I realize and understand that being spiteful/ignorant/nasty towards others is unacceptable and manipulating others through this character act of 'i don't care' to escape responsibility is unacceptable and separating me from myself as the solution to stop, breath, and let go of the desires to escape and stopping the emotions to be spiteful and seek revenge. I realize within this that this 'i don't care' act is really an act of attention and trying to get sympathy from others, so thus I stop this here and walk within and as breath in correcting this behavior to stand within equality towards all, face myself with others, and walk the corrections so thus I can direct myself as the expression of myself in self trust and self equality and oneness to solutions.

I commit myself to walk this character of 'i don't care' to equalization of myself where I integrate and change this character to be here and breathing and facing what is necessary to be faced so I can correct what my reality is showing me as I realize this is where I will find support to see where I am faulty and thus give myself the opportunity to change and be the change I would like to see.

I commit to stop escaping myself by using characters, and become real here through breathing, self investigation, self forgiveness, and self corrective application in always facing myself and stopping the characters that do not support this walk to oneness and equality.

I commit to stand here within the matter that is the physical to walk solutions that will support all life, letting go of my desires to have it my way, and manipulate to get attention and feedback by using negative actions, but stop and breath and support others as I would want to be supported and support myself to walk the change and stop the patterns that don't support this change for/to life here in the physical with all other life.

I commit to stop selfishness and abuse towards others by always considering the other as myself and stopping the separation by stopping the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs of others I hold while stopping my separation with myself so thus I can see what is real here and walk the solutions that will support all equal and one to me.

i dont care attitude, character play, acting out, rebellion, ignoring others cries, attention seeker, abuse of others, equal life, equal money, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, equality, 2012, garbrielle goodrow

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