Anger at Another is Anger at Myself - Day 400

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A point opened up today about why it is that I am creating anger towards others in my reality and this specifically within a working environment, where each person is delegated tasks to be done. Within this though, I have been angry within the belief that I am doing more of the work then others and that I am being not fairly treated and recognized for what I am doing. But there is two points that I have not been taking responsibility for and that is firstly, I have not heeded the advice of others after I have been told on many occasions how to help the situation and the second I have not done what I needed for me to gain a point of accountability for all and a stability point to put this whole situation into clear direction for the future. I have been lazy with this point and because I didn’t want to actually sit down and walk this point to a full completion, I am blaming others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for myself when I was given insight and direction on how to help the situation at work to create a path for accountability and clear direction for all but instead I didn’t walk this so it was kept undirected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility to move myself in the points that required direction and management, but allowed it to play out and cause more abuse by myself and others that was unnecessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the work that I believed I was doing when in reality I was the one stalling the point because I actually did not want to move myself to walk the solution to the point and give it direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move this point of delegating responsibilities in the physical because I was too lazy and allowed myself to be distracted by other things then the point that was here and needed to be walked so obviously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the obvious physical movements that are required to walk a point into stability and instead desire and stay in the mind in instant gratification and continue to create abuse and unnecessary consequences in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it about what others are doing for me or to me instead of turning the point around and seeing what it is that I am not doing for myself and for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in spitefulness and blame towards others and so miss the reality of what needed to be done, which would have created a solution more readily then I did with being in these reactions.

When and as I see I am going into blame and anger towards others in my world, I stop and breath, and realize that I am deflecting this blame and anger onto others where I should turn it around and see where within myself I am doing the same as this is helpful I realize to see what it is that I readily don’t want to face and so am then able to walk it and face it in self honesty.

I commit myself to turn the reaction of anger or blame or any point back to myself and see where in relation to the point I am getting angry or blaming, I am doing the same thing.

I commit to write out the point and correct it in writing to be able to correct it in my living.

I commit to walk the point of writing out the responsibilities and so give clear direction for each one in the work environment to stop the point of reactions and postponement from continuing.

I commit to stop laziness and walk the points when I see they are necessary.

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Day 206 – Impatience and Laziness

I am finding within this point of typing especially in chats, which I do quite often during the week on skype, I have this experience of impatience’s writing back and forth with another as well as a form of laziness, where I will not stop for a moment and re-read what I wrote and make necessary corrections in my spelling, but send it off quickly because I don't want to take the time to look at it and make the effort to correct it. I have learned to type very fast and really have become dependent on the spellchecker to fix my mistakes, so in a way I have relied on other sources instead of myself to fix my mistakes.

This is essentially making me crazy because I judging myself for not correcting my mistakes in conversation with others, like what is my deal, their going to think I just don't care about what I am doing or am not smart. I find that it’s this point of laziness as I realize I have the ability, but I really just don’t want to take the time to stop and read what I have written over and make the necessary corrections  I see this impatience is fueled by this desire to hear or see what the other person will respond. Like I have this constant anticipation within me to to fast and get what is written sent, so I can be entertained with what the other will say back. I am fine with this point of interest within conversing with another and getting a point of enjoyment out of it because it is something I do enjoy talking or type talking with others, but this point of impatience’s and laziness to not correct my mistakes is something that I need to write out in self forgiveness and self correction. Here it goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to participate and accept laziness within me when typing with another and not talking the time to look back and make sure that the message is legible and able to be understood. I realize that being lazy is a point that is not necessary and cause abuse as I am not giving my all and the other could at some point misunderstand something or not understanding something I said based on me just not want to do correct the spellings or add/delete words when I am certainly capable of doing this and sending the message in more clarity.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this point of laziness to not re-check my typing and make the necessary correction for the best opportunity for understanding by all parties who will read it, I stop and breath, and go into the act of re-checking and correcting my spelling, stopping the thoughts that it doesn’t matter, and simply re-check and correct before I send it off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through what I am typing to find out what the other is going to say, and thus miss myself within the act of typing and not become more specific, aware, and detailed in the words I am typing. I realize that I am able to become more aware within my physical body, I am able to slow down, I am able to become more specific and detailed within my typing, and I am able to stop and recheck my typing before I send it because it just takes an effort to do, a physical movement to stop and do and thus I walk this physical movement for what is best for all.

So I commit myself to when and as I have the urge to rush and get it done, I stop and breath, and push myself to slow down in that movement and become aware of my physical body, become aware with each finger as I type, and thus become aware of my physical body as I complete the typing, so not to automatically hit enter, but become diligent within making sure the message is clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for typing in such messy ways of misspellings and missing complete words, I realize that I am learning and thus adapting to a change that is now in the process of being implemented so it will take time and space to will myself to change and correct this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what the other will think of me when they see how sloppy I am within my typing towards them and so fear that I don’t care about myself and am stupid. I realize that this fear is not real and thus is not relevant as it only cause degeneration within myself, I realize also all people make mistakes and thus have a learning curve of correction to walk to create a solution within it. I realize that I will make mistakes, but it's to push the point of correction to solutions and stopping the mind from festering and creating illusions.

I commit myself to when and as I go into judgment of messing up, I stop and breath, and immediately stop the judgment and either correct the point or practice letting it go as it does not define me.

I commit myself to stop all fear of what others think of me, and focus on the breathing so I can become aware of the mistakes within the moment it is done, and make the corrections as I type.

I commit myself to push my effort within my typing ability to move slower, become more perfected within my finger dexterity and the typing action, and push to stop and breath and correct the mistakes that are done when I see it is necessary.

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Day 88 - 'Postponement' Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when committing myself to sit down and write my blog, I accept the thought that 'I am too tired and will get to it' direct me where I accept and allow myself to cruise on the internet or distract myself with things in my surroundings instead of sitting here opening up the page and typing the point out. I realize and understand that this point of distraction and allowing the thought of 'I am too tired and will get to it (writing)' direct me will continue the postponement character that takes over when I follow thoughts and dont stop the resistances from getting the best of me and thus diminish my full potential in each moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when about to open my blog page up I have a thought of 'let me jusj check facebook' where I will deliberately see within myself that this is just a point for me to not have to push myself in writing because I see that the writing is a 'difficult' thing as it takes effort, patiences, and dedication so thus desiring to have the easy way out and experience the positive as entertainment such as the thought indicate here of 'let me just check facebook'. I realize and understand when I accept and allow myself to follow this thought of 'let me just check facebook' I am sabotaging and distracting myself because I don't want to face and push myself, but I realize within this point that I am here to walk this process and I commit myself to walk these blog writings of self investigation and self forgiveness to change my living to be best for all not only for myself's well being but for the well being of all who will benefit from a world where beings live equal and one.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire the easy way in life and a positive experience within my world as I have become addicted to good feelings and a reward system set in place within myself so thus I can entertain myself with illusion and distractions such as this postponement character of allowing the thoughts of 'I am too tired, I will get to it' or 'let me just check facebook' where I have made the mind as entertainment and nice feelings what I desire as a quick fix instead of what is real and lasting here the living of myself in oneness and equality for a world best for all. This I realize will take much dedication, perseverance, and effort to see this through based on the physical movement of myself that will be required to be walk as a minimum of seven years daily time for what has to be done to create myself and this world in a better were beings will in fact live equal and not allow this postponement character through the thoughts of distraction that is not necessary and only there to delay the inevitable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become addicted to nice feelings as a positive experience within my own self interest where all that is considered and cared about is my own self satisfaction and thus indulging within this as I accept the postponement character to direct me through these thoughts where instead of wasting time indulging in my own self satisfaction as a positive experience as entertainment or sleep, I realize I must walk through all thoughts, do not allow them to direct me in that moment, by practically shutting down all other websites and sitting in an upright position and immediately going into my blog writing not accept postponement and seeing it through to it's completion.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow desires as 'to do it later and see whats out there; direct me into self sabotage where I wil sabotage my opportunity here to write myself out and sort myself out so I can stand in the face of what is here and be able to remain stable and direct life here as me in what will be best for all. I realize to walk this I must push myself each and everyday through all resistances that come up and desires to postpone and immediately go into the work or task so thus I can stand no matter what and will have lived out all the points and wrote them out so I am here and I am clear.

I commit myself to not accept and allow thoughts of postponement or tiredness to direct me when I realize I have to do a task that will take effort and focus.

I commit myself to walk through all points that come up through self forgiveness of desires to not do a task that is in front of me so I can stand and walk no matter what is here and I can trust that I will direct myself in whats best for all as I have lived in this way.

I commit myself to stop the desire for my own self satisfaction and desire to have an easy time and instead look within the physical practical considerations that are here in what I have to do to walk this process to self equal and one to all that is here and do not stop until it is done, no thoughts but just living til I am here one step at a time.

I commit myself to stop the addiction to energy through breathing through the desires and urges and stopping participating in the thoughts and memories that come up in relation to these points, so thus I am here stable directing me and the energy has dissipated and eventually goes because I don't accept it to direct me any longer.


Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Andrew Gable -

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self dedication, live for real, equality, postponement, postponing, postpone a deadline, procrastination, laziness, i don't want to work, difficult tasks, eqafe, equal life, desteni, 2012, journey to life, gabrielle goodrow