Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Day 90 - 'Not Enough' Character

So looking at this point that came up today where in what I was doing I had this fear that I wasn't getting enough, and thus I went into this idea that I deserve more, I am not getting all that I deserve so I became this character that is 'not getting enough'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into thoughts of 'I am not getting what I deserve' based on an expectation I have of getting the best of what I am getting and thus being dissatisfied of what is here in front of me because the person is not living up to the idea in my head. I realize and understand that no being can live up to ideas that is in my head because physically that is impossible. Also, it is not equal in terms of allowing the being to be able to express self here without limitation and not have an idea of how the being should or has to live thus limiting the other is limiting self and thus putting ourselves into self enslavement, which I realize I am not for.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live into this play out of best worst and thus judge life by this. I stop the play out of best worse and stop judging life in this way, but live here equal in physical reality in what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into an expectation of another due to an idea I am holding of how I want the event to go according to how the other is participating and if they are not participating to my liking I go into a defense mechanism as a negative experience and thus treat the other in separation due to the negative experience created by me that they are cheating me of what I deserve because I created an idea of what I deserve in my head not even allowing them in on the idea of what I expect. Thus I realize and see within this point that this is based on my own self interest and the desire to get all the points met that I wanted to make me feel good and have a nice experience, but based on the idea that I created of what I should be getting I created the person into being the enemy and that he is trying to cheat me out of what I deserve because I allowed the illusion as thoughts and ideas of the mind direct me and thus lost what reality is showing me that this man is doing his best and giving me what I asked for.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into this desire to have all my ideas and needs met within my own self satisfaction and thus vilifying others based on them not meeting up to my standards. This not even giving them credit for the effort and work that is being put in anyways and due to my selfish requests I am degrading the other because I want more and believe I am not getting what I deserve. I realize this is a point of mind where I use to get my own way and this is based on being addicted to getting what I want done to have good feelings. I realize and see that this behavior is what create the out of control society only looking out for their own self interest not realizing that I am being abusive and destructive to another as I am creating thoughts that he is bad and trying to cheat me when I know he gave me what I asked for.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to abuse life to get what I want and desire and thus separate myself from what others are doing and physically participating in in relation to me and how they are indeed caring for me and giving me the service I asked for. I realize and see that based on going within my mind and creating a fantasy type scenario where I desired more then what I was actually getting and asked for I expected something that was impossible for the other to give as he had no idea of what my mind reality is and I don't allow him to know any detail.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to assume that another should know and understand what I want and expect of them to make me feel good and satisfied without alerting them or giving them a head's up of what I want. I realize and understand that this is not fair and not how I would want to be treated thus I stop treating others in this way and thus make sure all details are known and appreciate what is given in the physical here as their effort.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be ungrateful for the efforts of others labors towards me to make me feel good and have an enjoyable time and thus become nasty towards them based on projecting my own anger due to bloated ideas and expectations, and not realizing that this mind illusions are not realistic and can not be held against any being. Thus I realize I must let go of these mind realities and expectations, and allow others to express themselves as best they can and appreciate always what is given to me in the point of equal giving as I would want for my efforts.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the efforts of another and thus create an idea that I deserve more then what is given, when I realize and see that the other is me and he is giving his best effort and thus I stop my judgment and appreciate life here for living and making it more enjoyable as they express themselves and stop all separations as mind illusions as ideas and expectations.

When and as this point as character come up that 'I am not getting enough', I stop and breath, and let go and walk self forgiveness on the ideas and thoughts that are fueling them. I realize all here are different in our expressions, but we are all here one and equal as life.

I commit myself to stop separating myself from others through ideas and expectations I am holding onto in my head, and thus make others aware to what I'd like so they have a clear idea and thus give them a better chance to know and be able to fulfill it.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts of I am not getting enough and I am being cheated direct me when I see that in practical reality the other is doing their best in what they are doing and thus I stop all separation in thoughts and don't allow them to direct me.

I commit to stop the self interest in only getting my needs met and thus walk with all and in consideration of all by walking the physical and walking one and equal with all here as I would want for myself.

I commit to stop the separation of there is not enough here when I realize and understand all here is me and I have enough always because I am one and equal with all who exist as life.

not enough, character, self forgiveness, being selfish, selfish person, self interest only, massage, greed, dissatisfied customer, equality, equal life, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, 2012, gabrielle goodrow,

No comments:

Post a Comment