Day 3 -
I listened to an interview called Crucifixion of Jesus - Protection, Defense, and Fear tonight through eqafe which spoke about the underlying issues and mechanisms that one goes into when feeling attacked by another and trying to defend and protect ourselves. I could relate scenario and found a few areas of my life where I go into this mode. What was discussed in this interview was that when a person goes into this form of attacking another or in other words goes into a mode of defending and protecting themselves, somewhere within them they went into a fear that was triggered causing them to react in such a way. I can relate this to the fear that I experience within relationships I am in, and one of the major fears I see triggers me is the fear of my survival being threatened, like somehow or in someway the person/people triggering this experience within me has power over me and thus has power over if I will survive or not based on what is being said or done.
I realize obviously the only way I can be powerless in a situation or limited is if I accept and allow another to make me experience this, so here I will walk self forgiveness on this fear and see what corrections will needed to be implemented to take responsibility for myself and find ways to support with change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self victimization when I am triggered by a words or words in my reality that trigger the fear of being abandoned and so where I will have to be alone and fend for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self vicitimzation and blame toward another for triggering this experience within me of feeling like I can’t take care of myself or protect myself and so within that fear that I will be left and have to fend for myself and so possible die within this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone and on my own to have to survive because it is new to me and I believe I would not know what to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that within my living environment that there is many resources that I am able to use and gain support from within my life and also that I am resourceful within myself so if worst comes to worst, I do trust that I will be able to provide for myself and find ways of common sense resolutions to problems in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of fear within the thought or imagination that I may die, when I see, realize, and understand that death is a part of life and that within life there is no need or reason to fear as this will come, though what will define me is how I lived.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for the fear that is coming up within me as fear of death when I see, realize, and understand that I blame it on another and make it their problem.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that within what I have walked within my life that I am always responsible for my own reactions as fears and that within that there is a way of moving into a living word or a solution that’ll support with moving through the tougher points of fear as I see, realize, and understand that I don’t have to move with fear, but can move within common sense living in self honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it about the other person instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that it’s not about the other, but about who I am within myself and how I move into and as a point self responsibility and finding ways to live with myself and others in a way that is supportive and moves into solutions first and foremost.
I commit myself to walk self change within these moments of fear death through realizing that I am not in extreme danger and that I can resources solutions.
I commit myself to stop fear of death as it’s inevitable and live here in what is best as my life.
I commit myself to live what is best for all and stop fear in thought, word, and deed through breathing and moving into solutions that support with communication and understanding the other/situation with more depth and unity.
