Walking here on a portion of writing from an earlier blog, here is the list of blogs I recommend looking at for further reference:
Day 142- “Stupid” Character- Part 1 - Intro
Day 143- Stupid Character – Fear Dimension Self Forgiveness – Part 2
Day 144- Stupid Character – Survival and Competition Self Forgiveness – Part 3
So there is the fear of being outcasted due to the stigma or stereotype of being seen as a stupid person within this peer group, as I have memories of myself being called this, and thus what happened to me as being outcasted and alienated from my group of friends imprinted within me, and thus to this day I activate it as a fear of being alone/outcasted. Thus within this being alone and being seen as the outcast, is what I fear the most, as the feelings of being outcasted were not cool and being called the stupid one, is a point I took personally and made it real. I believed within being called this that I was limiting my chances of getting what I desire as money, men, sex, good job, and a good life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined and influenced by others words towards me, where in I am defining myself by how others speak to me, and if it is not in the way of feeling good/positive, I go into depression/negative.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus go into defining myself by the influence of how others see me, being trapped into the polarity playout of seeing myself within acceptance or not based on how others are speaking to me and their mannerism towards me when interaction, then going into my mind and calculating by past memories if it aligned with an acceptance or if I was being rejected.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on the my mind as past memories of others acceptance of me or not through specific movements, words, and actions towards me and thus accept myself based on this being approved by me or disapproved by me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by how others see me based on holding onto a memory of being called stupid by my peers and thus imprinting in me the way I was seen and treated once I was labeled as this, and so started to change myself in accordance with this perception I gathered towards others in my world based on how they treated me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within a memory and thus define myself in each moment forward when I am with those in my age group based on the trigger points of how they speak to me or move around me, and thus will determine where I stand with others based on the perception of being seen within my own eyes as ‘accepted’ by them or ‘rejected’ by them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be accepted by others in my peer group based on a fear of being rejected, so thus I will change my behavior and mannerism to be more outgoing and fun, and thus if I assess any pint that I was rejected, I will go into a reclusion with others within even simple points of beings not answering a question I asked, and within me taking it personally, but later I found it was based on them not hearing me or a point that had no relevance to me. I realize within this point of taking things personally and defiling myself by others I will never be truly content and peaceful within myself because this is an impossible point as it’s based on the polarity of good/bad, there will always be both polarities at play in various dimensions and various times, so thus I will be creating a complete mind fuck for myself every time I am with others because I am not here with my physical, but in my mind trying to be someone I am not, a picture in my mind of how I think I am being perceived by others, instead of being here and walking the reality of who I am as I am living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being outcasted based on holding on to the memory of being outcasted by my friends in the past, and thus within myself lived into this point seeing myself as the outcast and thus became reclusive and quiet with those in this age group, so I wouldn’t be bothered and imposed on by others as I fear conflict and being called out again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take others words or movements towards me personally when in fact I did not know the thinking behind it or where the person is in their life and so I am only creating a consequence for myself of separating myself from others due to this point of feeling good/bad about what someone says or does towards me and thus defining who I am according to the perception I have made on how another sees/speaks to me. If I want to be free, I have to direct and define myself here and accept life as it is, so thus I can change it to be what is best for all and thus what is best for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the person who has outcasted another in seeing myself superior to another and thus making them feel less then me because within myself I judged them within what they looked like or how they acted, and thus assessed within this judgment that I am better, so thus creating and accepting the outcasted point in my world and thus it was created as me as I have accepted it to be instead of standing equal to life and accepting all as self.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself create a polarity of in and out where in I have created a point of separation through comparison and judgment and thus inequality within who I am, when I realize that we are all the same as life, and thus there is no point in comparison and judgment as it only separates me from others, and thus separates me from life as life is all and I am life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus play into the polarity of fearing not getting what I desired as I have only defined myself based on the approval of others and if they see me as worthy or not, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting what I want based on defining myself by others and thus linking my desires to others approval of me, which cause me to seek outside influence instead of being here as myself and walking my own self acceptance through understanding who I am in what I do and who I am with others stopping this point of living for others and thus live for self here one and equal with life as the physical.
I commit myself to stop the point of taking things personally by focusing on myself and breathing through the moments were I want to go into this point as I see that it will only create consequences for me of going into the polarity of better/worse, and so stand equal in what matters which is us as the physical and keep it simple with moving myself as others as life in the physical in solutions that will help life become better for all.
I commit myself to stop the fear of being outcasted by letting go of the memories of being called name and being outcasted by my group of friends as I realize that I am not defined by who I am with or who are my friends, but I define me here, and thus can be content with myself no matter where I am, that is true freedom by realizing that we are all here and thus just living this realization of equalizing myself with life and living this in my daily living.
I commit myself to stop all points of comparison and judgments within thoughts and walk the correction by stopping participation in them, realizing that life is equal in all its forms, to separate myself from this based on the judgments is not worth it as life is best in equality with all as this is what is real.
I commit myself to let go of all fear of being rejected as well as this desire to be accepted by others and thus walk my own self movement, my own physical process, where in I am not defined by any being but my own principles in my life in what is best for all life.
competition, survival, surviving, capitalism