Self Forgiveness (Day 6): The Truth behind Desiring to be Alone - Day 584

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be alone and not have to deal with people in general, where I am content with being by myself with my dogs, my family, and my friends that I chose to have in my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generally despise people who torture animals, torture people, torture the environment, torture nature, and in general abuse and harm the life that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become very picky and choosey with who I will allow in my world and who not, and become arrogant and generally standoffish to those who try to enter my world that I deem not welcome or too much or too needy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become self-righteous in my beliefs of myself that I am ok alone and that I am not any of things I judge of others for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as nasty beings in many different ways and deemed not worthy to spend time with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest with myself where I fear that I will be judged by others and seek out not to face that rejection and humiliation of not being liked or not being seen as acceptable so I push others away first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as not cool or not attractive due to what they do or where or look like because within my own self I equally judge myself in this way, making my reality about comparison, competition and the eventual separation of beings here in secret parts of the mind that manifest eventually in the physical as war and abuse onto life, the very same abuse and war and separation I am despising others for doing to life here equally so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create backchat anger toward others in my world who are showing a desire to get to know me, connect, and build a relationship because within myself I am not clearly directing myself and in fear of hurting others because I am in a belief that I don’t know what to do or say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief in my backchat that I am not able to direct a situation with beings in my world instead of walking the steps of writing and investigating where this point of friction is arising from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to anger and self anger for not direct myself properly to a resolution that is best for all, but be spiteful and blameful toward others who are in no way responsible for these thoughts and behaviors I am participating in that is causing outflows of compromise and abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to get close to others for fear of being rejected because I have been rejected in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take other peoples rejections and words personal to me instead of working with the information objectively and learning from the experience in a way where I grow and expand to be a better version for myself and others as well.

I commit myself to stand within a point of self support for myself where I learn to let go and take others words and rejections if it happens like the wind blowing in and out as a point of life happening and through that learning to ride the winds as the words and rejection as a point of directing myself in the best way possible to clear and calm waters within through self acceptance and self love as who I am within and without to others.

I commit myself to stand in the shoes of others and consider my words and actions through and through within who I would like to be if I were the receiving end where respect and honor is taken to do what is best for all including what would be best for me in my own self honesty.

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The Outsider - Day 511

What has been overwhelming for most of my life is the feeling and experience of myself as someone who was different and didn't belong. Here my story as the outsider answering questions like:

How have i experienced being an outsider most of my life? Is it something I desired? What were the pros and cons of such an experience? How did I find ways to make it work and what was the benefit of this? These questions and more are discussed in this interesting story about a girl and her life as an outsider. Enjoy.

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Day 297 – Self Judgment – Rejection and Blame – Self Corrections to Live

Please reference this blog for more perspective on my experience with rejection:
Day 295 – Self Judgment – Rejection is Not for Me
Day 296 – Self Judgment – Rejection and Blame

When and as I see that I am facing this point of rejection within my world, I stop and breath, and realize that this is a point of my reality that I will have to face and transcend through realizing that it doesn’t have tochange anything about me, but I can assess within it who I am and how I live and thus come to a point ofsolution that will support me and the others involved. I realize fear and self judgment will only cause me to hide and move away from facing this rejection, which keeps me trapped in the pattern of self abuse.

I commit myself to when I see I am going into fear, breath and move into the point of facing this that I fear, what is it that I am fearing, and thus face this point of resistance so I can understand myself within it and correct that which is causing me to be separate from myself and the reality I am within.

I commit myself to stop the self judgment by letting go of the definitions I am holding of myself and thefeeling within rejection as this is not conducive to supporting me to understand what it is that is causing the movement within me of taking this rejection personally.

I commit to investigate this movement when it comes up within me of rejection, and see how I can change myself to not be by it and come up with solutions that will support myself and others that will be best for that moment.

When and as I see that I am going into self judgment and seeing myself as the result of my reality and thus defining myself by my reality or external feedback, I stop and breath, and realize that this self definition will cause me to become imbalanced as this is not done within self honesty and self awareness of life, but create within me a point of victimization and blame because I didn’t take responsibility for myself, but made it about others.

I commit myself to push self honesty within all moments of my interactions with others especially in blame through taking self responsibility for my actions and the change that I will need to walk, and thus support of my environment to become an equal and harmonious environment rather then leaving it up to the external and defining me by what happens through randomness.

I commit myself to define and direct myself within my own self will, self assessment, self movement, and self commitment to change through correcting myself through writing and living in self forgiveness and selfchange.

I commit to direct me within who I am and not leave it up to randomness as the external world, but become my own means of solution within taking care of myself and seeing others and the reality I am in in equalitythrough responsibility in seeing it to a solution that will be best.

When and as I see I go into taking the rejection of others personally and see myself less then others because of this, I stop and breath, and realize that this is not to be taken personally as it is a point of another rejecting me, and so I see I have the opportunity to help another see equality as what is real as life, and support to solutions.

I commit myself to breath through the desire to feel bad when I am rejected and stand within the realization that feelings are not real, they are creations of the mind, and thus take responsibility for myself to breath and not take it personal because it’s not personal, I decide who I am in each moment.

I commit myself to push myself to walk through all feelings within the positive and negative and commit to walk the practical solutions through letting go of feelings and seeing in reality what is common sense by slowing down and becoming aware of what is physically here.

I commit to practice identifying the solutions in what is best, and practicing letting go of all feelings of attachments the external reality, and walk the solution in what is best for all.

I commit to walk away and not push points when rejected if there is no awareness or understanding able to be reached to thus stop any potential conflict.

When and as I see I am going into a point of blaming another for being rejected, I stop and breath, and realize that this is self abdication and a point to push and investigate as I realize this is a point that I don’t want to face.

I commit myself to investigate each time I observe myself go into blame, so I can identify the trigger points, and walk the point of stopping that trigger point from directing me by taking responsibility and correcting the point within my world and thus within myself.

I commit myself to face myself within my resistances, and walk the best I am able to to push through these resistances and correct them into stability point within my world, so I can be stable and able to direct myself within common sense in the reality that is here to solution.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
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Day 296 – Self Judgment – Rejection and Blame

Please reference this blog for more perspective on my experience with rejection:

Day 295 – Self Judgment – Rejection is Not for Me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection within my world based on believing that if I am rejected then I am confirmed to be less then others and that I am indeed this way based on the evidence as rejection within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within this conclusion that is not based on reality of the way of this world but on my illusions of myself and thus superimpose it on my world so I can confirm within me that I am less then others and continue to stay stuck in this pattern of self judgment and self sabotage so I don’t have to in fact face my fears and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the mind as self judgment and thus pretend that the way I am living within my world is defining me when I realize what defines me is myself, who I am within my life, and how I live my life within the way of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conclude that being rejected is something that is bad and defines me as less then others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always see me as the reason for this rejection and that I am doing something bad or am bad in some way, instead of realizing that it is something within the other that is creating this experience for them to reject me, I also realize I have the ability to walk my own self direction in supporting life in all ways and realizing that rejection is just a point to look at and assess what is the direction to take as opposed to one that is more harmonious and ‘easier’ in direction, it takes more self assessment of the situation and my awareness and thus direction within it then one of being in an acceptingenvironment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the rejection of others personal and judge myself for this as less then, when I realize that it is not about me this is there own assessment, and thus I can walk the point of my own self living in being a support for the other if possible when before it would be a point of self inferiority and no support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fearsrejection by others because I defined myself as less then others when this occurs, I realize though that this is an opportunity for me to live my self integrityand self respect by becoming here within the life of who I am as equal and one, and perfect who I am through correcting how I live and how I treat myself and thus will treat others in the principles of equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a point of inferiority and self limitationwithin this point of seeing myself less then, when I realize who I am and what opportunity I have here to walk the point of equality within principles with others when and as I see the access point within a situation such as rejection as this is usually a point of self interest, so I can become a catalyst for change rather then becoming a victim.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a victim to rejection rather then a point of support and change as realization for others as I see rejection is not necessary and we can find solutions to these points of rejection or conflict in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for rejecting me instead of turning it back to myself and see where I am rejecting myself and thus not accepting all of who I am within the realization that I am here as life and thus any point of rejection within myself is a rejection of myself and thus I will not be here but in separation which cause the point of missing myself here and going into blame toward another when it’s me not accepting myself in that moment, it’s about me not another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject parts of myself due to self interest to have some point of entertainment or attention within my world and thus want more experience for myself instead of considering what I am doing and how I am effecting my physical, my self as life, the life around me, and thus within the principles I am walking of equal life reject all of this within a point of only seeing me, which is unacceptable as life is here within all as one and equal and so I must consider the whole equal to the consideration of myself in every breath to for real be here as life.

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Day 295 – Self Judgment – Rejection is Not for Me

So an interesting point came up within writing about that last point of lacking self confidence and the backchat that activate this belief of myself, and this point that opened up was with the point of rejection. Within myself I have created a huge point of resistance and reaction to being rejected by a group of friends or peers because of the fact of how the emotions that would come up feel such as being humiliated, sadness, loneliness, and the belief that I am unwanted and thus uncool, and this I didn’t want to have anything to do with. To be rejected was to have to feel these feelings and have these thoughts as self judgments of myself asinferior be confirmed, which cause me to go into a state of depression because within myself there was no selfintegrity nor any self respect as I only exist within the outside looking in.

I didn’t know what these words, self integrity and self respect meant nor how to apply them in my living, I only was defining and deciding who I was based on what I thought of how others where perceiving me, was I creating myself to become a person that was acceptable for others, acceptable for the group, and thus then I could be acceptable for myself. But this obviously causing all the havoc and conflict within me because I was only defining myself as a picture, an idea in my head, and an ideal I was hoping others where going to see in me to like me. This only living form mind and from ego, learning the way of greed and competition, the way of this profit driven system to be the best looking and then have a skill, looks matter most I concluded at thattime in school, it really doesn’t matter what kind of person you are or how you treat yourself and the life around you, if I look good, I can be accepted, and then I will be happy. Really?

Little did I know the cycle of abuse that this type of conclusion would create within my life, where no self integrity, no self respect was built, thus there was no self direction, so I allowed my mind to direct me. And it directed me into the deepest and darkest places I have seen yet. Once I was finally rejected from my peer group and humiliated in front of my ‘friends’ I crashed because the world I defined as me crashed. And I created this deep anger and resentment against myself, my physical for allowing this to occur, ‘it’s my body fault, my looks, the way I stand, the way I speak that I am a loser now and this is why I have been rejected’. Never seeing, realizing, or understanding that it was me who was causing this crashed feeling in my world, me as the self judgment to my body and the way I stood and spoke, I mean I was the one bullying myself, I was judging myself, I did not require to do this to myself, my body is supporting me to live unconditionally everybreath in unison, in communion, and in defiance of the mind that I bombard it with, it’s the innocence of this that creates a great shame within me for being this way, but this is not a solution, it is a gift yes, but to stay in shame is still the same, stuck in inaction when I require action.

I must now focus on letting all this go, the judgments of myself as I have forgiven them of myself and ask for release of myself through committing to change my living into acceptance of who I am, of the life that is herein all forms, and accept the expression we all have and can enjoy of eachother forevermore, if I/we just realize we are it, we are all that is here as the gift of life, nothing has to be defined as such in a point of polarity, it doesn’t really exist anyway. We are all here, alive, breathing, and thus it takes a direction of the mind in self respect and self integrity to see this through til it is indeed done. This purpose, respect, and integrity of self is built, nurtured and lived through ones self commitments and living action of change to show it is possible, I/we can live free from our past, and create what is here as new, it just takes a breath and a decision and we are here…..its that easy, just a breath and a decision to walk in absolution, but a process to get to here.

Join us at the journey to life blogs and desteni I process lite course to start your journey to self freedom, a path worth every step. And I am eternally grateful for all those walking this with me as we bring a new world within and through ourselves.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
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Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

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