A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 144- Stupid Character – Survival and Competition Self Forgiveness

This is specific to my peers, as I see I can easily be with younger people or older people as I see them as relatively being equals in terms of there is no real competition at play with them. Within my peer group though, there is the survival trigger that is played out, as I am on an equal playing level with these people and so I will go into a point of survival mode where in I will have to be seen as the best as possible to be able to survive and stay within a relative sense of security, because If I don’t have this point of ‘friends’ as my peers then I’ll be alone, and I don’t want or enjoy being alone.

I will be writing self-forgiveness on the above portion in relation to competition and survival with my peer group, suggest to read the following blogs for more context:

Day 142- “Stupid” Character- Part 1 - Intro
Day 143- Stupid Character – Fear Dimension Self Forgiveness – Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see those in my age group within a point of competition because I have judged this group as those that I have to go to battle with to survive in this world as I have learned through my friends, sisters, the media, that there is a struggle to gain status and get what you want as it is not just going to be given freely.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a negative polarity as self diminishment if I see that I am not able to compete and win, and thus create more self judgments of myself within the belief that this is why i am losing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be the best within the group I am interacting with and so within this desire create a point of separation as competition, as within this point, I am creating of desiring to be the best, their will be those who will lose, so creating the polarity in my world and thus the world at large to go into competition and thus drive the point of having to survive with those who are equal as life and equal within having to survive as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive the point of competition based on my belief that if I don’t go into competition with those that I see in competition with me, such as my peer group, I will lose and not be able to get what I desire in this life. I realize however, that we can create a system where everyone wins, if I as this world, let go of this point to be the more then others and stand equal with all as how I would want for myself, this point of feeling that I need to survive will end because I am not competing any longer, there is no struggle as everything will be shared as we realize all need to live equally so thus share everything equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within comparing myself to others, and thus creating a point where I go into that some beings are more then me and some beings are less, and thus within this automatically creating a point of polarity as some are more and some are less, and that what is important is to be the more so I can survive and get what I want. I realize that within this initial judgment of myself, I am creating the separation of myself with others, and thus creating a lack within me, so it’s to stop this initial point of self judgment and walk the equality of myself with others by physically living it in my world through physical actions, speaking, not imposing, ect. So that I am not in a point of lack/gain, but here with all in equality to find what is best for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus through this point of separation through lack, created a point of need from the outer world to fill that lack, so thus searching and driving to find that which I am looking for, which is my own self interested happiness, such as status and success within my peer group, so I can be seen as the strong one and I can eventually gain what I want as I have shown that I am more and thus those get what I want because in this system those who are the fittest will survive, but realizing this is not life, as when I am at the losing end, life suffers which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a point of fulfillment outside of myself based on not accepting myself within my own body, so thus I must stop the point of self judgment and comparison and defining myself by the outer, and walk the inner process of myself to stabilize myself and become equal in acceptance with who I am, so thus my living can equalize on the outer and their will be no need to seek fulfillment from anyone or anything outside myself as I have created self fulfillment within myself as myself within stopping the separation as my mind in thoughts, reactions, and multi-dimensions, bringing myself back to the physical here where life is.

I commit myself to stop and breath when I see I am going into a reaction of survival within a group by stopping the activating thoughts of self judgment and walking the physical through the breathing and moving myself physically in my hands to get me back to my body and thus walk the process of equalizing myself with the beings in the physical by stopping my mind as thoughts, reactions, emotions, and feelings.

I commit myself to stop all points of competition within my mind as thoughts and thus within the physical as actions to thus be able to stand as equals for real, and let go of the drive to be more through competing, as I realize it’s not necessary as we can all share what is here and live as who we are as equals, it’ll take physical action through my living correction in when I see I go into this point of competing, I breath and I stop.

I commit myself to stop the point of belief that if I don’t compete, I will not survive, so here will walk the point of creating systems, means, and actions in my world that will create an equality with those I am walking with, working with, living with, ect. So an equality and sharing can be developed and created within my world, where all win and all benefit, ending the drive for competition and survival as I have physically stopped participating in it. This to continue into the world system, as I walk and push my efforts with the group who are supporting the equal money system, so the survival drive will end in this world and world equality can be here among all life.

I commit myself to stop the polarity I live within seeing that I am lacking if I don’t compete, stopping the point of desire for more, and become satisfied with what I have, making important the life of all in equality and not my own self interest as entertainment and feeling good, if life is going to be lived for everyones enjoyment then it must start within me and my living.

I commit myself to walk the point of self fulfillment by walking my process of self forgiveness and self correction within accepting who I am and changing myself through my living by stopping the judgment and lack within me, and walking simply a process of correction in space time, that I understand will take time, so this can be done once and for all, embracing me and enjoying myself as life as this is a gift, and stopping the abuse within self interest and competition in stopping the belief that survival is life because it’s not life.