A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 142- “Stupid” Character- Part 1

Monday, October 1, 2012

Day 142- “Stupid” Character- Part 1 - Intro

The fear I have in relations to being a seen as stupid or being called stupid is how others will see me if I am called this or seen as this within what I do, so fear of not being liked or approved of by others through the perception that being called stupid is a diminishment within myself. This is specific to my peers, as I see I can easily be with younger people or older people as I see them as relatively being equals in terms of there is no real competition at play with them. Within my peer group though, there is the survival trigger that is played out, as I am on an equal playing level with these people and so I will go into a point of survival mode where in I will have to be seen as the best as possible to be able to survive and stay within a relative sense of security, because If I don’t have this point of ‘friends’ as my peers then I’ll be alone, and I don’t want or enjoy being alone.

So there is the fear of being outcasted due to the stigma or stereotype of being seen as a stupid person within this peer group, as I have memories of myself being called this, and thus what happened to me as being outcasted and alienated from my group of friends imprinted within me, and thus to this day I activate it as a fear of being alone/outcasted. Thus within this being alone and being seen as the outcast, is what I fear the most, as the feelings of being outcasted were not cool and being called the stupid one, is a point I took personally and made it real. I believed within being called this that I was limiting my chances of getting what I desire as money, men, sex, good job, and a good life. Within the stupid character, activating these primary points, that I am not capable and their must be something wrong with me to be called this, so thus I live out this character in real life as seeing myself as the 'stupid' one. But in reality, I realize I am capable and that this judgment against myself is what is stupid, as it's not a point of defining self in any giving moment as a point of some specific value, but equalizing myself with the physical, valuing self equal among all, and thus living this understanding into my life where i become equal as all in capabilities as I will be one and equal with the physical, which life is, so will have full access to life because I am it.

I have found that the living into this character has the biggest effect on me today, as it went into my physical living, so I have to walk through the point of stopping the words and judgments of myself as less then, through self forgiveness and self correction, which I will do in forthcoming blogs specifically. The point to realize for myself is that it doesn’t matter either way if others are seeing me as stupid or not, that is a reflection on them, but what matters is who I am within being called this, and how am I going to live, as a diminishment of who I can be or a living example of life as equality and oneness as what is real.