Saturday, October 27, 2012

Day 161 – Self Comfortability

Looking at this point as it has come up today, and that is being comfortable within my own skin. If I have a look at the point I am now experiencing within my physical, I am very much not comfortable with myself and find I am most of the time in a survival mode, as I am I am in constant fear of being judged as within myself I am judging myself constantly. So it’s like what do I expect, my body is very painful and tense all over, and this is an indication and a physical validation of where I am at in my process, trying to survive because I’m constantly tense due to allowing the backchat of self judgment to direct me. Missing the physical breath by breath, and in my mind judging my face, judging my clothes, judging my body, and perceiving that all others are doing this as well. I realized today while looking at this point that when I stop for amount existing within this pattern of self judgment, I see that in fact there is no one judging me, I am the one who creates this tension and anxiety feeling within myself towards others because I am creating the judgment within myself, it is all me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself by how others move themselves when around me as I project my own self judgments on to them and go into fear and suppression due to seeing myself as inferior. I realize that when I go into judgment of myself and project onto others, I will become possessed by this point and thus go into suppression within my physical and start the process of slowing removing myself from the environment. This I see is a copout and based on the fact that I don’t want to face my reality and change myself to stop this pattern of fear.

When and as I see myself go into fear and sef judgment when I precieve others as judging me, but it’s me simply judging others movements and then projecting my own self judgment of myself on to them, I stop and breath, and speak ‘no, I don’t accept this pattern of fear to control me, I am equal’ and thus move myself to interact with the person and push myself to express myself in comfortably, meaning sink into the physical more and slow my movements down to become more in-sync with this flow of my physical movement and do not allow myself to follow the thoughts and fears.

I commit myself to not accept myself to go into suppression when I find that I am going into judgment of myself by stopping the thoughts and participation in the energy as the emotion of inferiority and push myself to ineract with others until I have reached a comfortability.

I commit myself to use breath to become here and stop participating in my mind continuously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self suppression when I accept the thoughts of ‘see everyone thinks your awkward and out of place, look how they look at you, they can’t even look you in the eye” and then I will find points where I can validate this thought because within myself I believe this point to be true. I realize that this is a point of self manipulation based on not being satisfied with how I look now because I am comparing myself to otherwomen and thus see myself as less then these women and thus go into suppression because I believe I can never be what I desire to be and that is an ultimate women with the look, the composure, the integrity, and the sensuality that I see other women around me have and I believe that I can’t have this because I judge myself as this awkward out of place women.

When and as I see I go into this thought of blame towards others because I had the thought that “see everyone thinks your awkward and out of place, look how they look at you, they can’t even look you in the eye” but within myself abdicate my own responsibility of producing this thought and then following it by going into suppression and inferiority, I stop and breath, and move myself to interact with those who I am seeing I am blaming, realizing that I am not defined by these thoughts, I can direct myself to let go of these thoughts, and thus commit myself to interact with others in breath as equals. I realize that when I stop these thoughts within myself I will stop the reactions of suppression and inferiority because I am the one who decides who I am in every moment, I direct myself, if others react I direct the point in stability as equals, I decide who I am in each moment, make it simple, be equal and thus this creates self comfortability and calmness because I am here.

I commit myself to let go of the thoughts of self diminishment and I commit to stop comparing myself with other women, and thus walk the steps to build my own self integrity and self comfroatbility by becoming comfortable within my own body. Massaging my body and slowing down in my body, not pushing it to extremes within emotion and movements by using my breath and walking in the rhythm of my breathing.

I commit myself to let go of the desire to be this person other then who I am and accept me as the physical, accept me as ok, accept me as life which is the best gift I can give myself as I will need nothing else but myself as all, and thus support myself as all to live this into the physical, the acceptance of self and naturally through this acceptance of self, life will be birthed and life will be comfortable because I am in truth, I am in self honesty, and I am in full openness to life as me and thus I correct myself and change always to that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste precious time within points of looks and comparing myself with others as I realize that within comparison I am deliberately separating myself for my own self interest desires to have the perfect man and thus be seen as the perfect women. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by perfection within a polarity of some are perfect and some are noy, so thus I can be the winner and be seen as more then other humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be more then other humans so I can be happy and be content for a minute, but this happiness and content will never last because it was never real it was based on illusion of the mind as a pretty picture in time, and because this is based on the mind as a picture in the past, it will not stand within eternal principles of oneness and equality, where I as life accept all here as self because I as life realize all here is self and thus living of these principle in reality will bring the only true self perfection that is real as this will be evident in our living reality because we are in fact living.

When and as I see I am going into comparison and desire to be seen as more then other humans to be seen as special and to win, I stop and breath, and let go of all the thoughts that drive this point of comparison with other humans and desire to be better. I realize the consequential outflow of this is self-compromise and thus I will fall into separation and self instability as I am doing this to myself. I am only here equal if I live this in fact as self equality with myself and thus with all others in respect and acceptance of who we are as life.

I commit myself to stop all comparison with other humans in each and every moment by focusing on my breathing and letting go of each and every thought that arise that goes into this mind pattern of comparision.

I commit myself to stop all desires to be more then other humans and walk physical equality by getting to know each and every human I meet equal and one to myself as how I would want to be treated, and develop an intimacy with others as I walk this for myself.

I commit to stop all fear of interacting with others as I stop the backchat of comparison and judgment, and walk in physical reality as I breath and equalize myself with life.

Interview Support:

How Thoughts Create Physical Reality

Life Review - How the Personalities shape the Physical

Photograph By: Leila Zamora Moreno

self comfortable, how to like self again, i am not happy, self judgements make me miserable, misery, mind games, head case, self acceptance, desteni, eqafe, #teamlife, #TFB #changetheworld

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