Day 154- What is in a name? Part 1 - Self Forgiveness

Here looking at the existence within my name, my name I was given at birth was Garbrielle, but when anyone first meets me and a few times after that they miss the first r and say Gabrielle. So I began to grow a resistance to my name and saying my name to others, because I know I was going to have to repeat myself and correct them, and they still were not going to get it right. I find that within this of meeting new people and finding that I was going to have to say my name again, and this ended up happening, I would say within myself ‘Can’t you just hear what I am saying to you, it’s not Gabrielle, it’s Garbrielle!” And react in annoyance based on this idea that people should know how to say my name. But realizing that the way my name is spelled is not easy to here the r so it’s to stop the reaction of others saying my name wrong and correct it if it’s relevant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed backchat thoughts of ‘why can’t people say my name right’ when I hear another person say my name without the r in it as I have imprinted within me from memory moments where I would have to correct my name spelling more times then not, and thus allowed the emotion of annoyance to direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live from memories of me within separation of others where I would create this superiority to them, where I was too busy to stop and say my name to them again correctly, so I could continue on my search to find a positive experience and thus treat the people in my world as a nuisance because I wasn’t getting that high as feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the point of believing myself to be superior to others based on not getting the result I wanted and thus seeing them as stupid and not listening, where I had to inconvenience my life to tell them the correct spelling of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as stupid and not listening to me based on me being impatient and believing my time and activities are more important then others, and so act annoyed with them based on this belief of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that within this belief that I am more important then others I am deliberately allowing spitefulness and nastiness towards others based on this imposed position I have created for myself with those who in this case, say my name wrong and then use this as a justification to be spiteful and nasty to them because I was put out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed justification within my world of being more important then others and thus react within points of someone not understanding what I am saying or seeing something differently then what I intended, in spitefulness and annoyance and thus be quick and unfriendly with them based on this point of separation I am accepting within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see those that say my name incorrectly within a point of superiority and thus justify my acts within this separation, and treat others less then who I believe myself to be as more important and that they are burdening me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into superiority with others that don’t say my name right and thus immediately go into irritation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in irritation when my name is spoken wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this belief that I am more important then others and thus they are holding me back with not hearing my name and how to say it properly and making me repeat myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my name being said wrong in a resistance and thus blame the person who said my name wrong as the cause of this resistance I am feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus allow blame onto another person for the emotions as resistance and irritation I am accepting within myself based on judging someone and holding onto judgment of someone for saying my name wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another person in any way what so ever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for my own reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto resistances towards others for points that I am accepting and thus causing the resistance to occur.

More to follow in next blog.