A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 163- Vulnerability – Part 2

Looking at the point of being vulnerable, within my life I have never enjoyed feeling this way as obviously being vulnerable means you are more able to be abused or harmed, within me I never wanted to be in such a state. There is an inherent fear within this of being let down and thus abused within opening myself up and allowing vulnerability, and so I am very seldom given into being vulnerable with others and allowing myself to open up. I see how I have created many parts in my world where I perceive that I am vulnerable and open for attack based on being hyper-reactive within perceiving what others are thinking of me, so this created many imaginations of being perceived as others thinking me as weak, but I realized I am the one creating this within my own head.

This is a continuation of Day 162 – Vulnerability – Part 1 for your reference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not become open and vulnerable with people in my world who have shown support and care towards me and still I will not allow myself to trust them based on fearing that I will get hurt and/or abused. I realize that within this fear I am not allowing myself to ever become intimate with another or intimate with myself because I’m accepting thoughts of what others think of me direct who I am and thus never actually in realityhearing or really seeing what others are saying and/or living within my world but always in a perception of defense, like I will be attacked or abused if I let my guard down thus never really realizing myself as self as the other as who we are as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming intimate with another based on holding onto my past of abuse and allowing that to direct me here with others, in a constant pattern of self sabotage due to this belief that I am not worthy of others care and support because there is something wrong with me. I realize that this fear of being intimate with others is based on holding onto this belief that I am not worthy of care and support based on me fueling it and keeping it alive through continually participating in it, accepting this belief and fear to be real for me as I am creating it within myself, there is no outside force that is making me live in such a way, I am creating this on my own, and thus I realize that it is not in fact real as its coming from my mind it is not physical, and thus I can stop it, all I have to do is stop participating in the thoughts, stop fueling the thoughts, and thus stop living the thoughts as past, present, future, and live here in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe these thoughts are true that I have something wrong with me and I am not worthy of care and support from others, and thus believe the thoughts that others see me as not worthy as well creating my own hell within myself as I can never get close to anyone because I am in constant fear that I will be abused as I have been in the past, so thus living the past in my present and thus into the future, enslaving myself to the past and thus into the present to thus repeat in the future, when I realize this is not necessary, I am only enslaved to my past if I allow it and it’s really rather stupid to allow this because the past is not real, it’s not physical so how can it be real, but I can believe it to be real by making it up in my mind and thus living from thought.

So, I commit myself to stop and breath when and as I see I am going into any form of self diminishment based on selfjudgments or projections of how others are seeing me, and within myself I speak the words ‘stop’ and do not accept myself to go into this pattern. It’s as simple as making this decision to stop when a thought comes or an emotion comes, and thus breath through it, and continue to walk my day, participate with people, speak to people, play with the animals, enjoy myself living, become self disciplined, and continuing this walk until I am clear and I am here and I am effective for what is best for all, where no more thoughts of self diminishment directs me as I realize I am one and equal with all life and all life is one and equal to me, no separation exists, this I have to prove in my living for myself to live this for real, this is my commitment to myself as life as all, so we can stop the illusion of underestimation of ourselves, and walk our real potential as what life is, limitless in essence within the principles of oneness and equality as the directive will of self.

I commit myself to stop the fear of abuse from others and thus build my own self-trust through building my own self-integrity by living my words and taking responsibility for who I am, by strengthening my resolve in growing my understanding and application of self honesty and common sense living, and living within the principles of equality for real, never taking anything from others personally or for granted as I realize that we are all walking process and everyone is at different stages within this process of equalizing self as the phsyical, and thus I give others the space to grow and give support if it is relevant unconditionally as I was given myself. I give what I have received and I commit to this so thus we as beings of life can become whole again within who we are as it’s a sure process to walk to correct our faults with real application and so I commit to walk this walk until it is complete for all so we can be free.