Monday, June 11, 2012

Day 55- I'll Kill to be Skinny

I was watching a tv show and the girl and guy where sleeping together, she got up and had her bra on and exposed her whole torse area, she was very skinny and had a flat stomach. I have always desired to have a stomach that is flat and muscler, and when seeing this flat stomach on the screen, those thoughts came up and I saw that the desire is still there, thus I will walk the point on in self forgiveness and give myself some direction to not accept this any longer through self corrective statements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the desire to have a flat stomach so I can be seen as fit and in shape. I realize and see that this desire to be a certain body type will only cause me to diminish myself as I will be in a constant state of comparison and competition with myself and others to have this perfect picture as a skinny stomach never being satisfied with who I am and accepting my body as me. I realize and understand I must stop these desires to be skinny and stop judging and comparing bodies as all is physical and all is here one and equal to me, I am not a picture but life here in the flesh living, I am not an idea I am here a living being breathing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize and see that the human physical body is here within and as each breath assisting and supporting me to live and express on this earth, me in competition and chasing an idea is hindering and diminishing the effectiveness and oneness of the potential of the physical as me, and thus I am compromising life's full potential for my own self interest to be attractive and seen by others while the body suffer with mal- nourishment and abuse due to desires to be more. I realize and see that this abuse and suffering to the physical is not acceptable and thus I must stop the ideas of desire through stopping my desire to be seen by others as more and thus accept myself as is and accept myself as the physical letting go of ideas of beauty and attractiveness, and live within my self living becoming perfected within who I am as life in expression and stop the worry about how I am being seen.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use pictures in my head of images I see on tv screens or in pictures to influence who I am and thus desire to be seen in a particular way as I have an idea that I will attract guys that I desire, this within and as superficiality where I desire a pretty picture and a man who sparks my sexual desires so I can have sex with a man that I can gain energy from as nice feelings so I can feel special and be seen equal to the picture and show that I got the 'cream of the crop' so thus exist within a point of using my body for my ego in competition to show that I can catch the 'hottest' male. I see and realize that this behavior is completely self abdication to the equality of life and thus using life to suit my own desires and needs of feeling good, so thus I must stop the abdication of myself to life by stopping my addiction to getting my desires fulfilled at the cost of life here and being a person who needs to win.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to win and be the best for my own self gain while I cause abuse to others in this case my physical body by exercising to gain a specific outcome and nourish it due to the idea in my head and limit it's intake so I can hold this idea and try to live into it. I realize and see that depriving my body of it's necessities to function and live here within and as this physical existence is causing unnecessary harm when I realize that the physical require certain needs to live and thus I as the physical equal and one will walk the necessary steps and understanding to make sure I am here within support and unconditional giving to my body to help it stay balanced and healthy one and equal to how I am giving life each and every breath through and as this physical body as the physical existence as life.

I commit myself to stop defining and judging myself based on others bodies and pictures on tv, but live here with all in who we are as this physical reality and stop participating in the mind to gain something for myself.

I commit myself to give to my physical body support and the necessary nutritions to live balanced and healthy and stop all forms of abuse due to ego and competition.

I commit to enjoy myself as the physical and accept all life as is and accept myself as who I am working only for what is best for all in all moments.

skinny, I want to be skinny, sexy women, beautiful people, models, magazine cut outs, sex, healthy body, human body, kill, harm life, physical reality, equality, eqafe, equal life, equal money, desteni, 2012, journey to life

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