So here opening up the dimensions of this point within myself of being a female, what does this imply for myself and how have I existed within my life towards the fact that I am female?
I will start back when I was a child, and my earliest memories of myself was being a young kid were I never identified myself with being female, I remember thinking that it was not fun being a girl because of what toys they were designated to play with and what they did. In terms of being a little girl, the toys that are designated as 'female' are the dolls, tea sets, dressing up, wearing make up, ect. and for me I wanted absolutely none of that. I remember really getting annoyed with my mom in the mornings when she would try and put my hair up in braids or something, and I would say no, I want my hair short and not touched. I didn't like the whole tied up look and the pulling of the hair with the brush, it hurt and was unnecessary as it would just get in my face. So I looked at being a human being as a child in more practical terms based on my desires to not be bothered with looking 'pretty'. (This early years like 5-8 yrs. old)
In terms of play, I didn't identify with any of the girl toys, and always desired to be outside in the woods or in the fields playing sports or climbing trees, going on some sort of adventure with my friends around the neighborhood, but never did I want to sit inside and play dress up and put make up on or play with dolls.
I see within this point for myself that it is fine for a child to play whatever it is the child want to play in terms of their expression, but based on society norms and how the adults for instance pushed to be more girly and be more feminine, I became self conscious of myself in seeing why is it that I am not girly? What is not being girly mean when I am a girl? Was I suppose to be a boy, and I a boy trapped in a girls body? I often thought this because I was much more interested in playing with boys, doing boyish stuff, and be seen equal with the boys based, but within society and with others older then me, I was getting you have to act more girly, you have to wear dresses and tights, and be like your sisters. So who I was within myself was being conficted with the reality of where I was living, and thus within me started to question who I was and why I was the way I was based on this point of being a girl but not 'acting' like one.
I will do self forgiveness on this point of identifying self as male or female, when in reality, there is no separation in terms of what is 'feminine' to do and what is 'masculine' to do. One should be able to be free to do and express in whatever it is they feel they would like to. Obviously, there is points where females and males are more 'naturally' inclined to do and stand within responsibility within this world, but this is not mutually exclusive and never should be. There are exceptions like breast feeding, obviously, that will only be done by females in this existence, but other then this, life should have no gender classification nor gender roles.
When we start putting labels on things, it becomes something different and more complex then what it is here in just walking in each breath and expressing in the moment in what has to be done. For instance, a male is at home with his daughter. The female who is the mother of the child is at work, the male in this role would need to stand in as the nurturer, to support, assist, and care for the child in absolute specificity as the mother is 'naturally' inclined to do so as this has been the 'mothers' role in society forever. But what does that say about the male, does he not have the same capacity and abilities to nurture and support the child in care then the female, but when one ask a person who is the one who take care of the children, 9 out of 10 will say the female. This I can see why this has been pushed in such a way based on the female bearing the child, but to consider that the father is equal and one in the creation of the child and thus should stand equal and one in raising and caring in all facets for the child as either way it must be done, so why put labels on what we do? Thus it's the labels and divides of gender roles that cause unnecessary separation that is based on our ideas, beliefs, and traditions over time and if one investigate - allot of these points stand in place due to mind dimensions such as ego, desires, and fears we as humanity has accepted and allowed and thus has manifested the state of the world today, were we see a gender divide and disrespect. So within the next blogs to come will be looking at the dynamic of men and women and how we have separated ourselves based on these labels we have defined ourselves by based on the difference of our body design, and putting my personal mind dimensions in to it to work with the forgiveness to stop my separations in this matter as well for myself.
male, female, men vs. women, gender roles, gender divide, gender wars, mothers, fathers, equality, equal life, equal money, journey to life, desteni, 2012, garbrielle