Monday, June 25, 2012

Day 69- The Inner Torture of Self Doubt

Within myself I see that allot of the times during my day, I compromise myself to self doubt, seeing and judging myself as less then what I see as the life around me and questioning what I am doing, if I am doing it right, and how will others judge me. So compromising my self standing based on defining myself by experiences I am having towards others based on energy that is within me as feelings that are due to the polarity I am existing within and thus comparing myself where doubt is seen as I am splitting myself in many different places and thus making less my self power cause I am not here with myself, but in my mind looking for myself out there, which create the doubt because I am nowhere to be found as I am searching all over the place instead of being here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to doubt my decisions within who I am based on defining myself by others and how others are thinking about me. I realize and understand that defining myself by others and others thoughts towards me is not really about the other but the way I am defining myself within myself. So thus I see I must stop my judgments of myself that compromise who I am as equal with all and thus stop my mind from going out there to define me, but be here and just live in each moment. When I go into defining myself within the mind I will create this self doubt as a division is created and I am split within me. Once a body is split, it will always fall, this is true in all facets of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create a specific desire within my mind of how I want to be perceived and when I am not perceived in such a way as desired, I go into a self doubt as to why I wasn't seen in the way I expected as this way is always a bloated way and not in reality. Thus I realize that if I am not within the reality of who I am and in my mind desiring for a fantasy type scenario to happen to me, I will go into doubt as I am not basing myself on who I am within what I am doing, but on ideas, pictures, beliefs in my mind floating around and only being seen within the positive polarity of the desired experience. I must stop this desire for an experience and thus stop playing into the polarity that I have to be seen in a specific way as I realize that when this specific way is not lived out to my liking, I will see myself as unworthy and perpetuate the self doubt as who I am accepting myself to be.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to only live within myself as the polarity outcome of who I expect myself to be ignoring/hiding/pushing away who I am as the opposite polarity not realizing that this ignoring/hiding/pushing away is not supportive to who I can be and will only cause this self doubt within me to accelerate as I am not considering who I am being within what is really here as myself, but only looking at the bright side. I realize and see ignoring myself as the dark will only increase the self doubt within myself as I will not be able to walk the correction to be here in equality as I am unwilling to walk the point out in it's entirety due to fear of what I'll see and within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting self doubt to overcome me as I am seeing within myself who I am being and thus based on my desire and acceptance of only living and pushing to be the best as the positive within my world I am sabotaging myself as I go into doubt as how I am being doesn't correlate with reality in who I really am as the dark and the hidden. I realize that I have to let go of this desire to be the best and only see the positive, and face the entirety of who I am and all that I do, so I know myself and understand myself, and thus have the opportunity to change myself to be a being who is living self honesty thus doubt will cease to exist as who I am is out in the open and here for all to see as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow fear to direct me to sabotage who I am and create doubt within me based on my beliefs and thoughts about other and how others are seeing/thinking/talking about me and within this desiring to only be seen within and as a certain way, and thus when my reality as others shows me something that is not what I believed myself to be I go into doubt as there is no foundation. I am defining myself by others and thus I will always be unstable because I will never get the answer from others I desire and that will be acceptable to me. I realize and understand that to accept me here I must let go of the mind as beliefs, ideas, thoughts, and projections onto others, and live for me and as me. Standing here within self and walking the process of acceptance by stopping the mind as fear, judgments, thoughts, and ideas. Live in practical reality stopping all energy of the mind to divide me and thus cause the self doubt as I am not whole, but split and fragmented within me causing uncertainty.

I commit myself to stop going into a judgment of myself in the face of others, but let this go and really walk the humbleness of me, acceptance of me, and self care of me so I can stand within myself and live who I am in full awareness and understanding of each move I make, stopping the doubt of who I am and living the being I realize I am.

I commit to stop existing within polarities as positive and negative towards the life around me as myself, and just live within and as my physical body, my physical movements, and walk the process of slowing myself down to see who I am being and stop the division to go into my mind and sabotage me through self doubt and fear in the projection of who I want to be seen as and how are others seeing me, which is not real and only will cause self diminishment.

I commit to stop defining me by my mind and the outside reality, but walk here within and as my own self by realizing that I am all that is here and thus all I can do is walk my correction, build my self trust and self awareness through living my words, and understand myself more and more until all here is known and I remain.

self doubt, I dont know who I am, why am I so low, why am I such a loser, why do i feel so bad, equality, solutions, life issues, equal life, equal money, journey to life, eqafe, desteni, garbriellegoodrow

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