Saturday, June 16, 2012

Day 60- Being Shocked

Today I found myself go into suppression when I was told how to do something different then what I was about to do, in a way where I took it personally, and saw the other person trying to tell me how to do things. I went into my back chat initially and saw how I was telling her to shut the hell up. I realized this and saw how I was going straight into anger and trying to demonize her do to not being in breath but wanting always to be seen and spoken softly to.

I found this point is a fear I am going into based on like a shock sensation that goes through my body when I am yelled at or told on what to do in a forceful way, and based on the feeling I get when 'yelled' at, I go into a defense mood and go into the backchat and create a wall to build myself up on and diminish her and see her as the problem, she's just trying to give me a hard time type of justifications.

I fear the yelling based on my childhood, where I would be yelled at and scolded and go into self judgment where I would see myself as bad and that I had something wrong with me to make me get yelled at. The noise volume of the yelling was too load and it scared me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into fear and anxiety when another being raises their voice at me and go into a defense mechanism to take them down and make them feel how I felt. I realize and see that within the point of being yelled at, I must stop reacting to the noise the voice and going into fear. Realize it is only a loud noise and thus I will be fine, I take what is said within consideration of myself and adjust myself to align with what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take a loud noise directed at me personally and go into the the desire to seek  revenge and bring them down so I can regain control of the situation within myself because I fear being out of control within myself and have others have control over me by telling me who and what I should or shouldn't do. I realize and see that these beings are not doing it to hurt me or based on personal vendettas but are doing because of how they are experiencing themselves and thus I decide how I am going to walk the point out. Here I must walk the point out in common sense and realize nothing is going to happen to me by getting yelled at, I am still here and thus direct myself to find the solution and walk it in what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear load noises based on holding onto memories of being yelled at and going into shock based on the noise volume that was directed towards me. I realize and see that noise is noise and thus has in no way any effect on who I am thus I will myself to walk through the shock of it, breath and let go of any desire to go into reaction and stop the backchat.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into backchat and diminish another based on my own reactions of fear and shock when I was 'yelled' at and thus based on the reaction of fear and shock I desired to take this anger out on the noise that triggered it. I am the one that created the reaction of fear thus I realize I must always look back at myself and see why I am reacting and behaving in an abusive way and walk the process to stop. I realize I have to stop the reacting and stop the fear and live here with others and direct myself to walk through points with common sense and let go of the fear.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from the other and desire to be right and know it all and diminish her just based on her yelling at me and making me have this feeling of shock as how I reacted. I realize and see that I must stop the reaction of shock and then blame and stand here equal with all no matter what the circumstance is and walk the point into correction in self honesty.

I commit myself to stop going into back chat towards others and desire to diminish them by stopping my reactions and walking the common sense correction in directing myself.

I commit to stop fearing others and what they will do to me, and stopping the reactions and all the thoughts of separations and live here in equality and walk solutions that will support all.

I commit to stop reactions towards others and walk the point through in common sense and equality, breath, and push to walk self honestly always.

being yelled at, being shocked, parents discipline, scolding kids, equality, equal money, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, 2012,

No comments:

Post a Comment