A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 138- “I need you” Self forgiveness and Correction

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Day 138- “I need you” Self forgiveness and Correction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idealize the mother figure as something that is special and more wise then me, in which I can always depend on to give me guidance and help me when I am in need of it. I realize that within this dependency of another is only hindering my self dependency where in I am self sufficient and not in need of anyone, but can walk the solution as myself or in companionship with others as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek nurturing words and giving within the idea of what a mother can give, as I have become dependent on this ‘gentle’ touch that a mother can bestow on her child, in where I seek this out if I am not secure or stable within situations instead of realizing that this reliance on others is not best for myself as I am separating myself from my own self nourishment and reliance as I am capable and able to give this to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idealize the mother figure as someone who is more then me, and become addicted to this figure in my world in co-dependency so I don’t have to really push myself and become independent and stable on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mother figure in my world as a way to take the easy way in seeking guidance for points that I find difficult and became in the habit of seeking guidance from my mom or someone like my mom who is gentle, then facing the point myself, and walking my conclusions to change myself so I am stable in the point and not dependent on another to show me the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become use to this motherly person in my world and thus become submissive within myself towards these type of women, not realizing that I am giving my power away, as within the submission is a judgment that I am inferior to their wisdom/knowledge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a judgment about women who are confident and thus nurturing to others in their living as women who are more knowledgeable and wise then me, and thus subconsciously allow them to direct me and seek direction from them, as I have gotten use to this presence in my world to show me the way. I realize however, that this is separating myself form my own self empowerment where in I am not seeking something from another, but walk common sense and my own self empowerment, so thus I can become equals to others and not have any ideas about others that will cause this point of polarity as inferior/superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of women who are nice and directive in giving guidance or help to others, are women I can trust and thus gravitate towards them, instead of walking my own self understanding and stopping the dependency on these women as I stop the memory of my mom being my guide and guardian to thus protect me and keep me safe, I realize I must walk this path for myself to thus be able to be trusted with life and be able to stand on my own as equals, stopping the polarity of less/more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent and thus lazy within pushing myself to walk my own process of understanding, and thus give in to resistances to not find solutions and do what I set out to do, as I see that I can always have someone help me and show me the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others instead of walking this reliance as myself.

I commit myself to equalize the point of the mother figure as stopping the mentality of child seeks mothers guide, but live and walk as equals in understanding in living among all by walking this with my mother and the people in my world, treating them as my equals, helping when I see that is necessary, but walking a balance to stop the point of dependency for others and myself as well.

I commit to walk the process in points that I am unsure of and not clear to understanding, where in I figure out how to walk and live the understanding as myself, by doing it myself and integrating it into my living, so I build my own self trust and can rely that I can do what is necessary to be done.

I commit myself to stop the resistance to move and walk the process of understanding in what I don’t see or realize in moments, and push through the points of laziness by seeking others guidance, but use the guidance and help from others in self honesty, so I gain perspective, but I walk the decision to live what I see is relevant and can be directed by myself.

I commit myself to stop idealizing the mother figure, and live within my own self-empowerment by standing equal with all.

I commit to stop the polarity of inferior/superior with the mother figure and walk as equals with all life.