My Journey to Life

Monday, December 23, 2013

Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363

This is a Series, here are the others to reference:

My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361
Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362

So I am at the farm and now have committed with Cerise to three months of daily responsibility to work with horses, I was quite excited about this, but also nervous because I didn’t know what to expect. Cerise first showed me how to take care of Fat, how to clean his hooves, how to clean the poo and the pee hay, how to look for ticks, how to move him and communicate with him through touch, but I most enjoyed the walking with him to the camps where the horses grazed and spent there day. I walked with Cerise the first couple days, and then she would give me the reigns and I would get to walk with Fat on my own. This at first took a bit of getting use to, but again there were communication methods to allow him to know when to stop, or move faster, or slow down, so there was a constant point of hereness within the horse and myself when we were together to ensure safety. Well, I was not always here with Fat because a lot of the time I was in my mind. When cleaning the stables or walking the horses, it is actually very quiet, well there is people speaking around you, but you are alone in the stable and you just do the job that is here to do mostly on your own, so I observed myself often in these moments due to this quietness that naturally emerged in these times.

I found when I was physically moving and doing the daily responsibility directly with the horse, like cleaning his hooves or checking for ticks, I was more at ease and more natural within my expression, I didn’t feel fear or unsafe in anyway, I did use caution, but I was not in such a state as how I was when I began the care with him, I was more comfortable. I remember the most interesting point was when I would look into the Fat’s eyes, I would see him staring back at me and within myself I knew that he was here with me, he could see me as I could see him, it was more in depth though then looking into a humans eyes like looking into my dogs eye like he could see beyond my mind and beyond the thinking, and it felt like he looked within the core of myself. I always felt like I had to look away, like I was being exposed and felt silly in ways for looking so directly into the horses eyes and his direct look back, but I realized this reaction within me was was a reflection of myself, Fat was showing me to me, that I am embarrassed and afraid to look within the core of who I am, the in depth person that I have become, and the acceptances and allowances I have created within myself and left hidden and suppressed for so many years. It’s like all that opened up and got exposed in that moment where we looked into each other’s eyes.

The reflection he showed me of myself was based on the construct of the mind within the confident and insecure polarity play out I have existed as for many years. The confidence I very much tried and portrayed in those moments I was with the others at the farm, ensuring I was being seen as strong, cool, and had my self together, but within me this creating the opposite as an insecurity because I did not live up to those ways I desired to be because they weren’t real, they were just thought up in my mind and how I desired for myself to be, but in reality this is not how I lived, I was anxious, reserved, and quite judgmental of myself and cared a lot about how I was seen, and so created a lot of self sabotage and insecurity that effected everything about my day to day living. Fat the horse just within looking in my eyes, opened up a whole mind construct that I have allowed for some time and did not want to face, and now I will open and support myself and change to stand with Fat and all beings and look into there eyes and be equal and one here, no movement, but expression of self.

More to come in the next blog. Thanks for reading.

Interview Support I Recommend from Eqafe:

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3

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Sunday, December 22, 2013

Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362

Cerise Filing Down Fat's Hooves to Keep Healthy

Growing up, there was a specific street that I would travel on once and a while to go over to my dads work a few towns over, and this street was a country road with a lot of forest and land, there was a house with stables and about four to five horses in the fields I would pass. I always thought horses were cool animals but of course they are quite big and so their size scared me. When my niece was young, I would take her there once and a while to visit with the horses and interact with them through a fenced in enclosure. I remember looking into one of the horses eye while my niece was petting him, and a huge fear rushed over me and I went tense. I did not realize in that moment that the horse was showing me my fears, was a mirror to me to see where I am living in fears, because the horse was just there, standing, staring at me, and breathing, there was no reaction whatsoever, just two beings looking at each other. But for me, I was afraid, went tense, and immediately backed away. I avoided going to the farm again and getting to close based on the idea and so the fear keeping this idea alive, that horses are dangerous and I need to stay away.

Years later, who would of thought, but I was on a farm in south Africa and they had 10 horses, I was asked if I wanted to work with the horses, and immediately I wanted to but just as immediately the fear came. So that visit, I kind of shied away from the responsibility and did not work with the horses as I was suppose to, and so allowed the fear of the horses direct me. When I got home, I was looking at the point with the horses and saw I completely gave in to the fear without even giving it one once of a try, I completely avoided the task, and so I made a promise to myself the next time I visited, I will work with the horses. And so I was there for another time, one year later, and again I was asked if I would like to work with the horses, and this time I said a yes. I was going to work with Cerise and her beauty of a boy, Fat.

I met her the first day and went through the routine, after a few days of this, Cerise asked me again, do you want to work with the horses, I need you to commit if you do. So I looked at it within myself, and I saw the fears come up, the horse kicking me, the hard work it took, the waking up super early, and the daily need that I will be responsible for, and so all these points come up to attempt to thwart me from the opportunity that is here to work with Cerise and get to know her, and Fat and walking with him as a horse for three months. And so I took a breath and moved through all the points within myself in that moment by realizing there is no real reason stopping me from actually preforming these tasks, there is no physical or mental hiccup, so I decided in that moment that I will walk this, I will commit, where the mind was screaming for me to just quit.

These are moments, I have found that make a person grow and build the self trust that is very important for a person’s self worth, and it is done when one decide to walk a commitment and then follow through and live the commitment to the best of one’s ability, that I did, and will share more of my experiences walking with Cerise and her horse fat and the others in the next blog. Thanks for reading.

Interview Support I Recommend from Eqafe:

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3

Saturday, December 21, 2013

My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361

I want to walk a few blogs on the support I have been given through living and working with animals and nature since I started process. Before walking process, I did live with animals, but did not see animals in the way I see them in this moment, and that is I see all animals and all that live on this planet equal in all ways as myself here as a human being from the great to the small. In my past, I thought animals were less intelligent then humans, they were subordinate, and did not have much going on cause they couldn’t communicate with each other and with me (this so I thought, please hear this series on eqafe as I have gained a whole new insight and understanding to animals and nature and who they are as physical beings on this earth.). As a kid they had there place in the home, they were our pets, I saw them as a toy, a point of play and fun, and when occasionally pushed them or hitting them or was rough with them, I did not ever consider at all that they are aware and are feeling physically everything I am doing same as how I would feel it.

I always had a deep love for animals though in the sense that I loved being around my dogs, I felt comfort and enthralled by their expressions of play and looks of beauty in the seemingly normal moments of there every day life. I really was moved when my dog would come over to me and put his head on me when I was crying after a fight with my sister or a fight with my parents, and he would just give me comfort unconditionally even with all the rough and crazy things we would do with him, like dress him up in clothes or spread peanut butter all over his coat (this as a kid). I am extremely grateful for this process at desteni being opened up to me as it was where I was introduced to the actual reality of the real sameness and equality that exist not only between my dog and myself, but all the life that is on this planet, the animals, the insects, the plants, the sky, the ocean, the trees, the humans, the planet itself, it all is part of what is here and we all exist here together, that was empowering because I had never conceived of such an intimate way of how in fact we are all in this together, we all are brothers and sisters here in the family that is life on earth and our survival depends on the living of this simple truth if we only live it into reality.

Once I started walking process, man, I really had an appreciation for everything, I would talk to trees on walks, I would interact with insects when I had a moment in my day and they had settled somewhere where to interact with, I took care of my plants and expressed within myself towards them the appreciation that I had for it as it grew new leaves each and every few months or so as I gave it water to live. I felt at ease and at home within the paths in the woods I would run and it was summer and everything was in full bloom like running through the jungle, I would take deep breaths and run fast and jump on rocks and jump over big fallen trees, and was in awe at the diversity of life that exist in just a simple scan of my eyes. It was so beautiful, I could not think or imagine anything better then this, living in the heart of what is real as nature, so I enjoyed all of what nature had to offer. This because of the understanding that we are all one and we are supporting each other to exist, nature has taught me so much and we can learn so much of how to live for real and co exist with all the beings on this planet, if we but let go of our egos, our desires, our needs and wants, our excess for more and new, and live simply so all can simply live. We are able to co-exist and create balance in this world and existence, but I have realized it starts within the relationship within myself and my own living, and nature as the animals especially can mirror self quite starkly.

Nature is not all beautiful and serene as they also have to survive and the habitats in which they live have been extremely compromised by humans desire for resources and there extreme need for survival through the creation of excessive consumption we have lived and made ‘normal’, but it is certainly not normal if you see nature as the testament of what life on earth is suppose to exist as. The black rhino for instance, I just read in south Africa is just about extinct and that is due to the fact that a few countries in Asia see it as a miracle cure for hangovers and the believe it can cure cancer, when the rhino horn is in fact made of the same organic material as the human fingernail and has no medicinal value whatsoever. So the solution for this is for one to get out of these beliefs that are not realistic and do not hold any benefit to doing what is best for all on earth, and so stop the death of innocent beings on this planet that have the same right to life as anyone else, and come to a change where our education system and money system is changed to support the expansion and growth of life into a value that is equal within all.

There is ways you can learn more and support a solution that embodies these set of principles of life being equally valued within all and it has been proposed within the living income guarantee proposal, where life will be invested within the value of each one’s right to exist and so given the support that is necessary to exist within a decent and dignified way. Why? Because it’s possible and we can by changing our way of living to support life rather then destroy it. This proposal is also introducing change for the start of the reform of our current destructive systems to be of life support systems like I mentioned above from education to grow to all our necessary systems that make life on this planet possible, but the most important value I have learned is this value that life is equal within all no matter what it looks like, it has an awareness unto itself and exist unto itself, and so by birth and virtue of it’s existence should have the right to exist in freedom.

I was going to write about my experience with the horses to start when I lived on a farm in south africa and also with my dog and some other cool animals I have and am living with cause I read a cool series by GianRobberts on the Death of His Horse Titan and found some really cool insights and support he shared with walking with a horse for many years as he did until he died late last year. He explained his experience of finding the physical as breath through walking with a another physical being such as a horse demonstrates quite distinctly, and the gifts and the struggles he faced while doing this. I also wanted to share some feedback as well about working with a horse specifically because I also gained much insight and realizations about myself in relation to my daily interaction with the horses those five months I stayed there, but I will leave that for tomorrow night. Thanks for reading and please support the best for life through the links below.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

What does it mean to walk in anothers shoes? - Day 360

Visit more cool art here: Desteni Artists

This question I have been asking myself for some time now because within my living I have not been satisfied with the way I am treating my fellow life beings, I am still easily falling into reactions, mind patterns, and backchats of justification to ensure I slid through and escape the reality of who I have become in my day to day living. I found a lot of the time I am participating in the thought stream of what is going on up in my head, and not doing enough questioning and investigating, but actually accepting it and living it as fact. But in my awareness, I realize and see something is amiss, I am allowing a point of dishonesty to easily to continue to direct me and I see it is based on fear. I am afraid to allow people to get in and disrupt what I am doing in my life, my work flow, my money flow, and my freedom. I don’t want to give up any of what I am doing at the moment and especially don’t want to give up my freedom and expression of independence and purpose I have created now for myself.

So I will go into my day for instance with the notion that I am on a set course and I am on the right course, I know what I am doing and I don’t require anyone’s help or getting involved in my affairs, not really ever slowing down and smelling the roses so to speak, but really moving fast from one moment to the next to the next, always busy, always moving, always going on to the next thing. I move quite quick within my day, from one point to the next, always having something planned and set to do, and from this springs new opportunities and new moments to explore and this is what I live for, I really enjoy the movement of life and how I move within it. So that I would say is a cool thing, I am able to move with life, but the point that is misaligned is how I see others and how I see myself in relation to them. I often am moving so fast and so headstrong within whatever it is I am doing, I don’t realize and see the effect I am having on others, I also don’t consider my words carefully and will at times say things that I later go what? Why did I say that? That was so inconsiderate or harsh or rude? And what I do is that I just say what first comes to mind and not consider the effect that it will have on the other, like I can’t see the other or feel them because I am not equal to them because I am not in the physical, I am in my mind which is based in self interest and illusion only, so I hurt others, and create unnecessary consequence.

So here is the point that I want to start investigating and establishing a point of change for myself especially in slowing down because one of the problems is that I am too much in my mind, in my thoughts and in my plans, and not seeing and really physically living in my body, in my movements, in my breath, in my interactions with others, and through this slowing down, see others, hear them, and apply the tools of self forgiveness and self change real time. This will support with grounding myself in what is happening in reality in interactions for instance, and so can start once I have proven I can change and give proper support in self honesty, I can start moving in the support of another through taking responsibility of myself and so the other in what I can do to support what is best for all. Meaning connect with them as how I would want to be talk to or engaged, but also expand myself to go beyond my personalities, my comfort zones, my beliefs, and my ideas of myself to create the change or start of change that I want for myself and so for others in the principles of living equality and oneness and doing what is best in each moment.

Putting myself in others shoes is a point of letting go of the positive and/or the negative outflows I am addicted to, and standing in the physical as the moment that is here, and walking the process to let go of the thoughts, and expand myself into becoming humbled and so vulnerable to really see the other and make a real connection to further the relationship into something worthwhile and can an expansion of going beyond the ordinary and living the extraordinary, bringing myself and so others to this point of expression is the greatest gift I could give and is given to me equally when walked in what is best here as life through self awareness.

Self forgiveness to follow on fear, positive/negative impulsed actions, moving quick in mind/body, desiring a reward, desiring to win, competition, freedom, being stubborn, holding onto ideas in the mind of past moments, and gossip; also desiring perfection without compensating and hiding the reality of the imperfection within....thanks for reading.