This is a Series, here are the others to reference:
My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361
Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362
My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361
Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362
So I am at the farm and now have committed with Cerise to
three months of daily responsibility to work with horses, I was quite excited
about this, but also nervous because I didn’t know what to expect. Cerise first showed me how to take care of
Fat, how to clean his hooves, how to clean the poo and the pee hay, how to look
for ticks, how to move him and communicate with him through touch, but I most
enjoyed the walking with him to the camps where the horses grazed and spent
there day. I walked with Cerise the first couple days, and then she would give
me the reigns and I would get to walk with Fat on my own. This at first took a
bit of getting use to, but again there were communication methods to allow him
to know when to stop, or move faster, or slow down, so there was a constant
point of hereness within the horse and myself when we were together to ensure
safety. Well, I was not always here with Fat because a lot of the time I was in
my mind. When cleaning the stables or walking the horses, it is actually very
quiet, well there is people speaking around you, but you are alone in the
stable and you just do the job that is here to do mostly on your own, so I
observed myself often in these moments due to this quietness that naturally
emerged in these times.
I found when I was physically moving and doing the daily
responsibility directly with the horse, like cleaning his hooves or checking
for ticks, I was more at ease and more natural within my expression, I didn’t
feel fear or unsafe in anyway, I did use caution, but I was not in such a state
as how I was when I began the care with him, I was more comfortable. I remember
the most interesting point was when I would look into the Fat’s eyes, I would
see him staring back at me and within myself I knew that he was here with me,
he could see me as I could see him, it was more in depth though then looking
into a humans eyes like looking into my dogs eye like he could see beyond my
mind and beyond the thinking, and it felt like he looked within the core of
myself. I always felt like I had to look away, like I was being exposed and
felt silly in ways for looking so directly into the horses eyes and his direct
look back, but I realized this reaction within me was was a reflection of
myself, Fat was showing me to me, that I am embarrassed and afraid to look
within the core of who I am, the in depth person that I have become, and the
acceptances and allowances I have created within myself and left hidden and
suppressed for so many years. It’s like all that opened up and got exposed in
that moment where we looked into each other’s eyes.
The reflection he showed me of myself was based on the
construct of the mind within the confident and insecure polarity play out I
have existed as for many years. The
confidence I very much tried and portrayed in those moments I was with the
others at the farm, ensuring I was being seen as strong, cool, and had my self
together, but within me this creating the opposite as an insecurity because I
did not live up to those ways I desired to be because they weren’t real, they
were just thought up in my mind and how I desired for myself to be, but in
reality this is not how I lived, I was anxious, reserved, and quite judgmental
of myself and cared a lot about how I was seen, and so created a lot of self sabotage
and insecurity that effected everything about my day to day living. Fat the
horse just within looking in my eyes, opened up a whole mind construct that I
have allowed for some time and did not want to face, and now I will open and
support myself and change to stand with Fat and all beings and look into there
eyes and be equal and one here, no movement, but expression of self.
More to come in the next blog. Thanks for reading.
Interview Support I Recommend from Eqafe:
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site
Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site
Equal Money System - Site
