Horses and People – Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature – Part 3 - Day 363

This is a Series, here are the others to reference:

My Experience Before and After Beginning Process with Animals and Nature – Part 1- Day 361
Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362

So I am at the farm and now have committed with Cerise to three months of daily responsibility to work with horses, I was quite excited about this, but also nervous because I didn’t know what to expect.  Cerise first showed me how to take care of Fat, how to clean his hooves, how to clean the poo and the pee hay, how to look for ticks, how to move him and communicate with him through touch, but I most enjoyed the walking with him to the camps where the horses grazed and spent there day. I walked with Cerise the first couple days, and then she would give me the reigns and I would get to walk with Fat on my own. This at first took a bit of getting use to, but again there were communication methods to allow him to know when to stop, or move faster, or slow down, so there was a constant point of hereness within the horse and myself when we were together to ensure safety. Well, I was not always here with Fat because a lot of the time I was in my mind. When cleaning the stables or walking the horses, it is actually very quiet, well there is people speaking around you, but you are alone in the stable and you just do the job that is here to do mostly on your own, so I observed myself often in these moments due to this quietness that naturally emerged in these times.

I found when I was physically moving and doing the daily responsibility directly with the horse, like cleaning his hooves or checking for ticks, I was more at ease and more natural within my expression, I didn’t feel fear or unsafe in anyway, I did use caution, but I was not in such a state as how I was when I began the care with him, I was more comfortable. I remember the most interesting point was when I would look into the Fat’s eyes, I would see him staring back at me and within myself I knew that he was here with me, he could see me as I could see him, it was more in depth though then looking into a humans eyes like looking into my dogs eye like he could see beyond my mind and beyond the thinking, and it felt like he looked within the core of myself. I always felt like I had to look away, like I was being exposed and felt silly in ways for looking so directly into the horses eyes and his direct look back, but I realized this reaction within me was was a reflection of myself, Fat was showing me to me, that I am embarrassed and afraid to look within the core of who I am, the in depth person that I have become, and the acceptances and allowances I have created within myself and left hidden and suppressed for so many years. It’s like all that opened up and got exposed in that moment where we looked into each other’s eyes.

The reflection he showed me of myself was based on the construct of the mind within the confident and insecure polarity play out I have existed as for many years.  The confidence I very much tried and portrayed in those moments I was with the others at the farm, ensuring I was being seen as strong, cool, and had my self together, but within me this creating the opposite as an insecurity because I did not live up to those ways I desired to be because they weren’t real, they were just thought up in my mind and how I desired for myself to be, but in reality this is not how I lived, I was anxious, reserved, and quite judgmental of myself and cared a lot about how I was seen, and so created a lot of self sabotage and insecurity that effected everything about my day to day living. Fat the horse just within looking in my eyes, opened up a whole mind construct that I have allowed for some time and did not want to face, and now I will open and support myself and change to stand with Fat and all beings and look into there eyes and be equal and one here, no movement, but expression of self.

More to come in the next blog. Thanks for reading.

Interview Support I Recommend from Eqafe:

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3

Join Us:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site
Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site
Equal Money System - Site

Horses and People– Before/After Starting Process with Animals and Nature Part 2 – Day 362

Cerise Filing Down Fat's Hooves to Keep Healthy

Growing up, there was a specific street that I would travel on once and a while to go over to my dads work a few towns over, and this street was a country road with a lot of forest and land, there was a house with stables and about four to five horses in the fields I would pass. I always thought horses were cool animals but of course they are quite big and so their size scared me. When my niece was young, I would take her there once and a while to visit with the horses and interact with them through a fenced in enclosure. I remember looking into one of the horses eye while my niece was petting him, and a huge fear rushed over me and I went tense. I did not realize in that moment that the horse was showing me my fears, was a mirror to me to see where I am living in fears, because the horse was just there, standing, staring at me, and breathing, there was no reaction whatsoever, just two beings looking at each other. But for me, I was afraid, went tense, and immediately backed away. I avoided going to the farm again and getting to close based on the idea and so the fear keeping this idea alive, that horses are dangerous and I need to stay away.

Years later, who would of thought, but I was on a farm in south Africa and they had 10 horses, I was asked if I wanted to work with the horses, and immediately I wanted to but just as immediately the fear came. So that visit, I kind of shied away from the responsibility and did not work with the horses as I was suppose to, and so allowed the fear of the horses direct me. When I got home, I was looking at the point with the horses and saw I completely gave in to the fear without even giving it one once of a try, I completely avoided the task, and so I made a promise to myself the next time I visited, I will work with the horses. And so I was there for another time, one year later, and again I was asked if I would like to work with the horses, and this time I said a yes. I was going to work with Cerise and her beauty of a boy, Fat.

I met her the first day and went through the routine, after a few days of this, Cerise asked me again, do you want to work with the horses, I need you to commit if you do. So I looked at it within myself, and I saw the fears come up, the horse kicking me, the hard work it took, the waking up super early, and the daily need that I will be responsible for, and so all these points come up to attempt to thwart me from the opportunity that is here to work with Cerise and get to know her, and Fat and walking with him as a horse for three months. And so I took a breath and moved through all the points within myself in that moment by realizing there is no real reason stopping me from actually preforming these tasks, there is no physical or mental hiccup, so I decided in that moment that I will walk this, I will commit, where the mind was screaming for me to just quit.

These are moments, I have found that make a person grow and build the self trust that is very important for a person’s self worth, and it is done when one decide to walk a commitment and then follow through and live the commitment to the best of one’s ability, that I did, and will share more of my experiences walking with Cerise and her horse fat and the others in the next blog. Thanks for reading.

Interview Support I Recommend from Eqafe:

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3

Join Us:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Other Destonians
Destonian Social Network
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site
Living Income Guaranteed Proposal - Site
Equal Money System - Site

Clean Room High - Day 324

Today I cleaned my room, it was quite dirty because it’s been raining here on the farm for the past few days, so my shoes have been all muddy, tracking it in to the room. Also, there is dust build up and spider webs and clothes and junk just collecting all over tables and chairs and closet doors, so it has become a mess. When my room is messy I have a point of anxiety within me because of the point of losing control within this and allowing it to get so messy that things will permanently stay this way, like getting a stain on the floor or ruining linens or something like that, whether or not this actually is the case is irrelevant, but I think about it and thus the anxiety grows. So we have a visitor coming tomorrow, Dan, we cleaned his room as well, this inspiring me to get my butt in gear and clean mine. I found this awesome little vacuum cleaner that works very well, and so I went to town in Dan’s room and then in mine, being extremely meticulous and thorough, and the results show. Also, the mopping was easy pezy because the vacuum was done properly, which is very practical.

Now that my room is clean and very organized, there is this air about me when I come in, like all is right in the world, of course this is not true, but in my little bubble world it is so. I enjoy very much cleanliness and having things organized and orderly. To get to this point is not always easy though of having things clean, but I find putting in the effort, and working hard always pays off with satisfactory results.

But the point I am going to do self forgiveness on is the point of creating an energy relationship to having a clean room and feeling lighter when I walk in here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship of relief when I enter my room after cleaning it and feel ok and good within myself, this I see is a point of positive polarity to the negative points I am feeling in my world and having like a point of lightness to seeing a clean room, but really it’s an energy movement of satisfaction because it changes my expression. I realize in reality a room is just a room and cleaning is a point of enjoying through living in each breath while cleaning, it’s not a rush as I walk in the room, but an expression as me here living it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use cleaning as an escape to not have to face the points within me that I am facing of anxiety and for a moment have a serenity to go into and not have so much anxiety, but this is just a point of suppression and not dealing with the points that will continue to be here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within myself and my actions deceiving me in using a clean room for instance in a point to make me feel good because I am existing within my world in the opposite as fear and worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within fear and worry due to unknown events that will come my way and thus fear failure and rejection within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection and failure because I have defined myself as useless if this is what happens.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in relation to failure and rejection as useless and feel bad about myself in judgment rather then seeing the point that did not work and walk next time to correct the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the point of the opportunity to physical correct myself within the gifts that are mistakes or failures or rejections, to use these to my benefit and change the point that did not work to work for me, if this did not occur the failure for instance, I would be much more difficult to know what to do otherwise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and be within my mind as polarities of good or bad and miss reality here, where I have the opportunity to live the change that is necessary if I would stop existing in illusion and see reality for what it is, not defined and thus a point of my own creation and will if I direct it as such.

When and as I see myself go into a point of escape and relief due to the external reality, I stop and breath, and I realize that this is due to a point of self sabotage and that I do not have to continue living in such a way, but can live in practical support within what reality is showing me and make the necessary changes accordingly. I will have to check within me whether I am suppressing a point or not facing something to ensure that I am not deceiving myself and able to stand clear in reality and make the necessary changes or directions that will be best.

I commit myself to let go of the desire to always have things clean and thus also stop judging things that are dirty, and simply clean when it is time to clean and enjoy myself within it as an expression of my living.

I commit myself to flag point and write about the points that I am not facing and trying to avoid such as fear and worry through escaping such with cleaning, and walk the necessary steps to clear this and stand stable in reality.

I commit myself to see failure and rejection as an opportunity for learning and stop the judgments as I stop the past from influencing me by stopping the memories from directing me.

I commit myself to correct myself in my living when I have seen that I have fallen or missed a point of what will be best in my life to walk and thus what will be best for the world, always considering and aligning these points the best I can.

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