My Journey to Life: economic class

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Day 300 – Self Judgment – Comparison Memory Breakdown - Money – ‘Rich Friend’

Check out this blog for reference of this portion below:

Day 299 – Self Judgment – Comparisons – Money Memories

“my friend in school, I went to her house, she had the same amount of kids in her family as us, but her house was really big and she had this gigantic tv that fit her whole wall, I was amazed and in that moment compared myself/family to hers and saw us as less able to buy these things like this huge tv which I desired, and so got depressed cause we couldn’t afford such things that I really wanted and saw would be really cool to have.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to my friends family because of the tv they had in there house and the size of their house, and see my family and thus me as less worthy due to this belief that those who have money have more power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have money and the family that I was with to have money so I could be seen by others as powerful and worthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this memory of seeing our family as less then my friends and holding onto the belief that we will never be able to have everything we want because we don’t have a lot of money, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about having money so I could buy things I desired and be entertained while not caring how or to what ends this was met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about the amount of work and how the people around me where in there beingness, but only caring about impressing others around me to show we had money and thus worth, and getting what I wanted as entertainment through money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my friend as superior to me because her family had more stuff and thus more money then our family based on what we had for things, and thus saw myself asinferior and less then her because I couldn’t match up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to my friend and thus judge us based on money value and what we have when within this I realize is not a fair system nor a real point of value, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a separation with my friend based on desire and judgment, and thus change my demeanor towards her because now I was intimidated.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to change my demeanor with my friend as intimidated based on feeling inferior to her because I compared our stuff and saw she had more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow feelings as inferior and desires direct me into compromising the life that is here between my friend and I, and thus miss the opportunity for self enjoyment and expansion with another in equality.

When and as I see that I am going into a point of judgment another and comparing myself to another based on what they have in monetary value, I stop and breath, and realize that this is only going to cause separation ascompetition and judgment, and thus disempower me and divide the opportunity here of life expression between us.

I commit myself to see life here for what it is in it’s purpose, letting go of what things are worth, and thus use products within common sense.

I commit myself to stop defining myself by my products and what I have, and focus on living my life in the best it can be, focus on doing rather then having.

I commit myself to stop judging me and others based on our monetary stuff and value, and work towards anequal money system where all are valued equally.

I commit myself to breath through all feelings releasing them as a directive force within me, and I direct myself in the best outcome I have gathered through my own common sense.

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Monday, May 13, 2013

Day 299 – Self Judgment – Comparisons – Money Memories

Here looking at the comparisons I have made in my life within money, I am going to bring up some memories I have within me pertaining to this point, and will write out self forgiveness and self corrections for each one.

-my friend in school, I went to her house, she had the same amount of kids in her family as us, but her house was really big and she had this gigantic tv that fit her whole wall, I was amazed and in that moment compared myself/family to hers and saw us as less able to buy these things like this huge tv which I desired, and so got depressed cause we couldn’t afford such things that I really wanted and saw would be really cool to have.

-my cousins always got really cool nice cars, like the new fancy ones, that I desired for us to have, we always had the old used cars and never anything fancy and new. If we did get one fairly new, it was always a year or two old. I resented my parents for this because they didn’t really care to pay that much for a car, and I wanted one that was new and cool to impress others and show that we had a lot of money.

-we always got on weekends and in summer like treats, ice cream, mcdonalds, and things that cost ‘money’, and so I would see myself as better and more worthy then these particular friends I hung out with, who hardly ever got these types of ‘treats’, but desired it, it’s not that they couldn’t afford it but just didn’t get it a lot, and I equated this to them having less money then us, so judged us as better cause we got treats and they didn’t.

-shopping at ames and bradleys which were stores that were cheaper in price and my sisters use to make fun of my mom for going there, and so I from that perspective saw it as a cheap and like not cool place to shop, so saw us as ‘low-class’ for shopping at these places for clothes and thus didn’t want to be associated with the name of these stores nor buying clothes from them and wearing them around my friends in more the older childhood like 5th-6th grade on.

-when I got my first car, I identified it with the brand as jeep and saw that I am in a cool car as this is an expensive brand and car, so I can been seen as elite, more worthy, and high class with this symbol as the car i drove as someone who has money even though I hardly had money, but wanted to give off the impression to others that I had money cause i associated money with acceptablity.

Here is plenty for now for this point of walking the self forgiveness and self corrections within the point of comparison, self judgment, and money. Will continue in the next blogs walking each memory one by one.

Gracias!