Day 294- Self Judgment – Backchat Breakdown – Thought #3 - Lack in Self Confidence

 

Please reference these blogs, for further context to this quote below:
Day 291 – Self Judgment – The Voice of Unreason
Day 292- Self Judgment – Back Chat Breakdown – Thought #1
Day 293 – Self Judgment – Backchat Breakdown – Thought 2

“I am too far gone for this to work out and be able to be stable with another, I am not able to stand stable, I am too fucked up to be able to have a guy be into me and have it work out.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only continue to see and recognize the past, the past as me as an abuser to myself, and not stand and stop this point forevermore as the solution I see I am walking for myself and is possible as I continue on this journey to life, self freedom in self honesty and self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by what the thoughts in my head are saying to me when in no way are they supporting me to become a human being of stability and self sufficiency - where life is lived in equality, and thus I realize this is something not to take for reality because life for real is equal and one as unconditional support, and thus I must change my starting point in thisrelationship with myself as my thoughts to align equal and one to life which is in the physical and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a disappointment within myself as being let down based on believing the mind reality of my backchat as a self defeatism outlook and thus live within my world in depression because keeping telling myself and living out that I am not as good as another, when in reality I am making this entire thing up and sabotaging myself because of fear of changing myself within this point and seeing who I am without fear by walking as self expression within this point of being with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in self sabotage and continue to follow the backchat of self defeatism based on fearing rejection and having to face the reality of being rejected by another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those who are rejected by others as lower in status then those who are accepted, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, think, and interact with others in this regard as less then if they are rejected and more acceptable if they are accepted by the group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my expression to fit into a group, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within self compromise to be accepted and not have to face this point of rejection, but thus live the point of devolution of self as freedom as this is in no way freedom of self as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the word failure and the experience of a lower standing then others within this point of being rejected by others, when really this is a point that is not in alignment and thus is not able to be walked at this time when I am rejected within my reality, it’s not to take it personal, but just realize it’s a point to let it be for a moment until another opportunity comes to support if I am able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with myself based on the negative experiences in my past, I realize I must let these go to move on and become here able to see me for real in my physical environment as my physical body, and direct myself in my expression as I walk and expand myself within what it means to be one and equal with life as me as I face my world in self awarenessand self responsibility to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a perfect ideal for others to worship and praise and give me nice feelings not realizing this will create the polarity play out of the negative of myself based on the intensity of my participation within the thought, feeling, and thus living action of these play outs, and so equal and one creates the same in my world but just within opposite energies extremes, both creating the same outflow to these consequences, separation with life and separation with myself.

When and as I go into a point of desiring to resist another due to the backchat thought I am thinking of self sabotage, I stop and breath, realizing that this will create a point of self imprisonment of my own making listening to illusion as my mind in the backchat program of keeping me suppressed, and all the while suppressing my expression in the physical where instead I can be using my gifts, my communication, me living to expand and grow who I am with my world and the world at large for the outcome of what is best for all as I build this relationship within myself as myself equal and one.

I commit myself to let go of all thoughts of backchat of self sabotage through breathing and not participating in not a one of these thoughts through forgiving them, letting them go, and continue to walk as the physical, embracing me within my physical body and moving through the points I am resisting building my integrityand awareness as self trust.

I commit myself to find the solutions within the points that I fear through understanding the fear, and moving through that fear by facing it, and finding the path that will transcend it be it through my own push of self action or standing stable in a point of desire to move in energy, I remain focused on what the matter is here and that is life in what is best for all.

I commit to stop all self interest for me to be happy and gain a point of status, and so I commit to continue to walk all my breaths here in the pursuit of life in oneness and equality through and as myself as I transcend the control of the mind as the directive principle of myself to my own self direction in common sense here within and as the physical.

I commit myself to let go of the emotion of failure and disappointment within myself and stand as the realization of how far I have come, what I have changed within me, and what I can give to others to support with this change in all areas I touch and expand into as I have done this already for myself.

I give as I would like to receive, which is the way to life in freedom for all.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 293 – Self Judgment – Backchat Breakdown – Thought 2

Please reference these blogs, for further context to this quote below:
Day 291 – Self Judgment – The Voice of Unreason
Day 292- Self Judgment – Back Chat Breakdown – Thought #1

‘how are we going to be able to discuss things, I am too ugly in my face and my face is deformed for him to look within my eyes long enough to like me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my face as deformed and ugly based on my mind's eye seeing it in self judgment through creating this picture in my head based on my imaginations of how I saw myself due to being picked on in school and the ideas I had in my head of how much of a loser i am because of this.

I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a loser because i was picked on in school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my mind within imagination as less then and ugly and play this out in reality seeing myself less then others and inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge deformation and beauty within this world as if it is something that is inferior to other human beings, I realize this is a gross mistake and cause me to become separated from all life forms here as well as myself as we are all different in expressions equally yet all one life force here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life and then judge it as bad/good when i realize it is all here as me as self, and thus I am one and equal and thus responsible for all that is here, within and without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this idea of myself as someone who is ugly because within me I have an ideal playing out that I desire to be beautiful above others and gain more attention and praise for myself over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life about self interest in desire to be more then others and seek attention to have good feelings about myself all the while creating this polarity play out of imagination of who I am within my mind due to defining me by my external world and reality through pictures, and not what is real here within myself and what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as less capable then others based on believing this imagination play out and the moments in my mind saying in thoughts that I am this picture of imperfection, when in reality I am just a human being living in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the physical body in all and any part as separate from any other part of whole of the body and thus create a polarity as ugly/beautiful, and thus causeconflict within myself as my physical body something that is can not change and thus is not able to live up to this ideal and thus definition putting me in a path to nowhere constantly in conflict with myself and my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this backchat thought that I am ugly and deformed and thus not desire to approach or be with this potential person because I see myself as inferior and already see it ending bad because he will probably not like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this pattern of self sabotage, and thus continue to act in ways where I am creating a point of demise for myself and thus create the instances of my self sabotage by existing as backchat and listening to them through living them out by sabotage myself with others in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not go and meet the other person due to following this thought that I am not good enough for him and he will probably not like me because of the thought saying and I agree that I am so ugly and not ok looking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my thoughts instead of walking the physical with the other, what is real, what we communicate about, how we interact, what is the reality like, instead of going into a point of self defeatism before even meeting.

When and as I go into a point of seeing myself as less then others in my backchat thoughts, I stop and breath, and realize that this will lead to self sabotage and self defeatism, where I will likely avoid the situation and facing my fears and thus allow the mind to control and lose my self empowerment.

I commit myself to breath through all backchat thoughts, and walk the physical point of facing this point that I am trying to avoid, see what comes of it in reality, and allow myself to experience life and living with others.

I commit myself to stop this point of sabotaging myself by stopping the thoughts when they arise or become aware, and expressing myself openly and freely.

I commit myself to stop the self judgments of who I look and how I act, and thus allow myself to just be here and exist with others in my world.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 292- Self Judgment – Back Chat Breakdown – Thought #1

Please reference this blog, for further context to this quote below:

Day 291 – Self Judgment – The Voice of Unreason

‘this is not going to work, your too all over the place, he’ll want someone more stable and calm’ 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this thought as real and thus contemplate ending any chance or interaction with this potential partner due to this thought that I am not ready, I am not someone who will be good for him, I am not stable enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what my mind was saying and follow that through potentially sabotaging the whole meet up due to fear instead of looking at my progression in the physical, how I have changed within and as my own dedication, will and action, and stopped this point of sabotage of myself with the mind that is not in fact real or fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind over my physical action, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my mind as the illusion of thoughts telling me who I am instead of standing within my own self doing and awareness of who I am by how I live and how I have changed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection of this potential partner and thus create scenerios in my mind where I used in the past to sabotage myself so I don’t have to face this potential of possibly being rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind in my own self interest in the past to not have to face my fears, and thus blame the mind for what it is that I am doing as sabotaging myself instead of taking responsibility for myself and realizing it is me as the mind that has to change, I the directive principle of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to sabatoge myself and thus use and abusethese backchat thoughts of less then beleifs to do this with and make me not move and push through my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use illusions as thoughts and thus backchat thought of seeing myself less then to justify my existing in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to direct me in my living instead of directing myself in common sense and what is best for all.

When and as I see myself going into my mind and following backchat thoughts of self sabotage, I stop and breath, and realize that these thoughts are not who I am and are not real. I realize I define and thus am able to direct myself in my own awareness based on how I live in the physical and who I am within my beingness.

I commit myself to not accept this thought of ‘this is not going to work, your too all over the place, he’ll want someone more stable and calm’ to direct me by speaking this is not real it’s my backchat, and breathingthrough this thought, and walking the path of the physical, facing my fear.

I commit myself to check and see what is the point that I am abdicating to the mind by accepting this backchat thought, and bring this point through writing and correction so it stops having power over me.

I commit myself to move within physical awareness and not participate in any backchat thought that arises by not participating.

When and as I see that I am going into fear and following this backchat due to this fear, I stop and breath, and realize that fear is not who I am and I am not bound by this fear. I realize I can move beyond fear by facing it and finding the point that is able to be walked to support to stabilize myself and walk what is best for the situation.

I commit myself to move my physical body through this fear by pushing myself to face the fear, find the common ground within the points, and walk the physical solution in self honesty to support me to be stable, find this point through writing, and push myself to live it.

I commit myself to find the trigger point for this fear and push this point to face it and stop it from controlling me, and in this case stop the thoughts from directing me by focusing on what is physically real and that life is equal and one.


For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki

Photo Source

Day 182 – Introduction to My Anxiety - Fear of Being Seen in a Bad Light Part 2.2

A memory I am holding onto is when I was asked by Bernard at the farm, ‘why I stopped doing the vlogging?’ and within this moment a fear came up within me of being seen by Bernard in a bad light, because this point was true, I had stopped the vlogging, and because I made a value judgment of myself and how I wanted to be seen by Bernard, as someone who was living my words, and never falls, I created this fear and then lived in this fear by not really having an answer to why I stopped. This fear popping up shows that I am in self interest rather then living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within myself to be seen as special and excelling within who I am and what I do in my living in that moment when Bernard asked me why I stopped vlogging. I realize and see within this desire to be seen as special and excelling, I have created arelationship towards Bernard of defining how I am based on his words and actions towards me, showing that I am not trusting myself and not being self honest in my living.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am going into this desire of being seen as special and excellent within a group/towards a person in a point of attachment of how others are seeing me and how I desire them to see me, I breath and let go of all the thoughts as desires. I breath through the point of wanting to be seen in a specific way, and answer the question in self honesty immediately rather then skirting around it to try and look my best when the I am not at my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be within self interest in desiring to be seen within a specific way towards others rather then be self honest within myself and how I am in fact living, but want to be seen as someone I am not in fact living. I realize that within determining and defining myself within this relationship of how others see me, I thus understand I am accessing self interest thus creating self dishonesty through not living my words by being deceptive to be something I desire to be, but not in fact am.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of self interest within a desire to be seen in a specific way by a person/group, I stop and breath, and let go of this desire, not participating in the thoughts and stopping all the energy relationships I formed to this person/groups words and actions in determining who I am, also practicing trusting myself and defining myself within my own self honesty. This by letting go of desires and definitions by others to direct me, and push myself to walk and directing myself within my own self living in the trust and facts that is here, so my best in fact and so I am here and direct, not deceiving myself nor deceiving life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I go into this desire to be seen within a specific way, I immediately create the opposite polarity of fear of being seen in a bad light, and so I create a polarity playout within my world of points that I will desire and fear based on not living these points within equality and self honesty within myself, in accepting both as me as I walk, and creating a point of stability within self by accepting these points and correcting them in self honesty and that which is best for all. I realize that to let go of this point of fear I must let go of the point of desire by accepting each as me and correcting my living in self honesty and what is best for all.

I commit myself to walk the correction by accepting myself within and as each breath, stopping all judgmentof my past or how I am in this moment, and push myself to walk in self honesty in correcting my living and accepting all that is here as me. This can be practiced and lived out by facing my fears and realizing the self-understanding within each moment I breath and walk to become a more aware human living as I consider all that is here that I am living and that is in my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go blank in my head when Bernard asked me this question of why I stopped vlogging, as a defense mechanism I have created, so I can hide from myself this fear and desire to be seen in a specific way as bad, as I fear this based on desiring the opposite of being seen as the best and getting attention for this. I realize that this is self interest and not necessary as I can be here within myself and have access to all life if I would accept the oneness of who I am, I can be here within all points ofawareness as life, and thus I stop this need for attention by realizing that I need nothing I am here.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of self interest in desiring attention from others and thus also creating the fear of losing this attention and seen in a bad way when I don’t fulfill a certain obligation, I stop and breath, and re-align myself to who I am in myself as life and correct the point within the understanding that it is ok and I am ok to fall or make a mistake, and that I need nothing and that I accept all that is here as me and realize that eventually I will be here, I walk my process in oneness and equality for what is best for all until it is done and I as all is here.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Free Desteni I Process Lite Course for All Ages
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to Life
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki