Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Day 114 – Self Sabotage Character: Judging My Backchat





Here looking at this point that I see quite often and it’s judging the thoughts that are going through my head. Practically speaking, it’s not very beneficial for me to judge my own thoughts as they are here, and thus I am thinking them, so there is not much that can be changed about that fact. But the fact that I go and observe the thought, and then judge myself here for having these thoughts I am seeing within mind, and then sabotaging myself because of them, seeing myself as twisted or demented for having these thoughts in my mind, I see that I can not and do not at this point practically have the directive will to stop these thoughts as I am judging them, thus I will continue to sabotage myself because I am giving myself no path to a solution to stop the thoughts, because I am the solution and thus I am sabotaging my path to the solution which is through and as me.

So here going to walk out some self forgiveness on this point of judging my back chat thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the thoughts that are in my mind within the moment they are happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the thoughts in my mind in the moment they are happening and within that judge myself as some how demented or abnormal for having these thoughts go through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the thoughts in my mind in the moment they go through in a way that is no support to me as it sabotage my standing as I go into self diminishment based on seeing it in a negative way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the thoughts in my mind in the moment and diminish who I am not realizing that these thoughts are generated over a life time through an actual programmed system as the mind as consciousness that is aware of it’s role, and thus seek to enslave the being who is the life that is me, to keep alive and survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the back chat thoughts that are not supportive to life by not directing them but going into a self pity and sabotaging myself to separate myself even more into the mind where in I make it more difficult for myself unnecessarily where in I could stop the sabotage and walk the appropriate tools of self honesty, self forgiveness, and then follow through by changing in my living, but instead diminish myself by judging the thoughts, and making my process longer then it has to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push my self discipline in my living, and thus fall back into the mind patterns of sabotage and self diminishment by judging the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the self pity character where in I will deliberately sabotage myself so I don’t have to face myself and how I am in my backchat thoughts as I am ashamed of the thoughts that are there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have shame for the thoughts that are in my head as this give no direction to what I have to do in terms of equalizing myself with the thoughts, and so I realize that the shame is just an indication that I am in self judgment and thus self sabotage as I see and understand the thoughts are me, and thus to change them and direct them I have to accept them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the thoughts that are in my mind because of the fear I have of what others will think of me if they knew the thoughts that I was thinking of them, and thus through this fear sabotage myself as a bad person and demented as I judge the thoughts as bad and demented. I realize and see though that these thoughts and fears are not real, and thus I, from this realization, can walk the correction by seeing the thoughts and fears for what they are- mind patterns generated by my participation in energy, and allowing myself to change so thus I let go of the reactions to the thoughts, and thus stop giving the thoughts life through the participation I give it through energy when I react to it by stopping and walking through the fears of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity playout of my thoughts where in I judge the thoughts that I see are darker and more secret mind thoughts especially of others as me being bad, evil, sick in where I go into a physical reaction of like a shock and my stomach gets tight as I fear the thought of them finding out, and thus suppress the thoughts and discard them to the back of my mind where in I don’t have to face the thought, but essentially can hide from it another day. I realize here though that this will only prolong my process and my self freedom as life, as suppressing and judging the thoughts do nothing to support myself, and do everything for the mind as that enslaves me more into separation and self diminishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of the thoughts I have instead of accepting the thoughts as me, and writing out the self forgiveness to stop the thoughts, and so I can walk equal with others here as life as who we are and stop diminishing myself by judgments and fears, and walk whatever correction is necessary to stand in equality with all life.

Self corrective statements to follow.


Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Andrew Gable -

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Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
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Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki




self hate, back chat, secret mind, secret thoughts, secret diary, the secret, backstabbing, friendship, self sabotage, thinking, i think, mind possessed, shame, desteni, journey to life, 2012, eqafe

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