A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 109 – Angry Character as Self Manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards myself when I react to another in sadness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards myself when I react to another in sadness as I dislike the feeling of being vulnerable in front of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards myself when my face gets red if I become embarrassed in front of another as I am showing that I am being effected by the other and thus I am becoming vulnerable to them as I am perceiving myself to be weaker for becoming embarrassed. I realize within this point that it is only my idea that I am being vulnerable and weak as I am creating all the reactions within me as an idea that I have to be strong to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a sub character to the inferiority character as the anger character when I see that I am becoming vulnerable, thus I use this point of perceived weakness as vulnerability to sabotage myself with as becoming angry at myself for points that are happening anyway as there is no self direction until desteni to stop them from direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger to suppress myself more as yelling at myself essentially for feeling vulnerable within myself and seeing this as unacceptable and thus never giving myself the tools to walk out of this, but eternally mind fucking myself to essentially eventually annihilate myself because I am accepting fear over life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being open and vulnerable with others due to fear of rejection and thus within myself use this anger character which I have accepted as I allow it to direct me into self sabotage because this is easier to sabotage myself and diminish myself then have to face myself with others and become open.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the anger character as a self-manipulation point to not actually have face myself and who I am with others and who I am within myself as I see this point as too difficult and in fact fearing it as I fear being open and freely expressing with others. I realize and see that this point of manipulation must be walk through by stopping myself from reacting in anger at myself for living within and as the points I do towards others during the day, and thus instead breath through it, and see the point so it can be directed within practical tools and I can stop sabotaging myself to finally be free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this point of being open and free with others as I have judge others within myself and their expression so thus I assume they are doing it to me, and within myself I want ot be seen as the best, so thus I fear this point of others seeing that I am not the best. I see and realize that again I am sabotaging myself within this point of judging others and the fearing the judgment back, but not realizing that I am creating all this within myself, by living into this judgment cycle where I create myself from a polarity as memories instead here as physical reality in breath as I live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within this point of self judgment and thus judging others expressions, and simply walk the process to stop the judgment and live here as the physical equal to others who are simply living as well.

When and as I see myself going into this anger point towards myself for expressing myself, I see and stop this point as I breath, and do not accept myself fto go into anger, as I realize this is only separating me more from the point that is to be faced which is being open with others and allowing myself to freely express. So thus I stop the anger and allow myself to express myself and stop also the judgment of how I am expressing as I realize to express myself is to live and thus if I am sabotaging and fearing this point then essentially I am not real and not even here living, which is not who I am as life, so I push this point to stop the anger and the fear and really express and live and let myself just be.

I commit myself to breath through the energy to get angry at myself for expressing myself within emotions, so thus I can walk the point of the emotion that is directing me into not being open and free to live and be here.

I commit myself to stop self judgment of myself and thus judgment of others and let myself live and breath and others to just live and breath, and work with the physical in what is practically able to be done to be best for all.

I commit myself to stop the fear of vulnerability and having others see me as vulnerable as I realize this is the only path to life as life is here and it’s within accepting it as myself in all ways, and thus if I fear myself in my living I realize I will never be free.

I commit myself to stop the self manipulation with the anger character and breath through the reactions to be able to really live and be able to express myself as who I am.

I commit myself to stop suppressing myself within characters as the mind and expressing and walk myself out so I can correct myself and really live.