Self Forgiveness (Day 6): The Truth behind Desiring to be Alone - Day 584

Art By: Andrew Gable

Find his Blog here: https://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be alone and not have to deal with people in general, where I am content with being by myself with my dogs, my family, and my friends that I chose to have in my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generally despise people who torture animals, torture people, torture the environment, torture nature, and in general abuse and harm the life that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become very picky and choosey with who I will allow in my world and who not, and become arrogant and generally standoffish to those who try to enter my world that I deem not welcome or too much or too needy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become self-righteous in my beliefs of myself that I am ok alone and that I am not any of things I judge of others for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as nasty beings in many different ways and deemed not worthy to spend time with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest with myself where I fear that I will be judged by others and seek out not to face that rejection and humiliation of not being liked or not being seen as acceptable so I push others away first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as not cool or not attractive due to what they do or where or look like because within my own self I equally judge myself in this way, making my reality about comparison, competition and the eventual separation of beings here in secret parts of the mind that manifest eventually in the physical as war and abuse onto life, the very same abuse and war and separation I am despising others for doing to life here equally so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create backchat anger toward others in my world who are showing a desire to get to know me, connect, and build a relationship because within myself I am not clearly directing myself and in fear of hurting others because I am in a belief that I don’t know what to do or say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief in my backchat that I am not able to direct a situation with beings in my world instead of walking the steps of writing and investigating where this point of friction is arising from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to anger and self anger for not direct myself properly to a resolution that is best for all, but be spiteful and blameful toward others who are in no way responsible for these thoughts and behaviors I am participating in that is causing outflows of compromise and abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to get close to others for fear of being rejected because I have been rejected in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take other peoples rejections and words personal to me instead of working with the information objectively and learning from the experience in a way where I grow and expand to be a better version for myself and others as well.

I commit myself to stand within a point of self support for myself where I learn to let go and take others words and rejections if it happens like the wind blowing in and out as a point of life happening and through that learning to ride the winds as the words and rejection as a point of directing myself in the best way possible to clear and calm waters within through self acceptance and self love as who I am within and without to others.

I commit myself to stand in the shoes of others and consider my words and actions through and through within who I would like to be if I were the receiving end where respect and honor is taken to do what is best for all including what would be best for me in my own self honesty.

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Day 114 – Self Sabotage Character: Judging My Backchat

Here looking at this point that I see quite often and it’s judging the thoughts that are going through my head. Practically speaking, it’s not very beneficial for me to judge my own thoughts as they are here, and thus I am thinking them, so there is not much that can be changed about that fact. But the fact that I go and observe the thought, and then judge myself here for having these thoughts I am seeing within mind, and then sabotaging myself because of them, seeing myself as twisted or demented for having these thoughts in my mind, I see that I can not and do not at this point practically have the directive will to stop these thoughts as I am judging them, thus I will continue to sabotage myself because I am giving myself no path to a solution to stop the thoughts, because I am the solution and thus I am sabotaging my path to the solution which is through and as me.

So here going to walk out some self forgiveness on this point of judging my back chat thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the thoughts that are in my mind within the moment they are happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the thoughts in my mind in the moment they are happening and within that judge myself as some how demented or abnormal for having these thoughts go through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the thoughts in my mind in the moment they go through in a way that is no support to me as it sabotage my standing as I go into self diminishment based on seeing it in a negative way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the thoughts in my mind in the moment and diminish who I am not realizing that these thoughts are generated over a life time through an actual programmed system as the mind as consciousness that is aware of it’s role, and thus seek to enslave the being who is the life that is me, to keep alive and survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the back chat thoughts that are not supportive to life by not directing them but going into a self pity and sabotaging myself to separate myself even more into the mind where in I make it more difficult for myself unnecessarily where in I could stop the sabotage and walk the appropriate tools of self honesty, self forgiveness, and then follow through by changing in my living, but instead diminish myself by judging the thoughts, and making my process longer then it has to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push my self discipline in my living, and thus fall back into the mind patterns of sabotage and self diminishment by judging the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the self pity character where in I will deliberately sabotage myself so I don’t have to face myself and how I am in my backchat thoughts as I am ashamed of the thoughts that are there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have shame for the thoughts that are in my head as this give no direction to what I have to do in terms of equalizing myself with the thoughts, and so I realize that the shame is just an indication that I am in self judgment and thus self sabotage as I see and understand the thoughts are me, and thus to change them and direct them I have to accept them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the thoughts that are in my mind because of the fear I have of what others will think of me if they knew the thoughts that I was thinking of them, and thus through this fear sabotage myself as a bad person and demented as I judge the thoughts as bad and demented. I realize and see though that these thoughts and fears are not real, and thus I, from this realization, can walk the correction by seeing the thoughts and fears for what they are- mind patterns generated by my participation in energy, and allowing myself to change so thus I let go of the reactions to the thoughts, and thus stop giving the thoughts life through the participation I give it through energy when I react to it by stopping and walking through the fears of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity playout of my thoughts where in I judge the thoughts that I see are darker and more secret mind thoughts especially of others as me being bad, evil, sick in where I go into a physical reaction of like a shock and my stomach gets tight as I fear the thought of them finding out, and thus suppress the thoughts and discard them to the back of my mind where in I don’t have to face the thought, but essentially can hide from it another day. I realize here though that this will only prolong my process and my self freedom as life, as suppressing and judging the thoughts do nothing to support myself, and do everything for the mind as that enslaves me more into separation and self diminishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of the thoughts I have instead of accepting the thoughts as me, and writing out the self forgiveness to stop the thoughts, and so I can walk equal with others here as life as who we are and stop diminishing myself by judgments and fears, and walk whatever correction is necessary to stand in equality with all life.

Self corrective statements to follow.

Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Andrew Gable -

Check Him out here:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/andrewgableartist
Youtube:http://www.youtube.com/user/andrewgableartist
Blog: http://anartistsjourneytolife.wordpress.com/



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self hate, back chat, secret mind, secret thoughts, secret diary, the secret, backstabbing, friendship, self sabotage, thinking, i think, mind possessed, shame, desteni, journey to life, 2012, eqafe