Day 192 – ‘Taking Things Personal’ Personality– Fear Dimension – No Conflict!

Here continuing to look at the taking things personal personality within the dimension of fear, and how this personality was energized and sustained through this fear of being in conflict that I had when I was confronted about being late. I found when I was confronted, I went into a fear of having to confront her because I was in the ‘wrong’ and knew I had no defense, so I went into the thoughts of justifications as I wrote in last blog to take the easy way out and make it about her within myself. This was in my own self interest based on negating the direct conflict and also being the winner in myself because I used the thoughts as ‘she’s is wrong’ and ‘can she just chill’ through seeing me as the victim and so, I created that within myself and thus was rude and brushed her off. Not actually facing her and speaking to her directly in her eyes, and admitting to my inconsideration’s and saying I was sorry, but avoiding her and blaming her for the way I was feeling within myself which was uncomfortable.

So the fear of not having to face her and get into a conflict drove me into having this belief that I have to defend myself and based on the belief that I have to defend myself because of this idea that conflict will make me vulnerable to attack, I suppressed myself in not saying anything much to her and calling her out in my head in blame for making this fear activate of conflict and thus blaming her for making me feel vulnerable, and this was lived physical in my behavior when I didn’t turn to say good bye to her when she said bye to us. Spitefulness and blame go hand and hand within not taking responsibility and being completely possessed within my own thoughts and emotions of blame towards her for this fear emotion I was feeling of being exposed and thus open to vulnerability within her confronting me about being late, and so made the whole activity within myself about her, distracting myself from facing myself and taking responsibility for who I was being within that moment of activation of the 'taking it personal' personality.

All of this being activated and walked through within a split second and thus once this was activated, the taking it personal personality, this whole chain event occurred of not taking responsibility for my actions, but using thoughts and fears to protect myself and shut her out of my life, so I could not be hurt by her. Conflict being a huge point within my life and my suppression as well as reactions of abuse and anger towards others has been creating great instability within myself and instability within my world and relationships. I realize that I have created this within and throughout my own mind and thus my own actions, and so I must take responsibility for this and correct it. This so I can stop the abuse of others and become stable within myself to take the correct course of action in supporting others and myself, and doing what is best for all.

More to come in next blog.



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Day 191 – 'Taking things Personal' Personality – Thought Dimension - “She is Wrong”

So looking at this thought that came up within my last post of when I was confronted by another within being late for work, and found myself immediately taking it personally with the thought that activated and thus generated the personality of ‘taking things personal’ were I went into a defense mode with anger and attacked her within my physical demeanor, so I am grateful that this occurred and her calling me out as I can now see what I am doing within this personality activation, and so I can then correct it and align it with equality and oneness of all life.

So the thought was that “she is wrong” and within myself I went immediately into anger, and wanted to prove her wrong based on taking her calling me out personally and seeing as if it is an attack on who I am. I physically acted this ‘taking it personally’ personality out in that moment within trying to figure out what the actual time was, so I could prove that she was wrong and use the time as evidence that I am right, I went and looked for the right time, and found I was late. I did not stop the energy accumulation though, because then I went then into a point of attack based on seeing myself being attacked, so in my mind I called her ‘a bitch’ ‘why can’t she just chill out’, making me the victim and her the cause of my reactions. I realize obviously that this whole taking it personally personality is a dishonest action within me based on me not wanting to accept the fact that I created abuse towards her by not taking the time into consideration and being on time, and then going into abuse towards her because I didn’t want to take responsibility for this consequence based on believing that I am better then her.

Within this I see I am basing my actions purely on assumption alone, and thus then using the physical to prove my own personality play outs that come within taking this point personally, that I am right and she is treating me unfailrly, so ‘taking it personally’ personality active and I played out two other personalities as the self victimization personality and the self righteousness personality. So interesting activations happening here, using the thoughts as ‘she is wrong’ and ‘she is a bitch and why can’t she just settle down’, taking the responsibility and consequence I have created off myself and placing it on the other, where I don’t have to do any correction and essentially take the easy way out….many points here as misaligned and unacceptable, so will walk this post in the next blogs to come to correct this and align back to life as the physical as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was called out within being late and thus took it personally accepted and allowed the thoughts that ‘she is wrong’ direct me into a point of superiority and seeing myself as better and more worthy then the person calling me out because of my belief that I am deserving of breaking the rules because I allow others to do this, realizing that this is only a point of self interest and negating the fact that I am not considering the other person at all based on my own self interest of having this go my way and be easy, and this being inconsiderate to the others effected by my actions and not how I would want to be treated. I see, understand, and realize that the ‘taking it personally’ personality is actually only my own self justification and self interest to not have to consider her and come in on time because I want to go at my own speed and do what I want.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of thoughts of how another is at fault with the thought ‘she is wrong’, immediately I stop and breath, and remove myself from the situation physically by excusing myself and going to another room, this until I am stable and not moved by thoughts and stable incommunication with others with no reactions as I realize they are not me and thus make it a point to be on time to all my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the thoughts as ‘she is wrong’ as a point of justification for myself to be rude and nasty towards her because I allowed this thought to direct me intothinking that I was right, but lying to myself as I realized and knew that I was at fault because I knew that I was late, and thus being dishonest because I wanted to be right and not be in the wrong. I realize and understand that when I allow and accept the justification to be fueled by accepting this thought as real that ‘she is wrong’ without considering all the facts here in the physical and only basing myself on the mind as assumptions, I will be unstable and will not be able to trust myself because I am not being honesty within myself and thus lead to abuse of others as well as compromising my own self integrity.

I commit myself to when and as I allow the justification to activate as the thought of ‘she is wrong’ based only on assumption and fueled by the ‘taking it personally’ personality, I stop and do not go any further into these thoughts and personality activations, breathing myself into a stable point within myself by focusing on my breathing and removing myself from the situation until I am stable and can direct the point in clarity. I also commit to let go of these thoughts when they arise as I realize they are not based in truth, and thus find what is self honest within the moment as the physical time of being late, and face the consequences to thus be able to forgive myself and making the correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the thought of ‘she is a bitch’ and go into seeing myself as right when I was rude towards the worker, and thus cause conflict in the relationship because my ego was bruised. I realize and see that when I go into a point of believing myself to be right and accept the thought of name calling based on the fueling of my emotional reaction within me through the ‘taking it personally’ personality, I will be possessed with this point and go into more abuse and conflict with this person because I am in defense mode seeing myself as the victim and her as the attacker, which is I realize based on my own self interest and energy activations as anger and irritation within the living into the personality of seeing it as a personal attack on who I am.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of name calling in my mind towards another person because I took something personally that was said to me and allowing the anger and irritation to activate and direct me into abuse towards the other, I breath and stop the thoughts immediately by breathing and focusing my attention on something physical and moving my physical body such as my hands and fingers, to get out of the energy rush that was activated with this personality. I commit to thus walk the self forgiveness on the point and walk the correction to treat the other as myself, and walk as an equal in physical considerations stopping my mind as personalities from directing me.

More to come in the next posts, thanks.

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Day 169- Resistances to Change - Part 1

One point I fear losing if I change is my comfort within myself, I have a certain way of living where I always know there is a space within me where I can be comfortable and be able to count on that space to get me through tough times and places I don’t necessarily want to be. It’s not a real comfort though I have found, it’s more a seclusion and isolation point that I allow myself to go into within myself, where I kind of sit in a limbo, as I am within this point to avoid my responsibilities and facing myself. Within this comfort space though, I feel good and protected, like I can’t and won’t be able to be abusedor attacked when I am in this space, nothing effects me, so I resist losing this space within myself because then I feel vulnerable to others because I don’t trust others, so thus essentially showing that I don’t trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my own mind as a comfort in escaping my responsibilities to find that seclusion point within myself where I can control what I am doing as well as not allow others to get in my space. This by physically removing myself from the spaces of others, as it’s due to not wanting to have to really change, Ifear this change as it’s putting myself out there where I can’t hide and can’t escape.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want control of myself within my environment, and thus use this point of seclusion to be able to re-group and thus when I participate in energies and they become overwhelming use this point of going within to calm the energies and get myself re-charged to be able to control myself within my environment once more as it’s quite unstable within myself, so I can feel protected and secure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist being with others and thus desire to go into myself more because I don’t want to deal with what others present to me, and that is myself, my emotions, feelings, and thoughts in relation to how I am allowing myself to be around others, separating myself from the others, and thus resist these situations of being with others because I know I can go back in to this seclusion point and be safe with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to be safe and comfortable within myself to feel that I can keep going and thus resist this opposite feeling of being with others because I don’t feel safe/stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I will not be safe with others and thus create this fear within me of being around others, thus I resist this point of change within my environment because I have allowed this fear to direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist change based on fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist interacting with others and thus accessed my mind within myself as comfort, so I don’t have to face who I am with others but can stay in illusion allowing my mind to entertain me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the mind and allow it to be a comfort instead of realizing the abuse that this is causing not only to myself, but countless beings who are being ostracized and abused because people only see illusion as the mind and not what’s really here as physical reality.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am going into that resistance point with being with others and want to escape into my own space, I stop and breath and do not accept myself to go into this point by physically moving myself to interact with the others and breath through the discomfort and resistances until I am stable.

I commit myself to stop the resistances to changing my environment and my world based on fear, so I will walk through this fear and face that which I am uncomfortable with in my environment to investigate why this is so, and thus change it if it is common sense to do so.

I commit myself to let go of this desire to control my environment by breathing within and as each environment I go into, and realizing that I am here, walking stable and stopping the desire for a specific outcome.

I commit myself to walk an acceptance of others and stop the prejudgment that I am not ok, and thus stopping this point of escape as protection by stopping my actions of isolating and secluding myself.

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resist change, i can't change, impossible living, i hate changes, life after hell, fear of people, group think, psychological issues, trauma, child abuse, desteni, equality, eqafe, #jounrneytolife

Day 159 – Impatience’s – Part 2 - Fear of Looking Stupid

So here continuing from yesterday’s blog, Day 158- Impatiences about impatience’s, where I rush through my responsibilities due to not being patient and only looking for a good time, so here walking through one of the consequential outflow that came up yesterday during a chat, and that was fear of looking stupid. I would write out the post to be sent through and would not take the time to read it through, but just hit send. Then once sent I will quickly read through what I just sent and realize there were many little mistakes made just by rushing that I should have caught and corrected, but due to me just wanting to go quick, I send without confirmation of it being accurate, and then face the point of fearing being seen as stupid. I fear this because the mistakes are easy words, and done numerous times, so this continual point of spelling wrong, I go into fear and anxiousness that I will be seen by the other as being a stupid person realizing this is how I am judging myself, that it’s not about the other’s thinking, but who I am within my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear of looking stupid based on the belief that I am being seen as this by the other because I am judging this within myself. I realize that I am the one condemning myself and thus should not participate within assumptions of what others are thinking of me as this will enslave me throughout my life to outside sources that I can’t control and are undetermined, so realistically speaking I see and understand I have to stop my participation in assuming what others are thinking of me and stop judging myself.

I commit myself to when and as I go into the belief that others are thinking bad of me, I stop and breath, and check within myself where is it that I am judging myself, in so I can identify the point such as this point of seeing myself as stupid, and so I commit to find the point that I am judging about myself and assume another is judging of me as well, so I can write it out and direct it within self forgiveness and self correction so I can stop the enslavement of this point from directing me, so to give myself direction to correct this point in my living, stopping the enslavement of assumptions of the external world and judgments of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that when I do not consider each and every word I type and send to another, I should expect myself to have spelling mistakes and misalignments within writing as I have created this consequence for myself by rushing through the writing and not taking the time to check and see if it is correct. I realize that within this I show lack of consideration for the other reading it and a lack of self discipline as I don’t take the time which is necessary for the best understanding of the other reading, to correct the points that are misaligned so it is legible for the receiver.

I commit myself to each and every time I walk through a chat or writing that I walk through the words written to check to see that everything is in alignment before I send it off to the receiver, this to ensure that all is clear and legible for the other and I gain stability within trusting myself to recheck who I am as cross-reference so I can perfect my application so to live best for all within myself and the other to create an equal opportunity for growth and understanding through words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that self discipline is crucial for the process of re-birthing life to be best for all, and so I have to walk absolute within this point to be a part of this process, and so within each and every point within my life, I have to walk self discipline and self will in doing what has to be done, even and especially checking to make sure all my words are aligned and understood for all who read it, as the message of equality and oneness in what is best for all is shared and understood through words and living words.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am walking into laziness and resistance, stop and breath, and walk my self discipline by doing what it is that is set in front of me that I am resisting and desiring to do later, I stop and breath, and complete the task in front of me, and don’t allow resistance to direct me in anyway by resolving my self discipline and living it absolute, until I am here absolute I will not stop pushing this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as stupid based on making mistakes and thus judge myself for making spelling mistakes as if this is a sign of someone who is not smart, I realize and see that making mistakes even in spelling is a way to learn from, and in this case to show that I have to slow down and stop the point of resistance, so I can create myself in a way were I can trust to walk through whatever is here, and correct myself in complete self support and self honesty to create greater clarity and stability within who I am as my words and thus live them as me as the example of what I speak.

I commit myself to when and as I go into to judgment of seeing myself stupid, I stop and breath, and realize that the consequential outflow of this is guilt and thus self victimization, which I realize is not necessary, thus I stop my self judgment of myself when I make a mistake realizing it is part of the process of expansion and self growth, and so walk what has to be walked in all it’s facets, and perfect my living in the process, to check myself before I move to make sure I am clear and here in what is best for all and thus write words or speak words in awareness and stability.

Interview Support:

Reptilians - Patience, and how to Live it - Part 43

Life Review - My Life of Impatience


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no patience, impatience, i am so impatient, how to stop impatience, can't do anything, can't sit still, ADD. ADHD, adderall, desteni, eqafe, psychological issues, #teamlife

Day 158- Impatiences

Here looking at a pattern that I have been excusing and participating in for most of my life and tonight while talking on a chat, I continued this pattern outright, but here I face this and stop. I participate much in impatience, for example, I will press enter in a chat without even reading what I wrote, because I did not want to take the time to check it and see if it needed to be corrected. I have written about this point in the past and done self-forgiveness on it, but obviously I have not gone in deep enough. 

I see this point being that I don’t want to stop and take the time to read through what I have written and actually walk the physical process that will take and the time it will take to do what needs to be done, and ah, not get any reward equaling positive energy from it. So it’s a point of desire that I am accepting, desire to not have to push myself and walk the physical effort that is actual labor and not going to give me positive feelings, and so walk the point in all it’s facets and considerations to completion in self perfection. 

The physical point is prominent here, I don’t feel like re-reading my words when I send them off based on laziness, I just don’t want to make that extra effort. Then I walk the reaction point which is more separation of going into fear that I will be seen as stupid, and quickly make the corrections within theacceptance that I fear being thought of as stupid by the other. I will write forgiveness on being lazy, not moving myself and fear of being stupid in tomorrows blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be relaxed and resting, enjoying myself with activities that I find fun, and so resist the physical labor and work that I am required to do to fulfill my responsibilities and help those within the group I am working with be it at work, at my house or in other fields. I realize that when I participate and accept this point of resistance within physical work and labor I will limit myself based on being preoccupied with thoughtsof how tired I am, how bad this is, how much I want to just do something else, how much I want to do something fun, and not be here within the task that I am walking to the best of my ability, which to get to this point require full awareness obviously here I am in my mind stuck in thoughts of resistance to what I am actually busy living and sabotaging myself with.

I commit myself to stop and breath when I see that I am going into this point of desiring to go do other things that I find fun, and resist the labor and physical work that is in front of me, where in I have to do what is required to be done in the physical and put real effort in, so I commit to stop the thoughts of resistance and backchat of why I don’t want to do it, breath through the backchat, and practice practically pushing myself in each task to do it to the best of my ability each time I am faced with this backchat, find the points that I am skipping previously, such as skipping re-reading my post before I post it, and thus walk the point of self correction to eventually get to self perfection in each breath to create the best possible outcome I can and give myself the opportunity to do so through pushing through the resistance each time they arise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I focus on perfection I will miss out on the opportunity to do something fun and enjoyable, so I rush through the point to get to the point where I can relax and enjoy, and so I see that I am only focusing on my self interest and thus my own happiness not considering the consequential outflows that not walking in self perfection or the best of my ability is creating not just in my world but in the worlds of others I am effecting or thus missing the opportunity to effect/help, so thus allowing resistance and thus laziness to direct me instead of ceasing the opportunity here to walk my process to self perfection through my process of actually living it in the physical as self correction through the self forgiveness I walk here.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am going into this point of desiring to go into self interest and get the good feelings with my own personal enjoyments, I stop, breath, and remain here in the physical pushing myself to walk in self awareness and perfect all the points I see I am able to, not accepting myself to go into resistance and skip what could look like small points to thus only get my own happiness from positive feelings, so stop the resistance and positive feelings from directing me, and walk the correction, which is walking the self perfection of me in each moment until it is done to eventually be an example for others and support as many as possible to self perfection for themselves so we can heal ourselves from the laziness and ignorance is bliss mentality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to participate in the ignorance is bliss mentality where I know that I am slacking and not pushing myself, but go into the point of excuses such as where I pretend that I can, or I deserve it, or I am not effecting anyone, when in self honesty, I know that I am being deceitful, so I stop this point of deceit and self interest, and walk the point of correction.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of desiring to ignore my responsibilities and what has to be done, I stop these points from directing me, and walk into the physical as my responsibilities and complete a task until it’s done not allowing backchat to intervene, excuses to come through, or desires to direct me, I walk what I realize I have to do within completing my responsibilities in relevant terms, and then I relax and can have a moment of self enjoyment. I commit to walk what is best for all and stop my own desire for self-interest in a bubble world I have created that will pop eventually as it was never real, what is real is life and it is here in the physical, I decide.

Interview Support:

Reptilians - Patience, and how to Live it - Part 43

Life Review - My Life of Impatience

For Further Support, Please check out Links:

Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
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no patience, impatience, i am so impatient, how to stop impatience, can't do anything, can't sit still, ADD. ADHD, adderall, desteni, eqafe, psychological issues, #teamlife