A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 279 – “F*ck Authority” Character

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Day 279 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At - Suppression

Check out these blogs for reference to this post:
Day 276 – Intro to the 'F*ck Authority' Character
Day 277 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Being Yelled At
Day 278 – “F*ck Authority” Character – Yelling at Me -The Shock of a Voice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my mind when I hear a load voice yelling and fear I will get into trouble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed into submission as fear when I hear a load voice and thus become docile and forgiving towards that other person regardless of what they are doing to me or to others for them to stop being mad at me or yell at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a compromised position within myself towards others who are yelling as docile and forgiving without understanding or realizing what is the purpose of the yelling and if I can direct it into a best for all solution, but based on fear coward and stop my interactions of expression towards this other and suppress myself to not have to face them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become docile and suppress my expression around others when I hear yelling based on a memory of my dad yelling at me and him making me go to my room with a smack on my rear, and thus tense up and go into a fright when I hear a load voice based on fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of defense and protection of myself when I hear a load voice of a women based on a memory of my mom yelling at me and creating a point of defense of her vs me, and thus when I hear a voice similar I automatically go into this battle mentality and become tense and anxious for this meeting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a rush of anxiety run through my body when I hear a load voice based on seeing that I am less then this person with the loud voice and that I have to submit to them or go into conflict to be able to deal with this person who is yelling at me and get out of this situation which I didn’t care to be in in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed polarities as submit or fight to direct me when another is yelling instead of realizing what I can do in self direction to calm the position of the other down through understanding the other in equal consideration to myself regardless of the tone of there voice and thus direct in common sense for what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist being with people with load voices or whospeak allot due to this fear of being overtaken and having to submit to them and thus feel inferior to them as I am allowing myself to feel this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to those who are loud because I believe that I can’t compete and thus coward to their aggressiveness and not direct the point regardless of my fear or feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed feelings and fear to direct me around another with a load voice instead of assessing the situation in common sense and seeing what direction is necessary to take in what is best and directing any conflict into a solution in equal consideration of all involved.