Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Day 86- 'Why did I do that' Character

So looking at this point that comes up often where I go into the 'why did I do that' character based on a regretful point that had occurred that I did, and thus based on a judgment about my actions within it or the responses I got from others, I go into this 'why did I do that' character to thus make sure I suppress and sabotage myself because I believe that I am unworthy and I don't get to be free and just live here as life one and equal to self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into the 'why did i do that' character when I have made a value judgment against myself due to an idea I held that I didn't live up to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to make a value judgment within who I am or who I am being within a moment and thus limit my expression to my idea and perception of how I should be instead of living who I am here in each moment in freedom. I realize within this limitation as a judgment of who I should be, I am not allowing myself to move and change as within life it's constantly in motion and thus is not able to be predicted so I must walk within breath and acceptance of all points to thus really live here free in expression as who I realize I am as a free being who is life in full acceptance as self one and equal and live and walk the correction to be this in fact.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself by placing value judgments of right and wrong within my actions and words instead of realizing that there is only one principle that is here and that is oneness and equality of life and thus to live best for all not based on separation as one is better then another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place value on life and thus separate myself within the polarity play out of I am that and not this, where I see some life is not acceptable instead of realizing and living the point of self acceptance and thus give myself the opportunity for self correction in living where here I will only be shifting and changing within alignment of what is best for all in a natural movement of living process to life and so not to move into energy as reaction and go into separation of myself for a point that is not yet aligned, it's not to judged who I am, but simply correct the point to be one and equal with all life in what will be best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that energy is who I am and thus that I am subject to only it's movements within and as emotions and feelings, thoughts, memories, and illusion of the mind, when I realize that is not who I am, as I realize I am here as substance, and I have to walk from this illusion I have created within my mind to life as the physical practical reality, so thus all life here can walk the correction and we can align back to who we have always been one and equal with the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself within this 'why did I do that' character go into the desire to make a correction in fear and suppress myself within what I have done so thus I can be seen by the others in a new light and they will forget how I had been a moment ago to thus please them and have them see me as 'ok' again when within myself I had judged myself of doing something not ok. I realize and see within this how I am limiting myself to the mind in only living for the approval of others and thus causing conflict and anxiety within myself based on trying to live up to a standard in my head which can never be lived up to cause it is not real nor tangibly here and thus I can never appease the others as I am not being real, but only in my mind as desires and ideas that are ever changing and upgrading as I see newer and newer pictures missing life within it all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to have the approval of others so thus I will go into this 'why did I do that' character which will automatically activate a fear to correct the point where I will change myself completely to appease others and limit myself by missing my self respect within it all. I realize and see that within this character play out that it is due to myself seeing me as inferior to others and that I have to appease others to like me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself inferior to others and that I have to do things for others to like me, this based on childhood where I saw that if I went against others and didn't please others or follow others leads I would be outcasted and humiliated, and I didn't like the feeling of humiliation and embarrassment that was brought upon when being outcasted by others so thus I grew into the character of pleasing others and thus created a check character as this 'why did I do that' character to make sure I always fell in line with the others and did not step out of approval because I fear having people not like me and thus turn against me with the making fun of and humiliating me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by the memory of me in school where I was outcasted and thus humiliated and embarrassed in front of others and thus went into fear of this due to believing that the emotions that were built up as embarrassment and humiliation defined who I was and thus lived this out as seeing myself inferior and not as worthy as some other life. I realize and see that I am not this memory of being outcasted and the fear that this brings up and seeing that it was just a product of my own separation as feeling inferior and allowing others to be superior to me, and also I realize that I am not defined nor am these emotions as humiliation and embarrassment as i realize they have been pre-programmed and installed within the mind consciousness system to enslave beings to be lesser then who we are as life, and that I but just have to walk through these emotions stable and in self realization of who I am as life one and equal and thus I am free because I realize I am still here and the energies as emotions are gone, and they were never real, but I made them real because I didn't realize who I was, but I do now know I am not limited to the mind as emotions and feelings as energies but am life which is stable here in breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to thus allow this point of 'why did I do that' character to play out to keep my limitations in check of being inferior because I believed that I don't deserve to be life, I don't deserve to be able to be free and enjoy myself here as full expression as who I am in oneness and equality, and that I deserve to suffer because I am not good. I realize and understand this feeling of unworthiness and inferiority is due to me holding on and defining myself by memories and past occurrences and defining myself by these points of others names towards me and the actions I lived as if this is who I am and real, but here I realize that I am not defined by the past nor by the memories of my past, but am here in breath and able to live.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by the thoughts of 'I am not worthy' and 'I am inferior' based on living into the polarity of separation where I believe some are more then others. I realize and see within this point that I am not separate from anyone but that I am everyone that exist here, we all are the same within our substance and thus are all walking the same process, so thus I stop separating myself and limiting myself to the mind as these illusions as more or less, but live here one with all and walk into and as equality with all life as myself in self correction through my living as my self realizations here in the self forgiveness statements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into this character as 'why did I do that' as a check to limit myself and sabotage myself based on this desire for more and desire for perfection and living the polarity opposite as I separated myself within the desire to be more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be more then I am here as this desire for more friends and more of who I am in perfection instead of realizing and living enough here in self satisfaction with who I am as life one and equal and walking self perfection in my living by aligning with the perfection as the physical as myself as self living equal and one to the substance that is in and of everything that is essential unconditional life living in absolute perfection with and as all and who I am if I but will it and live it and stop the separation of myself because I realize 'I' as life is all that is here.

Self Commitment statements to follow.

Artwork By Fellow Destonian:
Marlen Vargas Del Razo -

Check Her out here:


why did I do that? dope. fuck ups, mistakes in living, feeling guilty, stupid move, pleasing others, making friends, human relationships, equality, oneness, eqafe, desteni, journey to life, psychology, human psyche

1 comment:

  1. Cool, just dealing with this point and this supported me a lot! Thanks for sharing :)