A Lady's Journey to Life: Where Do I Stand within Self Trust?

Where am I at in terms of my self trust? I am finding my relationship in general with myself has always been one of doubt, of not being enough, of self judgment, and within that this has created a breeding ground for the mind as doubt to creep in and wreak havoc on my self stability. What I do know of myself and my living participation is that I am determined to walk the correction of who and how I am as life, though this is a path of unknowns as well as uncertainties. I do find self empowerment within walking through fears and the unknown and persevering to a point of relative self stability again, this I have done with many points, but this journey never ends. Eventually I see it ending when all are life here and heaven has been created on earth, but until that time, I walk my mind dimensions, my fears, my dark self into the physical living correction as my thought, word, and deed.

Another point I have realized is that which is best described in a saying, “no man is an island”, meaning I can not walk this process to life in what is best for all alone, I do need cross-referencing and support to understand myself as the evil I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. It’s a process, that is why it’s called desteni i process, the i of self has to walk a self purification process and this is walked until its done for real. I see the potential and I see the magnificence that this outflow that is inevitable for all to face and transcend, this potential is always here, though it’s up to myself to walk this for myself as life. Though this is where my doubt comes in, am I able to walk to life or am I just too fucked up to get this done?

The ego is a strong self force one has created as a separate illusionary self to distract and separate ourselves from our own creation, this force of self is so strong it can completely catch me off guard, and yes through walking self creation, one will inevitably create self in ways that is not best as a process of mistakes, learning from one’s mistakes, and growth as this is part of learning and this is part of life. The one point though that I have been facing is ensuring I don’t focus to much on my mistakes and down falls and so within this judge myself for it. What I call the ego or even can be seen as a dark self within where I will participate in the thoughts of self judgment for instance and within this this can spiral into judging others, blaming others, and even living out that blame through my behavior by yelling for instance. So this dark force of self is what is being taken on by all walking the desteni i process. Though it can not be feared or judged as this will continue the spiral of self compromise and sabotage, so what I have found and been walking is self responsibility, understanding that I alone am creating these experiences within myself and so I have and must take responsibility for them, to then be able to understand them, forgive them, and walk the process of change. This is a process that takes time and patiences as again mistakes will be made, consequences will have to be outflowed and walked, and from there I get back up and continue to learn and grow.

I keep coming back to the same point that has supported me throughout my journey to life within walking my mind system(s) and this has been the point of never giving up. I know that there is a point of uncertainty within this because within myself in the last few years of my process with walking the desteni tools I have been challenged in ways that i couldn’t have conceived, I did at times believe I was going to give up, I wanted to with most all of my being, though there was always that point of when i got myself back to breath, back to my stability here within my physical body, and investigated what had happen and why, I would realize that I am still here and I am still able to walk, I still trust myself to be able to walk the correction, and I would move. I was always moving, I am always moving, inside myself, observing, understanding myself, understanding others, making mistakes, getting back up, learning, expanding, failing, getting back up, bringing myself back to breath, walking and walking is what I do, always moving back to the basics, my breath, my physical reality stability, my self forgiveness, my self correction, and my pushing of myself beyond my limitations in my living always in all ways I see necessary to bring myself closer to life and a world that is best for all.

This is for sure challenging, but it is doable, I am an example as there are so many others that this is doable, I have changed, I have expanded, I have grown in my self awareness and my integrity, and I realize and am aware that there is still so much more to go. Each step counts and each moment of change put forth toward your self growth and doing what is best counts, so this is where I will leave you, make it count, do your best, and lets create a world that is best for all where heaven comes to earth, where it is real.

My self trust is an expanding process, but what I see and understand that every step here into the best I can be by facing challenges and moving through them with a self integrity in doing my best in self honesty, I move more and more into my stability of being able to trust myself. It’s a process I am finding of expanding awareness and it only expands as I live it, so I will continue to live self trust and move into my highest potential for life in oneness and equality and what is best for all.

Thanks for reading.