Where Do I Stand within Self Trust? - Day 526

Where am I at in terms of my self trust? I am finding my relationship in general with myself has always been one of doubt, of not being enough, of self judgment, and within that this has created a breeding ground for the mind as doubt to creep in and wreak havoc on my self stability. What I do know of myself and my living participation is that I am determined to walk the correction of who and how I am as life, though this is a path of unknowns as well as uncertainties. I do find self empowerment within walking through fears and the unknown and persevering to a point of relative self stability again, this I have done with many points, but this journey never ends. Eventually I see it ending when all are life here and heaven has been created on earth, but until that time, I walk my mind dimensions, my fears, my dark self into the physical living correction as my thought, word, and deed.

Another point I have realized is that which is best described in a saying, “no man is an island”, meaning I can not walk this process to life in what is best for all alone, I do need cross-referencing and support to understand myself as the evil I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. It’s a process, that is why it’s called desteni i process, the i of self has to walk a self purification process and this is walked until its done for real. I see the potential and I see the magnificence that this outflow that is inevitable for all to face and transcend, this potential is always here, though it’s up to myself to walk this for myself as life. Though this is where my doubt comes in, am I able to walk to life or am I just too fucked up to get this done?

The ego is a strong self force one has created as a separate illusionary self to distract and separate ourselves from our own creation, this force of self is so strong it can completely catch me off guard, and yes through walking self creation, one will inevitably create self in ways that is not best as a process of mistakes, learning from one’s mistakes, and growth as this is part of learning and this is part of life. The one point though that I have been facing is ensuring I don’t focus to much on my mistakes and down falls and so within this judge myself for it. What I call the ego or even can be seen as a dark self within where I will participate in the thoughts of self judgment for instance and within this this can spiral into judging others, blaming others, and even living out that blame through my behavior by yelling for instance. So this dark force of self is what is being taken on by all walking the desteni i process. Though it can not be feared or judged as this will continue the spiral of self compromise and sabotage, so what I have found and been walking is self responsibility, understanding that I alone am creating these experiences within myself and so I have and must take responsibility for them, to then be able to understand them, forgive them, and walk the process of change. This is a process that takes time and patiences as again mistakes will be made, consequences will have to be outflowed and walked, and from there I get back up and continue to learn and grow.

I keep coming back to the same point that has supported me throughout my journey to life within walking my mind system(s) and this has been the point of never giving up. I know that there is a point of uncertainty within this because within myself in the last few years of my process with walking the desteni tools I have been challenged in ways that i couldn’t have conceived, I did at times believe I was going to give up, I wanted to with most all of my being, though there was always that point of when i got myself back to breath, back to my stability here within my physical body, and investigated what had happen and why, I would realize that I am still here and I am still able to walk, I still trust myself to be able to walk the correction, and I would move. I was always moving, I am always moving, inside myself, observing, understanding myself, understanding others, making mistakes, getting back up, learning, expanding, failing, getting back up, bringing myself back to breath, walking and walking is what I do, always moving back to the basics, my breath, my physical reality stability, my self forgiveness, my self correction, and my pushing of myself beyond my limitations in my living always in all ways I see necessary to bring myself closer to life and a world that is best for all.

This is for sure challenging, but it is doable, I am an example as there are so many others that this is doable, I have changed, I have expanded, I have grown in my self awareness and my integrity, and I realize and am aware that there is still so much more to go. Each step counts and each moment of change put forth toward your self growth and doing what is best counts, so this is where I will leave you, make it count, do your best, and lets create a world that is best for all where heaven comes to earth, where it is real.

My self trust is an expanding process, but what I see and understand that every step here into the best I can be by facing challenges and moving through them with a self integrity in doing my best in self honesty, I move more and more into my stability of being able to trust myself. It’s a process I am finding of expanding awareness and it only expands as I live it, so I will continue to live self trust and move into my highest potential for life in oneness and equality and what is best for all.

Thanks for reading.

More links to support:

Soul - School of Ultimate Living - Create yourself through Words!
http://www.schoolofultimateliving.com/

Self Supportive Material - 
http://www.Eqafe.com 

Desteni-I-Process Lite Beginner course - 
http://www.lite.desteniiprocess.com 

Forum support: 
http://forum.desteni.org 

Desteni Wiki: 
http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page 

Eqafe Facebook Page: 
https://www.facebook.com/Eqafe-359136... 

7 year journey to life Facebook group: 
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ... 

DIP Lite on Facebook: 
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite

Blame – The End is Near – Day 502

 Photo Source 

Moving from my previous post, I opened up how I have been living the word blame and how within my current application I am using it as a way to become superior in moments, though what I realized is that it is only causing a self diminishment. This diminishment is based on the fact that within the blame there is a desire to be right, and within this desire there is a competition outflow that I participate toward others in my world causing there to be a war like environment rather then an environment that is supportive and inclusive of all in understanding and a respect within equality and oneness of all life.

I discussed this play out with my DIP buddy and she gave me the helpful insight and redefinition of the word ‘winning’, showing me that within the desire to win such as in competition with another where I start blaming and making it about being right and winning, that in fact I am not winning but losing as I am losing myself to my emotions, giving my power away, and diminishing the value exchange that could occur if I was living in a way that is best for all and standing in the shoes of the other in a wholesome way. Wholesome meaning standing in the others shoes, where I see them from there birth and understand what they have walked in there shoes to be/get to a point where they are in their life’s in that moment. And within this redefinition of this word ‘winning’ is that it’s not to win in competition and blame as in trying to be right, but win in the way where I am standing through the desire to compete, blame and be right, and stand within my principle of understanding, unconditional listening, and supporting the other as an equal to find solutions that is best for all. And here this word is redefined to live in a way where I am ‘winning’ in the sense that I am building my self trust, self integrity, and self stability within myself in my world where I am standing more and more as an example of solutions in what’s best and so standing as a plus one for a world that is best for all.

So how I am seeing blame is more of a ‘lazy’ way of living in self interest, where it’s a living in resistance of not wanting to face self, introspect, and walk the correction process necessary to take responsibility for oneself, but move into a point of isolation more and more and fear as I go further from my self trust and self integrity by harming others in my world with my words and not taking responsibility for myself to change.

So forgiveness on myself for continuing to live out this pattern for such a long time:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a pattern of perpetual blame onto others in my world because I believe that I am not at fault as I listen to my backchat speak to me about how it’s all others faults, looking what they do and say, look it how they treat and disrespect me, look at how rude they are, not at all self introspecting and seeing the actual facts and reality of this thoughts that are coming up through writing and self corrective writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a form of self victimization based on the level of attack and abuse my mind was giving me about how others are treating me, not asserting myself within my directive will, to stop my mind with breath, self introspection in writing, and changing myself in what ever has to be done so I am here and clear to why patterns are playing out within me and so have the corrective process and living words understood to be able to change in real time moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag out more time then is necessary on process points I have to face and transcend through the writing process and self introspection by allowing distractions to occupy my time and within these distractions suppress my real behaviors, thoughts, and actions that I see I am participating in and not changing longer then is necessary to face.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self responsibility for myself within the actions and behaviors I have created in my world where I give myself a naive look of myself as a young person at heart that is in need of soft touches and within that focus only on my external reality and how I am being effected by it, reacting, and so blaming these reactions on others, when I see, realize, and understand that within myself I am creating the reactions, I am not asserting and moving myself in a way I realize and have proven to myself in real time I am capable of, and so prolonging my process of self realization longer then it has to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be convoluted within myself by blame and distractions not seeing, realizing, and understanding the overall and specific outflows this is causing in my life where my life circumstances are getting more intense and more compromising as I continue to live in ignorance to the responsibility I hold to move myself and stand as I am not new at this process and tools of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional about this process of change and so go into more reactions then necessary about who and how I am living within myself and my world, and change and transform myself each and every moment I am here to be my best and live my best through making my moments count and supporting myself in my highest potential in each moment.

I commit myself to let go of the desire to blame others for my life circumstances and so take responsibility for myself to understand my reactions, understand the programs that are playing out within, and write out the script of self change that’ll be necessary to walk to live change in this reality that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop blaming my world by living the word self response – ability.

I commit myself to live the words unconditional listening where I here and understand the other fully to their satisfaction and take responsibility for any reaction that comes up, where I immediately take the point on in self forgiveness aloud, or note it to be written out later to be faced and corrected.

I commit myself to use the word blame as a cross-reference for me in my world of where I am falling into self victimization and immediately apply the change necessary to take responsibility for myself and do what has to be done to walk the correction into a way that is best for all.

I commit myself to live the redefined word as winning where I stop my mind in falling in energy and move into self trust, self stability, and self directiveness in what is best for all.

Blame Interview Recording Support:
Blame: The Design - Atlanteans - Part 180
Blame: From Beginning to End - Atlanteans - Part 181
Blame: Self Forgiveness: Phase 1 - Atlanteans - Part 182
Blame: Self Forgiveness: Phase 2 - Atlanteans - Part 183
Blame: The Hidden Nature - Atlanteans - Part 184
Blame: Imprisoning Yourself - Atlanteans - Part 185
Blame: Absolute Choices - Atlanteans - Part 186
Blame: Taking Responsibility - Atlanteans - Part 187

Check out more support at:
Desteni I Process Lite - Free Course to Start your Journey to Life
Journey to Life Group - On Facebook
Desteni Wiki - For All Things Desteni Related
Desteni Forum - Share your Self with Others Walking This Process
Destonian Social Network
Self and Living Store
Eqafe - Self Perfection Support
Equal Life Foundation - Site