So here within this word Superficial I am looking at what the word is saying as it’s purpose, so it’s saying the ‘Super’ ‘Face’ of myself, the image of who I want to be as the ego self, pushing to show face and thus be the super face to get the most attention from others. So here looking at the starting point of this particular point of my image, I have come to realize I am very much into the way my image is presented to others, and making sure before I go anywhere that I am looking the best I can. It has become a paranoia because I create this look I must achieve as the picture in my mind, and thus if I see at anytime, such as a glimpse in a mirror or in a window, and I am not up to par, then I will go into a reaction of fear and anxiety because I have judged myself as very unpleasant looking if I do not have the ‘approved’ look and thus the ‘super’ ‘face’ to present to my environment and thus get acceptance.
Now, for real, this is crazy living and self sabotage to the max as this scenario of trying to look perfect obviously is a point of self interest because who am I trying to look perfect for? Myself? No because when I am alone, I am quite content and ok with the way I am looking and really I don’t even bother with paying attention to it. But once someone else enters the scenario, then my paranoia kicks in of, ‘oh gosh, I must have my ‘super’ ‘face’ on, I must be presentable". This showing that I am only caring about others, what they think, how they perceive me, and this at the end of the day is due to self interest as there is a point I will not let go of, the definition and thus image of looking my best. Why do I have to look in this way? Who am I trying to impress? Obviously I am not accepting myself and thus will always be in fear due to always seeing myself less then, and thus having to become an image for others to be acceptable.
This obviously the product of my mind and what I have accepted and allowed in my mind through comparisons, judgments, and competition, and so live in this self created misery because I want to be something that is not in fact real and can never be achieved. I am chasing something that has no solution and thus why I have existed in my head in polarities for the the whole of my life, missing what is in fact real, missing myself in creating my living into self perfection, missing me understanding and building an equal relationship with me and others in my world, missing the existence for myself that I could create if I just stop the desires to be more, to be special, to be wanted, to be the best, it has to stop and thus it will only stop when I stop existing as the super face and start with the real self, as the face is part of the body which is part of everything here. And thus what is real is here as this world and thus who I am within it equal and one to who I create myself and direct myself as, there is in fact no separation here as all are physical and all are life, this separation in fact is existant only in my mind.
Life is not about being super, it’s about living in what is best for all, this has nothing to do with being special or more or better, but living to the best of my ability in my body in consideration of all equally and this is including myself.
Will write more next blog with Self forgiveness and self correction.
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