So here within this word Superficial I am looking at what
the word is saying as it’s purpose, so it’s saying the ‘Super’ ‘Face’ of
myself, the image of who I want to be as the ego self, pushing to show face and
thus be the super face to get the most attention from others. So here looking
at the starting point of this particular point of my image, I have come to realize I am very much into
the way my image is presented to others, and making sure before I go anywhere
that I am looking the best I can. It has become a paranoia because I create
this look I must achieve as the picture in my mind, and thus if I see at
anytime, such as a glimpse in a mirror or in a window, and I am not up to par, then I will
go into a reaction of fear and anxiety because I have judged myself as very
unpleasant looking if I do not have the ‘approved’ look and thus the ‘super’
‘face’ to present to my environment and thus get acceptance.
Now, for real, this is crazy living and self sabotage to the
max as this scenario of trying to look perfect obviously is a point of
self interest because who am I trying to look perfect for? Myself? No because when I am
alone, I am quite content and ok with the way I am looking and really I don’t
even bother with paying attention to it. But once someone else enters the scenario,
then my paranoia kicks in of, ‘oh gosh, I must have my ‘super’ ‘face’ on, I must be presentable". This
showing that I am only caring about others, what they think, how they perceive
me, and this at the end of the day is due to self interest as there is a point I will not let go of, the definition and thus image of looking my best. Why do I have to look in this way? Who am I trying to impress? Obviously I am not accepting myself and thus will always be in fear due to always seeing myself less then, and thus having to become an image for others to be acceptable.
This obviously the product of my mind and what I have
accepted and allowed in my mind through comparisons, judgments, and
competition, and so live in this self created misery because I want to be
something that is not in fact real and can never be achieved. I am chasing
something that has no solution and thus why I have existed in my head in
polarities for the the whole of my life, missing what is in fact real, missing
myself in creating my living into self perfection, missing me understanding and
building an equal relationship with me and others in my world, missing the
existence for myself that I could create if I just stop the desires to be
more, to be special, to be wanted, to be the best, it has to stop and thus it
will only stop when I stop existing as the super face and start with the real
self, as the face is part of the body which is part of everything here. And
thus what is real is here as this world and thus who I am within it equal and one to who I create myself and direct myself as, there is in fact no separation here as all are physical and all are life, this separation in fact is existant only in my mind.
Life is not about being super, it’s about living in what is
best for all, this has nothing to do with being special or more or better, but
living to the best of my ability in my body in consideration of all equally and
this is including myself.
Will write more next blog with Self forgiveness and self
correction.
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Man I can relate - thanks for sharing and writing about this Garb!
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