Why Am I Continuing to Fall – Day 498

Recently a point came up about an addiction that I have been transcending and within it I fell. What I realized within this fall was how I up until the point of actually doing the action that caused me to fall I was in a point of ignorance, like ‘I know I shouldn’t be doing this, I know there will be consequences for doing this action, I know I will be harming others if I do this”, though I still did it, even though I realized that it is not best for all. So after this event happened I listened to the new kryon interview – Rest and the Physical - Kryon: My Existential History, where he spoke about sleep and how the body does not need rest. How we within our physical bodies could live significantly longer then we are currently living. How we are in fact devolving each decade, each year, each day, each breath, and when he finished discussing this point I reflected on myself, and saw that very day I decided to go into ignorance and fulfill my mind desire, my need, my instant gratification, rather then stopping myself in principles that I have committed to live in what is best for all.

So my blog today is about what is it within my decision to fall even though I know it’ll be self compromising, why I did it anyway. What I found initally was a spitefulness, that because of my life circumstances I am afraid to take on inevitably the horror that I as a being have particpated within. The act of not living my highest potential is a measure in reality that is created, now because of spite and ignorance, I am accepting and allowing myself to give up and give in to challanges that arise and so compromise my self standing. I have committed myself to stand always despite falls, set backs, miss-takes, and abdication of my responsibility, I will stand up again and move myself to the inevitable correction to align myself with what is best for all.

So within this fall, there are two basic options I can walk and we all can walk for that matter, in a day, in our lives, is to stay in the fall experience of self pity, self anger, resentment, and blame or we can take self responsibility, learn from the fall, and use what I learned to change myself to be better equipped for the next time to stand, to stop the self compromise, to stop the projection and blame onto the outer reality, and to realize that everything that is in fact happening in MY life is MY creation.

This is one of the realization that came up for me within this point, is that I am the creator of my life, I decide whether I fall on a point or whether I stand within it and move into the correction to live what is best for all. There is no one outside of myself that is able to walk this decision and action, there is support yes, though in this journey of birthing life from the physical I am alone in this decision. I decided for myself who I will be and so within this I am the creator of my eventual desteni that’ll play out. What I walk in this life, each and every moment will accumulate to the final point of either death or birthing into life. This is the reality of each one in this life and the more that is given the more responsibility one takes on.

So from this fall, I take it as an opportunity to learn and understand where I stand within myself. How within this learning opportunity I need to change and move into a position where I can stand through the programs of the mind that played out for me to eventually fall on my commitments. Walking moment to moment I found, this journey is more manageable, to in each moment walk what is best for all this through breath awareness, this is also a process to get to this point, though in breath, here in our physical bodies, is where this life is able to be lived/walked in what is best. So a goal set forth to focus on or live is instead of having too much to consider in many moments as I decide to act on something, bring those many moments down to the small, walking and living moment to moment walking what is best in each moment that is here. (I will also write blogs on redefining the word here, moment to moment, breath, so it’s more clear on how to live this in physical reality)

This is what I found most important is to realize that I am responsible for not only myself, but for all here, I am walking for those who are not able to, for those who are starving, for those who are hurt and abused, for those who are silenced due to oppression, for those who have no voice, and also for those who are so lost in there minds that they can not see what is best for all. We, each and everyone of us, are walking a process of living what is best for all, this process though I have realized is determined and defined by self, and as was mentioned in Kryon’s interview today, there is a time stamp, life itself is showing within the aging process that we are devolving, we are not living and aligning with life, and so we are in essence dying which is obviously life extinguished. Life never dies to be clear, though the mind does, the mind is energy and this energy is based from the physical substance of the physical body, it’s parasitic in nature and so it eats the physical body until we die and the physical substance as our body repels the mind, the mind ceases to exist and physical substance goes back to it’s source, the earth, dust to dust. There have been hundreds of interviews on the life processes of human beings and what happens at death, here is a series specifically on this, the life reviews of those who die and processes that happen at death.

What I have realized within this fall for myself is that within my every day life, I have to live the words assertive, self trust, self honesty, and self creation to be able to in the moments I want to give into the justification, excuses, breaks, and really bullshit to live these words and push through my resistances and that I have to in real time move myself physically in these moments. These little moments of thoughts such as ‘it’s ok if I just indulge for one day’, ‘it’s ok if I take a break for one hour’, ‘it’s ok if I judge and ridicule in my mind for this one time cause it’s not that big of a deal, they can’t see, no one can see but me’, though these little moments eventually accumulate into physical action where I go into a decision in the physical to compromise myself, my commitments that I have made, and so compromise the whole process of birthing life from the physical. If I did act in a way that is best for all in that moment, I would not have wasted this time now of two days where I could be walking in ways that is best.

So there is purpose to falls they are neither good nor bad, but a opportunity to show you to you and how you have created yourself, what within this fall I have just lived, where I need to stand more, where I need to assert my directive will more, what I need to change and push within my skill set to be able to counteract my desire to resist, it is a learning experience if I walk it into a completion. Falls in process require self honesty, this is an act of self will and who one is within this process of a fall. This is all up to me, though the seriousness of what I am walking I am realizing more and more, we are not just walking this for ourselves, we are walking the process of birthing life from the physical for all beings that are here living, this is the desteni of this earth, I decide who I am and this effects the all cause we are all interconnected, everything is one and equal here in this physical reality.

I will continue with self forgiveness and self commitments in my next blog to further move into the correction process that is needed to stand within moments of self compromise.

Thank you for reading. 

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When the Mind Says "I Can't" - Day 477

Here sharing an experience of self empowerment I realized that all can walk and live. Enjoy.

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Have you Ever Felt Awkward? - Day 453

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Looking at this word, I have been noticing this coming up more and more with interactions I am experiencing during my day, it’s more in relation to new people or people I am acquainted with and so it’s in relation to people and how I experience myself around people I don’t really know. I have realized that based on the definition of the word awkward which states “lacking skill or dexterity, lacking grace or ease of movement, lacking social graces or manners”, I can relate to each of these definitions within the fear of being seen in this way and also within the opposite polarity where I desired to have all these things, so from a systematic perspective, I am creating this cycle to feed into one another and keep each alive. These are just purely mind based where I will judge different words or gestures or thoughts I have as truth of who I am and so remember this and judging myself again in similar moments. So it’s really a cycle of abuse because when I slow down and actually become aware of what I am doing/saying, I am more alert and more effective within who I am.

So this is showing me that awkward experience within myself accompanied by an experience of feeling frozen or constricted in my expression, I am showing to myself when I am in a point of desiring to be something in my reality like effective or considerate, but I am not actually living it because if I was expressing myself, I would be alert and moving naturally and so the experience of awkward would not be something I would be experiencing.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this awkward experience inside myself as a judgment against me like I am not good enough in that environment or that I am lacking in some way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief about myself when I go into a room and that everyone within the room will see I am awkward and so judge me as this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as awkward from others and so within this create the experience of awkward within me cause in some way I have judged myself as less then and so create this as the who I am in this moment as that is what I am thinking about, how I am being judged by others as awkward when i am actually doing it to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I experience this emotional experience within me accompanied with the experience of awkwardness as a draining feeling of energy and feeling like I am deflated that this is in fact the acceptance of myself as this belief and as less then and so I am showing to myself in this moment by living it out with this emotional energetic experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within a point of seeing this life of mine as a harsh world and that no one will ever care to stop and understand and get to know me so I will just be awkward and not have to face/deal with others whom I don’t care to get to know either.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in fact not care about others enough to walk with them and support them unconditionally and so I use the word awkward and the experience of myself within that as ‘drab’ ‘low’ and ‘not able to express’ as a way to categorize certain people I don’t want to get to know and use this experience to not have to face others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as less then me or more then me and so not want to face them as well as myself when i accept and allow the awkward experience to take over. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the experience of awkward where I don’t have to move myself beyond my limitations and express myself outside my comfort zone and beyond the experience I am having of feeling low and less then, but can stay in it where i am comfortable as i have done this plenty of times before.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become awkward in the sense of diminishing myself within the environment and so i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not yet stand within courage as a steadfast within who i am as i practice living this more and more through this desire to be awkward and so hide.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide in fear rather then face the fear as face myself with others and walk the process of expansion and growth of self as i face and learn who i am. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use awkward as a means to not have to face myself with other people I found strange, odd, weird, and not wanting to see where I stand with them because I fear being all these words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as odd, weird, strange, and not facing myself within these experiences to see who I am and where I stand within myself so I can learn and grow to be a better version of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself in a way separate to what is here and voice myself in ways that is not supportive in what is best for all and so myself.

I commit myself to move myself beyond my fears of facing myself nad who I am to stand within these moments and find out where I stand so I can learn and expand to be better/best.

I commit myself to see the experience of ‘low’ ‘drabb’ and ‘not expressive’ as a flagg point where I am moving to self compromise and so I commit myself to find the point I am avoiding and not wanting to face.

I commit myself to face myself in fear and what I am not comfortable in and move to solutions with myself and others in the environment so we can know each other and live as equals.

I commit myself to create myself as an equal within living environments to stand as myself in what is best for all.

So a redefinition of awkward process walking is where I desire a push within myself to move beyond the energy experiences and the thoughts of self judgment and find a common ground with my environment and the people in it, and come to a equality within me toward them.

Awkward as a direct definition is where I am requiring adjustment and specificity within my application to facilitate growth and expansion, there is something I am not facing and trying to avoid so I find solutions.

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Moving Beyond Limitations – Talking to Strangers - Day 432

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So this past week I was in a situation where I was forced to push through my limitations, this for all intense and purposes is a very cool experience and one I welcome as it births growth of self. This experience I was having to directly speak to people I had never seen or spoken to before about a business venture that I am currently pursuing. For me speaking to people face to face has always been something I avoided especially people I did not know. I experience within myself anxiety, fears, and also memories of being embarrassed in the past of moments where it didn’t go as expected. So as I approached this event, my mind started to bring up these very familiar emotions along with the thoughts and memories of failure and dread and what ifs, so this all comes up as the event draws closer. In the past, I would always find distractions or simply would not put myself out there because at that time I had no tools to support me to move beyond these very intense and uncomfortable emotional experiences going on inside of me, I just allowed these thoughts and emotions to overwhelm me. When I did face these situations of having to speak and direct conversations into a specific way, I would get overwhelmed and allow the experience to overwhelm me and perform less then ideally, where I would never go beyond my limitations, but inevitably compromise my true potential.

Here I will start with self forgiveness and self correction statements on some points that came up through the two day event that I say was part of this ‘self-compromise’ character I go into, so I can find the ways where I can support myself in those moments, and change to be the best potential I can be. Because why not? I realize that there is no one stopping me, but myself, and I have the drive to succeed and become the true potential that I am capable of.

There was one moment where a person compared me to my partner and not in words, but in my interpretation of what he was saying. I interpreted it as him saying that I was not worth being teamed up with because I was not doing well within my sales pitch. Now, this is the way in which I interpreted his words, his gestures, his physical presence, and many other subtle factors, but this is not in fact what actually was going on as I don’t know what he meant by his words. I never asked directly to know and I also never introspected the moment to see where I compromised myself or sabotaged myself. As it’s important to remember and focus on for myself when pushing through limitations is that no one outside of you can define you and/or has power over you, you are the direct principle within yourself, and so any point that doesn’t go well or you preform less then ideal, you can remediate this through writing for instance, and find the correction to walk in future moments with. This for me is key to understand and implement into my living, as I would have used this moment of interpretation to sabotage myself and not approach others due to fear of the same experience happening again. This I did not do, but before I go there I will walk the self forgiveness and self correction to this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief about myself through another persons gestures, communication style, eye movements, and judgments I have made that I am being seen as not as important or good as another person I am working with and so judge myself as less then others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through external factors direct my living into self compromise by myself creating a judgment that I am less then others, when I realize, see, and understand that the external does not define me nor does it create who I am, I do this within my own living and what I do in these moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my mind when I see it within me saying that I am being judged as inferior and being seen as not worth being within in terms of being part of a team.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own fears and judgments against myself onto the external world in where I can abdicate responsibility to change and blame it on this man who I interpreted as judging me in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility to my own judgments and my own thoughts and blame it on external factors based on the idea that I am not strong enough to change and that I will fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief of myself that I am not strong enough to face my mind within my judgments of myself and that I will fail at attempts to change myself in my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and inferiorize myself with others and make my living be in accordance with what my mind is doing within each moment instead of stopping my mind in the moment, and directing myself within common sense and self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others within the event and see myself as doing not as well as others, and believing this is showing that I am not as good as others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create these thoughts within myself that I am not as good as others based on a in the moment judgment of myself not taking into consideration the context of the situation and that each one is in their own process walking themselves into stability, and this walk is different for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise the rest of that day’s event where I was in my mind judging myself and projecting anger and blame to this man, when within myself I could have taken responsibility, changed myself in the moment, and walked the tools that were necessary in self honesty to be change my living to be best for me and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in the mind in that day’s event and miss opportunities to move myself here in the moment into real time self change.

When and as I see I am going into my backchat and judging myself about who I am in that moment in a specific situation, I stop and breath, and realize that these judgments and backchat thoughts will come out as projections and blame in my physical reality, and so compromise my living and who I can be with others to be less then my utmost potential.

So I commit myself to in the moment I see I am going into backchat thoughts of judgment towards myself or others, I stop and change in the moment to be physical and write on the point as soon as I am able to to direct the point and ground it into change for myself.

I commit myself to stop the judgments of myself in my mind before a big event and correct myself into grounding myself through breathing and self forgiveness and self correction.

I commit myself to stop comparing myself with others in the moment and find where I can learn from others.

I commit myself to breath and move myself in the moment in a way that pushes my self expression here as I breath with no thoughts.

I commit to stop my thoughts and judgments, and accept all as myself and walk what is best for all.

I will continue on with my realizations and writing on this work event in my next blog, thanks for reading.

Interview Support on the topic of moving through Fears:
You Will Never Let Go - Quantum Mind Self Awareness
Can't Let Go: Introduction - Atlanteans - Part 229
Can't Let Go: Transform Your Memories - Atlanteans - Part 230
Can't Let Go: Giving Up - Atlanteans - Part 231
Can't Let Go: Traumatic Memories - Atlanteans - Part 232
Can't Let Go: One-Dimensional Memories - Atlanteans - Part 233

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• Turn Fears into Friends - Blog 172

Day 313 - What the Hell am I doing?

So I am here on the desteni farm, and just being here for a few days, I am already seeing much support and thus much change within myself. One of the main changes I am focusing on is stopping the backchat about judging myself. I have now gone through quite a process of writing to get to this point of being ready to physically walk this change, of course, it just takes a decision and sticking to this decision in every moment of breath, but for a long while, I realized that I used my backchat to stay within my accepted and allowed limitation of trying to be seen as someone who is more then others because i judged myself as inferior. This in a subtle way, like desiring people to think I am cool, wanting to be around me, and thus obviously within myself I am creating these same expectations of others immediately causing a polarity separation with me and my environment meaning there is a conflict of interest as the interest always should be what is best for all, but with this split, I am only looking what will be best for me causing the mind fuck I have been in for now way too long.

While being here for the past few days and sitting in some interviews with the portal, which will be coming out soon, I finally asked myself, ‘really, what the hell am I doing?’ I finally am seeing the change necessary to stop this point of self sabotage, it’s been a journey because it takes education to understand what you are doing and what you are creating within you each moment you think or backchat, I found this series, The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination  extremely supportive in stopping self judgment specifically. Another supportive thing was Bernard said to me, “you are the only one creating what is going on in your head, no one else but you”, and this is so true, I am creating all sorts of assumptions and thoughts and memory imprints of moments in time, where I am using to judge myself and degrade myself as well as make myself more and better then others because of the constant cycle play out of seeing myself inferior and using others to make myself feel superior. So it’s the cycle of competition and trying to win, but in the meantime it’s having quite an effect on my self stability and how I see myself in reality because the focus is squewed, it’s never been about me and who I am within myself, how I am standing, but about what others think, how others see me or treat me, and thus only from these assumptions within myself I live my life thus creating much self compromise.

And so the backchat is always geared towards preying on the ‘weak’ around me, who I can find that is not as strong as others and then go ok, here I am ‘better’ then this one, so I can get a bit of energy to last me for a while until a new occurrence happens where I have judged myself and go back into negative energy feelings as bad, sad, you know those emotions, and then I will search for that positive energy again. So it’s like seriously, what the fuck am I doing, what kind of person am I creating within myself with these types of thought patterns, this type of nasty back chatting of abuse and scheming I am participating in, a nasty person who is completely self compromised because all this cause within me is paranoia and conflict within myself and thus in my world making me lost. I am not able really to discern and direct myself in a way that is functional and effective as I could have with my mind clear, my mind here, my mind focused on what is real and practical, but allow my mind to go haywire and all over the place with these constant comparisons and mind assumption story line patterns repeating themselves over and over again searching for positive energy in the way od self compromise and abuse to others as well as myself.

So I have started to really force breath awareness and stopping every pattern thought that comes through, all patterns of judgment or comparison in my mind seeing them as the realization that they are purely assumption and thus not something to follow, and breath through all reactions that come up of emotion or feeling, and continue what I am doing in the physical. If I do react, I note it and continue to walk by letting it go, stop focusing on it, and allow it to dissipate through time to end it’s connection to me as a memory. It is not something that has to define me I have realized, yes, I may have reacted and made a mistake or said something dumb or something like that, but I don’t have to terrorize myself, but can simply let it go and continue practicing breath, living from the physical, and moving myself in the principles I realize are true and best for all which is best for me, life is one in all walks that are here and we are equal within this fact. I simply have to continue on this process of accepting myself, letting go of the mind components of self compromise, and stick to breath, focusing on what is real as the physical and my living within it to become the most effective I can be through clearing and focusing my mind on what is real, aligning it with the physical reality equal and one to life which is in the end equal and one to me if I dare.

This the true path to freedom and total self awareness and becoming the utmost I can be because I am in the reality where this is done, here in the physical, in my mind it’s there and it’ can get very messy with the judgments, desires, backchat, emotions, feelings, so I stick to breath, stick to here as what I am doing physically, and walk the process to change self in this manner with self forgiveness and self correction in living. Also, a cool point has been developing since i started walking this and it's a self appreciation because I am really seeing me from a point of equality with my environment and thus in my body, this for the first time really within a point of self decision probably in my whole life, and it's like a weight has lifted off my back essentially because I don't have the pressure of trying to be someone or do something to show I am this or that, but simply be me and live and enjoy what is here, it's really that simple.

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Day 219 – Exploring Self Acceptance – Allowing Self Compromise to Be Accepted by Others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself to limit and diminish myself because of the fact that I want to be accepted by others I deem as cooler then me or people that I admire and want to be around. I realize and understand that the very fact that I desire to impress or need acceptance from another shows the self compromising position that I am accepting within myself will keep me trapped and enslaved to others until I stop this point of desire and acceptance to be liked by those that I admire and walk in self stability in the principles of what is best for all.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into self compromise within a desire to be liked by those I admire as more then me, I stop and breath, and do not allow myself to move into this acceptance of self compromise by focusing on my physical and not allowing myself to move within me into compromising points like seeing myself inferior and stopping this point of need of acceptance. I commit to stand for principles that are best for all, and stop these points of seeing myself less then what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire another to like me such as an attractive male and see myself as not able or good enough to attract such a man, so then go into the point of self compromise were I will be super nice or give compliments when it is not warranted, or laugh at his joke just so he notices me when the joke was not funny, so allowing and accepting this point of separation in inferiority and seeing another as more then me that I desire to have this acceptance from because within myself I don’t believe I can give this to myself. I realize and understand that theses points are based on the desires to have more then my fair share, more money, more sex with a handsome man, more vacations with a handsome man, and desiring all the good things in life for just me and this person that I am seeing as so special.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this point of self compromise where I will diminish myself into dishonesty to coddle another’s ego I admire, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to go into this point of admiration for another based on points that aren’t real such as looks or desire for more. I commit to stop my desires to have more then my fair share and accept who I am within myself so I can stand stable and create myself into the being that I admire within life, supporting life and bringing about a change that will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life about what is not real and what doesn’t matter like looks or the impression I get of someone in a moment, and thus define myself according to these points that do not matter because I realize no one can be judged in a moment or at all as I wouldn’t want to bejudged as well as people are physical and have physical looks with that, we all are physical and the way we look makes no difference to anything, so this I realize I have to stop participating in this point.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of making things matter that don’t such as looks or an impression I get from another, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to follow those thoughts, stay in the physical, and continue to live my physical application in perfecting my living and become a self stable being within and of myself, have no one define me or move me, but my own self will.


Recommend Interviews to Support in Stopping Accepting Limitation:
Arguing for Limitations vs. Strengthening Limitations - Reptilians - Part 146
From Mind Presence to Living Expression - Reptilians - Part 148
Anu's Self Honesty - Part 149
It is TIME to Change - Reptilians - Part 150


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