A Lady's Journey to Life: In and Out of Reality

Thursday, January 9, 2014

In and Out of Reality - Day 376

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Today I scratched my car that I have had only a month, I immediately went into a constriction and an anger of ‘shit!’ like really getting angry that that just happened, and immediately wanted to blame someone else and just rant and complain about it without realizing and taking responsibility for myself within the act of scratching my car. I was not paying attention and the entrance to the driveway is quite narrow, so it indeed needs attention, so based on a desire to be in energy within that moment that I was speaking to another, I lost this focus and scratched the car. I realized I was also in my head a bit anxious and with other things going on, where I wasn’t here focused on driving in reality, but in my mind thinking many different things out there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my mind into consideration more with thoughts and feelings/emotions overwhelming me rather then being here in reality and focusing on the real world of what I was in fact doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow an anxious energy of fearing the unknown overwhelm me to the point that I was in this head space of thinking about what is to come and what is to be, and not here within the reality that I am living, missing it in fact and causing damage to the external.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to impress others and ensure others are ok and taken care of within my mind and allow the reality of what I am doing become secondary, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss myself in reality and focus on the mind as ego to impress of others and so not consider the way I am moving and acting within my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put others lives at risk and the safety of the environment around me as well as myself with not being here in my body driving, but being in another dimension in my mind half focused on what I am doing and so half paying attention to the mind in trying to follow it and define myself by it.

When and as I see I am going into a point of becoming distracted and not focused on what I am doing, I stop and breath, and refocus as I realize I am not considering my environment and so can cause harm.

I commit to breath and refocus my self into my breath awareness and my physical body.

I commit to stop blaming and complain about my actions, and simply walk the change of stopping my mind from directing me.

I commit to let go of fear and walk with others breath by breath here in expression of myself.