In and Out of Reality - Day 376

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Today I scratched my car that I have had only a month, I immediately went into a constriction and an anger of ‘shit!’ like really getting angry that that just happened, and immediately wanted to blame someone else and just rant and complain about it without realizing and taking responsibility for myself within the act of scratching my car. I was not paying attention and the entrance to the driveway is quite narrow, so it indeed needs attention, so based on a desire to be in energy within that moment that I was speaking to another, I lost this focus and scratched the car. I realized I was also in my head a bit anxious and with other things going on, where I wasn’t here focused on driving in reality, but in my mind thinking many different things out there.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my mind into consideration more with thoughts and feelings/emotions overwhelming me rather then being here in reality and focusing on the real world of what I was in fact doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow an anxious energy of fearing the unknown overwhelm me to the point that I was in this head space of thinking about what is to come and what is to be, and not here within the reality that I am living, missing it in fact and causing damage to the external.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to impress others and ensure others are ok and taken care of within my mind and allow the reality of what I am doing become secondary, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss myself in reality and focus on the mind as ego to impress of others and so not consider the way I am moving and acting within my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put others lives at risk and the safety of the environment around me as well as myself with not being here in my body driving, but being in another dimension in my mind half focused on what I am doing and so half paying attention to the mind in trying to follow it and define myself by it.

When and as I see I am going into a point of becoming distracted and not focused on what I am doing, I stop and breath, and refocus as I realize I am not considering my environment and so can cause harm.

I commit to breath and refocus my self into my breath awareness and my physical body.

I commit to stop blaming and complain about my actions, and simply walk the change of stopping my mind from directing me.

I commit to let go of fear and walk with others breath by breath here in expression of myself.

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Day 236 – Hitting a Squirrel – Blinded by the Light

Please see blog for further reference to this post, thanks:
Day 235 – Hitting a Squirrel

“The other day I was on my way to work, and on my way, I go down a big hill, it’s quite an enjoyable ride because I go into a foresty type area on the bottom, and the trees are cool.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to go and drive through this portion of the street because of the feeling of calmness and tranquility that goes through me when I enter the portion of trees that covers my whole car.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enthralled by this feeling of calmness and tranquility because I am addicted to it based on the fact that most of my day is spent in mental and physical stress due to allowing my thoughts to continual bother me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to feelings and emotions within myself, and thus miss the reality right in front of me where in in this case I end of abusing life in the ultimate sense by killing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the reality of the squirrel going by and be lost within these feelings of calmness as I went through the trees as I have attached the trees as a place of peace instead of simply seeing it for what it is a place of where more trees reside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to escape the mental stress within desiring to be under these tress on my morning drive being in my head looking forward to this pass instead of in my physical body paying attention to the road.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost within these nice feelings within my body and thus not push myself to stop them and let them go to thus be able to direct myself in the physical and be fully present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lost within the negative emotionalfeelings in my mind and body in where I desire to escape these emotions because of the overwhelmingness I can participate within at times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by energy within a negative andpositive polarity outplay in and throughout my day where I will resist one and crave the other, causing an unbalance in my living and not really living the physical because I am in my mind causing feelings and resisting my normal mental state which is usually stressed.

When and as I see myself going into this point of desire to escape and thus find something peaceful to do that will give me good feelings to resist and escape the emotions of stress and overwhelmingness I participate within, I stop and breath, and I realize that this way of living through the mind and being directed by energywill cause me to be unstable and miss reality. I realize that this is very consequential, as I am not considering what is really in fact going on and stuck in an alternate reality in my illusions that are not real and can take me out there to far places.

I commit myself to stop my mind from directing me into desires to escape into doing peaceful things, by not participating in these thoughts, and walking the correction within saying no I stop escaping, I am here in my body, and I walk the physical in focusing on all that is here as me.

I commit myself to move myself until I am here within my physical body, and I can immediately place myself in my physical and be here, to become aware and direct myself in the best way I am able to.

I commit myself to embrace myself as breath, and push myself to become aware of it in each moment, so I have the best opportunity to avoid any accidents or abuse I may inadvertently cause.


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Day 235 – Hitting a Squirrel

The other day I was on my way to work, and  on my way, I go down a big hill, it’s quite an enjoyable ride because I go into a foresty type area on the bottom, and the trees are cool. This day I saw a squirrel attempt to cross the street, and in my mind I said ‘don’t do it buddy’ and he turned around and went back. In my head again I go, cool, he learned to wait, and so just kept going without considering that he would not actually have considered that point and would attempt again. This he did, he ran across, and I was going to fast, and hit him. I felt really like shit all morning, and just kept playing that scene over in my mind of him trying again, me not stopping, and him losing his life. I realized in that moment how assumptions are not real, but of the mind, how I assumed that the squirrel wouldn’t go because he attempted and went back because it’s not safe. And within this allowance of this assumption, I didn’t consider the reality of the situation, and that he may attempt to go. So I didn’t use any caution, and then I went into guilt and regret because I didn’t consider the physical.

I see though after the fact it’s too late, you can’t go into guilt or regret because it’s another mind trap, not real as it changes nothing of me killing a squirrel left on the side of the road. 

Will continue with self forgiveness and more writing of this point.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki