I had someone tell me today that I am mean, for context, I was directing points that were misaligned and needed to be corrected, within the setting I am in, I am not the top authority in terms of hierarchy, and so people resist me telling them what to do and how to do things. I don’t see it like this in that I am telling people what to do or how to do things, but making sure what I am seeing as not working doesn’t continue in the way it does to cause further consequence. I don’t look at it within personal terms, but more business terms, in what our as the objectives are the priorities we are setting ourselves to complete, so our job is complete, I more look at walking principles within all I do of equality and oneness with all, but here obviously I was not walking this. I become very militant within where I see that a point needs to be corrected I have found, and have a hard time putting myself in the shoes of others in these types of scenarios to see how to direct people without causing a reaction within them as well as being self honest within what reactions are going on within me.
I find it’s very easy for others if they are not motivated or don’t want to do something, in terms of ‘annoying’ task that are not enjoyable but necessary, can easily fall off the wagon so to speak, and not complete what is necessary to be completed if someone is not over them and showing them that there will be consequence if it’s not done. Consequence is the motivator, but if there is none in terms of direct in your face consequence, people easily ignore and will go more towards the easy way or self-interest. I myself realize this because I do it as well, but I also have realized within the position I held, how important it is to be on top of things and make sure that my responsibilities are upheld because if this falls it effect every other part of the chain of responsibilities needed to create the end result that is needed for our livelihood in this case. So it's a balance of being direct and getting things done and accomplished, and also doing what is best for all, considering others, and walking with rather then forcing others to get the results that is needed.
Back to my interactions with others, I am seeing how I am easily going into backchat and irritation of others based on the belief that they are not doing what they are suppose to, they are not living to their fullest potential, and I am. I find I easily will dog another but give the luxury to myself to be more gentle, I find I have this tendency to justify this behavior of harshness with others is based on the fact that within myself I have a sense of being able to get everything I need done as well as doing it to achieve others expectation in that which I am ‘good’ at. I become energized by this ‘skill’ of mine and thus use it against others as a big egotistical person, and use anger and irritation to direct me through discussions at times and disagreements. I always in my mind have this desire to prove I am right, because of course I am right, I am still not hearing others, and see myself as more skilled and better able to do most things over other human beings.
My problem is that I am not humble and I am not slowing myself down, I am moving within the speed of the mind, thus showing that I am living within my mind not the physical within my breathing awareness, and thus I react and follow my thoughts and feelings/emotions within the life situations I am in rather then being my own directive principles and standing as an equal with others, actually hearing them and treated them with the respect that I treat myself with, and allowing others to learn and come to their own conclusions, not be theboss or have the answers, but help others to learn to be the boss of themselves and their own living and find their way to the answers that will serve all. Being a support for life not a detriment as an abusive rigid egotistical person that people don’t want to be around, hardly the person that is standing for life in oneness and equality and living the message of Jesus. I would like to be here among life with others as a support in symbiosis rather then corrosion, so I will walk self forgiveness on points I see I am still missing, and live the correction.
Thanks.
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