Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Day 235 – Hitting a Squirrel

The other day I was on my way to work, and  on my way, I go down a big hill, it’s quite an enjoyable ride because I go into a foresty type area on the bottom, and the trees are cool. This day I saw a squirrel attempt to cross the street, and in my mind I said ‘don’t do it buddy’ and he turned around and went back. In my head again I go, cool, he learned to wait, and so just kept going without considering that he would not actually have considered that point and would attempt again. This he did, he ran across, and I was going to fast, and hit him. I felt really like shit all morning, and just kept playing that scene over in my mind of him trying again, me not stopping, and him losing his life. I realized in that moment how assumptions are not real, but of the mind, how I assumed that the squirrel wouldn’t go because he attempted and went back because it’s not safe. And within this allowance of this assumption, I didn’t consider the reality of the situation, and that he may attempt to go. So I didn’t use any caution, and then I went into guilt and regret because I didn’t consider the physical.

I see though after the fact it’s too late, you can’t go into guilt or regret because it’s another mind trap, not real as it changes nothing of me killing a squirrel left on the side of the road. 

Will continue with self forgiveness and more writing of this point.

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