Day 231- The Control Freak Character – I HAVE to Get the Last Word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within me to have to get the last word in with another to feel fulfilled and as if I am accomplished within myself. I realize that within this I am only doing this because I have defined myself based on competition with others, and that it’s not even what is being said, but that I have created this urge within me to be the last one to speak so I can within myself say I won, I got the last word in, and now she will have to sit with that in her mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on getting the last word in where within me I feel special and smarter then the other because I was able to out wit them and have my words be the one’s that stick in there minds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that within this behavior of getting the last word, that I completely disregard the actual words, gestures, and actions of the other and only focus on how I can win and defend my place within the environment we are in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that within this point of desire to have the last word, I am abusing the other because I am not listening to what they are saying, but within my actions I act as if I care, but really within me all I care about is being able to win and get her to submit to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by having the last word because I have created an idea within me that this person who is able to get the last word in is more witty and smart, and thus will have a platform from others to see them in this way as I have realized that when I am able to do this and get the last word in people react to me in agreement and excitement and it makes me feel good/special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by this idea I have created in mymind of how others perceive me within getting the last word when in truth it means no difference what others think and this is something I don’t in fact know, and in the meantime I am causing visual abuse to others based on this desire to be seen by others as special, witty, when I don’t have any clue what they are thinking of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cause harm and abuse to others in visually hurting them and demeaning them for my own desires to be more then her and have a momentary feeling of accomplishment that is neither real or deserved because it’s done on the back of causing another to be hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse life for my own self interest in acceptingcompetition to be better and not allowing life to be equal and have all have the ability to freely express and learn at their own pace with support from me rather then me being cut throat and deceptive.


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