My Journey to Life: hierarchy

Friday, March 1, 2013

Day 238 – Mean Character – Militant Biatch

“I become very militant within where I see that a point needs to be corrected I have found, and have a hard time putting myself in the shoes of others in these types of scenarios to see how to direct people without causing a reaction within them as well as being self honest within what reactions are going on within me.”

For reference of the above post, please see this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that becoming militant with others will create an atmosphere of tension and resistances as I am using words and my physical mannerism with passive force and aggression to get my point across.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I am passively forceful with others and aggressive within my manners and words this will create a reaction of equal force and resistance due to the nature of the words being sounded within conflict rather then equality of understanding of who we are as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an atmosphere of conflict based on allowing the anger and irritation within me accumulate through my body in the backchat that is activating this anger and irritation of others in my world who don’t support what I expect to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto an expectation of how something should be done based on the backchat in my head that is saying I am the only one who is trying to solve theses issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I let my backchat continue within my mind of thoughts of separation, I will eventually live them out as this emotions and feelings and reactions are the outlets for these built up and accumulated energies being created through the continued perception within the backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and irritation towards another in blame with out clearly stating my expectations and what it is that the other is causing me to be in such a reaction, and rather outburst on them with no context as to why and with no understanding of what is expected of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a point of miscommunication and thus abuse within my actions and words towards others as mean and superior based on this belief that I am right and justified to act the way I do, when in reality I was not self honest and clear within my actions towards other in giving equal opportunity for understanding and discussions for solutions we all agree on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow assumption within my head without allowing others the decency to realize the points that are being created by my actions towards them, and giving them the chance to integrate it and implement it in the pace and ability they are able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become intolerable towards others based on my desire for things to move fast and be done instantly, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the real harm and abuse I am causing towards others who are not able to communicate with me these issues due to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become intolerable to others pace of work and speed of them doing things, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and thus live that all move at their own speed and pace, and in self honesty I must give all a chance to learn through support as I would want for myself and in project that I don’t have an understanding for.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki - See more at: http://garbrielleslifejourney.blogspot.com/#sthash.Cdve85qB.dpuf

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Day 237 – Walking with Others – Why People see me as Mean?

I had someone tell me today that I am mean, for context, I was directing points that were misaligned and needed to be corrected, within the setting I am in, I am not the top authority in terms of hierarchy, and so people resist me telling them what to do and how to do things. I don’t see it like this in that I am telling people what to do or how to do things, but making sure what I am seeing as not working doesn’t continue in the way it does to cause further consequence. I don’t look at it within personal terms, but more business terms, in what our as the objectives are the priorities we are setting ourselves to complete, so our job is complete, I more look at walking principles within all I do of equality and oneness with all, but here obviously I was not walking this. I become very militant within where I see that a point needs to be corrected I have found, and have a hard time putting myself in the shoes of others in these types of scenarios to see how to direct people without causing a reaction within them as well as being self honest within what reactions are going on within me.

I find it’s very easy for others if they are not motivated or don’t want to do something, in terms of ‘annoying’ task that are not enjoyable but necessary, can easily fall off the wagon so to speak, and not complete what is necessary to be completed if someone is not over them and showing them that there will be consequence if it’s not done. Consequence is the motivator, but if there is none in terms of direct in your face consequence, people easily ignore and will go more towards the easy way or self-interest. I myself realize this because I do it as well, but I also have realized within the position I held, how important it is to be on top of things and make sure that my responsibilities are upheld because if this falls it effect every other part of the chain of responsibilities needed to create the end result that is needed for our livelihood in this case. So it's a balance of being direct and getting things done and accomplished, and also doing what is best for all, considering others, and walking with rather then forcing others to get the results that is needed.

Back to my interactions with others, I am seeing how I am easily going into backchat and irritation of others based on the belief that they are not doing what they are suppose to, they are not living to their fullest potential, and I am. I find I easily will dog another but give the luxury to myself to be more gentle, I find I have this tendency to justify this behavior of harshness with others is based on the fact that within myself I have a sense of being able to get everything I need done as well as doing it to achieve others expectation in that which I am ‘good’ at. I become energized by this ‘skill’ of mine and thus use it against others as a big egotistical person, and use anger and irritation to direct me through discussions at times and disagreements. I always in my mind have this desire to prove I am right, because of course I am right, I am still not hearing others, and see myself as more skilled and better able to do most things over other human beings.

My problem is that I am not humble and I am not slowing myself down, I am moving within the speed of the mind, thus showing that I am living within my mind not the physical within my breathing awareness, and thus I react and follow my thoughts and feelings/emotions within the life situations I am in rather then being my own directive principles and standing as an equal with others, actually hearing them and treated them with the respect that I treat myself with, and allowing others to learn and come to their own conclusions, not be theboss or have the answers, but help others to learn to be the boss of themselves and their own living and find their way to the answers that will serve all. Being a support for life not a detriment as an abusive rigid egotistical person that people don’t want to be around, hardly the person that is standing for life in oneness and equality and living the message of Jesus. I would like to be here among life with others as a support in symbiosis rather then corrosion, so I will walk self forgiveness on points I see I am still missing, and live the correction.

Thanks.

For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Journey to Life Group
Creation's Journey to Life
Earth's Journey to Life
Heaven's Journey to LIfe
Eqafe Life Products - Self Help
Desteni Site
Desteni Wiki