A Lady's Journey to Life: Day 214 – Exploring Self Acceptance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that based on me playing sports and being good at sports that I was cooler and more important then those kids who did not play sports and were not as good as me in this. I realize and understand within this point that this desire to be better then other kids was based on an inherent belief of myself that I am flawed and that I need things within the external world to tell me that I am a good person.

I commit myself to when and as I go into this pattern of thought of seeing myself better then others due to what I am apparently better at within my mind over them, I stop and breath, and do not accept and allow myself to act within this thought pattern of weak/strong polarity play outs.

I commit myself to breath through these thought patterns until the energy dissipate and I am stable not reacting to others within a superiority/inferiority, but pushing my living into equality with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the desire within me to be better then others and thus when I find I am better in skill then another, I rub it in everyone’s face by showing off and wanting others to notice this skill, be it passively or aggressively, I within myself make the effort to make others see me as better and more equipped then others. I realize and see that within this act of making others see me as better it shows within me that I am more unstable then I can be as the desire to prove I am better is an attempt in self interest as this belief that this will make me more advantageous to get what I want such as attention and rewards from this point of popularity and thus needing others to confirm who I am which is separating me from my own self empowerment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of self interest within myself and actually desire for the other to be weak and lose within what it is that we are doing together for me to shine and be able to get the most attention from others and that chance of getting the rewards of acceptance as popularity and respect within the group of people I am trying to impress. I realize and understand that this self interested way of living within the desire to make others weak and me strong is actually a trap of enslavement I am doing to myself for a moment of feeling good and popular, when I will in time be the one back at the bottom as the weak looking for ways to get back on top, never stable but always in flux and search for myself, which will cause abuse because of the principle of if one win another must lose, and so in this cause abuse as it is manifested because I am not giving in equality, but taking more then my fair share. And so I realize that within this I will be the weak and not get a fair share as I have not given to another due to greed and self-interest. I realize that I live in equality with all all can be given to each a fair share to create a harmonious environment.

I commit myself to when and as I go into the point of desiring another to be weak were I can show off and become the strong one to others to gain attention and reap the momentary rewards of being popular, I breath and stop these actions of self compromise and abuse to life, I will walk the correction by not allowing thesethoughts of desires to continue, stopping the thoughts of desiring attention and being the strong one, and push to walk the equality and balance of all moments so all are treated equal to myself and life will thus be inharmony or on the path to harmony within and as me and eventually within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself this belief within me of an inherent flaw and within this belief from as long back as I can remember, I saw myself as not good enough and thus did not accept myself. I realize and see now that it was not that I was inherently flawed or that something was wrong with me, as I see and realize I am fully functioning and capable within my physical, but that this lack was based on the thought construct pattern I was existing in due to the desire for more, in this case more attention from others, and so I lived out the pattern of polarity of weak/strong, where in I was the one that was strong for a moment, and then went into the point of weak, not taking responsibility for my actions and beliefs within these moments, but in blame of others because I didn’t want to face the fact that I was weak within myself.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of believing myself as inherently flawed, I stop and breath, and thus go into the point of identifying what it is that I am seeing myself weak in, and thus push myself to stop the polarity of the weak/strong construct that is playing out within my living and correct it by walking the physical point of correction in perfecting the skill and sharing it with others equally, helping others get to the perfection to thus make self here within all living in perfection which is the highest point of order in a harmonious environment of life.

Thus I commit myself to stop and breath walking this point of equality in my physical living, focusing on my own self living and perfecting in what it is that I am doing, seeing others as self, and thus I commit myself to stop blaming others for the way I am behaving within myself and take responsibility, correct my living into equality in each moment, and accept myself as life here as all and as the life force within myself to thus be this for real in life here in the physical body and world.