Day 232 - Control Freak Character - I have to get the last Word - Self Correction to Live

When and as I go into a point of desire to go and have the last word with another, I stop and breath, and come to realization that it will on fuel the ego and thus cause abuse as I have witnessed many times because it is done by force and competition, not to a solid understanding between equals to come to a solution.

I commit myself to stop the desire to get the last word in by not allowing myself to continue with the train of thought, but training myself to breath through this desire, and work on something else, come to a solution orcompromise with the other, and do something else until I am stable and really can commit to walk in equality with the other without reacting.

I commit myself to stop looking at others in a point of competition in where it is always about how I can get ahead, but start to walk the point of self appreciation and self acceptance in considering who I am and what I do, and thus stop the desire to prove myself to others, as I push the point of self sufficiency within myself and correcting that which I see is able/needed to be corrected in what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop the desire to be seen by others as special in this point of having the last word, where in I go into a point of competition, I stop and commit to stop the desire to be noticed, and push the point of acceptance within me and thus accepting others for who they are.

I commit myself to start walking the focus of the physical, in the physical paying attention to the words spoken and gestures made, so I can align myself in equality with the other as the physical to become in support of what is best and solution to the conflict or issues we are having in that moment, walking the point of solution in the physical and stopping it go to my mind into separating and trying to win.

I commit myself to let go of this desire to be better then another and have them submit to me.

I commit myself to stop the point of being seen as the better person with others and thus I change my focus to what is best for all and push the point of treating all others with respect and how I would want to be treated.

I commit myself to stop the desire to have the last word and thus stop the idea that this person is better then the one who doesn’t get it in, by stopping myself from focusing on that and thus focus on all the words spoken in the context of coming to a solution for all in agreement and stopping my self interest.

I commit myself to stop defining myself by my mind, and thus stand as the physical in support of the physical as myself in making decisions in the physical through the writing and laying out all the options and pros and cons, to make a informed well executed and laid out solution pattern. 


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Day 231- The Control Freak Character – I HAVE to Get the Last Word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within me to have to get the last word in with another to feel fulfilled and as if I am accomplished within myself. I realize that within this I am only doing this because I have defined myself based on competition with others, and that it’s not even what is being said, but that I have created this urge within me to be the last one to speak so I can within myself say I won, I got the last word in, and now she will have to sit with that in her mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on getting the last word in where within me I feel special and smarter then the other because I was able to out wit them and have my words be the one’s that stick in there minds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that within this behavior of getting the last word, that I completely disregard the actual words, gestures, and actions of the other and only focus on how I can win and defend my place within the environment we are in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that within this point of desire to have the last word, I am abusing the other because I am not listening to what they are saying, but within my actions I act as if I care, but really within me all I care about is being able to win and get her to submit to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by having the last word because I have created an idea within me that this person who is able to get the last word in is more witty and smart, and thus will have a platform from others to see them in this way as I have realized that when I am able to do this and get the last word in people react to me in agreement and excitement and it makes me feel good/special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by this idea I have created in mymind of how others perceive me within getting the last word when in truth it means no difference what others think and this is something I don’t in fact know, and in the meantime I am causing visual abuse to others based on this desire to be seen by others as special, witty, when I don’t have any clue what they are thinking of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cause harm and abuse to others in visually hurting them and demeaning them for my own desires to be more then her and have a momentary feeling of accomplishment that is neither real or deserved because it’s done on the back of causing another to be hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse life for my own self interest in acceptingcompetition to be better and not allowing life to be equal and have all have the ability to freely express and learn at their own pace with support from me rather then me being cut throat and deceptive.


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Day 230 – Control Freak Character – I’m going to Make You Cry

Here I am looking at a point where I actually made another person cry because I just could not not get the last word in, and then I went and blamed her for me going and making her cry. Obviously, this is highly unacceptable and I am not ‘proud’ of this behavior in the least. I found this desire within me to have the last word was like a nagging feeling, like I could not just leave it alone and let the situation be, but just kept pushing and prodding this person because I wanted to have the resolution be on my terms. I ended up pushing so much that the other person broke down and started to cry, and told me to leave her alone and to get away from her, in that moment, I realized what I had done and accepted and allowed within my behavior, and instead of taking responsibility and stopping. I yelled at her in a point of fear and anger, and made it her fault, she is to blame for these feelings that I can’t or rather didn’t want to stop and control.

It’s a sort of energy that feels all encompassing, and also it like lingers and stays with me under the surface, this desire to control and have my input be the one that wins, and so I allow the backchat to go, I allow thethoughts of self righteousness, and I allow the anger to fester within me about all the points that are not being followed and dealt with in the environment I was in, and so I cause this point of bullying within myself towards others, like really walking the point of “it’s my way or you will pay for not listening to me.” Really abusive and controlling behavior to the point of causing another to visible break down and give up. I really after the fact felt shitty and because I was the one to feel shitty within myself and I looked at it as her winning, I reacted to this in anger and made it her fault, she is not doing what she is suppose to, and it’s not my fault, she deserves this, I will not be the one to be the cause of this physical breakdown.

I realized though within this, how often I do this, and how much of a bully I am, I was like this as a kid, I would be mean to other kids that were weaker then me and like always have a joke or find the weakness and exploit it. This is how I saw the world, like complete competition and that I was a strong person and cool, and so I could and would tease others and cause abuse because I got some sort of enjoyment out of it. It’s really disturbing, but this is what it felt like, a sense of enjoyment, like a release I suppose of this built up energy of desire to have it my way, and then the moment it releases comes the feeling of enjoyment, but then immediately the guilt, shame, and uncomfortableness sets in and I am comeptely turned around within me because I realize who I am being and what I am doing, living like a monster to others.

I fortunately lived in the seat of the one who I was abusing as the abused, and felt first hand the understanding of what it is like to be made fun of, abused and humiliated, and physically experience pretty much all the scenarios that I did to others, this time as the receiver of the abuse. This I am beyond grateful for because I did not understand at the time in my childhood years, how damaging and impactful the abuse and humiliation that can be caused onto one human being to another really is.

Unfortunately this does not just go away when you get older, these desires to control, be better, get attention, be superior, these are patterned and imprinted programmed behaviors now within me, I have bred it into my physical body and living, and now I have to walk each and every pattern out with self forgiveness and self correction through using and being self honest with how I really act in actual reality within a self introspection and self awareness process I am now walking through the written and spoken word.

This is why I am so open and honest with how I really see myself and how I behave(d), so I can deal with it and bring it to a correction through understanding it and forgiving it, so it doesn’t stay within me, hidden, never to be looked at and dealt with, until at some point it accumulates the energies through thinking and back chatting (the act of talking in your head about another in a degrading and nasty way, and never actually saying or directing it to a solution) about others to then be lived out in a scenario I just described above of making someone cry. I am walking a correction process of my living behavior, and thus I will walk in the next few blogs this correction point of causing another being, to break down and cry because I was being a mean and inconsiderate, self righteous person that only cared about winning and being seen by others as special, in control, powerful, and superior.

Thanks for reading.

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Scott Cook -

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Day 229 – Control Freak Character – Arrogance and Deception

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be better and more able to handle work loads then others because within myself I have believed myself to be more in tune and able to handle the demands of my work then others, and also that I can’t depend on others to get it done the work done like I can, so I’ve created an air of arrogance towards others based on a resentment that I have created because I believe I am doing more work and I am not being recognized for this.

When and as I go into a point of belief that I am more equipped and able to handle the demands of the work over others and then become arrogant in a belief that I am not being recognized, I stop and breath, and realize that this arrogance is based on me seeing myself within a if this, then that scenario, where I see me as the only point that will do the work sufficiently and so then I should get all the benefit and praise. When I am not getting this I will get angry with others and act rude because I believe I am justified in doing so because I deserve more then them. I realize within this that I am not justified as I have created this belief in my mind and have not considered all the components seen and unseen in self honesty of what others do and have done, and thus am only considering my side of the story in my desire for praise.

I commit myself to let go of this point of belief that I am more equipped and able to do the work over others better, and work on my work and stop the point of desire for praise and to be more then others.

I commit myself to when I go into this pattern of arrogance towards others, stop and go back to my physical work until I have sorted this point out within writing and walked the point to an understanding within myself as solution that is equal for both and no abuse exist any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become arrogant because I believe myself to be more dependable then others and that I can always be trusted to do the best job. I realize that within this dependability, I have fallen on this point and not been able to complete what it is I set in front of me to do, but then blame others for the same points I do myself.

When and as I go into this point of blame and arrogance at others and not even fulfill this within myself in what I am blaming of another for, I stop and breath, and do not accept myself to go there, as I realize that this is not fair and not self honest as I am causing blame and abuse, but being deceptive within myself because I am doing the same thing.

I commit myself to not allow myself to go into a point of blame and arrogance towards another and investigate immediately what is it that I am not facing within myself and stop the lying and deception of myself and to others.

I commit to stop the blame of others, and start walking my own process of self doing and living, letting others walk there process, assist if I can, and support myself to stand equal with others in actually living what I speakand stop my hiding in blame and arrogance when I have no right to or foot to stand on.

I commit to stop my deception within lying to others within the blame towards them and manipulating to be seen as more then them so I can be seen as special..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulative in trying to down size others and make myself look better because within me I am not confident and thus use arrogance to hide this fact that I am really self insecure. I realize and see that these points are showing the lack of care I have towards others, but only looking to make myself more so I can get ahead. This causing others to be seen by myself not in what is real and in equal value, I realize this is not life and is not who I want to be towards others.

When and as I go into a point of reacting in arrogance towards another to hide my own self insecurities and thus try and seem more then others to get attention, I stop and breath and do not accept this, as I realize that it is not what is really happening within me as I am manipulating others to make myself seem more then I am, and this is not who I want to be and stand as, as I wouldn’t want another to do this to me.

I commit myself to not accept myself to go into this point of manipulating others to get what I want, by saying ‘no I don’t accept myself to walk in this way of gaining over others and using rudeness and deception to get ahead.’

I commit myself to let go of this insecurity and walk the process to be self-sufficient and do the work to the best of my ability in what it is that I am to do in self honesty and equal consideration of all involved to the best of my ability.

I commit to stop the competition with others and stop the arrogance, because I am equal and one to all other life that is here, I am not more special, I commit myself to stop participating in this desire to be more then others, and walk the physical actions of showing my support of equality towards others as we are all life and this is what life is equal in value among all.


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Day 228- Control Freak Character – Perfecting Things that Don’t Need Perfecting

Here I am looking at a point of where I will make things look perfect to the visual eye, and waste sometimes hours of my day in getting it to this perfection, where in the long run it made no difference to the function and outcome of whatever it is I was working on/with, but only satisfied my own interest of getting it to be perfect. At times, a visual perfection is required within what I do, but it’s for me to take responsibility for myself and not waste time on things that are irrelevant. I find I will do this only for my own desire to have it look in a certain way so that I am satisfied, not realizing the consequential outflows this has on others time and effort where I don’t put my time and effort to good use as it could be used.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get fixated on a point within the work or project I am doing were I become obsessed about making the look or design of it be perfect within the way it will present to others, and so become very strict and abrasive to others when they try and tell me that this is not necessary and I am wasting time.

When and as I go into a point of fixation and obsession about having something look perfect, I stop and breath, and realize the amount of time I am wasting within making this point perfect because I realize how much time I sit and can waste to get things aligned perfectly or looking in a way I desire, which for the purposes of completion of a project is not necessary.

I commit myself to stop and breath when I see myself go into this point of obsession and fixation, and consider the whole of the project or what it is I am doing, and so use my common sense to see if it’s relevant, and stop it if it is not needed to be done within self honest assessment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fixated on a specific task because I believe that who I am is being defined based on the outcome of this project, so I desire to make the look of it perfect especially as I define the picture presentation of things to be the most important point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the most important point of anything is the way it look, when I realize that all points are equally important and all points should be balanced according to the equality equation within all that I do.

I see this is understood within always self honesty, so thus I commit myself to walk self honest and walk a balance of equality within all that I do.

When and as I go into a point of defining myself by the outcome of a project, I stop and breath, as I realize I am not determined by how others perceive me within the project being done or how it look, but what the project was projected to do and how much I completed the task I was set to do to help benefit the group in the goals that were set.

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of compromising the project to make myself appear more perfect then is necessary and thus fixate on trivial things such as a look of a project (when not needed), I stop and breath, and let go of this belief that I have to impress others with the look or visual presentation, and walk the physical requirements of what is necessary to make it look appropriate and the best I can make it and so stop the wasted time when it is not necessary to be done.

I commit to stop myself when I see I am going into the desire to perfect it due to wanting to be seen in a specific way, by saying ‘no, I stop, this is not necessary to do these extra things, I commit to stop wasting time on perfecting things that do not need perfecting.” And push myself to stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and control everything that is being presented to others to look perfect so I can feel ok within myself that I did make it perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the perfection I can do within what I do rather then perfecting my living and considering everything I am doing relative to others and myself, because it is compromising myself stability and others stability, and compromising my time and others to be more efficient in other things that need to get done.

When and as I see I am going into this point of desiring to have all be perfect and thus to get a feeling of okness, I stop and breath, and realize that this feeling of okness is not ok as it is based on me having control of everything, but I realize I can’t have control of all things.

I commit myself to stop and breath when this desire comes up to control everything, and walk what I can walk and see is necessary to be walked to come to a balance again within what I do and stop the desire to do everything myself.

I commit myself to use others help and trust that they are able to do it, and thus I commit to stand as a support for others and ask for support when I am in need of it.

I commit to stop my control to have perfection and rather live the perfection as me and teach others how to live this as well and learn from those that have done so already to live it and not just think and fixate on it in my mind and things in the physical that don’t matter in the long run.


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Day 227 – Control Freak Character – Not Considering the Physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I walk into a point within my world I will immediately look at the step by step process I will be dealing within my minds reasoning and thought processing rather then the reality of what is here in my world, where in I will not look at the physical practical effort, considerations, adjustments, configurations, that will need to be taken into consideration within what it is I am doing within a certain specific moment, but look within my thoughts and beliefs and memories about a specific situation I am walking into, and there I will use force and self interest to get what I want done because I am only seeing what I want done, not considering the other parts/people equal to my own considerations, but forcing them to adapt and fit into my mind’s plan rather then walking an equal plan for both to live from.

When and as I go into a point of not standing equal to the physical and all within the physical that I am living with, I stop and breath, and realize that I must consider all the points necessary to walk the plans and processes I am ready to implement the systems for others at work, and thus walk the practical real time steps with each one, to thus give all the opportunity to learn, ask questions, create equal understanding, and thus give myself the opportunity to grow, adjust, and expand the systems I am working with to thus create the most efficient and harmonious work environment I/we can create where room for misunderstanding and abuseis removed.

I commit myself to push myself in the physical to walk in each one’s shoes I am working with within each system I am implementing and perfecting, and thus walk with in learning and understanding with each one and myself until it is clear and able to be implemented by all to the best of their ability.

I commit myself to when the system does not go to plan, to stop and breath, and do not go into any point ofanger as reaction, but walk the physical steps that are necessary to adjust and correct the points that are not aligned, walking patients always and stopping all abuse within irritation, anger, and lashing out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lash out at other when I find that they are not doing the jobs I expect within the systems and processes I have created, and thus within myself I go into thoughts of abuse and self compromise, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create abuse to others in a point of superiority in seeing that I know best and the others are not taking these points seriously, but I realize that that is own assumption and irritation, and thus is not the physical actual reality of the matter.

When and as I go into a point of superiority and thus react to others in anger, I stop and breath, and realize my actions have consequences of lasting effects where in I could cause abuse in many different forms and areas to others life that I am not even aware of, and thus I commit myself to stop and breath when the desire arise to lash out because I am not getting what I want and move within the physical steps to correct the point, take responsibility for what is not working, and walk patients to help myself and others understand the solutionsthat will need to be created.

I commit myself to push myself to walk the physical steps that are necessary to walk with others until they learn and put in place within themselves the steps necessary to work with the systems that need to be done to thus get the work flow sufficient within the environment as well as allow myself to make mistakes and learn as I go, stopping the pressure to have all be perfect always as I realize this is not reaistic.

I commit myself to put in place necessary boundaries and consequences for others to thus give the others the self responsibility within themselves to do what is asked of them with a point of understanding that if it is not done within the best of their ability over a point of time that is to be assessed and determined, they will face set in place consequences so thus the systems stay moving and the work continues to flow and be the best it can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take others actions and consequences they create for themselves personally and create a point of emotional connection and turmoil towards them because I believe I have been let down or that they let me down.

When and as I put myself into a point of personal attachment to what it is I am doing within the physical, I stop and breath, and realize that these are not to be taken personal or emotionally attached to as these are physical practical realities of the ‘working’ environment I create for those that have to walk these systems, and thus it is my responsibility to make all known and understand before it is implemented and once implemented and the tweaks are worked out in self honesty, I walk the system, the consequences, and thus allow the physical to walk itself, following the rules of the system and thus living by this system to create the outcome necessary to always uphold and create as standard what is best for all as well as what is best for the business at hand to be done efficiently and orderly.

I commit myself to stop and breath, and correct myself by walking within the physical steps that are necessary to perfect the system I am walking rather then make it personal, I walk the direction of the physical, keeping it physical, and creating all points within the physical as a check and balance until it is self perfected, and so the system creates it’s own results of self correction, ideally, with my directing it to be best for all as well as the direction of those walking it to be done in the best way possible for what is best for all.

I commit myself always to walk towards self perfection in all that I do and all life here until it is done.


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