Starting again - Day 1

 

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am special for being a destonian.

I frogive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am special because of the intelligence i believe i have and thus can use this idea and belief of myself to in my mind make myself feel more then, better then others, and thus believe that i can get something out of it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be better then others to fill a void in myself where i lack confidence and care and love for myself because i judge myself and so judge others to fit into the roles of my mind creations that suit me in the moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find the time to stand and sit and contemplate about who is what and create ideas and thinking patterns of what is here and who is what, rather then take my day to day life step by step and breathe by breathe.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to be special because i feel i lack any real value and worth to make people like me and stay around.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not worthy of anything because of what i have judged of myself and what i have done to a degree where i shamed life as myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stay in self pity and victimization for my past and what i particpated in, and thus go into laziness and robotic dullness where i don't do much and just want to waste away.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a portal of good, and thus fear being the worst, bad, or evil that i have participated and accepted to exist. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others and not see that i am not standing myself and walking the talk that it takes to become self honest and live a new way that is supportive of myself and others equal and one.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of failing and thus fear that i am going to be lost for good in the sea of my mistakes, and never recover.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming lost.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming abandoned by life/myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abandon and let others be lost, not supporting them when i see they can be.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst of myself and not make my life into the gift i was given.

I forgive myself that i am too far gone to ever have forgiveness of life and be in a state of peace and naturalness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire peace, and so not give it and live it as myself to others as i'd like to receive. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not give as i'd like to receive but hold it as a transaction where i want a return.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be conditional with others and so not give as i'd like to receive.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not stand when my mind kicks in and wants to rage.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to forget self forgiveness and common sense when i see that i am in the throws of emotions and feelings.

I commit myself to let go of the past and stand fresh here to give to myself the gift of living in a better way, a way that'll support me and so others.

I commit myself to stop the rage within me, and breathe with self forgiveness until i am again clear.

I commit myself to stop myself when i go into a idea of what is best, and let it go until i can ensure that what is best for all is in fact the outcome through proper study and investing time into the point to see what dimensions and points exist so i am better understanding what is happening before acting.

I commit myself to take it slow and walk the points more in writing before i live it.

I commit myself to give of myself what i would like to give to others so i can in fact be able to gift to others what is best as this is what i'd like for myself.

 I commit to not speak or write in emotion, but go to sf and breathe until i am clear, walking patience with myself as the point so i infact cause no harm.